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"Bring her back, Mirei. Bring Ayaka back."
The room stayed silent as the remaining girls continued to process everything that Kyoko had revealed up till now.
From how she met Ayaka, how the said girl became a significant part of who she is, and how they promised to stay together after graduation, living in the same apartment and attending the same university. A life they have already laid out – being two simple, young girls in love.
And being enclosed in that small space, of course, Kumi and Memi were a witness to how Kyoko blamed Mirei for everything that was happening, not knowing how else to project her grief, frustration, and anger for all the what ifs and could have beens.
They don't know what will happen once they get out of this – whatever or wherever this place is – but Kyoko knew it right from the start, felt it deep down as soon as they all woke up hours ago, that it won't end up good. She tried to keep her hopes and will up. She needed to be as she held Ayaka's hand on the table — whispering words of assurance that grew increasingly doubtful, and promises that might never see the light of day.
Her hands continued to tremble with the lost feeling of warmth. It seemed like the other girl had taken all the warmth with her when she disappeared just a few minutes ago because, despite the rising temperature of the room, Kyoko had never felt so cold and bare. Her chest continues to heave with emptiness as she lowers her head, trying to keep her tears at bay but to no success.
So when she felt the locks on her feet vibrate and water started to ooze out, she almost let out a victorious scream.
Fucking finally.
She let out a small smirk laced with nothing but exhilarating feelings of seeing Ayaka once again.
She turned to Mirei, letting out her last feelings of contempt.
"This is all your fault. You have planned to make us all vanish right from the start!”
Lights started to flicker on and off. She sent one last malicious look toward Mirei. A final look towards who she believes is their perpetrator, lets her know that she is not afraid. Her heart has longed for this ever since Ayaka disappeared.
Nothing matters anymore. Why am I still here?
With all feelings of acceptance and one last unspoken promise to Ayaka, she closed her eyes, keeping close to her the last remaining piece of Ayaka she has left.
I'll see you soon, my love.
And she waited.
And the lights went out.
She took one last breath.
The locks on her feet opened up, the floor engulfing her in the darkness. She felt her body meeting fluid, turning light-weight as her hands floated beside her. Keeping her eyes closed, she succumbed to the coldness of the water.
------
The first thing she felt was warmth, a huge contrast to the chilling temperature of the water hugging her whole being. At first, she thought it was because of the sun, whose glare she could see even through her closed eyelids; but then, her mind registered the feeling of her head resting on top of someone's lap, and her body lying down on a grainy surface which, she guesses, might be sand. From a distance, she can hear waves thundering, as well as loud and familiar peals of laughter booming.
Where am I?
She tried to open her eyes, blinking and squinting a few times. She moved her head slightly from side to side to find a comfortable position where her eyes wouldn't directly meet the sun's glare. All of a sudden, a hand was placed a few inches from her face, seeming to shield her from the brightness, allowing her eyes to adjust completely.
"You're awake." She knows that voice very well. And now the warmth makes perfect sense.
Ayaka.
"Aya.." she let out in a breathless whisper.
"The others have been waiting." She sat up, scanning her surroundings – nothing but the ocean and a lone house standing a couple of feet behind them entered her vision. The sun was almost blinding and scorching – almost – but it was not one that would make Kyoko cower in fear of burning.
A sunrise, perhaps? She noticed her clothes were completely dry, just like Ayaka’s. There was barely any evidence clinging on to her clothes or hair that she, or they, drowned one after the other. Speaking of the others, Kyoko spotted them playing, laughing carefree a few meters from where she and Ayaka were sitting. It reminded her of the old days in their high school – everything before Perfect Justice went insane beyond control.
Perfect Justice.
Perfect Justice was, at first, a chill and comfortable place for her. “Let’s rid this world of awful people doing awful things.” Who wouldn’t want to be a part of a group that chases justice and gives people a taste of their own medicine? When she first heard those words from Miho, there was no doubt what her answer would be. She, herself, has a lot of anger at the universe after all.
She lost her mother in an accident at a young age. She was bullied through her elementary days because of her father and their living conditions. She was severely teased and degraded by her classmates and teachers during middle school because of her voice.
Never once did the universe give her a single moment of joy.
Until she met Ayaka.
It didn’t take much convincing for Ayaka to join Perfect Justice after her. Wherever Kyoko goes, Ayaka follows – and vice versa.
She found a group that made her realize what self-satisfaction and companionship are. She considered these people her friends, and she was pretty sure they all felt the same – but sure enough, she would never admit it out loud.
And so, every day, they went out in duos or groups to expose awful people doing awful things. It was exciting, riveting, fulfilling – and for someone like Kyoko with much anger to channel from, it was addicting. She felt the same power that her bullies once used against her. It made her want to do more, and seeing the others do even more perilous things months later, Kyoko was beyond satisfied.
But things changed when Miho grew more controlling of Perfect Justice. “We need to do more. More. More”. It was like a chant of something restrained, something caged. Kyoko knows very well what emotion lies beyond Miho’s eyes. And for the first time since she joined Perfect Justice, she grew hesitant of her own actions, wondering if what they’re doing is still right – or as they always say, just.
It was the first time she saw what unspoken anger looks like in another person’s eyes. It shouldn’t have deterred her. What they were doing satisfied her to a certain extent, but the more she did these things, the more addicted she became – and her anger remained unwavering, only growing. They became the bullies in their own stories.
So for the first time, she felt uncomfortably aware and scared.
Because no matter how many of these activities they do, she will never be rid of her anger and hatred.
She was brought back to reality by a hand reaching out to rest on top of hers. She looked at the woman she loves who has been observing her this whole time. Kyoko was finally able to look at her properly since she woke up. Her eyes still reflected the same adoration she saw the first time they met – those eyes that would always be a reminder of how beautiful life can be.
Those gentle and kind eyes that opposed her hard and enraged ones.
Gone were the path of tears on her cheeks from their final words to each other back inside that messed up room. Ayaka looked flawless – beautiful, endearing – rid of the heavy baggage of secrets, sacrifices, and betrayals. She already knew the answer to the question lingering at the back of her mind – still, she voiced it out.
"Are we… dead?"
As she expected, the other girl didn't answer. Instead, she reached out to caress Kyoko's cheeks, an adoring smile painted on her face. Kyoko buried her face deeper in the other girl's palm as she held her hand and looked back at her with the same amount of love.
She still has a lot of questions about everything that happened, but maybe, she’ll get her answers one day.
Right now, nothing mattered to her but the woman sitting beside her.
Because Ayaka looks perfect – beautiful, endearing, and most of all, happy.
“Ayaka!”
Kyoko straightened up at that voice.
She turned to the source and rage filled her senses.
Why the fuck is she here?
“You bit-”
“She didn’t do it, Kyoko.”
She was about to charge toward Mirei when Ayaka held her back. Brown met brown and Kyoko gradually calmed down, believing Ayaka whole-heartedly.
"She's still the reason why you disappeared."
Ayaka shook her head.
"No, it's not."
Kyoko waited for her to continue.
"We all disappeared because of what we did. It was all bound to happen"
"We didn't do anything bad. We were all under Miho's orders."
“You know that’s not true. We all did something bad, by Miho’s instructions or not.”
Ayaka was right. Kyoko found it of no use to continue arguing.
“We were young, and naive. We believed what we thought was right, and we did things without any regard for the consequences. We judged by what we saw on the surface. Maybe, just maybe, some of what we did was right, and I can only hope that somewhere out there, we were able to help at least one person.”
Ayaka sighed a heavy one, a mixture of regrets and realizations. Kyoko remained silent as Ayaka continued.
“That was what Perfect Justice was supposed to be about. We were supposed to help those who were powerless, but it destroyed innocent lives instead. It destroyed ours, too.”
Ayaka whispered, the unspoken promise between them lingering in the air. Even with sadness underlying her words, no tears came out of her eyes. Instead, she allowed herself to be pulled into the arms of her lover.
The couple stayed in their position until Kyoko spoke.
"Who did it? If Mirei didn’t do it, then who kept us there?”
Ayaka shook her head.
“I wish I knew, too. But when I woke up, all of us were here already. I guess it wouldn’t really matter anymore, would it? We lost, they won.”
Kyoko stared at Ayaka’s expression, her eyes looking far off to the expansive ocean that seems endless – a hint of acceptance is visible on those eyes.
Not relief nor grief nor disappointment nor rage.
Just acceptance. Maybe they deserved this, maybe they don’t, but who’s to judge?
Miho is not here – not with them – anymore. For the first time in over a year, Kyoko thought that maybe if Miho was here, they would know what to do and what to think.
They lost the game, and they lost everything. Their perpetrator took it all away – the opportunity to atone and repent for their wrongdoings which they masked as a “just” behaviour, and the choice to leave it all behind after graduation.
Silence fell upon the couple until Kyoko noticed those red bags lying on the sand before them, like a pathway leading to where the others were. She realized then that she was still holding her own, and Ayaka was holding hers.
She still remembers it all very clearly – every corner and all the edges, what it was like trapped inside that room, feet restrained and being enveloped by fatigue.
Only now was she able to breathe properly.
“What happens now?”
Kyoko looked into Ayaka’s eyes, the way she always does whenever she’s lost and confused.
With a chuckle, Ayaka responded
“We could join the others. It looks like they’re having a bit too much fun on their own.”
Kyoko followed her line of sight, and indeed – it was the first time she saw her friends smile as light and genuine.
And before she knew it, she smiled too.
She pushed herself up and offered her hand to her girlfriend.
“Shall we?”
They started to walk slowly towards their friends, the red bags still on hand.
Kyoko chuckled.
“Why are they so far away?”
Ayaka just looked at her with a smile.
"You’ll realize it soon.”
The first person that the couple reached was Mirei. When Kyoko stood in front of her, she could’ve sworn there were curses and foul words she wanted to say to her. But her mind suddenly was as blank as a canvas, her chest heaving with relief rather than dissatisfaction.
She looked at Mirei, trying hard to rack her brain for those specific memories. Instead, what she found were days of the younger one trying to get her to study, trying to talk to her during group activities, or sitting with her in silence during lunch.
“Is everything alright, Kyoko?” Mirei asked, her voice full of worry.
Kyoko blinked, not admitting defeat. Ayaka observed her with a knowing glance.
Kyoko’s eyes met Ayaka’s as she silently conveyed her confusion. Ayaka gestured back to the lone house, now standing a couple of meters away from them.
Of course, she didn’t understand what the younger woman was implying.
Instead, she uttered the few words she could still catch in her brain.
“Well, Miho…. did… uh…. Perfect Justice… was… what… is… happening?” Kyoko can only stare ahead in confusion.
Seeing the flash of red on the older woman’s hand, Mirei nodded in understanding.
“Let’s keep walking shall we?”
And they did – farther away from that lone house.
As they walk further and further away from the house, images of a dark and dull room, feet bound in a chained box, a large dining table enough for twelve people, portraits on the walls, medical textbooks scattered on the floor, oil leaking from the ceiling, the sound of frogs croaking, lights flashing on and off, water filling her lungs – everything blurred and blurred until there was nothing but mere shadows.
Kyoko finally understood – and for the first time since she woke up, she took a deep breath and released it with a smile.
Maybe being here, in this place, doesn’t mean that they lost – not entirely. And maybe it’s not about winning, too. Maybe being here gives them exactly the choice that she thought was already stripped off from them. Maybe being here is the stepping stone itself for all of them to start anew.
Who cares about winning or losing anymore? Kyoko thought to herself as she dropped the red bag she was holding – allowing it to join those that had already been discarded on the sand.
Holding her lover’s hand and growing closer to the other people splashing water at each other, she rushed forward, surprising both Ayaka and Mirei.
“Wait, Kyoko!” Ayaka squealed in excitement, dropping hers as well.
Mirei slowly caught up as she watched the couple with a smile. Her eyes fixated on the path of red bags scattered on the sand — counting to the 10th and 11th – now complete.
As soon as they reached the rest of the group, they all gathered around in a small hug – and Kyoko breathed out a sigh of relief. She is happy and satisfied. These people are her friends.
She took a good look at each one of them, and her mind could only rewind back to their early years in high school.
Iguchi Mao. Her first friend in Perfect Justice. She may be a talkative, always-hungry person, but she sure knows how to keep secrets. And Kyoko will always be thankful for her light-hearted stories that are just what she needs to get through every hour at school. Outside of their group, no one dares to befriend her due to first impressions – Kyoko knows it well – but maybe it’s this aspect that they seem to understand each other really well even if they’re both at the opposite ends of the same spectrum.
Ushio Sarina. The all-too-perfect student. Everyone admires her and her work ethics. Not only is she smart and well-spoken, she’s incredibly friendly and polite, too. A smile always adorns her face every single day, no matter who she’s talking to. She’s that one gentle presence you’ll always look for. When she’s there, you just know everything’s gonna be okay.
Kakizaki Memi. Her personality sometimes clashes with Kyoko, but she couldn’t deny the leadership that her classmate possessed. She may not be the brightest in the bunch, but she knows how to deal with people, and she knows how to make the most of things and bring everyone forward with her. She can be cunning when the situation calls for it.
Kageyama Yuuka. The new girl who piqued Kyoko’s fascination. The only student who gave Miho a run for her money. She’s insanely smart without trying too hard to look like it. She made it look all so easy. She knows strategies, mindgames, conspiracies, tactics — anyone can attempt, but no one can ever beat her at her own game. Despite her unwavering abilities, she remains humble and always seeks new things to learn.
Kato Shiho. Perhaps, Kyoko considers, the most beautiful in their class — and no, she’s not only talking about physical looks. She’s got the softest and most sensitive heart from all of them. She may come off as selfish in the eyes of outsiders, but Kyoko sees it — she’s a considerate and protective friend. Her secrets be damned, but the guilt she felt about what Miho went through because of her told Kyoko everything she needed to know.
Sasaki Kumi. Their older figure, their big sister. She’s a headstrong person who, even in her silence, knows how to steer the boat. She’s the group’s peacekeeper, a silent observer, and a silent doer – exactly the opposite of Miho. She may look like she does not give a single f on what they’re doing, but she can see and hear it all. She carries with her a gentle air, almost too afraid to hurt a fly, but Kyoko knows, it’s one waiting to be ignited under the right conditions.
Sasaki Mirei. The brain of the group — or was. One of the smartest in their class. She’s an earnest learner with the highest of the highest of goals. She’s a serious person and can only spend an hour or two a day on other things besides studying. It annoys Kyoko, but she knows it’s what makes Mirei unique — her ability to quote famous authors and poets at the right place at the right time.
Takase Mana. She’s got the love for the little things – romance, books, music, friendships – and she always yearns for experience. She knows loyalty and tenderness, too willing to do and sacrifice most things to maintain her relationship with the people she cares about and grew fond of. The music she hums during their quiet lunch breaks on the school’s rooftop brought so much calmness to the group.
Higashimura Mei. The dog whisperer and biggest animal lover in the group. She talks to whoever talks to her, but is not one to initiate a conversation unless crucial and necessary. Under her quiet and go-with-the-flow demeanor, she carries with her a stern and hard-headed attitude. She can keep secrets just as good as she can find out about them. She’s either too occupied in her own world, or too engrossed in another’s.
Kyoko ran to each one of her friends – splashing water, clasping hands, spinning or throwing each other around. They mirrored her bliss, as if it was just yesterday when they were lighting sparklers to celebrate the end of the school year. All of them can only remember every shared experience they had – afterschool cleaning sessions, firework festivals, weekend ice cream runs, whispering rumors in the corridors, tutoring sessions in the library, catching train rides, chasing cats on the streets, getting kicked out of convenience stores, finishing plates and plates of gyoza, waiting for each other to go home.
The experiences that defined their youth.
And right here, right now, they can feel it all again.
They felt young.
They felt free.
Kyoko ran to her lover.
Takamoto Ayaka. The first person who didn’t make fun of her personality or her voice. The person she wanted to protect since day one. The person who made her life worthwhile. Her eyes gave Kyoko a window to look into a future she never thought of having – and it made her the happiest. Kyoko adores the younger girl and the way she would always seem to shrink in her arms even if Ayaka is taller than her.
Kyoko and Ayaka stayed in each other’s embrace while the girls continued to play around the shore.
When the laughter died down a bit, Kyoko took notice of Kage staring at the lone house from where she woke up. Kyoko didn’t know why, but she felt sympathy for her friend, almost like she’s just lost someone.
Kumi seemed to notice it, too. She’s just as clueless as Kyoko, but oddly enough, she felt the urge to approach Kage. She took hold of her hand – and for Kage, the gesture felt like a silent understanding, an unspoken forgiveness. She gave the taller girl a smile in return.
Kumi averted her eyes to the setting sun and said,
“Let’s keep walking, shall we?”
Everyone heard those silent words – and with peaceful exhales, they walked again, farther and farther, hands intertwined with each other’s.
Kage knew what walking further away would mean for her. Sooner or later, she’ll be taking that one last step that would make her forget everything she knew about Miho, her sister.
She didn’t want to forget. Never. It took them years before they were able to find each other. And when they finally did, fate had already played its pawn.
And Kage wasn’t used to being beaten at her games. So in a desperate attempt to regain control of what can happen in her life, she decided to extract the groups’ secrets herself, and punish all of them who she perceived as the very reason why Miho died – at least from what she knew then.
Forgetting her is the last thing she wants. But maybe, it’s for the best. Afterall, secrets and revenge were the root cause of everything that happened to them.
No more secrets. Kage thought to herself. This is her own form of punishment for what she's done to them – forgetting her sister.
She held Kumi’s hand tighter – her own message of acceptance.
The sunset continues to cast its shadow upon them.
They don’t know where they’re going or if a destination is even a concept that exists in this place. All they carried with them were memories of a youth well-lived, and the trust they had in each other.
Even so, they kept walking.