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With a huff of defeat, Seokjin threw his broken fishing rod into the ocean. He had spent the entire morning having a one man competition with the biggest, fiercest, most stubborn tuna he had ever seen.
Almost from the moment he felt a pull on his line, he was in a battle to the death with the beast on the other end. Try and try as he might, he just could not reel in the bastard.
Even through the tough fight and waves, he could see the little bugger’s face – see him almost teasing him. Seokjin swore he even saw the fish wink at him a few times.
This whole debacle went on for far too long until he found himself in a tug of war with the bluefin. Despite his best attempts, the tuna jumped high out of the water, gripping that damned fish line for all it was worth and tug tug tugging until his overpriced, bells and whistles fishing rod snapped in half.
If he were a bigger man, he may have gracefully bowed out, but he was Kim Seokjin a native to Gwacheon and chaos alike.
After throwing his rod in the ocean, he saw the waters still and the finned demon pop its stupid little head out and stick out its little weird tongue at him.
Looking back, he might be able to admit he may have jumped the gun on his next action. Okay, maybe not. But be it a bit premature and a lot unwise, he saw that little bastard of a fish and did the second dumbest thing he would ever do in his whole life.
He jumped in after it.
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“Stupid, stupid, stupid ignorant human! What the hell is wrong with you?!” the man gruffed, pulling a now unconscious Seokjin from the water and dragging him by the arm up the beach. “Ugh, I swear, you are the most ridiculously ridiculous thing to ever exist!” he continued, dropping the human gracelessly face first into the warm sand and scratching at the golden hook hanging from his bottom lip.
Bending down over the unconscious man, he turned the human’s head left and right, squinting at his neck. “Where the hell are your breathers? Huh. Weird humans,” he grumbled, once again dropping his face back into the sand.
“Hey, fishie!” he heard from his left.
Looking down, he saw a crab waving a pincher at him.
“What do you want, crab?”
“Namjoon. The name’s Namjoon.”
“Okay, Namjoon. You need something or just saying hello?”
“Oh! Yes! Humans breathers are only their mouth and face blow holes.”
“Oh. Really? That’s weird,” the fish hybrid said, scratching his head.
“Yea. Soooo…. Not trying to tell you what to do, but you might want to turn him over so he can you know… breathe,” he shrugged.
Looking back down at the human, who was still face down in the sand, he raised an eyebrow before flipping him over onto his back.
The two watched the human closely for signs of breathing, they waited a few beats before looking back at each other.
“Don’t think he’s breathing, Crab.”
“It appears not.”
“Is he dead? Don’t want him to get all squishy on us.”
“Uh, I don’t know, fishie. I’m a crab.”
“Guys! Guys! I think you have to kick him!” another smaller crab yelled, rushing over.
The fish hybrid drew his foot back before putting it back down. “Uh, where do I kick him, New Crab?”
“Jimin.”
“What?”
“My name – it’s Jimin.”
“Uh, nice to meet you?”
“Likewise.”
The two smiled politely before Namjoon cleared his throat, pointing a claw at the still body of the human.
“Ah! I almost forgot! Kick him hard in the side of the thorax. Should work! Hopefully,” he finished, mumbling the last part.
The fish hybrid took a steadying breath before standing up straight and once again rearing back his foot. Looking down at the two crabs, they each tapped a claw on the tops of their shells two times – a crab sign of solidarity. With a nod, he turned to look at the human and drove his foot into the side of his ribs as hard as he could.
Nothing happened.
He looked down at the crabs who were whispering amongst themselves. With a shell bump, they came to an agreement, looking back at the fish hybrid.
“Stomp on his interior shell!” Namjoon yelled up at him.
“How many times?”
More whispers. “Until he wakes up?” the smaller crab offered with a look of hopeful confusion on his face.
“Okay, here goes nothing,” he said, raising a foot.
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Spluttering a large amount of water from his mouth, Seokjin woke up with a confused gargly gasp and a sore pain in his ribs and chest.
“What in the holy fish nuggets?!” he groaned, rubbing his chest and trying to catch his breath.
“It worked!” he heard from his side with two tiny “yays” coming from his other side.
Looking to his right he saw two crabs waving their claws in the air while circling each other. Turning to the left, he saw thin, pale and honestly quite shapely legs. Following them up, he saw a handsome man with impossibly dark eyes and wavy wet hair staring back at him. It took him a few wipes of his eyes to notice the strange familiarity of his gaze. Not to mention the fact that the iris of his blue-green eyes almost completely filled his eyes, with only a flicker of white showing.
Seokjin’s eyes traveled down to the man’s pink pouty lips where he noticed two things. One – those were the prettiest lips he had ever seen in his entire life, and two – there, hooked on the man’s lip like a strange piercing, was his lucky golden fish hook. He could even see his initials staring back at him.
Eyes wide, his eyes continued to the man’s bare chest where he saw four long arched red scars lining each side of his ribs. Bright yellow finlets lined the side of his hips, traveling down the length of those shapely legs. Legs which he just noticed were lined with bright blue and silver scales on the sides and back.
The man’s feet bore the same radiant blue scales, yellow scales streaking across his toes – his webbed toes. Seokjin’s eyes traveled back up, growing wide when he saw yellow scales forming the shape of a heart where the man’s dick should be. There seemed to be a smaller heart of blue scales in the middle of that one. And a single slit that traveled down its length. His eyes continued up where he saw the absence of a belly button.
The man squatted down next to him, placing a scaled blue and yellow hand on his thigh. Seokjin stared down at the webbed fingers as the man asked him, “Hey, uh, human, um, are you okay?”
Seokjin looked up at him, face falling flat before, “HOLY SHIT! YOU’RE THAT FUCKING FISH!!” he exclaimed, trying and failing to jump to his feet. Landing on his ass with a huff, he pointed at the hybrid, “You little weasel!”
“Weasel? I thought he was a fish?” he heard from behind him.
Turning toward the new voice he saw the two crabs wave back at him. The smaller of the two looked him dead in his eyes and spoke, “Hi, human person! I’m Jimin, and this is Namjoon, my newest mate.”
He swore the larger crab smiled. That was the last thing he saw before he lost consciousness again.
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Seokjin woke up on a very comfortable sofa. A ridiculously comfortable sofa in fact. Sitting up, he looked around at the wonderfully decorated home, tasteful and classy.
Standing up, he walked over toward the next room, stopping at the large floor to ceiling windows there. The house sat on what appeared to either be a private beach or on huge plot of land and overlooked the sea. There on the side table next to him sat a key to the city and a picture of a smiling dimpled man with the local mayor.
“Fuck, I’ve been kidnapped by the oligarchy,” he panicked to himself.
Grabbing a statue of an arm extended gracefully as a weapon, he headed into the rest of the house, hoping to find an exit. From his right, he could hear the far off murmurs of a conversation, so he turned left, walking until he saw a set of stairs. With no other options, he climbed them, hoping to find a room he could sneak into one with a window and make his way out.
Listening to the first door he came face to face with, he was confident there was no one in there. However, upon entering, he was met with a pair of strangely human eyed mallards snuggling on a giant cushion in the middle of the floor. Between them was a singular lobster laying in what looked like a plastic shoebox filled partially with water.
“What the fuck is wrong with everybody today?” he said, exasperated, as he fell onto his haunches, dropping his makeshift weapon on the floor.
He watched as the two green faced mallards looked at each other then down at the lobster. The lobster who then crawled out of the shoebox, made a weird sound, then immediately became a fully nude human who began screeching loudly. Long tendrils sprung from the top of his head, shaking violently as he screamed. His huge dark eyes stared at Seokjin in horror as a large red tail fanned out behind him.
The two mallards then changed into humans who decided that the screeches were Seokjin’s fault and warranted their own impossibly loud quacks, accusing him of being a “horrible voyeur” and a “love hater.” Their noses were outlined by a bright yellow triangular shape that peaked between their onyx eyes while their faces were lined with a radiant green with a delicate white line across their necks. From each of their arms, feathers sprung forth, shuddering as they yelled.
The sound of the heavy stomping up the stairs made him regret ever waking up from the comfort of unconsciousness. Maybe this meant a chance to see to opulence of the basement before they tortured him in it.
Turning around he came face to face with the fish person and two men whose arms were streaked with red and ended in hands that had pinchers instead of thumbs. Tiny antennae wiggled curiously on their foreheads while a second set of crustacean “arms” rested on their hips.
“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON?!!” he yelled, causing an abrupt quiet to fall in the room. “Seriously, I don’t even do drugs! Why have I been kidnapped by animal people?!”
“Kidnapped?” the smaller of the crabs sassed, pointing both a human and crustacean arm at him. “If it weren’t for Yoongi,” he continued, pointing at the fish man, “we would’ve left you there in the sand, mean human. I bet you would eat Yoongi if given the chance!”
He looked over at the fish man who he swore was blushing. Wait, do fish blush?
“Jimin, calm down. Just because Yoongi thinks this ugly human thing is hot,” Namjoon said, pointing at Seokjin, “it doesn’t mean he can’t take care of himself.”
“Oh, because you really got to know his entire personality so well in the two hours we’ve known him,” Jimin said, rolling his eyes, his little antennae wiggling in annoyance.
“Um, maybe I should take the human and assess his health status,” Yoongi said, awkwardly grabbing Seokjin by the wrist and gently leading him out of the room.
As they made their way back down the stairs, you could hear the distinct and synchronized shrill whistles of a certain ducky couple, “He’s going to assess his throat with his tongue… he is! He is!”
“Shut up, Jungkook! Hoseok control your mate,” Jimin huffed with a twitch of his antennae.
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The two sat across from each other, Seokjin’s upright posture contrasting the fish’s slouch. Yoongi made a squishy sound with the webs of his fingers, nervousness obvious in his face.
“Yoongi, is it?”
The fish looked over at him, gills gasping a few times before he answered not at all calmly, “Yes. That’s me.”
“Mhm. Well, I have a question for you?”
“Yes, I’ll mate with you!” the fish cheered, clapping his webbed hands and jumping over to sit on Seokjin’s lap.
“What?”
“I’m so glad you finally asked! It’s mating season, and phew, I’m ready,” he replied, wagging his eyebrows salaciously. “I never knew humans took so long to decide these things!”
“Huh? Mate what?” Seokjin mumbled, his original question long forgotten at the utter insanity of the turn his day was taking.
Before he could even think of a response, Yoongi bridged the gap between them and connected their lips. Seokjin closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around the fish hybrid as their kisses grew deeper. He had never felt a connection as instantaneous as he did the moment their lips…
“OW! Dat hwurts!” he tried to exclaim, his own golden hook now linking their lower lips together.
A gasp from the doorway caught his attention. “Oh! Look guys, they’ve cemented their bond with gold!” the lobster said, the two ducks oohing and aahing behind him.
And with that, his fate was sealed.
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It took far too long to untangle the two of them, Yoongi smiling shyly at him once they had. In the meantime, the others had prepared a party, complete with little shark hats, sushi, and an embarrassingly huge amount of decorations that read “Woohoo Yoongi! Bagged a Human!” on them.
The two now sat in front of a large cake that bore a figure of a large tuna fish carrying a man as if the fish were the fisherman and the man the catch.
Apparently, whatever had happened during their first kiss that led to them being hooked together was sea creature for him making a proposal in this part of the world.
Seokjin was far too confused by the entire thing to protest. Never mind that every time he had begun to, Yoongi kissed him with his magnificently delicious lips. He could wait until after the party to say something, right? Right!
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The wedding ceremony was held a few days later. It was supposed to be a small affair – with only the two grooms and their five water loving guests in attendance.
Seokjin had finally told Yoongi that the whole marriage thing was a bad idea, to which Yoongi laughed, called him “silly,” and begun to do things with his pretty mouth that made Seokjin think that maybe marriage might just be an option after all.
In the days that preceded their wedding, they had received a ludicrous amount of gifts, with fish, crustaceans, cephalopods, and waterfowl from all over Asia wanting to welcome Seokjin to the sea life, something he was looking forward to more and more.
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The happy couple stood under the wedding arch that was decorated with various seashells, seaweed and sections of coral reef.
Dozens of sea creature hybrids ended up showing up for the wedding. Apparently, Yoongi was some sort of minor celebrity who was famous for his underwater bubble organ (whatever the hell that was – Seokjin was too afraid to ask).
Their officiant was a large man who bore a striking resemblance to some sort of purple whale and spoke in a posh accent. “Sea women, sea men, and those who have transcended gender, we are gathered today to witness the unification of two beings who have vowed to remain together for the rest of eternity or until one of them inevitably gets hungry enough to consume the other in a not at all suggestive but entirely literal manner. They have written their own vows for whatever reason and wish to share them with us now.”
Turning toward each other, they began the recitation of their vows.
“Yoongi, my dearest fish, you are, by far, the most wonderful sea creature I have ever had the fortune of attempting to catch. I promise to love, honor, and keep you watered for the rest of our days,” he spoke, slipping a sardine into Yoongi’s mouth.
After swallowing, Yoongi began, “Seokjin, my two legged love, even though you lack the correct breathing apparatus that would make you a specimen worthy of admiration from all of Poseidon’s creatures, you are, to me, perfect. I promise to love and respect you, while continuing to insist fish are far superior to humans,” he vowed, slipping a sardine of his own into Seokjin’s waiting mouth.
Turning to the crowd, the new husbands smiled, taking turns blowing into the Great Conch Shell of Love, cementing their love forever.