Work Text:
First Period English Class Mrs. Pinch
“Before I start class this morning I am going to announce that Michael Waller has to go the principal’s office.”
“What for,” shouted Michael.
Mrs. Pinch yelled back “I don’t know but the principal needs to see you!”
Michael Waller left the classroom and when he entered the principal’s office he said “hello I’m here to see Principal Bloodshed!”
The staff member told him “Principal Bloodshed has taken the day off.”
Michael insisted “my teacher told me the principal wanted to see me.”
The staff member told Michael “go back to class because the principal is not here.”
Michael did as he was told but was stopped by a school hall monitor.
“Excuse me young man my name is Mrs. Bowser and I’m the new hall monitor. Where is your hall pass?”
Michael explained his teacher told him to go straight to the principal’s office and he didn’t have a hall pass.
Mrs. Bowser shouted “the principal has taken the day off and everyone knows that. Where is your hall pass?”
Michael shouted back “apparently my teacher didn’t know that and she told me to go to the principal’s office and she didn’t give me a hall pass.”
Mrs Bowser shouted “who is your teacher?”
Michael shouted back “Mrs. Pinch!”
Mrs. Bowser told Michael she would escort him back to his teacher’s classroom. Once Michael was back in his classroom Mrs. Bowser firmly stated “I found this young man in the hallway without a pass.”
Mrs. Pinch explained “I got word from a staff member that the principal needed to see him.”
Mrs. Bowser snapped “the principal has taken the day off today and because he had no hall pass I am issuing him a detention.”
Michael shouted “that’s not fair she sent me to the principal’s office without giving me a hall pass.”
Mrs. Bowser insisted she’d take it up with the staff in the principal’s office and a detention notice would be issued by the end of the day.
Mrs. Bowser slammed the door on her way out.
Mrs. Pinch yelled “Michael it’s time for you to get to work!”
Michael yelled “it’s not fair that I’m getting detention for being in the hallway when I had no choice but to go to and from the principal’s office!”
Mrs. Pinch shouted “life isn’t fair” then she said “nah nah nee nah nah!”
All the other students laughed out loud for the next 15 minutes.
LATER THAT AFTERNOON!
JUDGE PETER NECK’S COURTROOM
The Bailiff stood up and said “all rise” then announced “The State Of Indiana Versus Nicholas Carter Bines on the charge of speeding in violation of State Code Title Nine Article 21 Chapter 5.”
Judge Neck asked “how does the defendant plead?”
Nicholas responded “not guilty your honor.”
A woman sitting on the bench in the courtroom audience stood up and yelled “your honor he is guilty!”
Judge Neck shouted “ma’am do not speak out of turn or I’ll have to hold you in contempt of court.”
“Your honor I’m his mother and I want the fear of the law to come into play.”
Judge Neck promised “if he’s found guilty then I will for now please sit down.”
The Assistant District Attorney Tina Parker told the court the arresting officer couldn’t make it. Judge Neck threw out the case.
Betty Bines stood up and screamed “that’s it! I thought there was going to be fear of the law. I am outraged and I want my son to learn a lesson. He should lose his license.”
Nicholas responded “mom if I lose my license I can’t run errands for you.”
Betty changes her tune “the not guilty verdict is acceptable and we’ll be going your honor.”
After they left the courthouse Anthony Vile, Daniel Cinder, and Mason Delta came out to sing.
“The new school hall monitor went to the office to tattle on Michael Waller. Michael was in the office through no choice of his own. He will get detention regardless. It’s not fair but he's under 18 so nobody in the community cares. Mrs. Bowser is the new school hall monitor is a mean old bitch. She’s a mean old bitch. She’s a mean old bitch. She’ll give you detention for no fucking reason. She will tattle to the principal or the assistant principal because she’s a fucking tattletale and cockroaches are more pleasant than Mrs Bowser herself. “
“Nicholas Bines was in court today his mom wanted him punished. But then she was reminded how much she loves to live on the living room couch. Now the three of us shall go to our rooms.”
The End