Work Text:
Once upon a time, there was a cook named Sanji. One day, he went out to the stream to do things that cooks do. Don't freaking ask me, I'm not a cook. I burn things. I'm just a person with no life insurance. So basically one day he went out to the stream, and you can't ask me why because there will be no logical answer. He went and did his magical fish catching things as cooks do, because he needed to cook for… uh… his friend Luffy. Yes.
See, I'm a great improviser!
As he stepped on the bank, something fluffy and green caught his eye. Sanji found a little marimo stranded on the rocks. The little moss ball looked dehydrated and close to death. Feeling bad for the little marimo, Sanji scooped it up and plopped it into a jar he had very conveniently brought with him. Filling up the jar with water, he capped it and went back to his fishing job.
Coming back to his kitchen, he placed the jar near the windowsill where adequate sunlight would filter through the… glass. Let's say his window was glass. Over the course of the next two weeks, he made sure to clean the jar from algae and to exchange the old water with fresh water. He popped any occasional air bubbles on the marimo and would swish the jar around, helping the little marimo maintain its spherical shape. The little moss ball was looking much better to Sanji, and its little fluff waved in the water as if it were giving thanks.
Sanji took great care of his little moss ball. He found himself smiling at the little green blob for absolutely no reason. But seriously, who wouldn't smile at that little adorable marimo, because it was so cute. Sometimes Sanji thought the marimo was smiling back, pressing itself against the glass to get a closer peek at him.
Cough , but that would never happen because marimos are plants, not living beings.
Days passed, then weeks, then months. The little marimo did not show any sign of growing, but those things grow really, REALLY slow. Sanji dutifully took care of the marimo over the course of time. He really liked the little moss ball, and once nearly burned his food (god forbid!) because he was admiring the way sunlight made its green fluff shine a golden hue sometimes.
One day, Sanji noticed some weird thing clinging onto the marimo. He unscrewed the lid and carefully lifted the wet moss ball out of the jar. A little piece of wood or an insect had somehow gotten onto the little marimo and Sanji flicked it aside.
Sanji looked down at the marimo.
The marimo seemed to look up at Sanji.
Then, for a very good reason that I cannot explicitly say, Sanji bent over and planted a small kiss onto the little marimo. "I love you~"
POOF.
The marimo exploded and Sanji leapt backwards, shrieking. The jar had shattered on the floor, and right on the wet puddle lay a man.
A man with bright green hair like his little marimo.
A very ATTRACTIVE, NAKED man.
"WHAT THE F*CK!" Sanji cursed and got ready to kick at said attractive naked marimo man.
"Uh…" The naked not-marimo man scratched the top of his head. "Hey."
Sanji bonked his foot down on the not-marimo's head. "Not 'hey!' Who the f*ck are you?!"
Marimo-not-marimo scowled at him. "I'm the marimo."
"No, you aren't!"
"Yes, I am!"
"Nuh uh, the marimo I know is a little fuzzy ball. You, on the other hand, ARE A FULLY GROWN MAN! LIKE… MY AGE!"
"Yuh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yuh huh, curly brow!"
"Nuh uh, you… MARIMO!!!"
And so they continued that stupid banter back and forth and I don't know how the story ends.
The end.