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Conrad Schintz didn’t know where he was.
That wasn’t something that happened often. He was quite skilled at navigating the dingy street corners of Elias’ brain. He knew every back alley, every place to hock newspapers, and, recently, every place to speak to his friends. He knew Mr Fu- Mr F’s night club, and he knew the orphanage. Conrad Schintz could get around Elias’s brain faster than you could say ‘where’d he go?’. He had been running around there for as long as he could remember, and- well, he knew it like he knew the back of his hand. He knew it as well as he knew the back of Elias’ hand, too. So there was no reason that Conrad Shintz should ever be confused about where he was. He never got turned around. He never had to ask anybody for directions. And he most certainly never was completely and utterly lost . But, somehow, that was what Conrad seemed to be.
Because, well, Conrad Schintz didn’t think that he was in Elias’ brain at all.
He didn’t know for sure, or anything. But he would know if he was in Elias’ brain. Elias’ brain felt like home. This- this place didn’t feel like home at all. Elias’ brain was cold, and wet, and dreary in a good way. There were brick buildings lined everywhere, and, most of all, it was familiar . And this place- this place wasn’t familiar at all. It was warm, instead cold, for one thing. Dry and hot, not wet and cold. It didn’t feel like it had ever rained inside of this brain. And the buildings- the buildings were so odd. They weren’t shoved together between cobblestone paths, with nooks and alleys everywhere. They were spread out, but tall. So tall, and with more windows than Conrad had ever seen before. The ground was a mix between red sand, and huge streets. It was all so weird. It was all so unfamiliar. It was all so wrong .
And, most importantly, none of Conrad’s friends were to be seen.
No Justin. No Hunch. No Imelda, or Anastasia, or The Fix, or Mr F- Nobody Conrad knew at all. In fact, nobody could be seen, not just people Conrad knew. Nobody was there. It was completely empty, apart from craggy rocks and shining buildings that scrapped the sky. There was a sun, here, shining down so bright and hot that Conrad was sweating through his newsboy cap. Or, he would be sweating, if he was capable of sweating. He was definitely sweating in spirit, at least. Sweat or no, Conrad was definitely warm. And unsettled. He should probably be focusing on the whole ‘unsettled’ part, more, actually. Because it was an unsettling place, Conrad had got dropped into. Maybe not unsettling to people who were there all the time- he could see the appeal of the rolling sand dunes and bright sun, but it wasn’t what Conrad was used to. It wasn’t what Conrad was built for. And worst of all, not even his friends were there to help him. Nobody was. That was the most unsettling of all.
Or, maybe Conrad Schintz wasn’t so alone, after all.
“Hey,” a loud, booming voice said, from somewhere behind Conrad. “Over here.”
Conrad turned around, to see a short, soft pink person waving at him. “What?”
“You can’t just be standing in the street like that,” the little girl said. “Do you want to get squished?”
Conrad didn’t know what he could get squished by, in the empty street, but- “Okay, okay,” he said, entering the building with the girl. “I’m here. Miss?”
“Ina,” the pink girl said to him. “Ina Cence.”
“Well, hi, Miss Cence,” Conrad said, sticking out his hand, and shaking hers. “I’m Conrad Schintz.”
The girl frowned at him. “We already have a Connie Schintz. She used to be my friend, but not so much anymore. You don’t know her, do you?”
“No,” Conrad said, shaking his head. “I don’t know anyone around here. I don’t even know where here is, if I’m being honest, Miss Cence.”
“Don’t know where you are?” Miss Cence asked. “You’re in the brain of Figueroth Faeth, of course.”
It was Conrad’s turn to frown. That confirmed his fear. This wasn’t Elias’ brain at all. “I’ve never heard of anyone named Figueroth, before.”
“Then what brain are you from?” Miss Cence asked.
“Elias Hodge’s, of course,” Conrad said.
“What kind of name is Elias?” Miss Cence asked.
“What kind of name is Figueroth?” Conrad asked in reply. “Not to be rude, of course. But that’s not what most names sound like, where I’m from. Or where Elias is from.”
“Are you not from Elmville, then?” Miss Cence asked. She coulda been Curio’s sister, with how many questions she was askin’.
“I’ve never heard of Elmville,” Conrad said, shaking his head. “Is that Iowa, or something?”
“Io-what?” Miss Cence asked. There were a lot of questions happening, and not a lot of answers. For either of them.
Conrad sighed. “Clearly, we’re from two different places. I’m sorry. But- uh- if you don’t know why I’m here, or where I’m from- can you at least tell me why I can’t stand in the street? Not that I think it’s bad that I can’t, just-”
“You don’t want to get run over,” Miss Cence said, swaying her white dress mindlessly. “The other people here can get a bit- rowdy .”
“I know all about rowdy, Miss Cence,” Conrad said, with a bitter sweet smile.
He thought about Mr Fucks, and Mr Hunch, and Miss Pulse. Something was always going on in Elias’s brain, that was for sure, and was normally because of some combination of those three. Although, these days, Conrad was becoming part of those shenanigans more and more. Not that he was part of those shenanigans now, because he was- well, wherever he was. He was sure he could find fun here, too, though. And safety. He just needed to stay positive, yeah, that was it.
“You don’t know this kind of rowdy, Conrad,” Miss Cence said, in an ominous tone of voice.
So much for staying positive.
“They’re real rough,” Miss Cence continued. “You don’t want to be outside when they’re around, Conrad.”
“Got it,” Conrad said, nodding his head. “So you just- hide out here, then? By yourself?”
“There are a few of us, who hide out together,” Miss Cense admitted. “Ferra, Sara Vival, lots of us.”
“And-” Conrad started to say, but he was cut off. Cut off by the sound of engines, revving past the nearly empty building. The sound stopped, way too loud. And then- then there were footsteps.
“Hide,” Miss Cence said, as loud as she had been since he’d met her, as she made a dash for the stairs.
Conrad followed her, but, apparently, ran too slowly. A hand grabbed at the back of his vest, holding him still, even as he tried to run. Conrad looked around for Ina Cence, but she was gone.
“You’re new,” a voice said, from behind him. Conrad strained to look behind him, and saw a tall, bulky looking red person. They reminded him of the Fix, a little bit. But only a little bit. “Why’re you new?”
“I’m not from here,” Conrad squealed out. “Can you put me down, please?”
They, mercifully, did. “What do you mean, not from here?”
“I mean that this isn’t my brain,” Conrad said, smoothing out his vest and hat. “I belong in the brain of Elias Hodge, not Fegerath-”
“Figueroth,” the red person repeated. They frowned. “You being here have anything to do with why Connie Schintz disappeared?”
“She’s missing?” Conrad asked. He smiled, as the idea came to him. Him and this Connie person musta been swapped somehow. “I bet your Connie is in my brain. Because I’m Conrad, and I’m here, somehow.”
“Huh,” the person said. “You better come with me, then, if you can get Connie back.”
“Okay,” Conrad squawked out, as he followed the person. “Wh- what’s your name, then?”
“I’m Jess,” they said, as they dragged Conrad over to a fancy looking car. It was huge, with metal pieces jutting out everywhere, with a skull on the hood. “Jess Tice.”
“Who’s this, then?” Another person asked. There were a lot of people around the car, sitting in it, on top of it, and in similar cars and motorbikes around it. “Never seen this runt around before.”
“This is our new conscience, apparently,” Jess said, as they helped Conrad climb into a car. “He thinks he switched with Connie, somehow.”
“He’s small, for a conscience,” one of the others in the car said. “You sure he’s not lying?”
“I’m not lying!” Conrad squeaked out. “You- your conscience is big, though?”
“She’s pretty important around here,” another person boasted.
“You look like you weren’t even responsible for one eyebrow, in your brain,” another one added.
Conrad sighed. “I was scared, to act, for a while. But! I’m getting better! Doing more things, now! Besides, I’m taller than I used to be. I had a growth spurt!”
“This is you with a growth spurt?” Somebody else asked.
“Shut up, Immy,” Jess said, swatting the reddish-purple woman on the arm. “Learn to shut your trap.”
Immy, apparently, crossed her arms. She was in a tank top, like most people around here seemed to be, and her pants had rips in them. The name was familiar, though-
“Are you Impulse?” Conrad asked.
“What’s it to you?” Immy asked in return, as the car started and they drove off far quicker than anything Conrad had ever experienced.
“I just-” Conrad started, shaking his head. “You’re a lot different than the impulse I know.”
“What’re they like?” Immy asked.
“A lot less spiky,” Conrad admitted. “And a lot more pink.”
One of the people in the car that hadn’t spoken yet scowled. “Who needs pink, anyway? You’re way better off here.”
Just positive, Conrad told himself. Just stay positive. Still, he must have made a face, because-
“Don’t mind Quincy,” Jess said, with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “He only cares about one thing.”
“What thing?” Conrad asked.
“Coolness!” The whole car chanted in unison. It was kind of creepy. And kind of neat.
“It matters, okay?” Quincy said, crossing his arms and leaning back grumpily. “Way better than how we used to be, anyway. All innocent and cheerleading and pink .”
The car nodded in unison, at that. It made Conrad itch. He had liked it, when Elias had gone back to ice skating. And had cared enough about life to figure out his favourite colour. And-
“I liked Miss Cence, when I met her,” Conrad said, quiet and soft but at least he said it.
“She’s not bad,” Jess admitted. “But she’s not us .”
Quincy nodded. “We’re hardcore, now.”
“We’re not lucky enough to be innocent, more like it,” another voice said. “Innocent is for people who don’t have to see the tough stuff.”
“And we’ve seen the tough stuff,” the whole car agreed.
Conrad nodded. He supposed that made sense. “Still, it’s not good to let parts of yourself rot away, like that.”
“That’s why you’re small?” Another person asked. She was maybe the tallest out of the group, and a bright red, sitting cross legged on the floor of the car. “I’m Kine, by the way. Kine Deborah Ness.”
“Yeah,” Conrad admitted, shyly. “I was ignored, for a long time. Not so much anymore, though! I’m growing!”
“Sure you are,” Jess said. “But still, it’s not right for someone as important as the conscience to be ignored.”
“ No person should be ignored,” Conrad said. Even the scarier parts of the brain- ignoring them just made them worse, really.
“Especially not you,” Immy cooed. Conrad got the feeling she didn’t exactly get what he was saying, but- she must have gotten some of the point, right?
“If you stayed here, you would grow more,” Kine said. “We wouldn’t ignore you.”
“Not like those jerks, who ignored you,” Quincy said.
“I’m sure they’re not jerks,” Jess said. “But they did ignore you. You can’t forget that.”
“I was hiding,” Conrad pointed out. “It- it was my fault, and I was hiding, and now I’m not .”
“You don’t have to hide here,” Immy said.
“I did hide,” Conrad said, flatly. “With ina-”
“But you’re not hiding now,” Jess said. “And isn’t it nice?”
It was nice, Conrad thought. But it was also wrong. It was so wrong. Conrad didn’t want to stay here. It felt wrong to stay here. It felt so, so, so wrong. But he couldn’t say that to these nice people, could he?
“Way better than your other brain,” Quincy said.
Kine threw something at him. Immy giggled. And Conrad- Conrad just boiled over with anger, like a pot on the stove.
“No,” Conrad said, finally. “No, stop saying that. The brain I come from is amazing. And the people there are amazing, too. And I want to go back. So. Help me do that.”
“Fierce,” Quincy said, with a bright grin on his face.
“Yeah,” Jess Tice added. “Seems like you’d fit in just fine here.”
“I don’t want to fit in here,” Conrad pointed out. “And I- I appreciate all of you accepting me under your wing, but- but you’re not my family! And I hope your conscience comes back, because she seems like a real nice lady, but I am not meant to be here, okay?”
“You seem to be getting pretty comfortable here,” Immy said. “It could be nice if you stayed.”
“What about your other conscience?” Conrad asked, meekly.
“She’s nice,” Jess said.
“A bit loud, though,” another person said. “You’re cute, for a runt.”
“No,” Conrad said, his voice only shaking a little bit.
“Just stay for a little while?” Immy asked.
“No!” Conrad yelled out, as loud as he could manage. “I want to go home!”
And then, suddenly, Conrad was confused, for the second time that day.
Because he was back. He was back in the rainy streets of Elias’ brain. He was back to where he was used to. He was back home . That was what mattered, honestly. The fact that he was back, in the rainy streets that he was supposed to be in. He was built for the maze like alleyways of Elias’ brain. He was built for the rain and the fog, for the brick buildings and the speakeasies, for the darkness of it all. He was built for the Impulse, and the Hyperfixation, and the Curiosity that he knew. And it was nice being back home. It was just so nice . But, beyond being nice, it was also, you know, confusing. Because he didn’t know why, or how, he had suddenly returned home. How- how had he left Elias’ brain? And how had he come back?
Conrad didn’t know why he was back, but he had a guess.
Because, well, he had left at a very specific moment. He had left when he’d been loud. And aggressive. And- and stood his ground, more than anything. And Conrad had been getting better at doing that, really, he had. But it was still hard, especially when he didn’t have Justin or any of his new friends with him. But he had done it, made himself heard when people didn’t really want to listen to him. And then, as soon as he had done it, he’d been brought back home. And it made sense, too, that he had been brought to that Fig person’s brain, if he was supposed to learn to be loud. Because the place was loud. And in your face. Hot and brimming with noise, with leads of the mind all yelling and cheering and commanding attention. And, really, Conrad had learned that. Sort of. He just hoped that the Connie who had switched with him had gotten something out of being in Elias’ brain, too. But still, that was only a guess. An educated guess, but still a guess.
It didn’t really matter why Conrad was back, though. What mattered was that he was back.
Back where he was meant to be. Conrad still had trouble wrapping his head around that, sometimes. But he was meant to be here. And, honestly, going into that dusty, hot mind really did make Conrad realise how much Elias’ mind was for him. He wanted to see Elias grow old, and figure himself out, and do the best for the world he could. Even though he was sure Fig was nice, she wasn’t- her mind wasn’t where Conrad belonged. He belonged in a mind with fog, and moody music, and the soft pitter patter of rain wherever you went. He belonged in a mind where he could help Elias figure out what the right thing to do was. He belonged in a mind, like the one he was in now, because was back.
He was back . And he was with his family again. And- yet, it seemed like he wasn’t the only one who had disappeared.