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baby i’m starting to think that we both need to stop drinking
when zer0 boards maya’s ship, axton knows. not just because he hears the cargo bay doors open (they’re not oiled at all and they make the worst noises), not just because maya’s (probably bad, but better than his) parking vibrates the entire ship, not just because she’d called ahead of time and said that she’d finally found him. no. instead, there’s a strange pit in his stomach that forms about half a second before he hears the tires on the gravel outside, one that hasn't been there since--well.
he’s in the galley playing cards with gaige, sal, and karima, who the gang finally convinced should take a vacation from overlook for a little while. they’ve been playing for a little under an hour, and karima is sweeping. who knew she was this good at cards? axton has already lost all of his week’s wages from lilith, and there is no chance in hell he’s winning them back. oh well.
maya rolls into the room, looking for all the world like the human embodiment of a storm cloud, and dramatically announces, zer0 is confined to the captain’s quarters for the foreseeable future. i am declaring him unfit for duty.
everyone looks up from the table, cards left facedown.
why, what’s wrong with him? gaige asks.
malnutrition. maya looks grim.
so we feed him good food! i’ll start cooking, sal pushes his seat back and makes to stand up.
sal, you know he won’t eat it, says maya, grimace still plastered on her otherwise elegant features.
ah, sí. lo olvidé, sal mutters something about annoying assholes who won’t eat good food when it’s put in front of them, but axton’s truxican isn’t that good, and he only understands about a third of the words. mostly the cusses, if he’s being honest.
is he, uh, in the captain’s quarters now? axton asks, letting hope tinge his voice a bit.
it’s been several months since they last saw each other.
gettin’ washed up, maya answers, moving to a cabinet and rummaging through it for... something .
karima, who doesn’t know zer0 very well, sits and waits for the game to start again. her fingers tap-tap-tap on the table, and it’s going to drive axton insane if it doesn’t stop soon.
maya seems to find whatever it is she’s looking for and closes the cabinet.
where’s krieg?
ellie’s, gaige says.
in lieu of a verbal response, maya just groans and exits the galley. axton suspects she’s making for the fast travel station, a suspicion confirmed by the tell-tale whoosh of it whisking her away 45 seconds later.
the game resumes.
is he really there? sal asks in disbelief.
i dunno, gaige responds. i just wanted to get back to the game.
you’ll s-s-still lose, karima smirks. i’m too-too g-good at this.
yeah, you are, thinks axton. he plays another card.
i’m tired of wasting so much time hungover on the weekends
it’s maybe an hour later when zer0 wanders into the galley.
prior to this, maya had found krieg (not at ellie’s, apparently), come back, deposited krieg somewhere, and marched off with her hands full of clothes. then she’d come back through with different clothes in her hands, clothes that looked suspiciously like zer0’s suit and helmet, and had barked at everyone to stay the fuck out of the secondary storage room until she gave the all-clear.
so they’re still playing cards.
hey, amigo! long time no see! sal waves excitedly to zer0, who is lingering in the doorway.
he trudges in, and he does not look well. axton has never seen him move so slowly. he’s dressed in what must be maya’s clothing, his face covered (as per usual). axton watches him grab a napkin and a protein shake out of the fridge, then trudge back out. he says nothing to anyone.
but he looked best when he was mine; i never believed it when he said he wasn’t tryin’, but
there’s a kind of ache in axton’s chest, watching zer0 leave, but he couldn’t put a name to it if he tried. there’s something off about the way he moved through the galley just now; a kind of unknowable difference that makes axton want to chase after him through the halls and to the ends of the universe if he had to. not that zer0 would tell him. zer0 likes his secrets; likes to hide things from everyone for no reason except that it makes him more mysterious. it’s attractive, really, except when it’s just frustrating; or worse, concerning, like it is now.
abruptly axton becomes aware of everyone’s eyes on him at the table.
duuuuuude, you gonna play or what? gaige whines, half-frowning at him. it’s been like, three minutes.
sorry, he says, and plays a card.
sal grunts, displeased. apparently he had not done the right thing here.
hermano, you’re distracted. necesitas disfrutarte de ti mismo, ¿no? si quieres enmendar tu relación con él, debes get up off your ass--
okay, okay, axton laughs nervously. i’m going.
well, i s-s-suppose that’s the end of the g-game, karima says, gathering all the cards up. i thi-think i won.
whatever, gaige flounces off. i hear maya calling me anyway.
so that’s what that noise had been. axton leaves the room and makes to go sit out on the roof-turned-deck. he’s interrupted when he passes by maya in the hall.
god will you please never cut your hair
maya! he says. what the hell’s wrong with zee?
she’s got a toolbox in one hand and zer0’s helmet in the other.
fuck if i know. i mean, he’s been skipping food. but like, i couldn’t tell you why, she shrugs.
dammit, he swears under his breath. idiot, why doesn’t he just take care of himself?
cus he’s an idiot, maya answers. duh.
axton groans. i hate it when you’re right.
she ignores him. where are you headed, anyway?
up to the roof. gonna go ponder my life choices.
mk. see ya later, she says, and resumes her fast stride down the hall.
i’ve never loved like a love song before; electric woman playing on the dance floor
it’s still midday when he gets outside, and it will be for another seven hours. pandoran days are long, and hot, and horrible, and out here where maya’s grounded freighter lives has so little wind it’s not even funny. he, of course, has one of the parasols up, its broad frame pulled taut with cloth as it stands over the table. but it’s still fucking hot.
axton wipes some sweat off his brow as he contemplates life. kinda cliché, sure, but what does he care? why should he give a damn what anyone else thinks of him? he’s a badass who helped take down jack. and yet, there’s still a part of him that’s insistent that he’s no-one. nobody. just some dumb grunt who could be replaced so easily. it’s not like he’s got any particularly special talents--he’s no siren, can’t snipe for shit, doesn’t have a big fuck-off robot, can’t cook particularly well, isn’t as strong or sturdy as a brick house--sure, he’s got the lil lady, but he’s got this sinking feeling that if someone else were her operator, the gang would leave him in the dust.
he shakes those thoughts out of his head. gah.
distorted reflections in the mirrorball, my vision’s not so clear now
so what if they would? he’s capable-- right? he made good money before he joined up with the crimson raiders. and he’s hot. fuckin’ hot. he could get back into sex work, easily, if he wanted. make a lot of money there...
...but all he really wants is to talk to zer0 again. if he tried, he could probably go find him in the captain’s quarters, say hello, hope to any deity listening that zer0 isn't too different from the way he used to be. but his ass feels glued to the thin plastic of the seat, keeping him stuck up here instead of talking about his feelings down there like some normal person.
ah, forget it. he's a vault hunter. he's never been, and is never gonna be, normal. it just ain't a possibility in any of their lives, not really. it’s the truth; hard as it is to swallow.
...so why does it feel like he’s still lying to himself?
and why can’t he shake the feeling that somehow, zer0 is lying, too?
(why’d you have to go and cut your hair? why’d you cut your hair? why’d you have to go and cut your hair?)