Chapter Text
"Y'know," the woman in the front seat sighed. She was heavy set, and looked uncomfortably like Natalie's own mother, before life, alcohol and drugs took their toll. "A lot of people would kill to go to this school, you're lucky."
Natalie groaned from the back seat, wishing she had packed extra batteries for her walkman. Who knew driving the whole way across the state of New Jersey would take so long. "Yeah I'm so lucky my mother killed herself," she spat, sinking further into her seat.
"That's not what I meant!" The woman snapped, grip on the steering wheel white, before sighing, her voice softening "just that, after everything, this school can give you what you need to go far. Private tutoring, twenty four hour library access, good sports teams. Just promise me you'll try. It's only for a year."
Only a year. Only until Natalie turns eighteen and she can leave, follow in her mother's footsteps and die at thirty. But the pleading in the woman's voice was clear, and Natalie couldn't stand to see her aunt cry anymore than she had over the past month she had been in her care.
The school was good, one of the top rated in the state, and while Nat had joked that it didn't mean much, it was New Jersey after all, she was slightly impressed with herself that she had managed to get into Our Lady Joan of Arc, despite how pretentious the name was. It was a mostly Catholic boarding school, though they had taken away the requirements that only Catholics could join a few years prior, though as Natalie looked through her timetable she saw chapel was still a requirement.
Her aunt wasn't loaded by any means, not enough to send Natalie to private school on such short notice, but extraneous circumstances, a promise of good behaviour and a small sports scholarship helped them. Not to mention both her mother and aunt had gone as children, though clearly it only did good for one of the sisters.
"Sorry aunt Mary," Natalie sighed, and her aunt's grip on the steering wheel loosened.
"It's alright sweetie, I know it's been a rough couple of months, but I'm sure you'll like it here. Plus, your scholarship automatically puts you on the varsity soccer team, though they'll still probably want you to try out, y'know, just to make sure you're yellowjackets material."
"Were you on the soccer team?" Natalie asked, her eyes darting to the large, branded gear bag on the seat next to her. With all the money they had saved on tuition, Mary had helped get proper Our Lady branded bags so Natalie would fit in slightly better with the other girls, as well as some new soccer cleats. The actual uniform was provided by the school, including her new school uniform, something she had never had to deal with before and wasn't looking forward to wearing an itchy, grey cardigan every day.
"No, field hockey," Mary hummed, "though we had dinners with the yellowjackets from time to time. Lovely girls back then, and I'm sure they're the same now. They almost made it to nationals last year, and I'm sure with you on the team you'll go all the way."
"And you'll sign-"
"Yes, I'll sign all your permission slips as soon as I get them, or get the school to call me. I'm here for you Natalie, I just want you to have fun in your last year of high school."
For some reason, Natalie's eyes began to sting, and she leant back on her chair, looking out the window at the seemingly miles of forest that surrounded the school. She knew the boys boarding school was just over the lake, and had heard about the parties held in the woods between the schools, and Natalie wondered just how loose private schools let themselves be when they weren't under constant watch. She was slightly worried about the answer.
No trouble, at least no more than was expected from a teenager. Detention, a few missed homework assignments, a cut class or two, those were expected, but she knew being caught with contraband in the woods would lead to an automatic expulsion, and she couldn't stand the idea of letting her aunt down.
As they finally rounded the corner and the forest cleared, Natalie was surprised to see that the school was just that, a school. Nicer, by normal standards, made of brick and split into three buildings, but it didn't look like the castle she was dreading. Brick walls, topped with black steel surrounded the school, at least on the side they came from, and an ornate, black gate with golden roses curling in on themselves like snakes opened wide as the car approached. It felt very magical until she saw the security guard manning it.
Driving up to the front of the school, Natalie frowned at the lack of cars in the parking lot. The semester had started two days ago, all of the other kids would be mostly settled, not to mention she was moving schools in her last year. Her mother had moved them around a lot, mostly over New Jersey though they took a couple stops in New York and Pennsylvania from time to time. Natalie had moved schools a total of eight times in the past four years and still hadn't managed to get the hang of it.
"The principle wants to have a word with us so we'll leave your stuff in the car for now, unless you want to grab anything?" Including the two duffle bags and backpack filling up the back seat behind Natalie, there were two plastic crates for bedding and random essentials her aunt insisted she would need to survive the year, Natalie grabbed her backpack and the duffle bag with her sports stuff off the seat. It was a habit, mostly, grabbing her sports gear when she left for anywhere, for most of her life it was the only valuables she had, and she knew, given the chance, whatever man her mother decided to sleep with would waste no time in pawning off her soccer cleats.
Aunt Mary made no comment as she grabbed the bags, only waiting patiently outside of the door to make sure Natalie got out okay before they walked up to the main office together.
Everything about the main hall just felt like a normal school. A little nicer than any of the public schools she had been shoved into, but it was once again nothing like the extravagant castle she had been envisioning on the ride over. If she was being honest, Natalie was a little disappointed there wasn't even a single portrait hanging on the walls, just posters of grinning students, doing work or playing sports. There was a large picture of the girls soccer team from five years ago, the last time they had won states.
She'd never managed to play in any big games in any of her other schools. She had either joined too late in the year to try out for varsity, though they had let her join JV in a few places once she showed off her talent, or had left halfway through soccer season, when most of the games had been friendlies or too early to count towards much.
The man at reception led them into a large room that definitely felt more like a boarding school's principle office, with framed photos of previous head masters hanging on the wall in memoriam. Awards hung on the wall, praising both the school and the faculty, and at the back of the room, in front of a large window, sat a mahogany desk, a broad woman sitting behind it.
She had a soft face, and wore a maroon pantsuit that looked like it came from the eighties, though the woman wearing it didn't look much younger. Streaks of grey softened her dark hair, and red rimmed glasses were perched on the tip of her nose as she smiled at Natalie and her Aunt.
"Miss Scatorccio," she grinned at Mary, "it's wonderful to see you again, how have you been?"
"I've been good Miss Burnmire, how are you?" Mary smiled curtly, standing behind one of the two chairs, motioning Natalie to copy her.
"I've been good dear, sit, sit, we've got plenty to discuss." Once they were sat, Miss Burnmire turned to Natalie, "I heard about your mother, I'm sorry dear," she said solemnly, and Natalie bristled, her fists clenching in her jeans. "She was a fine pupil, and she'll be missed." she forced herself not to roll her eyes, instead nodding softly.
"Thank you ma'am."
"However," the principle carried on, "while some of the teachers may give you some leeway, especially with this big change, I don't want to hear about you making excuses to miss work. This is an academic institution, and it should be respected as such. I've also heard you're quite the athlete. Coach Martinez will grab you later this week for drills and to make sure you're Yellowjacket material." She spoke very curtly, and Natalie felt herself zoning out on instinct with every word. A soft knock on the door knocked her out of it, and she turned her whole body as Miss Burnmire welcomed the student in.
She was tall. That was the first thing Natalie noticed about her. Her legs seemed to go on for miles, and her torso and neck weren't much better. Brown hair flowed over her shoulders, framing a soft face, large brown eyes staring into her own. The girl was beautiful, and she smiled brightly at Natalie, eyes lighting up in the dim office.
"I was told you wanted to see me ma'am," she spoke.
"Ah, Miss Matthews, just on time, come on in dear." The girl closed the door behind herself and walked half way into the office, stopping just short of Natalie, her eyes flicking to the bags at her feet. "Miss Matthews is one of our top students here and has been nominated to help Natalie learn the ropes. Their class schedules are very similar and they'll even be sharing a dorm room here," she explained to Mary. "Girls," she turned to them, "I am to understand you have a free period right now Charlotte?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Excellent, would you mind showing Natalie around? I'll write you a note for your last period of the day. Miss Scatorccio here is your schedule and a school map," she handed Natalie a stack of papers, "there are a few more things I need to go over with your caretaker, and we'll make sure your belongings are brought up to your room by the end of lessons today. That will be all." She folded her hands over her desk, smiling at the two girls expectantly. Unsure of what else to do than follow commands, Natalie picked up her bags and followed Charlotte out of the office.
"She is so weird," Natalie said as soon as the door was closed behind them, and Charlotte giggled.
"Come on, I'll show you our room before they finish their meeting and come up," she grinned, grabbing Natalie's hand without asking and pulling her down the hallway. "It's been a while since we got a new kid, and the last one kind of sucked, so I hope you're better than she was." Charlotte spoke as they walked back outside, "the school's set out kind of weird, so you'll be outside a bit in between classes, which isn't too bad unless it's raining."
"This is New Jersey, it's always raining," Nat pointed out, and Charlotte just laughed.
It wasn't too far between the main school building and the dorms, which Nat quickly found out were two L shaped buildings, not quite touching, but leaving a courtyard in the middle where a few picnic tables were set up. Seeing as it was still summer, a few girls were sat around, and a handful of them waved at Charlotte as they passed, eying Nat warily.
"We're allowed to study outside during free periods, well, seniors and juniors are. You're a senior right?" Charlotte explained, waving back at the girls.
"Uh, yeah?" Nat frowned, trying not to glare at them, but she was too tired to fix her resting bitch face and so turned to face the direction Charlotte was pulling her in.
"Great, I'd hate for you to get a good dorm as a junior then have to go back to the crappy ones next year," she laughed, shouldering open the blue double doors to one of the dormitory buildings. "Freshmen get the bottom floor, going up by years, so we're on the top, unfortunately the elevator kinda sucks but it's really not too many stairs if you think about it. Want me to take one of your bags?"
"I'm good," Charlotte had finally let go of her hand and Natalie was starting to get a headache, wishing she could just lie in bed forever. The brick walls were painted cream, with grey carpet and a thankfully soft fluorescent light above, nothing like the bright white in most schools, though she supposed this wasn't the school, just the dormitory building. The hallways were quiet, even the large common rooms at the end of each floor she could just see as they reached the next set of stairs.
As they walked up, Charlotte tried to explain a few more things to her, "seniors and juniors get a lot of privileges here. We're allowed to go into town unsupervised, spend weekends off campus though you have to get signed out for that, and we have a later curfew, though the matron'll still kill you if you're too loud past nine. Chapel is on a Wednesday morning and it's still technically mandatory, but you don't really have to pay attention. Just stay sat through the whole thing and you'll be fine, you don't even have to pray."
"Do many people actually pray?"
Charlotte faltered a second, "not many of the girls are, hyper religious, but they follow their beliefs. Some are, more devout than others," she answered vaguely.
"Which one are you? I'm not gonna walk into this room and have the virgin Mary or Jesus staring at me am I?" It was meant to be a joke, but the way Charlotte's face was pale Natalie was starting to worry she'd just offended her Jesus freak roommate.
"No." She answered hollowly after a moment. "Not anymore."
They walked up the last few stairs in silence and Natalie was starting to feel bad once they reached the top. Girls had stuck notes on their doors, decorating them, mostly with the names of the people in there, but once they reached the door at the end of the hallway, across from the showers and right before the common room, Natalie saw nothing was stuck to it. "I was waiting for you so we could decorate together," she explained softly, opening the door wide so she could look in.
It was bigger than she was expecting, with two double beds pushed against each wall. The whole room was a mirror image of itself, two beds, two desks, two wardrobes, even two chests of drawers. Natalie wasn't sure she had brought enough clothes to fill the wardrobe, let alone a chest of drawers, but the other girl's seemed to be overflowing with spare uniform shirts and clothes for weekends.
"I wasn't sure if I'd be rooming on my own this year so I already picked a side, hope that's okay with you?" Natalie just grunted in response, walking over to the bed without sheets on it and dropping her duffle bag with a loud thud. There were some shelves above the bed, and a small book case she hadn't noticed next to the door on her side.
On Charlotte's side, there was an extra door she pointed to, "what's that? Walk in closet?" Natalie sneered and Charlotte bristled slightly.
"It's the bathroom. It's not big, but it means we don't have to share," she said quietly, "not with anyone else, anyway. I left the bottom shelves of the cabinet free for, toiletries." Pink dusted Charlotte's cheeks and the tips of her ears and Natalie groaned.
"It's just a bathroom, no need to get so embarrassed, Jesus," she said as she emptied her backpack onto the bed.
"That's not, I-" Charlotte sighed, "what are you doing?"
"Looking for batteries." The backpack was mostly filled with her cassette tapes, a few books, her journal and some pens, most of which were out of ink. It was a bag of her most prized possessions outside of her cleats, and even she knew how sad that was.
"Oh, I think I've got-"
"I don't need your help." Nat said plainly, turning around. "I get that you got stuck with me, but honestly, I am just trying to get through this year without getting kicked out or failing, so could you please, leave me alone." She was so tired. The day had been exhausting. She wanted to go back to that office and yell at Miss Burnmire for daring to bring up her mother, beg Mary to take her back to the last trailer park, to her old school, she wished summer hadn't ended in ambulances, hospitals and the funeral home. But mostly, she just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up until she was eighteen.
"Right," Charlotte said quietly, "I'll, let you get settled then. See you at dinner?" The question was hopeful, and Natalie felt sick, turning back to her belongings and grunting a response, only allowing herself to breathe once she heard the door close behind Charlotte, leaving Natalie alone in her new bedroom.
She wasn't sure when the tears started to fall, but she didn't stop them as she packed her meagre belongings onto the shelf.
Thankfully they stopped on their own before Mary came in with her boxes, smiling softly at her. "Hey kid, doing okay? Where's Charlotte?"
"She went back to class, I needed some time."
It seemed impossible, but Mary's face softened even more at that. "You're going to do great here, okay? Ignore what Miss Burnmire said earlier, take as much time as you need to grieve. School is not the most important thing in the world, you are. Don't forget that." She bumped Natalie's shoulder gently. "I have to get back to the city, but call me if you need anything yeah?"
"Yeah, will do," Nat smiled back at her weakly, and Mary squeezed her shoulder. "I think I'm gonna decorate a bit before my roommate gets back, she said she's gonna take me down for dinner and let me meet everyone else," it was a lie, mostly. She just wanted to be alone, to put her music on and decorate this painfully plain room. Her roommate's bedsheets were the only splash of colour, and even then it was just small, pink flowers on white bedsheets. In her head, she imagined the contrast of her dark sheets and band posters to the other girls plain, princess vibe, and had an idea.
None of the cabinets were nailed down.
Her roommate didn't return to their room until after dinner. Natalie had heard the bell, choosing to ignore it, despite the growl in her stomach. She had almost finished decorating her side of the room, moving Charlotte's full wardrobe and cabinet had been harder than she expected, though now she had a fully built wall, slicing the room in half. She had made sure not to move the desks though, keeping them opposite each other, facing the wall.
There was a couple feet between the door and the start of the wall, enough to comfortably get into the room, and the door opened inwards, towards Natalie's side, giving her even more privacy, it couldn't have worked out better.
Band posters littered her side, Nirvana, Alanis Moriset, as well as some post cards from cities she had visited with her mother, a habit she had picked up from all the gas stations they visited. She would get a postcard and a chocolate bar while her mother would get vodka and cigarettes. It seemed like a better trade at the time.
Charlotte knocked before she entered the room, opening the door slowly. "Hey, you in here, didn't see you at- woah. What's this?"
"Berlin wall," Nat said from her bed, leaning against the headboard on top of her grey, striped sheets. "I left your side mostly the same aside from," she gestured vaguely at the wardrobes, "don't worry I didn't look at any of your stuff."
"Did you move them yourself?" Charlotte asked, a hint of amazement in her voice.
"Yeah, that way you can pretend you still don't have a roommate and I don't-"
"I've had a roommate before, y'know? She just requested to be moved this year." Charlotte's voice was curt, and she closed the door with her foot, walking to her side and dumping her bag on her bed. "I'm gonna change in the bathroom."
Natalie didn't need to see the other girl to know she was pissed, the angry footsteps and louder than usual door slam were evidence enough.
She decided to use the communal bathroom to brush her teeth instead, and once she returned to the dorm, the lights were out, and Natalie decided not to comment on the early bed time, instead wrapping herself up in her blankets and trying to sleep, thankful that she had found the spare batteries for her walkman as the quiet music lulled her into a dreamless sleep.
—
"You've been avoiding me."
Charlotte had managed to corner Natalie in their dorm room after classes. Nat wouldn't have even been there, but she forgot to put her walkman in her bag that morning, rushing out of the dorm before Charlotte woke up. She had gotten good at avoiding her roommate in classes, leaving first then following behind her to find where her next class was. She knew it wasn't possible to avoid Charlotte forever, especially when coach Martinez told her to start coming to practice starting the next week, giving her the first week off to get used to the school.
Classes had been on for a week now, and she had admittedly done her best to avoid her roommate, waking up early to sneak out of the dorms and get breakfast which ran from five till seven due to early morning clubs and chapel, then hang around trying to get a lay down of the school before first classes.
Obviously it would be impossible to avoid Charlotte during class as they shared most, but by keeping her head down and sitting as far away as the seating plan allowed, she made it work. Maybe Natalie had been too obvious about it, but she honestly thought she was doing a good job, and her plan had gotten her used to the school in record time, only running late to class a handful of times which she was quickly forgiven for.
Lunches she spent outside, behind the dorm buildings where she assumed the smokers would be, but she hadn't found them yet, not that she was looking too closely. The school handbook made it painfully clear that anyone caught smoking would be suspended, two strikes and they were expelled. A little harsh in her opinion, but with the nuns walking around campus she should be glad corporal punishment wasn't allowed anymore, remembering her mother's tales of rulers and closets.
"No I haven't." Natalie lied, trying to sneak around the other girls long arms that were keeping her trapped behind the door. "What do you care anyway?" She huffed, finally leaning against the wall. Charlotte was a defender, there was no way Nat could sneak past her.
"I want to know why. Did- did I do something?" Nat looked up at her, and Charlotte wasn't looking at her, eyes cast to the side, big, brown, sad. She looked worried. "I know I can be, a lot sometimes but-"
"You didn't do anything," Nat sighed. "I- it's been, a long summer, alright? I just, guess it's easier to avoid everyone, I keep feeling like this place is gonna get ripped away from me."
Charlotte smiled weakly, her arms lowering, "military kid?" she offered.
"Something like that." She frowned, feeling uncomfortably open in front of the other girl. Maybe it was something to do with her eyes, or the fact that even after a week she hadn't touched Natalie's Berlin wall project or stolen anything from her side of the room, despite how justified she would be in any act of anger at this point. "And like," Natalie carried on, unable to stop herself, "I know this place is, at least as permanent as I'm gonna get, we're not moving again, we can't move again. But-"
"The ground still feels uneven?" Charlotte laughed, though not unkindly, "I get you. My dad, we moved around a lot for his job, travel mostly, but I'd be taken out of school at weird times, and when I'd come back no one wanted to be my friend. He stopped when I was thirteen, moved me here, guess travelling with a teenager is less adorable than his young daughter," she stepped back, wrapping long arms around her torso, "but I still felt like, at any moment, everything would be taken from me, felt like that for a while, a lot of the girls here do." Their eyes finally met again and Natalie could swear they were about to swallow her whole, "you're not alone Nat."
The moment hung in the air for a few seconds, neither girl wanting to break it, eyes exploring the other's, when a yell rang out in the hallway. "Lottie! She in there?" And with an almost audible snap, the moment was gone.
"Yeah we're just going now, she had to pee!" Charlotte called back, smiling at a confused Nat, "Jackie wants to meet you. And the rest of the hive. Buzz buzz buzz," she laughed, grabbing Nat's arm and pulling her down the hallway towards a group of girls, waiting with different levels of patience.
"You went to get her like ten minutes ago," one of the girls said. She looked mean, dark hair pulled back into a bun, already in her gym clothes.
"She didn't get back till like, two minutes ago, and she had to pee," Charlotte, now Lottie shrugged. "Did you just come from gym?"
"No, I was about to go for a run when your royal highness called a team meeting to meet the new girl, hi, by the way." She waved slightly at Nat, glancing at their linked hands, "I'm Tai, team's vice captain."
"I don't think-" one of the other girls tried to say but Tai quickly cut her off.
"I hear you made varsity without trying out, well done, but be warned, we will cut or bench you when needed. Coach's opinion be damned, we're a shoe in for nationals this year and I will not have you screwing up most of our last chances."
Natalie raised an eyebrow, looking the girl up and down. She had drive, she'll give her that, but from the pep talk it was clear why she hadn't been made team captain, skill aside.
"Nice to meet you too," Nat rolled her eyes, "so who is this elusive queen bee I've heard so much about?" She asked as they started walking down the dormitory halls.
"Jackie Taylor?" Lottie frowned slightly at her, "she's in like, most of our classes? Blonde-ish, big eyes, gets up two hours early to do her makeup." Lottie wasn't being mean, Nat noticed, she seemed to have some respect for Jackie at the very least, she was just a little, blunt, when it came to describing people.
The description was also surprisingly helpful as Nat remembered the girl as someone she had been desperately trying to avoid all week, her popular girl appearance being exactly the type of person Nat tended to get bullied by in every school. She wondered if slut rumours were as common in a boarding school as they were outside, or if the all girls nature lead to more, homophobic accusations. Maybe they'd just claim Nat was the anti Christ given her taste in music and makeup.
As if she sensed how worried Nat was, Lottie squeezed her hand "she's gonna love you," she said lightly, and Nat was inclined to believe her.
Walking across the school grounds, Lottie's hand still in hers, flanked on all sides by Yellowjackets, Natalie planned on how she was going to take down the Berlin wall when they got back.