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Red twinkling lights littered the city sprawling below, the distant honks muffled by the distance. The cool night air brushed against his cheeks, down the collar of his top. It was dusky but, if he squinted, he could make out the silvery glimmer of the moon.
Aomine reached into his pocket, fumbling for his pack of cigs. He cupped his hands to his face, shielding his lighter from the wind and inhaling deeply. Smooth smoke sank into his lungs. He shut his eyes, breathing.
He leant forward against the balcony, focusing all his attention on the sensation as it began to flood to his head. Weaker these days. He flicked the ashes over the banister, watching them flash amber and fall out of sight.
Behind him the warm light of the kitchen bled slightly through the blinds. Tetsu's birthday gathering. Through the sliding door he couldn’t make out much but the slow murmur of voices bled into the hum of the city.
He lit another. So much for quitting.
How late was it? It was cold for a summer night- the hairs on his forearms standing up. But he didn’t feel it. Didn’t feel much of anything.
On the street below a couple were staggering drunkenly out of a bar- their warmed faces lit by the flashing red and blue neons. The girl tripped, tumbling slightly before being lurched back by the man’s hand around her waist. They clutched against each other- the echoes of their laughter too far away.
Fuck.
The back of his throat was tight, clamping up. Shit he couldn’t…not here. He swallowed thickly, bringing the cigarette back to his lips with shaking fingers. Breathe, Daiki.
Heat snaked its way up his neck, the lights of the city smudging as his eyes blurred. Aomine raised the back of a hand to his face, swiping at his eyes. It was all his fault. Everything was his fault.
He’d let it slip between his fingers and shatter and now Tetsu-
Fuck he was gasping now. He pressed a hand to the back of his mouth, muffling the sound. Someone could come out here at any moment. He tried to tell himself he was just tired and drunk and cold. He’d catch his breath, go back in there and he’d…he’d… His knees gave way before he realised what was happening and suddenly he was crouched on the balcony, one hand gripping the edge as he desperately tried to stay quiet. His lungs were burning, choking from trying to hold the sobs in. Hot streaks raced their way down his cheeks. Again, he rubbed at his face with the base of his palm, trying to pull himself together. But he just couldn’t, he couldn’t.
He’d known for a long time. But today it hit him like a boulder to the face.
He was the best thing I ever had. And I let him get away.
Knuckle in his mouth now he clamped down hard with his teeth. They were all right there, just a few inches of glass and a blind away. Stop it. Stop it. In and out. He forced himself to take slow breaths. No matter how much they clashed against the pounding of his pulse, the panic rushing through his blood. God, he felt almost sick with the grief of it. For a dangerous, feverish moment he thought he was actually gonna throw up and he bit harder against his skin. But slowly, tentatively, the sensation began to ebb away. Or rather, he grasped it with desperate claws and shoved it back into the undergrowth.
He rose to his feet, letting the deliciously cool night air sweep through to his scalp, drying the tears trailing down his cheeks. He felt shaky, the adrenaline pumping through his veins making him jittery.
I found my answer.
Tetsu had found his answer. And it wasn’t him.
“Yo man, where'd you get to?” said Kagami as he re-entered. He was sprawled across the couch, face flushed from the alcohol, one arm looped casually around the back of the sofa. Tetsu sat next to him, eyes bright, hair ruffled- their thighs almost touching.
“Just getting some air.” Jesus, fuck his voice was still shaky, “Listen, Tetsu ‘m gonna head.”
Tetsu’s eyebrows darted together for a moment, scanning him. He was used to that look, the one where he was observing you keenly, checking for patterns, running through simulations.
“You good?” Kagami said, worry written across the idiot’s stupidly kind face.
“‘S fine, don’t feel well.” All of the GOM were watching him now, frowning, looking like they had back then. Shit, his throat was getting tight again.
“Shit man, that sucks. You can crash here if you want?”
“Nah I-” His eyes darted away, he was gonna have to fucking run out of here in a moment. He couldn’t bear the weight of their worried gazes. He was fine. He just needed to be still and quiet for a while, he-
“I’ll see you out.” In the moment he’d looked away, Tetsu had risen to his side- looking up at him, his blue eyes like saucers. He was so close, he could almost smell the sake on his breath, his vanilla shampoo.
“Yeh, okay.”
As they shuffled from the room there were calls of ‘Feel better soon, man’, ‘Rest up!’ and something from Midorima about today being especially unlucky for Aries.
They approached the door of Kagami’s apartment in silence, his feet dragging along the ground. He hadn’t felt it before but he felt cold now, an involuntary shiver shaking his frame. Maybe he was sick after all. Aomine shoved on his shoes, reaching for the door handle- “Hope you had a good birthday, I’ll see-”
“Aomine.”
His breath caught in his throat and he slowly turned to face Testu. His cheeks were flushed, eyes full of emotion.
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeh I’m fine.”
“Are you sure, because-”
“ ‘s just a headache or somethin-”
And suddenly Kuroko had stepped forward and pressed himself against him, arms wrapping around his back. Aomine froze. What the fuck was happening?
Testsu’s fingers were warm as they pressed against his t-shirt, running up and down his back. It was too much. It was cruel. Tetsu had no idea what he was doing. He was drunk, he-
But then Tetsu sighed, a soft and gentle sound and melted further against him. And finally, Aomine let himself relax into it, broad hands scooping around Tetsu’s smaller frame. He fit so perfectly in his arms, skin warm and soft, smelling of vanilla and sports deodorant. Aomine pressed his fingers lightly into his back, feeling the narrow but firm muscle.
When had they last hugged? They’d both changed so much. It felt different and yet similar in some ways. Like returning home after months away. The feeling of kicking your shoes off at the beach and letting your toes sink into the sun-glazed sand.
Aomine bit his lip, feeling his chest shake. He needed to go. Before he got too wrapped up in this and lost himself completely. “Testu,” he choked out, quiet and hoarse, “I’ve got to go.”
“Okay.”
They unfurled slowly, stepping back and just staring at each other for a beat. Testu’s eyes flicked to his eyes, lips parting as if he was going to say something. But Aomine was just so tired. Bone tired. As though the ground were calling to him to sink down. He couldn't bear to hear what Kuroko had to say. He turned, chest tight, exhaustion flooding through him.
“Night, Testu.”
There was a pause, brief but perceptible. “Goodnight, I hope you feel better soon.” Kuroko said eventually, voice quiet.
“Right, yeh.” And with Tetsu’s eyes still blazing into his back he turned and pushed out into the night.