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“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.”
— Sun Tzu, The Art of War
“Mummy, Mummy! Make bubbles!”
Eileen Snape smiled down at her little Severus, his baby teeth gleaming from under a toothy grin. She waved her wand, and half a dozen bubbles streamed forth. One fell on Severus’ outstretched hand and popped, making him giggle.
The sound of the front door had Eileen vanishing the bubbles away. Severus’ eyes filled with tears.
“It's alright, Severus,” Eileen soothed. “Remember, we can't do magic when Daddy’s home.”
She fed Severus a piece of banana to pacify him, just as Tobias Snape entered the kitchen.
“Is dinner ready?” he boomed.
Eileen sighed, casting a warning glance at Severus’ mournful look and prepared to set the table.
*****
“Remember, Severus. No talk about magic!”
Severus scowled. “Do we have to pretend to be Muggles? I want to be a proper wizard!”
Eileen smoothed Severus’ hair. “You know your father doesn't like it.”
Severus batted her hand away, crossing his arms.
“Severus,” Eileen said warningly.
“Oh, alright,” Severus agreed reluctantly. “Now, can I go?”
At his mother's nod, Severus ran towards the playground, hoping he wasn't too late. As he got near, he heard a couple of girls’ voices. He slowed down and hid behind a bush, and his eyes trailed the younger girl, her red hair flying in the wind, the swing creaking from movement. Severus watched in wonder as she let go of the ropes and jumped off just when the swing was at its highest. She floated down gently, and Severus’ heart skipped a beat. It was magic.
Maybe he wouldn't have to pretend with her.
*****
Severus looked up at the sound of his name, and his eyes widened. It was Lucius Malfoy, the unofficial leader of Slytherin. Severus suppressed his awe and scowled instead.
“What do you want?”
“Not with your sidekick today?” Lucius asked casually.
Severus’ scowl deepened. “What's it to you?”
Lucius cast a glance at Madam Pince, who seemed to be absorbed in her book. He leaned down, coming right at Severus' face.
“A word to the wise — ditch the Mudblood. We have given you enough consideration, but we're out of patience. You have till the end of the week.”
“Severus, I found it!” Lily's voice echoed, causing Madam Pince to glare hotly at Severus.
Lucius gave Severus a meaningful look, tapped the table once in emphasis, and slunk away.
“What did Malfoy want?” Lily scowled at Lucius’ retreating back.
“Nothing,” Severus said, forcing a smile on his face. His heart was beating loudly in his chest. “Ready to experiment?”
Lily's smile calmed Severus further. “Rather!”
*****
For the rest of the week, Severus watched Lucius closely. Wherever Lucius was, Severus was a step behind. This was not easy, as Lily kept insisting on tagging along.
“You're becoming so distant, Severus,” she said earnestly. She cast the rock in her hand out to the lake, where it sank with a splash. She sighed in disappointment. “Not even one skip.”
“I told you,” Severus answered impatiently. His eyes were trained on Lucius Malfoy a few feet away, holding court with his friends. Lucius looked his way and Severus ducked behind his book. “I'm running out of time on one of my projects.”
“Well, why can't we do it together?”
Severus let out an annoyed breath. “My partner is a Slytherin.”
Lucius disappeared into the castle, and Severus turned to Lily.
“Well, my time's up. See you tomorrow.”
Lily shouted after him, but Severus didn't look back.
*****
Severus sighed, tapping his quill on his parchment. Where was Lucius?
It was another hour before Lucius entered the library. Severus pretended to be engrossed in his homework and did not look up until a shadow fell over his parchment.
“Severus,” Lucius drawled.
Severus cast a cursory glance to the front of the library to make sure Madam Pince was still there before he turned to scowl at Lucius.
“Well,” Lucius demanded when the silence between them had stretched to the point of breaking. “Have you thought of what I said last week?”
“I have,” Severus answered in a levelled voice.
“Good,” Lucius said pompously. “I knew you'd see my way.”
Severus drew his brows in a puzzled frown. “I did not say I agreed with you.”
“Think carefully about what you say next, Snape,” Lucius spat. “You might find—”
“Of course,” Severus interrupted coolly. “Thanks for the reminder, Lucius. Though some would say you might need reminding of it yourself.”
“How dare—”
“Oh, did I hit a nerve?” continued Severus mercilessly. “Perhaps those higher connections you keep implying about have no knowledge of your affair? With a Mudblood. Oh dear, what a—”
“Shut up!” Lucius hissed, eyes blazing with fury.
Severus stood up, no longer able to contain his anger. “Then keep your pointed nose out of my business!” He lowered his voice after Pince gave him a sharp glare. “I will keep associating with Evans as long as I want to. She is useful to have around. Or have—”
“So now you're going to pretend you're taking advantage of her?” Lucius scoffed. “No emotional connection, is there? Then you won't mind if an accident—”
“I will not mind,” Severus said stiffly. His stomach gave an unpleasant lurch. Severus forced himself to continue on. “After I'm done with her.”
Lucius drew himself up to his full height. “You are not in a position to make demands!”
“Avery knows about Melissa, then?” countered Severus with forced casualness.
Lucius’ lips pressed together tightly. “If I hear…”
“Yes, yes,” Severus said in a bored tone. “I'll wish for death.”
Lucius threw one last scorching glare at Severus, twisted sharply, and stormed off.
For a moment, Severus stood stock still, his fists clenched by his side. Only when he was sure Lucius was truly gone did Severus sink into his chair. His heart was beating wildly inside his chest, and Severus took some deep breaths to calm down. A mixture of excitement and guilt made his stomach churn unpleasantly.
He had gotten one over on Lucius, but at what cost?
*****
A couple of years had passed since that conversation. Severus had almost entirely forgotten about the incident. He and Lily were as thick as thieves, and though rumours about a surfacing Dark Lord were rampant, the students at Hogwarts were largely sheltered from them.
Which was why Severus got a huge shock when, not even a week into his fifth year, he got a strange missive. He found it in his bag, rolled up tightly and tied in a ribbon, placed in between his books. That was strange in itself, as Severus had learnt never to leave his bag unattended.
Severus’ first instinct was to dispose of it without even daring to touch it, but curiosity stayed his hand. For three whole days, it remained his bag until Severus could not contain himself any longer.
Sitting on his bed with the hangings drawn tightly around him, Severus drew the roll of parchment. It was thicker than the usual parchment students used, and the green ribbon shone under Severus’ dim lumos.
Severus untied the ribbon with his wand and unrolled the parchment to reveal the writing.
It was a letter written in a slanted yet elegant script. Severus' eyes jumped to the end of the letter, but there was no name. Intrigued, Severus started reading.
Dear Severus Snape,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am sure you are wondering who I am, but fear not. By the end of this letter, all will be clear.
It is an honour to finally write to you. I have learned a great deal about you, and it took a long time—longer than I would have liked—to come to the decision to open direct communications between us.
To be able to catch the eye of my recruiters, you must be an incredible wizard. I have heard, of course, of your prowess in magic, most specifically in Potions. A wizard of your calibre would be an asset to our cause — a cause, if I have deduced correctly, which you happen to agree with.
However, here is where we hit the snag. I am sure by now you need no introduction, so let me speak clearly, Severus Snape.
The matter is that you have a Mudblood. You claim she is of no importance to you, and yet your actions say otherwise. Even if what you claim is true, double-faced liars are of no use to us in our ranks. I am sure you understand.
I will offer your first and final deal — a chance to prove your worth, so to speak. You have till the end of the year to publicly renounce the stain with which you are associated. In return, I will find you the best Potions Master in the world, whom you can apprentice under. This, of course, comes with an offer to join us in this prestigious battle against the shameful traitors of the Wizarding World.
I am sure you need not be told what an honour it is to be offered the position in the first place, especially for a half-blood such as yourself. My trusted friends will be watching over you. All your actions are being carefully recorded. Act as befitting your station, and you will be handsomely compensated. Choose wisely.
The parchment trembled slightly, and Severus put it down, clenching his fists.
Why was he so scared? Wasn't that what he had fantasised about: to catch the eye of this nearly mythical Dark Lord? Wasn't that what Severus had been working towards? Why else would he have kissed the feet of the high and mighty purebloods?
Then why was Severus so scared?
Tensing his muscles, Severus picked the scroll up with a barely steady hand. He rolled it up and put it in his warded drawers. Lying back down, he wondered what to do about Lily Evans.
Lily will understand, Severus thought. Once she stops believing in Dumbledore and the rest blindly, she will understand.
Silencing the battle within his mind, Severus fell asleep.
*****
Almost two decades had passed. Severus Snape of the present very often cursed his younger self for putting him into this mess. However, fear no longer controlled him. Severus was proud to say he could look the Dark Lord in the eyes and lie to him, with the Dark Lord being none the wiser.
After all, as Tzu had said, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.”
Severus knew himself well; he had worked hard for it. Granted, he did not necessarily like what he saw, but he knew himself.
He knew the Dark Lord even better. Severus was proud to say he knew the Dark Lord better than any man living, except perhaps Dumbledore. Though it was for this reason that Severus felt disheartened.
Maybe if Severus had thought of Dumbledore as the enemy, he would not have been so blindsided by Dumbledore's revelation that Harry had been raised as a lamb for slaughter? Severus shook the thought away. ‘What ifs’ were dangerous.
Severus drew his cloak around him and sighed silently. Hogwarts’ grounds stretched far below him. Not a soul was to be seen. The Carrows had made sure of that.
Severus saw in his mind the twisted body of Albus Dumbledore lying at the foot of the Astronomy Tower. It had been there since last June, and it would remain, haunting him, until Severus’ own death, despite the white tomb of Dumbledore’s final resting place in clear view from where he stood.
The school year was drawing close. The last time the Dark Lord had summoned Severus, Nagini had been suspended in a protective bubble, just as Dumbledore had predicted. Harry Potter had been seen escaping on the back of a dragon after a year in hiding. And for Severus? One final battle remained. One final pretence, then Severus could be free to be himself.
*****
“My Lord, let me bring you Harry Potter.”
The red eyes of his Master flashed furiously, and Severus bowed his head in submission. For the first time in a long while, he felt a lick of fear.
Severus barely listened as the Dark Lord complained about his wand. He was aware — in some distant part of his brain — that he was in grave danger. He paid it no heed. There was one final thing he needed to do, or all would be for nought.
“Kill, Nagini,” Severus heard as if from some great distance. There was a sound, and a sharp pain brought Severus back from his thoughts violently. The veins in his neck burned as Nagini's venom raced through them. Severus slid down to the floor, hands clutching at his throat uselessly. He had failed… But —
A flash of green eyes caught his attention. Severus gathered the last bit of his strength.
“Look… at… me…” he rasped. Memories flowed with his tears and blood, and Severus felt the rim of a flask against his skin as Potter caught them. The green eyes then turned to his, and Severus felt himself free.
His mission was over. The battles were won. And Severus was free to be himself again, if only in death.