Please Remember Gently

Hi, hi... this is going to be my first Wind Breaker fanfic with my favorite otp of all time lol, well actually this work is a very self indulgent fic where i want to make suonirei going through a miserable love story (we need angst to keep us alive) but then i hope i can deliver the feelings very well ><
and so, actually i was started to write this fic on 9 may but my lazy ass to write was at it best that's why i can only uploaded it on june lmao. anw this is no beta read and i'm not a native speaker, so please forgive the grammar errors ^^ kudos and comments are highly appreciated, enjoy and happy reading ~

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The hospital is unusually quiet this morning, not many sounds are coming from the living creatures. The weather is also pleasant outside, although snow had started falling last night and now covers parts of the street, the cold remains soft and gentle on the skin. No extra layers of clothing are needed to stay warm.

Suo sips on his hot jasmine tea as he strolls through the backyard of the hospital where he works, a blue lanyard hangs around his neck, with his ID card clipped to the pocket of his white coat on the left side of his chest. A small smile displayed on his lips when he feel a winter breeze hits his skin, a little chilly but still cozy enough to enjoy the morning day of the first snow.

Suo was about to labeled this day as the best one in this month, when suddenly someone crashed onto his back and slumped to the ground along with Suo's tasty jasmine tea that he enjoyed just a while ago.

He wants to yell and getting mad to whoever the fuck disturbing his beautiful morning to start the day, but the only expression he can put on his face is worry and pity when he finally turns around to see the person who accidentally bumped onto his back.

"Oh my, are you okay there?"

The person is a skinny boy with such a light colored hair, the color of his hair reminds Suo of Mimosa flower. Bright, yellow, and beautiful.

"I'm sorry."

The boy's voice is small and his chapped lips are trembling while managed to make a small words came out of his mouth. Suo crouched down in front of the boy to see his face more clearly, and Suo is mesmerized by the beauty feature.

His face is small, with a sharp jawline. His eyes are wide, framed by soft lashes, with warm brown irises, his nose is cute with a high bridge, and ohh.. the boy has freckles splattered across his nose to his cheeks, he looks delicate and pure, Suo definitely forgot what this boy had caused a moment ago.

"That's fine, are you okay? How could you fell down like this?"

The boy looked up at Suo and his face turns pink, he looked down again to his splayed legs on the ground with his hands clutched on his pants around his knees.

"They are on it again."

Suo furrowed his eyebrows "What do you mean?"

"The stupid illness, it's attacking my nervous system and it choose to pick on my knees today"

The boy is trying his best to stand up with his hands planted to the ground as he tries lifted up his upper body, but it was to no succeed. Suo quietly watching his attempt to stood up, but the boy was already failed for two times, it was actually frustrating to see someone so desperately want to do a simple job as standing up on their own feet.

And when the boy started to slapping on his legs while mumbling some bad words, Suo finally decided take an action into it.

"Let me carry you."

The boy looked up at him with teary eyes, his lips quivered with the upcoming sob. Suo smiles fondly, judging by the boy's pant's pattern and his layer of warm clothes with brown knitted scarf covered his neck, Suo is pretty sure that the boy is a patient in this hospital.

"I'm a doctor, don't worry. See, here is my proof"

Suo snatching his ID card from his coat pocket and showed it to the boy. It seems like the boy is taking time in reading his information on the card.

Suo Hayato,

Cardiologist Department

The boy facing him again with a frown "I'm so-sorry for this question, but your eyes was fine in the picture. What happened?"

Suo chuckles, he knows that the boy means nothing to offend him, he just find it cute to see the boy's flushed cheeks while saying his thought about his eyes. He must be curious of why Suo has a white eyepatch covering his right eye while it was pretty fine in the picture of his ID card.

"Well, the picture in my ID card was taken 2 years ago. It was before I had an accident, I got some of glass beads stuck to my cornea after I broke a car window to save a baby that accidentally locked inside it."

The boy gasped while looking at him with such a surprised look, Suo can tell that maybe the boy is adoring his hero action. Well, it was just his doctor instinct kicked in, he still blamed the parents of the child after all. Not because of his wounded eye, but because of how reckless they were over their own child's safety.

"So, can I carry you?"

Suo waiting for a yes or no answer,

"My name is N-Nirei Akihiko"

but the boy is introducing himself instead.

Suo smiled at that, the boy nodded slightly afterward, and Suo's back is now facing him.

"Alright, Nirei-kun. I believe it's already chilly enough out here, let's get you inside."

Nirei hesitantly climbing on top of Suo's back with his hands wrapped around Suo's neck, Suo stands up easily and started walking from the hospital backyard.

"Are you a patient?"

Nirei nodded and Suo can feel it since Nirei's chin is pressed on his right shoulder.

"I guess this hospital is too big, I've never seen you before."

"I was just got in yesterday noon, when I suddenly collapsed while I did my painting"

"I see, was it bad?"

Nirei sighs softly, it sends goosebumps around Suo's neck when he did it.

"Yes. Very bad"

"Can I wish you a get well soon?"

"No. I don't think so."

Kiryu looked at Suo with irritation in his eyes, that burgundy haired guy have been in his office for 30 minutes to do nothing but silently searching for something on his computer.

"I told you I'm not the one who in charge of treating him. Even when I am a Neurologist, it doesn't mean he is treated by only me."

Suo huffed out a sigh while finally stood up from Kiryu's working chair that he had been sat on for a while.

"He said he doesn't know his condition, but he said it was bad for his body. Since he told me that his illness consume his nervous system, I thought it was a joints problem."

"Yes, but we have a few of Neurologist specialist in this damn hospital, Suo-chan. Try to talk to every one of them if you want."

"Aren't we share the same patient data in every department?"

Kiryu frowned at that "Oh, you are right. But, that boy's name is not in my file isn't it?"

Suo bites down on his lower lip, he doesn't know why he is so curious and interested in Nirei's situation. Yesterday, Nirei was taken care of immediately by some of the nurse when they saw him walked inside the hospital lobby while carried the boy on his back. He got no chance to follow them since he also had a patient of his own and they were needed a CPR, he haven't seen Nirei again until today. He might ended up asking the front information center if he could not get the answer from the doctors.

"Maybe it is not only a joints problem. Maybe his illness is more specific to a certain organ failure."

Yeah, that is the only reasonable answer of why Kiryu doesn't have Nirei's information even though his illness is related to Kiryu's specialty. He needs to ask the information center if he wants the answer and meet Nirei again.

"Why are you so invented in his condition anyway? Not your usual."

Suo chuckles at that, he doesn't even know to answer because he also get no answer for that question alone from himself.

"I don't know either."

"Weirdo"

Kiryu was about to get up from the sofa he had been seated, when suddenly his office phone ringing loudly and distract both him and Suo. Kiryu glanced at the digital watch on his desk and knitted his eyebrows, 30 more minutes before his shift ends.

"Kiryu Mitsuki speaking, how can I help you?" Kiryu picked up the call with a soft sigh.

"Kiryu-san, this is me Kotoha. We have a new patient with a rare disease in check. He just got in two days ago and the result just came out today, I haven't send the data to all of the doctors who is related to his condition including you, I need you to check it by yourself. Please come to my office right now."

Kotoha hangs up after the short explanation, Kiryu looked at Suo who looked at him curiously. "Let's go to Kotoha-chan's office, your shift is already end after all."

Suo only nodded and following Kiryu from behind, he already took off his doctor coat and only leaving his white shirt with the sleeves rolled up around his elbow, his shift was already over since one hour ago, so he is free right now.

Kotoha is one of the Neurologist specialist in this hospital, her office is only one floor above, separated from Kiryu and Suo's one. They need to take one way elevator up to meet her, Kotoha and Kiryu are best friend since they got in the same department, and Suo is tagging along with them since he is friend with Kiryu from the same university.

When they're finally arrive at Kotoha's office, the woman greeted them and excuse them to sit on the sofa as she following them and sit in front of her fellow doctors. She offer them a CT scan papers from various organs, there are heart, kidneys, brain, and several nervous system in the limbs.

"Please take a look. Suo-san, you can studied the heart part"

Suo take the CT paper and examine the picture he is familiar with, his eyes squinted when he sees some tissues that not in the normal condition, but the picture is not clear, this is his first time to see such a difficult to read heart failure condition.

Same goes with Kiryu, he frowned hard at the CT paper since he is unfamiliar with such a rare result.

"It's called Amyloidosis, it's a rare disease that occurs when an abnormal protein called amyloid builds up in tissues and organs. Amyloid isn’t normally found in the body, and its accumulation can interfere with the normal function of organs, such as the heart, kidneys, liver, spleen, nervous system, and digestive tract." Kotoha explained in one breath.

"Wh-that's horrible"

"It is, Kiryu-san."

"What is the treatment for this disease?"

Kotoha smiled "Glad you ask, Suo-san. The treatment is similar with cancer patient, they need to do several chemotherapy to kill the unwanted protein in their body, as for this patient case, I think he needs not only a chemotherapy but also a high amount of hormones injection to keep his limbs steady, the amyloid is found many on their nervous system and a few in their heart, we have to pay attention closely to this patient."

"Are we already took the bone marrow sample?"

"Yes, the result is already out. This patient should start their therapy as soon as possible."

Suo and Kiryu looked at each other, Kiryu was about to ask something when Kotoha is talking again.

"Me and Sakura will be in charge of treating this patient, the patient was handled by Sakura since the first day they got in to the hospital, so it would be the best for him to monitoring the issue."

Sakura is one of a Cardiologist from the same department with Suo, they are not actually that close but Suo is always tried his best to make friend with Sakura.

"I will send the data of this patient to all of the Neurologist and Cardiologist specialist as soon as possible."

Suo tightened his grip on the CT paper, his tongue is itchy to ask something, and he does.

"Do you know the name of the patient?"

Kotoha raised one of her eyebrow at that, she stand up from the sofa and walked to her desk, she scrolled through her computer for a while.

"Ah yes, he is a boy and he is actually the same age as me. His name is Nirei Akihiko, he is placed in Furin's room number two, fourth floor"

And that's all what Suo need to know before he rushed out off the room, leaving a surprised Kotoha and a satisfied Kiryu behind.

Three knocks on the door is enough for Suo to have a permission to come in. He is greeted with a bright yellow hair when he stepped inside the room, the same brown scarf like yesterday covered Nirei's neck, now paired with a dark grey knitted cardigan since the weather started to get more freezing outside. Nirei is sitting on a wheelchair with an IV drip sticked on his left hand while his right hand is busy with the paint brush and canvas, he is painting something.

"Hi, Nirei-kun"

Nirei startled with the unfamiliar voice, it makes him dropped the brush to the floor, Nirei thought it would be a nurse who is responsible for his meds, but it turns out became someone he had been thinking since yesterday, the doctor that had helped him.

"Oh, S-Su..Suo-san"

Nirei's voice sounds nervous and he looks a bit panicked at the sudden visit. Suo chuckles lightly, he walks closer to the sick boy and picked up the fallen brush, Suo gives it to Nirei who takes it with trembling hand.

"Is your hand okay?" Suo asked out of concern.

"I'm fine, my hand is just get a little bit numb."

Suo smiled while now standing beside Nirei's chair to peek on his drawing, his eyes widened in surprise when he saw the subject displayed on the canvas.

Nirei's face is bright red when he realize Suo's surprised expression, his hands clutched on the hem of his cardigan nervously.

"I..I didn't mean to-"

"Sakura-kun looks handsome in your drawing style. He is not so friendly in reality, haha"

Nirei opened and closed his mouth at Suo's reaction, he was ready to explain why he is drawing the certain doctor that had been treated him since he got hospitalized two days ago, but Suo doesn't seem to get disturbed by that.

"I was running out of idea on what to draw and Sakura-san offered me to just draw him instead. I do painting to keep me company."

Suo smiles at that, he crouched down in front of Nirei's wheelchair to see the blonde's face clearly sine Nirei keep on avoiding his gaze while they talk.

"So, Sakura-kun is your doctor?"

Nirei's cheeks tinted pink at how close they are right now, and the thought of Sakura as his doctor make him even pressured with the overwhelm feeling he doesn't understand. Sakura is just amazing, since Nirei got hospitalized two days ago, Sakura was the one who took the biggest care in handling him, even though Nirei's parents left him, Sakura tried his best to always be there for Nirei. He adores Sakura ever since, and Suo's existence makes it even better for him.

"Yes, uhmm.. are you perhaps, in the same department with him?"

"Yes, but we rarely talk outside of business. As I said, Sakura-kun is not a friendly person"

"I disagree, Sakura-san is a sweet person."

Suo shrugged at that "Who knows, maybe you've touched his heart with your light."

And now Nirei is beet red, he covered his face with his hands, creating an amused laugh from Suo at his reaction.

Suo suddenly kneeling down in front of Nirei's wheelchair now and gives Nirei's hands a firm squeeze, his mind goes back to Kotoha's explanation regarding Nirei's diseases and it makes something inside him twist in a uncomfortable way.

"How much do you love painting?"

Nirei glanced at their hands before looking up to meet Suo's soft gaze. "Very much, I want to be a great painter, and I want to put my painting in a museum of art one day."

"I will make sure you can do it."

Nirei smiles as he taking back his hands from Suo's grip. He knows that Suo only saying those words because he looks miserable to voiced out his dream which sound impossible, looking at how his condition right now.

"Thank you, but I think that was probably my dream five years ago."

Suo shakes his head with a hum, he smiles fondly as he looks at Nirei with reassurance on his ruby eyes.

"I promise, I will help you accomplish your dream. Let's put your painting in a museum."

A chocked laugh escaped Nirei's mouth following with a drop of tear falling down his cheek. Suo stay unfazed, but the soft looks on his eyes is still there, as if he speak through them.

"It should have to be a really good painting."

Nirei sniffles as he touch Suo's hands a little by his fingertips.

"It should."

And just like that, the day passed. Suo stayed in Nirei's hospital room until late in the evening, he even had dinner with Nirei as they talked about many things to get to know each other better. Nirei told Suo about his family. About how his parents had abandoned him and left him in the care of his nanny after learning he had been diagnosed with a serious diseases. They had wanted to distance themselves from him from the very beginning of his condition, to make it easier to forget him when his time eventually came.

It was such a selfish and weird decision, and Suo can't help but built up a little hatred toward Nirei's parents. Even though Nirei seem to understand his parents very well, he knew he will make them suffer if they keep too close to him. Beside, he got to know Sakura and Suo now, both doctors are a blessing to him.

A few hours they had spend, felt like a whole year.

"Nirei-kun, I've got the book that you looking for"

Suo entered the room with a bright smile on his face, Sakura was there and already gave him the judgmental look even before he manage to close the door and walked in. Nirei chuckled when he sees the irritation in Sakura's eyes, he got to learned that Sakura and Suo is like Tom & Jerry who have a beef with each other regardless of them being in the same team and department.

Apparently, Sakura just find that Suo is annoying somehow, to the point that he want to smack that fake business smile off Suo's face.

"This is nap time, come here again later."

"Then why are you here too, Sakura-kun?"

"I am his doctor!"

"And I am his friend, isn't it good to have a supportive friend cheering on him everyday?"

Sakura massaging his temple, Suo knows damn well how to push him until the edge, "Alright, ten minutes for your so called supportive ass friend."

Sakura turns to look at Nirei who still laughing sheepishly at the silliness from his two doctors.

"Nirei, make sure to take a nap right in time, okay? I put saline for you, the previous chemotherapy drugs should've be working by now and you must be feel a little drained. Don't mind Suo too much, I can drag him downstairs if you want."

Nirei shake his head "I need Suo-san here for a little while, I will be fine Sakura-san."

Sakura sighed at that, he doesn't understand why Nirei get attached to Suo a lot, he was told by Kiryu that Suo came to visit Nirei everyday even during his off day, but he was not expected the two of them would get along like this, two weeks and they are inseparable, not even Sakura with his love radar could comprehend the bond.

"Okay, I will leave now to check on my other patients. Please don't hesitate to call me if you need anything."

"That's why I'm here, Sakura-kun."

"Shut up!"

Sakura leaves the room while mumbling something they don't quiet heard but Suo is entertained by how Sakura is so protective over Nirei. Well, anybody who look at Nirei and not falling a little bit in love should've been a question anyway, Suo will not blame Sakura for that.

"Hey so, I've found the book and bought it."

Nirei looking up at Suo from his half sitting position, Sakura had ajusted his hospital bed as comfortable as it is for him.

"Yes, although it was a pretty old novel, but some of the bookstores still selling it. Here"

Suo handed Nirei the thick book he had been bragging about. It was a fiction book tittled A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. A national best selling novel in USA, sold out for about hundreds copies, Nirei really wants to get a chance to read his dream book.

"Wow, thank you so much Suo-san. I owe you a lot, I will return the book to you when I finished reading it."

"I bought it for you, and you don't owe me anything, Nirei-kun"

Suo smiled as Nirei blushed at his sincerity, he likes to see those cherry blossom color on Nirei's face. It suits him, it brings life to the pale of Nirei's skin caused by his sickness.

"T-thank you, I will cherish it with my life."

"You should"

Nirei caressed the book on his lap, he can't wait to read it and tell the story to Suo since Suo is not a book person to begin with.

"Suo-san, can you help me to adjust the bed? I think I'm sleepy."

It's true, the side effect of his chemotherapy just kicked in. His body feels light, his vision started to get blur, and his brain forced him to shut down immediately. He fell asleep when Suo just barely pushed the button on his hospital bed, the book on his lap stayed like that as his hands fell to the both side of his body.

Nirei is deep into the slumber faster than the lightning. Suo smiled at the scene, he bend down a little and lowered his head to whisper on Nirei's left ear.

"Sleep well, Nirei-kun."

After that, Suo took the book and placed it on top of the table beside Nirei's bed.

He doesn't want to leave Nirei to do his job, he wants to be there when Nirei wake up, he wants to see those smile again, with the cheeks colored like cherry blossom.

Nirei seems to be familiar in his life now, his feature, his smell, the sound of his voice, Nirei is no longer a stranger. His existence feel like a touch of a warm sun on a snowy day.

Bright, yellow, mimosa colored hair are now on the floor. Scattered around the wheels on a black wheelchair where Nirei is seated. Tiny mirror placed in front of him on the table, displaying his reflection, smiling back at himself with his new appearance. The nurse behind him tapped his shoulder to ground him, knowing how difficult it must be to lose such beautiful hair like his, but this is how unfair life is toward him, it always took him to the wrong turn.

"Thank you for your help."

"Please don't mention it. I will tidy up the mess and collect the hair if you want."

Nirei nodded slightly. The nurse then pushed his wheelchair to the large window, pulled up the curtain, and asked him to wait over there while she cleaned the room. Nirei could see his reflection through the window, but he chose to ignore it and admire the falling snow instead. The road outside looked busy and more entertaining to watch. Even though his room was about five meters above ground level, he could still clearly see the scenery outside.

It had been more than one month since he was hospitalized. He had already undergone two rounds of chemotherapy and received two hormone injections. He still had a long way to go before full recovery, ten more chemotherapy sessions awaited him. Nirei wasn’t sure if he could make it to the finish line.

The medications were slowly killing him. The chemotherapies were painful and had caused several side effects. He had lost weight, suffered severe hair loss, and lost his appetite, even his favorite foods taste dull. He could only tolerate something light and sweet on the tongue. He liked eating KitKat, preferably the matcha flavored one. They said it was a common experience for the people undergoing chemotherapy, and Nirei tried his best to endure it.

"Nirei-san, do you want to continue reading your book?"

Nirei snaps from his thought when suddenly the nurse standing beside him and showing him the novel he had been reading for the past few weeks, A Little Life.

"Oh, that would be great. Thank you."

The nurse smiled at him "If you want to do painting, I will prepare the tools for you. Just tell me when you feel like to."

Nirei looked up at her and smile weakly "Thank you."

"Sakura-san will come to check on you this evening, let's eat something and drink your daily medicine."

Nirei shake his head "I don't think I can stomach anything right now."

The nurse looked sad at the reply, she touched Nirei's back with a soft understanding smile on her face "Not even matcha KitKat?"

"Do you have one?"

"Nah, Suo-san bought a whole big box of it. Let me take them here, please wait."

Once he left alone in the room, Nirei goes back in thoughts, a long sigh escaped his dry mouth. He tightened the tie of his brown knitted scarf around his neck as he feels the breeze outside clinging to his skin by its own way.

Nirei started to open the book to where he left the bookmark, he might as well feel better after continue reading the book Suo had bought him. And as far as he remembered, the nurse was took a long time to come back.

Turns out, continue reading the novel to make him feel better was a mistake. Because Nirei is bawling his eyes out right now, tears keep flowing down his cheeks as he reads every sentences from the book, his sobs echoing through the room, his chest hurt, might as well his nose. Why would someone wrote something so sad and heartbreaking like this?

Nirei still has about 300 pages to go but he could not even finish a half of this book.

"Why would the author do this to Jude? Oh my God"

Nirei is a crying mess now, he didn't realize his surroundings, not even when someone suddenly kneeled down in front of his wheelchair and touched his knees firmly.

"Nirei-kun, what happened? Are you hurt somewhere?"

Nirei put down his book from his eye level and is now face to face with Suo's worried expression, Nirei chocked out a sob and suddenly pulled Suo into his embrace. He hugs Suo tightly, he still hasn't stop crying, he throw away the shyness out of him and poured all of his emotions, bare for Suo to see. Suo returning the hug as he caressed Nirei's back softly.

"It's okay, I'm here."

It was 5 in the evening when Nirei finally calmed down from his breakdown after reading his book. Suo was still there, he helped Nirei to eat his matcha KitKat even though he only could managed to ate one bar. Suo helped him to drank his medicine before Sakura came to check on him.

Now, the two of them were left alone in the room after completing all the medication sessions Nirei needed. Suo's shift was already ended two hours ago when he decided to went and visit Nirei.

“You still look pretty with no hair,” came a sudden confession from the doctor, startling Nirei. He looked up at where Suo was sitting on the chair beside his bed.

Nirei smiled warily, unsure how to respond. But before he could say a word, Suo took something out of his doctor’s coat and handed it to him. It was a knitted beanie with a bright yellow color, the color closely matching Nirei’s hair, with a mimosa flower pattern embroidery neatly stitched on the front.

"I customize it to the best tailor I know. I brought it because I heard that you will cut all of your hair today. I hope you like it."

Nirei admiring his gift for a moment, before he huffed out a laugh and bring the soft material to his chest.

"I love it, thank you so much."

Suo smiled as he stood up from the chair and asked permission from Nirei to put the beanie for him. Nirei nodded and let Suo placed the beanie to cover his head, it fits perfectly and they smiled to each other, genuinely pleased with the result.

Suo feel the sudden ache in his heart when Nirei touched the beanie and smiled brightly like nothing had happened earlier that day.

He wants to see those smile for a long time, he doesn't certainly understand the reason, but somehow, Nirei already took a big space in his life, and there is no escaping now.

"Oh, Suo-san.. you didn't bring your scarf? The wind is crazy outside."

"Mhm, I think I can handle it. I will go straight to the car after I'm out."

Nirei clicked his tongue, "But you need to walk to your car, I'm not letting you get a frostbite."

Suo laughed hard at that "Now, that's a little too much"

"Here."

Without another word, Nirei took off his brown knitted scarf and wrapped it around Suo’s neck. Suo stood still, surprised, as warmth surrounded him. Not just from the scarf, but from the quiet care Nirei had placed into the gesture. The soft fabric carried Nirei’s familiar scent, calming and natural.

"What about you?"

"I have a spare." Nirei grinned as he watch half of Suo's face dipped into the scarf.

"I want you to wear it. Please take care of it"

"Are we exchanging gifts right now?"

Nirei's laughter filled the room, he smacked Suo's hand playfully. "You need to go home, the road must be getting slippery by now."

"I will, let me call the nurse to look after you. I will come again tomorrow"

Nirei narrowed his eyes "But you said tomorrow is your off day."

"And that's why I will come"

Suo winks at him, Nirei's face turned bright red instantly as he pushed Suo's tall figure to brush off his embarrassment.

"Go away now!"

"Alright! Don't miss me, see you tomorrow."

It was such a heavy decision for him, he still wanted to stay with Nirei and take care of him all night long.

As he promised, Suo was came to visit Nirei again this morning. Nirei didn't expected Suo to came this early, he was just finished his breakfast and forced down his medicine when Suo suddenly stormed into his room with a bouquet of mimosa flower in his hand.

The bouquet was beautiful, a delicate arrangement of bright yellow mimosa and soft pink camellias, wrapped neatly in transparent cellophane. Nirei felt a sudden wave of emotion rise in his chest. He almost cried when he took the bouquet from Suo’s hands.

Nirei wanted to play dumb, he wanted to pretend he doesn't know the meaning of pink camellia, he doesn't want to put his hope high, because what if he just reading too much into it?

"Thank you. I will ask the nurse to put them in a vase."

“Don’t worry about them,” Suo replied, his voice calm and warm. “I’ll bring you another one when they start to wilt.”

Nirei clutched the bouquet a little tighter, his fingers brushing over the mimosa’s delicate petals. He could smell their soft fragrance, mingled with the faint sweetness of the pink camellias. It was almost too much, too gentle, too kind.

He turned away slightly, pretending to examine the flowers more closely so Suo wouldn’t see the emotion welling in his eyes.

"Nirei-kun."

"Yes?" Nirei replied without staring up to meet Suo's eyes.

"Actually. I want to take you somewhere."

Nirei squinted his eyes, he looked up when a sudden wave of curiosity hits him, Suo's face is full of encouragement now.

"Can I really go?"

"As a doctor myself, I can guarantee your safety and I believe that you are strong enough for a short trip outside, but I still need Sakura-kun's permission to take you out."

Nirei was teary eyed, he really want to go outside, he needs to breath a fresh winter air and visit some other places rather than the white wall of his room and the hospital backyard.

"Please Suo-san, I promise I can manage to keep myself together."

Suo smiled while standing up, he sighed out heavily. It's not Nirei's condition that he worried about, but is Sakura's rage that he need to face while asking for his permission.

Well, as he expected. It was hard to convince Sakura about taking Nirei out for a short trip. He wasn't even finish with his words but Sakura already said 'no'.

"What, are you crazy? He just only got stabilized this past week. What's make you very sure that he can't endure the damn walk and outdoor activity?"

“I know,” Suo said calmly. “But he’s mentally worn down. I can see it. A little fresh air, a change of view, it might help more than another hour under fluorescent lights.”

Sakura seem unfazed, but Suo is pretty sure that the doctor is putting his request into consideration.

"Please, Sakura-kun. I will be responsible for anything that might happen."

Sakura glaring at him with a hiss "Fine! But you have to pay attention closely to him, if he starting to look unwell, return him back to the hospital directly. I will give you time only for one day"

"That's more than enough. Thank you so much, I'll treat you lunch tomorrow."

Sakura watched as Suo's figure started to walk away from his view. He could see the look of genuine love and purity from Suo's eyes when he talked about taking Nirei out for a while. Sakura is not a sensitive person by any chance, but he knows exactly that someone is deeply in love.

"Suo, I wish you a happy ending."

The drive was quiet, filled only with the soft hum of the heater and the occasional sigh of tires gliding over snowy roads. Nirei sat beside Suo, bundled in his coat and scarf, hands tucked into his lap. His eyes wandered out the window, watching the world go by like a dream, soft white landscapes, frozen trees, and the distant outlines of city rooftops touched with snow.

He hadn’t been outside the hospital in one month and a half now.

"Where are we going, Suo-san?"

Nirei finally asked after a moment of silence between them, Suo smiled fondly without taking his eyes from the road.

"You will see."

Nirei pouts at that, and when the car finally slowed down, he can see a huge building in front of him, Nirei widened his eyes, he looks at Suo who only shrugged with a smug grin on his face.

"No way! Suo-san, th-this is amazing!"

Nirei was in absolute awe when he read the sign planted on the high elegant building, "Kyoto National Art Museum Gallery"

He feels like crying, this place is on his wish list to visit even before his condition worsened. And apparently, Suo seem to be a mind reader.

"Let's go, I will give you a tour. Do you need your wheelchair?"

Nirei shake his head and smile brightly "I want to look normal for this big event in my life, would it be a burden to you?"

"Of course not, let's walk through the various of arts. Please tell me if your legs feel sore or if you start to feel nauseous later."

"Ayay, captain!"

Nirei make a salute gesture and smile with his teeth full on display, it makes Suo's heart swell with warmth and adoration. He can't help but patted Nirei's head that covered by the yellow beanie he gave him. Suo tightened the tie of Nirei's grey scarf and buttoned up his winter coat.

"Ready?"

"Yes please"

They got off from the car and Nirei is more than content to feeling the winter breeze hitting softly on his uncovered skin. He inhales deeply and exhale with a loud sigh, the air is freezing but his heart is full of warmth.

Suo suddenly standing beside him and take his hand one by one to put on a winter gloves. A faint of blush forming on Nirei's cheeks at the action.

"Should've keep you warm, or Sakura-kun will kill me."

"Thank you."

Suo smiled at him and offering his right hand, Nirei take it without a doubt and he lets Suo guide him to the museum with their hands interwines.

Inside, the museum welcomed them with hushed stillness and soft lights reflecting off white walls. Only a few visitors wandered the gallery spaces, their footsteps echoing faintly across polished floors. Nirei stood frozen for a moment, taking it in. He hadn’t realized how much he missed silence that wasn’t wrapped in sickness, silence that was thoughtful, not heavy.

They moved slowly from piece to piece. Large, dreamy canvases filled with color and movement. Sculptures in glass and bronze that shimmered like memory. In one room, a series of watercolor paintings depicted solitary figures standing in snow, each one facing away from the viewer.

They stood there for a long while. Nirei’s eyes were glossy, but peaceful. His breathing was slow and steady. He looked alive in a way Suo hadn’t seen before. And Suo is more than grateful to see such a beautiful view from Nirei, he pulled out a film camera out of his coat pocket and aimed the lens to capture Nirei.

"Nirei-kun.."

Nirei turned his head to the side where Suo is calling him, the smile stilled on his face, he didn't realize the intention of Suo taking his picture, but he smile even wider when a 'click' sound was heard from the tiny camera.

"That was sudden."

"You look beautiful, I can't help it."

"You and your sweet mouth, Suo-san"

Nirei pouts, it's really hard not to blush to every sweet and caring words from Suo, he can't make his heart stop flipping inside his rib, Suo is going to be the death of him.

"Why am I getting scolded by my honest thought?"

"Ugh, stop it"

Suo laughed at that, they were bickering around for a moment before finally continued to wander around the museum.

They wandered into a smaller side gallery quieter than the rest, almost forgotten. The walls were lined with minimalistic paintings, each one placed with care, breathing space left around them like they were being given room to speak. Nirei stood in front of a painting with wide strokes of blue and gray, like a storm that never made landfall. It wasn’t the most eye-catching piece in the gallery, but something in it held him still.

“I wanted to put something in a museum one day,” Nirei admitted. “Not to be famous. Just… so someone would stop in front of one of my paintings and feel less alone.”

Suo stopped beside him, he looks deeply into the painting in front of them before finally putting his attention fully to Nirei whose eyes still on the beautiful yet emotional painting.

"I promised you, didn't I? I will help you to make your dream come true, let's put your painting in a museum gallery one day."

Nirei chuckled mockingly "I don't know, I haven't do painting in a while, and my hands are easily tremble nowadays, so..."

"You can do it slowly."

"Would I have time to finish it?"

The gallery felt quieter now, the air thick with something real and vulnerable. Nirei reached out to touch the glass in front of the painting, almost like he was imagining his own art hanging there one day.

"It's not that easy, Suo-san"

"No matter how long it takes, no matter what your painting would be. I will be there."

The rest of the museum faded into the background, like a painting viewed from far away. And in that still moment, neither of them said another word. Nirei can't help but rushed himself to hug Suo, the taller wrapped his hands around the smaller figure and planted his lips on top of Nirei's head.

"I want to stay."

Nirei is a sobbing mess by now, his tears drenched Suo's dark brown coat as he pressed his face deeper into Suo's shoulder.

"You can stay."

Suo whispered to his ear that send shiver down his spine, Nirei tightened his hug as he realize how heavy it is to develop feeling for someone who is as kind, lively, and as beautiful as Suo Hayato, while he only has a little short of life and his time would be expired sooner or later.

They stand still for a while, before Nirei finally pulled out from the hug. Suo cupped his face with his caring hands, and wiping away the remaining tears from his cheeks, Nirei's face still looks pretty even after all the crying, Suo can't deny it.

Suo offered his hand, not in urgency, not for balance, just there. And without hesitation, Nirei took it.

It was 4 in the evening when they returned home after a short trip to a museum and visited some of cute restaurants Nirei had been listed from the internet. It was such a pleasant view for Suo to watched Nirei eat many things. Sweet, savory, sour, every kinds of the foods flavors, it was nice to witness Nirei can swallow various meal rather than only a bar of matcha KitKat.

Suo took Nirei to his home since he lives alone and Sakura still give him time to be with Nirei. He also keep Sakura updated about Nirei's condition in every chances. Sakura sounds relieved when he heard that Nirei had his appetite back.

"Nirei-kun, you can take a shower first. I will prepare your clothing. The towel is in the bathroom's closet."

Nirei's eyes are still wandered around the small yet cozy house of Suo, "Oh, yeah. Thank you."

Suo guided him to the bathroom inside his room and closed the door when Nirei say he can do all the showering by himself. Outside, Suo prepared the clothes that he thinks would fit Nirei's small figure, he come with a cozy purple colored sweater and a sweatpants that he last used 3 years ago.

When Nirei finished with his bath, Suo took his turn. Nirei were given permission to lay down on Suo's bed while the other still in the bathroom.

Nirei can't help but feel his eyelids started to get heavier, he massaged his hairless head and temple when a sudden wave of headache hits him. His body started to get tired and his limbs are sore, he needs to sleep. He took his daily medicine from his bag and drink it before he continue to lay down on the bed, staring up the ceiling before he finally drift off into a deep slumber.

Nirei wasn't sure what time is this right now, when he suddenly woke up from his sleep. The curtains are closed, the lamps are turned into more dim light, he is sure that it's already dark outside. He turns around and surprised to see Suo sleeping calmly beside him, a little far away from his position, there was a space between them, Suo must be considered his feeling before he settled down and decided to sleep by his side, though Nirei wouldn't mind sharing a bed with him.

The room was dark, save for the soft golden glow of the bedside lamp. Outside, snow tapped lightly against the windowpane, each flake catching what little light the night could spare. Inside, the world had slowed.

Suo was still asleep, his breathing steady and calm, his chest rising and falling in rhythm. Nirei lay beside him, curled slightly on his side, staring at the soft curve of Suo’s face in the dim light. His fingers were barely touching the edge of the blanket they shared, like he was afraid to move and disturb the stillness between them. He had never meant to end up here, not just in Suo’s home, but in his life. And yet, Suo had made space for him, piece by piece.

Unasked. Unforced. The beanie, the pink camellia, the museum trip, all of this. Apparently, he wasn't reading too much into it. Their feelings are mutual.

Nirei's gaze dropped to Suo's hand, resting loosely around his own. Suddenly, his heart tightened with pain.

Suo is too kind, he is too good for him. He shouldn’t have to watch someone fade. He deserves more than a sick boy with an expiration date. A tear slipped from the corner of Nirei’s eye, trailing silently down his cheek and into the pillow.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into the dark, voice barely audible. “I didn't mean to jump into your life, you deserve someone better. But I feel selfish when it is about you, I don't want to let you go.”

Suo stirred slightly but didn’t wake. His head turned a little toward Nirei, brows softening as if even in sleep, he felt the sorrow in the air. Nirei reached out with trembling fingers, brushing Suo’s hair gently back from his forehead. The warmth of his skin made something sharp twist inside him.

"I wish I could give you more. More times, more days, a future with you." a tiny sob escaping his lips "I want to stay, like how you did all this time."

He blinked away another tear, watching Suo sleep like he was afraid this would be the last time. And maybe that was the truth. Every moment felt fragile now, every memory already half faded. Suo had chosen to stay, again and again. Despite the warning signs, despite the heartache he must’ve known would come.

Nirei moved closer, carefully resting his forehead against Suo’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and tried to match Suo’s breathing. He can't give Suo anything more than this, he wants to stay in this moment forever, just the two of them.

The morning light crept slowly into the room, pale and silver through the frost covered window. The snow had not stopped, blanketing the world in stillness. It was quiet, the kind of quiet that made every heartbeat feel louder.

Nirei stirred first, he feels better but still drowsy. A soft hum together with a light touch on his forehead makes him fully awake. He is face to face with a smiling Suo, his head resting comfortably on Suo's hand while his hands both wrapped around Suo's middle.

"Oh my God. I'm sorry to sleep on your hand."

Nirei sits up immediately and Suo follows to sit beside him, leaning his head on the headboard of the bed.

"Good morning, angel."

What?

Nirei can't help the blush that covered his face, neck, and ears. That was new, he didn't expected Suo to call him that. And what? Is that mean their relationship make a good improvement?

"G-good morning"

Suo chuckled softly as he swiped his thumb over the corner of Nirei's lips, brushed off the dry spot of his droll from the sleep.

"Did you sleep well?"

Nirei nodded happily, "It was the best sleep ever, thank you for taking care of me since yesterday."

"My pleasure" Suo smiled "What do you want to eat for breakfast? I will cook it for you"

"Uhm, I think I can eat anything right now."

"Not only KitKat?"

"I will save it for later."

They laughed, loud and weightless. It was the best morning for the both of them. To woke up in each other's arm and throw a poor joke to each other. It was paradise...

When Suo was about to get up, Nirei stopped his movement by pulling out on his pajamas sleeve.

"Suo-san, can I ask something?"

Suo returned to his sitting position "What is it, Nirei-kun?"

Nirei bites down on his bottom lip before he finally could voiced out his curiosity.

"Wh-why did you stay?" Nirei fidgeting with his fingers before he continue, "With someone like me?"

He looked up slowly, and Suo was watching him with soft, steady eyes. There was no surprise in his gaze. Just quiet knowing. There was silince after that.

Then, Suo exhaled slowly, hand reached over to gently brushing his fingers along the curve of Nirei’s cheek, where last night’s tears had dried.

"You don't make me stay, Nirei-kun."

Nirei blinked up at him, a confused look clearly reflected through his beautiful brown eyes.

"I choose to" Suo smiled gently, "Every single time."

"But why?" Nirei's voice cracked with upcoming sob, "Don't you know that I'm-"

"Alive" Suo cuts in gently, “And that’s enough. You don’t have to promise me forever. Just promise me this moment. The one we’re in right now.”

Nirei can't help the tears that begin to fell down freely on his cheeks hearing the answer.

Why? Why does life give him only bitterness?

"It would be hard for you. Even my parents left me. I'm not someone who expect people to stay."

"And I'm not someone who leaves easily."

Nirei’s lip trembled. He tried to speak, but the words caught in his throat. So instead, he leaned forward slowly, hesitantly, and rested his forehead against Suo’s.

"Thank you, for giving me chance to love, Suo-san."

Their hands found each other under the blanket, fingers lacing together quietly. The morning carried on outside, light spreading across the sky. But inside, time slowed. The world didn’t need to be long to be full. And even if tomorrow was uncertain, today was theirs.

And that was enough.

Happy days, will always came to an end.

The sky was gray by late afternoon, thick clouds pressing low over the city like a warning. Snow fell in silent flurries, coating rooftops and windows in white. Inside the hospital, the world seemed slower and muted, like everything was waiting.

Sakura was finishing his rounds when a nurse suddenly came running with panic etched into her voice.

"Nirei-san's room right now, Sakura-san! He is seizing."

Sakura started running fast, not minding the people in front of him. He just need to reach Nirei's room as soon as possible. This is new, Nirei had never experienced a seizure before, not even after his chemo session.

When they arrived, Nirei was collapsed near the foot of his bed, body trembling violently, eyes unfocused. The blanket had tangled around his legs as he fell, and his hand had knocked over a small glass of water on the nightstand.

“Nirei!” Sakura called, already dropping to his knees beside him. “Seizing. Get the emergency cart! NOW!”

Two nurses scrambled into action. Sakura gently turned Nirei on his side, cradling his head and checking his breathing. Nirei was unresponsive, tears clung to his lashes. His lips were slightly blue. There is a small bruises on his temple, a clrar sign of how hard Nirei's bodo fell down to the floor

"Oh my, Nirei! Please hang on there" Sakura gently patted Nirei's back and rushed to moved him to the emergency cart when the nurses came back.

Yellow, mimosa pattern beanie was fell off from Nirei's head when he was taken to the Intensive room.

Suo ran down the hospital hallway, he still in his surgery attire after finished a two hours of heart failure surgery, shoes sliding against the tiles. His breath caught in his chest as he reached Nirei’s emergency room, he stopped in track when he sees the light above still red.

He froze. His knuckles hovered over the handle, but he couldn’t go in. Not yet. A nurse approached him, and Suo’s eyes went wide with urgency.

"What happened?"

"He had a seizure, and it was... bad", the nurse nibble on her bottom lip "But Sakura-san already sedated him. I'm sure he would be okay."

Suo's chest tightened at the information.

He backed into the wall and slid down slowly until he was sitting on the cold floor. His hand trembled as he gripped the stethoscope still hanging around his neck, more like a lifeline than a tool now.

When the door finally opened with a pale but composed Sakura coming out, Suo stood up eagerly and approached Sakura who still standing in front of the doorway.

"How is he?"

"It was the first seizure after the fourth chemotherapy session. I think his body started to refuse the drugs."

Sakura sighed out heavily "He still need to do six more therapy session ahead, but why-" he looks up at Suo whose face as pale as the white hospital wall. "He is sleeping now, you can go inside."

Suo nodded, he thanked Sakura before opened the door to the new room.

The room smelled faintly of antiseptic and lavender oil from the diffuser. Machines beeped softly around the bed. Nirei lay still, an oxygen tube at his nose, a small bruise forming near his temple.

Suo walked further and take a seat on the chair beside Nirei's bed, hands reached to take Nirei's skinny ones and holds them tightly on his grip.

"I'm sorry." his voice hoarse when he speak, "It must be hurt for you, Nirei-kun."

Tears forming on his lone eye, Suo is not a crying type of person, he rarely cry, the tears was unnoticed until it reached his chin.

"It must be hurt so much. But I want to be selfish. I want you to keep fighting."

Suo kissed Nirei's hands in his "Let's open your eyes and put your painting in the museum."

February has come,

The winter breeze still remain cold, clinging to the bare skin. Nirei had been in the hospital for three months now, going through the ups and downs of his condition. He also had been undergoing six rounds of chemotherapy session along with the hormone injections. The drugs are killing him, he felt pain more often than it was used to. He experienced sezure for the second time last month, he throwed up everything he eat. He only saved by the matcha KitKat and nutries from his IV drip. His body is getting too skinny, he no longer has chubby cheeks, he no longer has a faint smell of lavender, he smelled fully like hospital.

"I will put the mimosa and camellia flowers inside the vase, are you still reading the novel?"

Nirei looked up from the book, he smiled at Suo who is busy taking out the flowers he brought to replace them inside of the vase.

"Yes, please."

"Are you reaching the ending yet?"

"Soon, this novel is quiet a hard one. Everyone dies in this novel. I really feel sorry to Willem and Jude, they deserve to be together."

Suo smiled softly as he listen to Nirei, he wasn't so emotional reading it now, not like the first time he started it.

"Well, nobody can escape death."

The room fell into silence, the sounds of Suo snatching flowers stem is and the beeping sound from machines of Nirei's heart is the only one remain.

"Yeah. Even mine-"

"It's done! Look, they are pretty as always."

Suo showed his work to Nirei and smile proudly, Nirei only hums in response and continue reading the book. Suo pouted at that, he put the vase carefully on the bedside table and back to sit on the chair, his point finger reached out to lower the book from Nirei's face.

"Do you feel like eating something? You need to drink your medicine."

Nirei smiled weakly, he is tired of all the medications and drugs, he doesn't want to do them anymore.

"Do you have matcha KitKat with you?"

Suo sighed deeply "Would you like a rice instead?"

"I will throw it up once it touched my throat."

And with that, Suo ripped open one bar of matcha KitKat that he always carried in his coat pocket. He gives it to Nirei and wait until he finished, he then helps Nirei to drink his medicine.

Once everything was done, Suo adjusted the hospital bed lower to make Nirei comfortable to sleep.

"Please lay here with me."

It was such a tempting request and innocent. But Suo can't help to feel worried if he sleep next to Nirei, he might accidentally hurt the other boy.

"Are you sure, Nirei-kun?"

"Yes."

Nirei smile softly as a reassurance, Suo is slowly taking off his shoes and put his white coat on the chair he used to sit in. He make his way to lay down beside Nirei, he put his right hand as a pillow for Nirei, left hand rested around Nirei's waist and the smaller one squeezed up to find his comfortable position, he put his right hand on top of Suo's hip and his left hand on Suo's firm chest.

"You smell like jasmine tea, Suo-san" Nirei smiled as he move closer to burry his face deeper into Suo's chest. "I like it. I wish i could smell it longer."

Suo kissed the top of Nirei's head where a soft fabric of beanie touched his lips. "I love you"

Nirei was not answering, Suo can't tell either if he fell asleep or he just too scared to reply. Both reason doesn't matter, as long as he finally voiced out his feeling to Nirei, it was enough to make Suo less scared to lose him.

It was the end of winter season.

The light was dim that morning, filtered through thick curtains. Nirei was curled up in bed, thinner than ever, his lips dry and cracked despite constant care. His usually warm eyes were distant now, flickering between confusion and nothing at all.

Suo walked in, carefully not to startle Nirei and disturb him from his thought.

"Good morning, angel."

Suo slowly reached out for Nirei's thin hand, it felt so light and hard to the touch, the bone is showing up more than it needed to.

"How are you today?"

Nirei only looked at him blankly, couldn't register anything Suo is saying. Suo feel pain in his heart, he can't see Nirei so lifeless like this.

It's too much.

"Do you remember who I am?"

And for the first time… there was no light in Nirei’s gaze. No spark of recognition. Only silence.

Nirei turned his head slowly toward the window, eyes unfocused, as though chasing something invisible outside.

Suo choked out a sob, he was never expected that someday, the amyloid will consume Nirei's brain and makes him forget something, someone, memories...

"Nirei.." he sniffles, "Akihiko"

Nirei stayed still, more interesting in the scenery outside, not answering Suo's plea or minding his existence. He is on his own world where Suo is not a part of it.

The nurse came in then, quietly checking the IV drip. She glanced at Suo and gave a small shake of her head.

“He didn’t eat anything yesterday either,” she said softly. “He’s slipping, Doctor. Not just physically. Mentally too.”

Suo only nodded, barely can speak to answer. His gaze never leave Nirei's face who look so lost like nobody is in the room with him.

"He still have two more chemotherapy session. Let's hope he can make it."

The nurse bowed her head and excuse herself to leave the room.

Suo leaned forward, resting his forehead on the edge of Nirei’s blanket, holding onto the hand that no longer remembered him.

Even when Nirei forgot who he was. Even when the body in front of him had no memory of the laughter they shared, the winter walks, or their plan to put Nirei's painting in an art museum.

Suo stayed.

Because love doesn’t vanish when memory does.

And even if Nirei forgot him completely, Suo would remember for both of them.

The hospital room was quiet, lit only by the amber wash of the late afternoon sun. The eighth round of chemo session had ended an hour ago, and Nirei had been asleep ever since, motionless, pale, and distant, just like he had been for days. Suo sat nearby, slouched in the armchair, fingers resting on Nirei’s cold wrist to feel the steady beat of life.

He didn’t expect anything. Not anymore.

When suddenly,

“Suo-san?”

The voice was faint but clear, and real. Suo froze in his place. Slowly, he raised his head.

Nirei’s eyes were open, truly open. Not the foggy, far-off gaze that had been haunted him for weeks, but focused, bright, sharp with recognition.

“Nirei-kun?”

Suo stood, cautiously approaching the bed as if afraid any sudden movement would break the moment.

“You look tired,” Nirei whispered, his lips cracking into the softest smile. “Did you… stayed here?”

Tears formed instantly in Suo’s eyes. He sat down on the edge of the bed, gripping Nirei’s frail hand.

“Of course I stayed. I’ve been here every day. You weren’t talking. You weren’t… here”

“I’m here now,” Nirei whispered. He blinked slowly, like waking from a long dream. “Did I scare you?”

“A little,” Suo laughed shakily. “A lot, actually.”

They sat in silence for a long minute. Nirei’s gaze wandered around the room, at the vase of mimosa now wilted, the blanket Suo brought from home, the unfinished canvas by the window.

“I dreamt about the museum,” Nirei murmured. “My painting was there. People stood in front of it. Some cried, but I wasn’t sad. I think I was just proud.”

Suo’s lips trembled. “You’ll get there one day, Nirei. I’ll make sure of it.”

Nirei looked at him, long and quiet. “Suo-san.”

“Yes?”

"Actually, I've been sneaking to paint behind your back because I want it to be a surprise for you. The nurse and Sakura-san always had helped me with the tools and cheered on me to finish the drawing." Nirei took a brief silence before continue again, "It still not finished completely yet because my condition worsened. But I'm pretty sure it's already worthy to put in the art museum. Please visit the gallery for me later."

Suo shake his head as a drop of tear make its way down his left cheek "Let's go there together."

Nirei smiled, he caressed the hand that had been holding him. He feel sorry to see how miserable Suo looks right now.

“I’m not afraid anymore.”

Suo nodded, touched Nirei's head softly and caressed it with his thumb. “You don’t have to be.”

Nirei’s smile returned, slow and tired but full of peace.

“Can you stay? Until I sleep again?”

“I’ll stay until the stars come out,” Suo whispered, voice breaking. “And even after.”

Nirei’s eyes fluttering close, his hand still warm in Suo’s. He didn’t speak again. But in that moment, just that moment, he was entirely there.

And it was enough to last forever.

Later that day, Suo feel his back a little heavier than usual, after a long hours of surgery. The view of a sleeping Nirei and a sign of him that still alive is the only reason to keep him sane.

The room was quiet as ever when Suo came in. The machines still hummed softly, the only sign that time hadn’t stopped altogether. Outside, a spring sun hasn't came out to show it existence, like the sky was gloomy too.

Nirei had been sleeping more than he was awake now.

His body was thin, fragile beneath the layers of blankets. His skin had gone pale, almost translucent, and every breath he took was shallow, like his lungs were forgetting how to hold on.

Suo sat by his bedside, both hands gently wrapped around Nirei’s. He barely left the room in three days unless for his responsibility as a doctor. He didn’t go home, he works here anyway.

Every time Nirei opened his eyes for only a short moment, Suo was there, smiling softly, even when his eyes were red.

Today, the weather feel heavier. Clouds had swallowed the sky whole, and the morning came only as a dull gray light.

Sakura had told him many times around this month, it was already the end of March. And Nirei's last chemotherapy session should have to be finished around the first week of April.

Sakura had asked him to let go, he had tried. Believe him he tried.

He knew he only make Nirei suffer by selfishly wanted him to stay. He knew Nirei couldn't make it to the finish line, but it wasn't that easy. He just started to love Nirei, and it was only for a short time. Why would he let go? Why should he let go?

But today, he wanted to try harder. He doesn't want to keep Nirei fighting in a war he knows he couldn't win.

"Nirei…" he whispered, voice trembling as he leaned closer, brushing gently on Nirei's forehead up to his hairless head, "If you're tired, you don't have to fight anymore."

Nirei didn’t respond at first.

But then his eyelids fluttered, and slowly, so slowly, he opened them.

Suo’s heart broke all over again.

Those brown eyes, glassy and full of pain, still found him.

Still saw him.

"You’re here," Nirei breathed. His voice was barely there, like the wind through a paper.

Suo stood up from his position, he bend down his body to kiss Nirei's forehead without letting their hands to slip apart.

"I've always been here, I will always be here."

Nirei smiled weakly, his free hand touched Suo's face, a soft touch that left tingles and warmness. Suo let him, his eyes never leaving Nirei's face, savouring all the life sign of the other boy.

"I'm sorry I can't do the same."

Nirei took a deep breath, "I'm sorry I can't stay."

Suo's wall finally broke, he start crying while holding Nirei's still lively hand dearly. His face is red. Apparently, he doesn't want to let go, not yet.

"Don't cry, I like your smile the best."

But Suo can't stop the flowing tears, he can't stop the ache in his heart, the sound of the clicking clock sounds like a timer to their final moment seeing each other.

"Why should we? Why this is happening to us.." a chocked sob leaving Suo's dry mouth along with a smile forming on Nirei's lips.

"Because we make the best love story to ever happened."

No.

It was difficult, pain washed all over the room. Suo's sniffles echoing through a thin hospital wall. Letting go of someone you just started to love, you just started to admire, it was too cruel and forced.

The kiss they shared that morning shattered it all, broken all the strength they had been hardly built. Nobody could understand their pain, not even Sakura, Kotoha and Kiryu who standing on the doorway of the room. The three of them watched the two people with sorrow in their eyes, their hands gripped tight into a fist, holding back their tears, careful not to break the already heartbreaking moment.

Suo was just finished his shift, it was around 6PM when he finally exited his office. It's time for him to visit Nirei who usually still sleeping at this hour, (he was sleeping all the time) he must've be lonely to be left alone in his room even when he didn't wake up and enjoyed life. But Suo had been there with him all along, through the worst part of Nirei's condition, he barely went to his home.

When he opened the sliding door, he was attacked with a loud beeping sound. He closed the door fast and approached Nirei's bed with panic and fear. The sound didn't stop, the rise and fall of Nirei's chest wasn't visible, his skin is as pale as the cloud in a sunny day. Suo's breath hitched, he dropped his body to ground, kneeled at the side of Nirei's hospital bed, hands trembling as he looked up to see the heart monitor.

The monitor flatlined.

The world went still. The sound of long beeping line remains the same.

Suo didn’t move. His eyes went blank.

He held Nirei’s hand long after it had gone cold, his forehead resting against a cold metal of the bedside as silent tears slipped down his face. He didn’t cry out. Didn’t scream. He just stayed there, heart broken, he didn't want to call Sakura and announced the death, he still want to held Nirei's hands a little longer, still want to capturing his beautiful feature with his eyes as long as he needed to.

For the last time seeing each other, he whispered softly,

“You were never a burden. You were never a mistake. You were my favorite part of this life.”

To Suo-san,

If you're reading this, then I guess I'm already somewhere unreachable.

I'm sorry.

I wanted to stay longer. I really did.

There were still so many things I wanted to do with you. But life had its own plans. And my body too... well, it was never made for forever.

You stayed longer than I expected.

Longer than I deserved.

Even when I forgot your name. Even when I couldn't smile or speak or eat that KitKat you always saved for me.

You stayed.

You were never just a doctor.

You were home.

I used to wonder what it meant to be truly seen.

Then you looked at me like I mattered.

Like I wasn’t just fading.

Thank you for giving me a love I didn’t think someone like me could ever receive.

I love you, Suo-san, since the first time I saw your beautuful lone eyes and your kind smile.

I loved you even when I was silent. Even when my mind forgot the world, my heart always remembered you.

Always.

I'll see you again, Suo-san.

—Nirei

It had been three days since Nirei's body was burried six feet under the ground, and Suo didn't came to the funeral. He didn't want to capture the scene where Nirei was swallowed by the cold of earth, he wanted the last memory of him and Nirei to be the one where he still could saw Nirei's face clearly, to still could feeling the touch of his skin. He didn't want to create a memory where the only thing he remembered was Nirei inside the coffin.

The letter, it was Sakura who gave him, saying that Nirei wanted to give it to him once his time has come.

He had enough mourning, but the letter broke him again. Into million of pieces.

One week later,

Suo checked the address Sakura handed him this morning, he was asked to visit a gallery of art today. Sakura said, there is something that Nirei had prepared for him, something that he didn't even know.

Suo sighed out heavily, the spring breeze hits him and make him shiver, he tightened the brown scarf -the one that Nirei gave him- to avoid the chill from the wind.

Suo stepped inside of the museum gallery that actually only stayed for one month in Kyoto because of the monthly art exhibition. He wandered around the small museum, passing by some visitors who also adoring art much better than him.

Once he reached the main room of the museum, where many arts are hung on the wall, beautiful painting in canvas displayed neatly inside a glassed frame. Suo walked through every canvas and inspect the beauty of them, reading the names of the painter one by one, he was in total awe by human's creations, by their gifted hands.

When he reached the corner of the room, he stopped. Eyes trembling, mouth dry, suddenly his heart tightened with unfamiliar pain.

There he can see something so beautiful yet unbearable to watch for a long time.

It was a painting of him,

In his doctor attire, holding a cup that he was sure a jasmine tea, he was looking up at the blue sky despite the falling snow surrounding him. It was a painting showed his side profile, but the smile was planted real on his lips, the place where he was standing was unfamiliar,

Hospital backyard.

It was then, during the first snow from the last winter. It was him from Nirei's point of view.

At the bottom of the canvas, Suo could see a really neat handwriting.

'You were beautiful'

Suo stood there for a long time, not minding other peole who also standing behind him to admiring the art from an unamed artist,

Suo tried not to cry.

He really did.

But as the music played softly and people quietly whispered at how perfect the painting of him while they passed through the gallery, Suo allowed one tear to fall.

Just one.

Then he smiled.

Softly.

The kind of smile Nirei would’ve painted.

"I'm sorry for not being the one who helped you put your painting where you wanted it to be."

Suo looked up, smiling at his own drawing on the wall.

"I'll see you again, Nirei-kun."

-end-

Notes:

soooo, I hope this fanfic sad enough to be categorized as angst lol... AND UGH I should edit the published date, anyway.. I used help from google translate and chatgpt to correct some of my grammar and spelling when I wasn't sure with my writings lmao, forgive me if I still miss something or spell something worng, it was hard to come into this.
thank you for reading ^^

Actions

Kudos

lkpl, Lunttros17, AnnaBrag, Lovly_Isis, shumeii, Sarin_1131, Lu0987guang, Calehehe, Coffeejelly1108, iltaemylove_2501, MalaquiTehepo, Krishzy, Yukiji_Kaijou, QuBicle, yovendaa, ColorsInTheSky, nire67, milkofbag, Mongryongclub, Aendolphin, Bluebluesoraa, Zeerroo, polkadotto, Ashlyn1234A, Awrwxx127, imv, Met_Taiyo, duanduanT_T, Kaylelemmie, Yuuma_yu, ariadnazahard, SummerFox9, Takelove, BLenjoyer, akahira_zen, Veey, yamaruta, shotohalfandhalf, and Uchinagaaeri30 as well as 31 guests left kudos on this work!

Archive of Our Own

Actions

Work Header