Work Text:
Ever since Saki got out of the hospital, she has had to go through monthly doctor's appointments, just to make sure she’s ok. It’s a part of her life she doesn't enjoy, a reminder of how fragile she is compared to her peers. She hates being seen as someone weaker, less capable, so Saki never talks about these appointments with her band. Even when the medics found her knee joints to have some swelling and she started to feel pain while standing or walking, she refused to show anyone outside her family she was struggling with her health. Unfortunately, walking without crutches has become too painful, and you can’t really pretend everything’s fine when you have mobility aids, right?
Saki sits in bed, lonely and sore, wondering how she will navigate through the pains of her new life. Her brand new elbow crutches lay by her bed, propped on her bedside table. Even though breakfast is ready, it's too hard for Saki to accept her new life. The Tenmas sent a note to Miyamasuzaka Girl’s Academy, permitting their daughter to be absent for the week while Saki adapts to her aids. Tsukasa kept insisting he would skip school to aid Saki in everything she needed, be it at school or on her rehearsals, but she convinced her brother she would be fine after resting for a week. As Saki swallows her pain and tries to start her day, she aches for the comfort of her partner, but she is currently at school and unaware of how sick she is.
***
Shiho is currently in biology class, struggling to pay attention. Class is boring after all, and Saki’s empty desk is making her feel uneasy. Even so, the topic does pique her interest a bit. The teacher is explaining defense mechanisms animals have in the wild, and how they have been passed onto the domestic pets we all know and love. Specifically, he is explaining how cats hide when they're sick or injured. It’s hard to detect when cats are hurt because they are masters at concealing this pain or discomfort they feel. Since in the wild they were both predator and prey, appearing vulnerable was dangerous for them. And despite now living all their lives in comfortable homes, this survival instinct is still very present.
After school is done, Emu comes up to Shiho, with energetic strides and a small pile of papers in hand.
- Shiho-chan! Before you go, could you hand over Saki-chan’s schoolwork when you see her? The homeroom teacher said she is going to be absent all week and told me to make sure she receives these.
Shiho got worried after learning her girlfriend and band member was going to be absent. This was a bad sign, Saki would never miss a day of school after being in the hospital for years. She accepts the task of delivering the schoolwork, since it would give her an excuse to check on Saki. But before taking the papers, she decided to ask her classmate if she knew what was going on. Emu, very shocked at the question, almost shouts her response.
- What?! I thought you would know what’s going on! The teacher didn’t want to tell me why she’ll be absent this week… Could something be very wrong with Saki-chan?!
- I hope not… I will check on her today. I won’t let Saki be alone again if she is sick.
***
Saki managed to get downstairs without falling and ate her breakfast. It was a hard feat, it left her exhausted on the sofa. She hated how useless she felt, how much she struggled at something so simple as walking downstairs. Every step gave her a painful reminder of how fragile she is. Even though the elbow crutches helped remove a lot of the pain on her knees, it still hurt a lot to walk. Taking time off from school and work left her with a lot of free time in her hands, and also left her to be alone with her thoughts.
She could be making good use of her free time writing songs for her group, but thinking about Leo/need made her so guilty about hiding from them she couldn’t concentrate. She knows this time her friends could be there for her, but being vulnerable was too scary to face. It was more comfortable for her to keep pretending things were fine and hope her joint pain would magically go away. Or at least become manageable to act normally again.
Saki knew she couldn’t hide from Shiho for long. Her girlfriend is very attentive, and they are in the same class. Despite that, she jumped when she got a notification from her phone. Shiho texted her about the schoolwork Emu asked her to deliver, and she was coming over to make sure everything was alright. Saki tried her hardest to make her girlfriend believe she was fine, but she knew in her heart nothing could convince Shiho except physically seeing her.
I’m so useless at hiding I couldn’t keep this hidden for even one day… Why didn’t I think Shiho-chan would notice me not being in school?
With this worry in mind, Saki stumbled through the stairs and back to her room. Even though she knew her act would be uncovered soon, she couldn’t greet her beloved while being so frail.
Why do I have to be so weak?
The tears in her eyes made walking harder than it already is. The physical and emotional pain made it so hard to stay up, and she broke down while falling in the middle of her room.
I just wanted to be normal… Why is everything so hard?
***
- Saki?!
Shit. I can’t hide this anymore.
- Saki, are you ok?!
Shiho…
Shiho found Saki in her room, crying on the floor with her crutches not fully off. She was uncomfortable, but it was so physically and emotionally painful to get up that she gave up. Saki couldn't say a word, she could only feel the agony all over her body. Without saying another word, Shiho started aiding Saki by removing the crutches from her arms and putting them aside.
- How long have you been laying like that?
- …I don’t know, I’m so sorry.
- What happened my dear?
Saki, with lesser pain after Shiho’s aid, did her best to explain what caused her to need to use elbow crutches while sobbing. There was no use in putting up her happy act anymore, especially because of the state she was found in. Shiho, although usually not the type to initiate physical contact, carefully helped her girlfriend sit up and embraced her. After getting Saki into a comfortable position, they sit in silence, interrupted by a sniff every so often.
- I just can’t understand… Why can’t I be a normal teen? I’ve done everything to keep living a normal life, but I can’t take it anymore, it hurts too much…
- You can still live a good life, capable of reaching every goal you have. There's no such thing as a “normal teen”, everyone lives their life in a unique way. Being normal isn’t important, what's important is being who you want to be. You aren’t alone and stuck in a hospital anymore. I promise you Honami, Ichika and I will do everything we can to help you keep performing in Leo/need. We will find a way through this.
- But I don’t want to be so weak… I want to keep jumping and running and living my life to the fullest like I promised myself in that hospital bed…
- You’re right about that, life won’t be like how you imagined it years ago. But that doesn’t mean you can’t live your life to the fullest anymore. I will make sure you’re able to keep enjoying yourself and have the prettiest smile. But I need you to allow me and the others to help you. You’re not fragile for needing extra support. Don’t hide from me again, please. I want to help you, my love.
- Mmm… I don’t know how to ask for help. I’m scared of being a burden to Leo/need, scared of being a burden to you. I already felt like I was keeping everyone behind, with how you and the others have had to move things around my energy. I wanted to keep pretending I wasn’t in pain, just so I could feel normal just a little bit longer…
- You’ve never been a burden. We all care about you, we move things around because we want you to be ok. I want you to lean on me, have me carry some of your burdens. You can’t do everything on your own, and you aren’t weak for that. Let me help you learn how to lean on me, we can get through anything if we’re together.
- Will the others hate me for needing more accommodations?
- I don’t think so.
- Do you hate me for being weaker now?
- I will never hate you, my dear.
Shiho felt how Saki's limbs slowly relaxed, taking deep breaths and calming herself. She decided to gently caress her back, holding her partner firmly so she doesn’t fall off. There was still some tension in Saki, it’s still hard for her to accept her crutches. She decides to leave those thoughts aside for a second, and relish in the warm embrace of her beloved. They spent so long holding each other like this they forgot about the world around them. When they came back to reality, the sun was already setting. Shiho was the one who broke the silence.
- I think it’s time to get up now, don’t you think?
- Mmmmm but I don’t wanna! I feel so comfy here.
- We can cuddle more another time, and in bed or on a sofa instead of the floor.
- Fineee… but you promise!
Shiho smiles.
- I promise.
Shiho slowly helps her girl sit on the bed, and after getting up herself she gets the crutches. Saki still is against them, but Shiho’s comforting words and attitude made her be just a little more optimistic about this new way of living. Before attempting to stand up again, Saki holds out her arms for one last hug, which Shiho reluctantly gives in to. Just as they let go, Saki sneaks in a peck on the lips, letting out a mischievous smile. Her girlfriend couldn’t keep down a smile of her own. After some pats, Shiho helps Saki stand up and get around in her crutches.
- I think it's best to rest from school this week. I’ll leave the work Emu gave me on your desk. Call me if you need anything, ok?
- Thank you darling… It will be hard, but I know I can keep going with you on my side.
***
On another day, Shiho is over at the Tenma household, keeping her happier girlfriend company as she works through her homework. She has been coming over everyday, telling Saki about things that happened at school, helping her with the worksheets, and aiding her with learning how to maneuver the crutches. Saki has been feeling less distressed after Shiho helped her tell the others about the accommodations she now needs when they perform. Despite the progress, Saki still needs to do a lot of work with expressing her pain and asking for help.
As per Saki’s request, right now they’re sitting closely together on the sofa. Even though it wasn’t the most adequate way to work, Shiho couldn’t say no to her after seeing her girlfriend pout. Seeing her sunshine be happy again, cheerfully demanding love and attention, made it all worth the lack of comfort Shiho had while writing in her notebook.
- You know Saki, you remind me a lot of a cat.
- What?! Can I be a cute cat? Meow!☆
Saki puts her hands up, mimicking cat paws. Shiho can’t help but let out a smile. She can’t resist her love’s stupidly cute ways to tease her. Seeing her giggle with an air of innocence made Shiho forget about anything being wrong, until Saki slightly grimaced in pain. Shiho stood upright, ready to aid Saki in anything, but just a quick adjustment of her legs made the pain subside a bit. After making sure Saki was fine, Shiho relaxed again, enjoying her time with her sunshine.
In the end, everything will be ok by her side.
I will make sure she will never be alone in this again.