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Izuku can feel the vibrations of the chatter in the bar. There’s the distant clinking of glasses sounding in his ears, but the ability to make out proper words from the surrounding friends has been lost to him for some time.
A party to celebrate the new rankings is where he finds himself now — drunk and heavy headed as his eyes struggle to stay open with the alcohol seeping into his blood stream. He hasn’t drank in a while. He’s been too focused on his classes and learning the suit and finding the remnants of crime throughout Japan to just relax.
His fingers would find themselves around a lighter and a cigarette during late nights or early mornings when he just needed his mind to stop, but that was the most of a relaxation that he allowed himself to indulge in.
Not that he felt the need to relax. He is having fun living his current life of teaching and heroism. This is the best life he could possibly ask for. There’s just…one thing that could make everything perfect. Something he’s been too scared to reach for and is now stuck watching the consequences unfold before him.
Kacchan sits in a booth at the side of the bar with his arm slung over Monoma’s shoulders. Even in the dimly lit space, Izuku can see the flush that spreads across his cheeks and the smile that accompanies it. He prays silently that it’s just a result of the alcohol, but Kacchan has never been much of a drinker. Even with the empty glasses that fill the table before him and the whisky that currently swirls in his glass, Izuku can’t focus on that possibility.
All he sees is Kacchan happy and cheering with Monoma . Their friends sit around the two with similar happy expressions as they banter back with jokes Izuku can’t make out. He’s meant to be joining them again and making his way back to the empty seat next to Kacchan. He must have only been in the bathroom for a few minutes, but it appears like a lifetime has passed in his absence.
This jealousy is nothing new to him. It’s a bitter, pathetic emotion that has been biting at the back of his heels ever since the final embers of One For All left him. The longing to be included in this world of heroes—experience their joy of victory and community—is finally his once again. Yet, as he watches the scene unfold before him, he can’t help but continue to feel misplaced.
With a smile of joy instead of malice on Monoma’s face, he takes Kacchan’s jaw between his hands and places a messy kiss on his cheek. Even with the sounds of the bar being muted in Izuku’s head, the vibrations of cheering and laughter that result has his heart beating uncomfortably in his chest.
It’s not the first time the two of them have joked like this with each other. Kacchan, who has never been one for physical affection unless forced into hugs by his friends, somehow never put up that wall with Monoma after the war. Monoma had seen his dead body laid out in the Coffin, and he has been keeping tabs of Kacchan’s well being ever since.
Izuku had also seen this. Izuku has never been the same since seeing this. Yet the touches he shares with Kacchan could never be like this. If he kissed Kacchan’s cheek and was rejected, his heart would swallow itself whole and vanish into the void left behind.
So, seeing the man he’s been in love with probably his entire life, now take Monoma’s cheeks with both hands and place a kiss on his lips, has tears bubbling over from his water line.
Izuku turns on his heels and stumbles towards the front entrance of the bar. He can’t possibly force his way back into that table now. Not with his bottom lip wavering as tears and snot drip down his face.
He’s never cried over Kacchan before, not since he was a child at least. He’s never allowed himself to. Izuku loves Kacchan, which is why he could never hold anger towards him for finding someone who makes him happy. If that person had to be Monoma, then so be it. What did it matter if it was never going to be Izuku? He already knew that.
That doesn’t make the crushing truth any less gut wrenching.
His back hits the wall of the building as he slowly slides down to sit on the concrete sidewalk. He’s wearing nice dress pants. He shouldn’t be sitting on the filthy ground and risk picking up a stain he can’t get rid of. Though, nothing could be a bigger stain on his heart than the image of Kacchan and Monoma kissing, so it doesn’t really matter does it?
He brings his knees up to rest his forearms over top as his head falls between his legs. He’ll just sit here for a while. He’ll collect himself at some point and make his way back into the party. He’s rank fourth on the charts. He should be celebrating, not crying over unreturned feelings outside of a bar.
No one will notice he’s gone away. They’re all too absorbed in their own joy and celebration of Kacchan’s big leap to realize his absence. He could probably just walk home and no one would even—
“Izuku?”
The arrival of Kacchan’s voice has dread seeping into Izuku’s torso. He aggressively rubs his sleeve over his eyes before turning his gaze up. He hopes— prays— that his tearful episode won’t be noticed in the dark. The pout that shows on Kacchan’s face tells him he is unsuccessful.
His friend sighs before moving to sit down next to him. Their shoulders bump as Kacchan settles in his new seat. Neither of them move to increase the distance as their arms now rest directly next to each other.
Izuku can feel the heat radiating from Kacchan’s body even with the fabric of both their dress shirts separating their skin. Kacchan always runs warm—his body temperature is comforting and tempts Izuku’s fingers to run across the muscle. His fingers stay balled into his fists as he waits for Kacchan to speak.
“I was wondering where the hell you were going. Got worried you were gonna barf out here and we’d have to clean it up.”
Izuku huffs out a laugh. “I was just in the bathroom, Kacchan. Why would I go outside to throw up instead?”
He feels his shoulder move as Kacchan shrugs his own. “Fuck if I know. You’ve never been a smart drunk.”
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
Another small laugh, this one lighter with happiness dipping at the edges.
“So, are ya gonna tell me why you’re all snot faced when we should be celebrating?”
Izuku sniffles and rests his head against the wall. “Everything is just a lot, is all. Needed a breather.” It wasn’t technically a lie. Seeing Kacchan kiss Monoma was a lot to process. He definitely did need some fresh air before he suffocated in that bar. From the groan Kacchan gives in reply, Izuku can tell he wouldn’t accept it though.
“Thought we agreed there wouldn’t be any more secrets after I gave you the suit? You going back on your word, Izuku? Some type of hero you are. Rank Four just six months from debut, yet the One For All Hero Deku can’t even be honest with his best friend?”
“Kacchan…”
“If you hate me you could just fucking say that.”
Izuku groans and rubs his temple. “We’re not doing this.”
“See this hostility? Would someone who didn’t hate me act this way? After all I did? Wow…”
More laughter, this time shared as Izuku rests his head against the warm shoulder next to him. “I’m fine Kacchan, seriously.”
“Three.”
“Kacchan—“
“Two.”
“Are you for real-“
“One.”
“Fuck—fine. Okay fine. You win.”
“As always.”
“Yeah, yeah symbol of victory.” Izuku takes his lip between his teeth as he goes over his thoughts. “You can’t laugh. Or like…change how you see me. That’s the requirement.”
Kacchan lets out a long whistle before replying, “You put up a hard bargain, Izuku. Though I doubt I could ever see you as anything besides the nerd you are, so.”
“Charming.”
“You love me.”
Izuku stills, his breath catching in his throat as the words and sobriety sink into him. He can’t just agree with this here. Not outside of this bar with four beers in his system. It’s supposed to be romantic, or something. That’s how love confessions are meant to go. He can’t just—
“Yeah, I do.”
The world goes quiet around them as the words sink in. Kacchan’s body temperature rises against Izuku’s side. A dry swallow is heard as Izuku begins to contemplate why he opened his mouth in the first place. He never was a smart drunk, huh?
“Izuku—“
“Look, I know you don’t feel the same way and it’s fine. I’m not expecting you to return the feelings and we start dating or whatever. It’s clear you and Monoma have this thing going on and—“
“Izuku, shut up.”
Izuku’s mouth clamps shut as an embarrassed flush fills his face from Kacchan’s tone.
“Me and Monoma don’t have shit going on, you idiot.”
“I just saw you kiss him.”
“As a joke . It’s funny because we would never be into each other like that. Not when he’s well aware that I’m in love with you too. You idiot.”
Izuku feels his heart leap into his throat. Kacchan loves him? Kacchan loves him? Him? Midoriya Izuku??? KACCHAN LOVES HIM?? He blinks owlishly as he tries his best to keep his head attached to his body.
“What-t?” Izuku’s voice cracks as it leaves him—surprise and wonder breaking apart his words. Further flush creeps to the tips of his ears as Kacchan smiles fondly at him. His crimson eyes are delicate and beautiful as they reflect the soft orange light leaking out from the window of the bar. Izuku’s never been so sure of his love for him.
A hand tucks a stray piece of green curls behind Izuku’s ear as Kacchan whispers out, “It’s always been you, Izuku.”
Izuku isn’t given a moment to process the words before Kacchan’s lips are pressing against his own. Numbness fills Izuku’s head once more, but not from alcohol and the drunkenness that accompanies it. The only thing he can feel is the heat radiating into his skin from Kacchan’s palms and how soft Kacchan’s mouth is.
When Kacchan pulls away, their foreheads fall onto each other as they continue to share the same breath. Izuku’s smile is painful against his cheeks as he manages to mutter out, “How long?”
Kacchan hums in reply, “Third year. You think I’d spend eight years of my life getting the funds for a super suit for just an extra?”
“Well—“
“You aren’t just dumb when you’re drunk, Deku.”
“Hey—!”
Another laugh is shared between them before Kacchan pulls them together for another kiss— their teeth almost knocking against each other from the smiles on their faces.