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Tonight was the Yule Ball.
Everywhere Emmett went, everyone was buzzing about it, everytime. Everything. Today was all about the Ball, and the champions for the Triwizard tournament - Harry Potter, Cedric Diggory, Fleur Delacour, and Victor Krum. Emmett has lost count of how many times the names have been repeated.
But there was one name that had rung in his head, longer than ever before. For exactly four years. Appearing when he doesn’t want to. Keeping him up late at night. Distracting him from his lectures. Making his face turn hot. Sending weird strums of butterflies down his throat and stomach.
Cedric Diggory.
All because Cedric had helped Emmett stand up to some Slytherin bullies back when they were in their first year of Hogwarts. Emmett could recall that moment perfectly, rewinding it every night before he goes into slumber. He had been heavily, physically battered after the bullies had pounced on him when he wasn’t looking. But then there was Cedric. Much smaller and shorter than Emmett, but still stood up to the bullies like it was nothing. Now, he is a head taller than Emmett. Stronger. Leaner. Handsome. They were friends. Cedric is Emmett’s only friend.
And Cedric seems like he’s going to the Ball with a girl from Emmett’s house, Cho Chang.
They look perfect with each other, Emmett had thought. He never said it to anyone, but he had desperately wanted to go to the Ball with Cedric. More than Cho Chang. More than anyone. He was sure that could happen only in his dreams. No one would even believe such a sight if they went together. They were both boys, for Helena and Rowena’s sake.. It is peculiar. Strange.
Emmett exhaled, shaking his head and forcing his thoughts away as he entered the Ravenclaw common room. Just a normal day, he thought. He would continue to do his homework while the students were busy mingling with each other at the Ball, or getting ready in their extravagant gowns and suits. No one would notice he wasn’t there. He was a nobody. And nobody sent him a merely decent attire to go, anyway.
In the middle of the navy common room, was of course, Cho Chang, Padma Patil, and a few other girls, gossiping and squealing on the communal couch, already getting started on their makeup.
“You are so lucky, Cho!” Padma shrieked, flicking her makeup brush to Chang’s other cheek. “He’s the most flattering guy in Hogwarts!”
“Have you guys kissed yet?” Parvati chimed in, beaming.
Chang blushed, giggling excitedly. “Maybe!”
Emmett hastily scurried into his room. He couldn’t bear hearing someone else talk about Cedric like that. Those girls made it seem so easy to talk about feelings. His heart quaked the more he thought about the Hufflepuff boy. Why was he like this? Why can’t it be a girl instead? Why did he have to like Cedric? If one of them were a girl, would it be much easier? Would Emmett go to the Yule Ball with Cedric instead? His mind was racing, each heartbeat pumping his brain with more and more overwhelmingness and mess.
He had seen Cedric and Cho Chang between the halls. They were so sweet to each other. She laughed at Cedric’s jokes. She fixed Cedric’s Huffepuff tie. He didn’t hate Cho Chang. She was polite, pretty, well-mannered, and excelled in her studies. She even made small talk with him once in a while, with a smile on her lips, and eyes swooned like half full moons.
But he wondered, how did they laugh, talk, move so easily between each other like water? Like the world made sense to them in a way it didn’t to him? Like there was some language he never learned?
A lump started to form in his throat. Emmett quickly brushed the small tear from his rubied eyes. He had disguised such an action that it seemed like he was brushing his hair out of his face instead. Years of bottling and hiding his thoughts and emotions made him like this.
He shut the curtains of his bed, secluding himself in the darkness.
Emmett Austen had always been quiet. It’s not just shy, or soft spoken. He had always been careful. Intentional. Like every word is something he has to weigh before letting it out. He’s the kind of kid who didn’t cry when he scraped his knees because someone else might be having a harder day. Who learned early that being too loud, too emotional, too needy could make people pull away. So he just… didn’t.
He never wanted to be a burden. He didn’t ask for seconds at dinner, even if he was still hungry. Didn’t raise his hand in class unless he was absolutely sure. Didn’t knock on his late mom’s door when the lights were off, even if his heart felt heavy.
It wasn’t that he didn’t feel things. He felt so much. He just didn’t know what to do. It was safer to tuck it away, fold it into neat little boxes in his chest and stack them where no one could see. Instead, he learned how to listen better than anyone. How to notice when someone’s voice trembled or when someone’s eyes flicked to the door too often. He noticed, and remembered, and carried it all in silence.
In his little bed with curtains all drawn, Emmett let his shoulders shake, and clutched on tightly onto his sheets, pressing his face in his pillow, so no one could hear. He felt pathetic. Pathetic for liking someone out of his league. Pathetic for being odd. Pathetic, for not being able to do anything about this, and letting it all happen.
For a long time, all his pillow heard were soft sniffles, sobs, and whispery gasps.
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“...Lumos.” Emmett croaked weakly, waving his wand in a slight manner. He had not a single idea how long it had been. His eyes stung and puffed out, pulsing at every heartbeat, nose red, and his messy obsidian hair swinging in every direction. The poor boy had cried himself to sleep.
He got up, anchoring himself on his elbows. It was dark outside already, the skies had hung the stars, and the moon had waved hello. He could hear the laughter and music from way up here. Everyone was having the time of their lives.
Cedric and Chang were probably having fun too.
It’s about time Emmett gave up on this one - sided nonsense. Chang loves Cedric, and Cedric loves Chang. People like them together. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw go well together…
He was a Ravenclaw too, Emmett pondered hopelessly. So why can’t he go with a Hufflepuff? His mind went even more rigid. Why did his heart have to bear all this weight?
Exhaling, the boy tried to steady himself on his feet, wobbling and finally going outside of his bed. His roommates did not even bother to keep the candlelights on for him. He didn’t mind, however. Perhaps they were too excited for the Ball.
Just as Emmett lit up the last candle, a knock on the dormroom door startled him. Is that one of his roommates? They couldn’t have been back so early. It had only been ten minutes past seven o’ clock. Other than that, shouldn’t they have a key?
He didn’t think much, and went to open the door. He couldn’t think even more when he saw who was standing in front of him.
There he was. Cedric. Cedric Diggory, in his simple but dashing attire - an oversized tuxedo coat covering his silhouette
Emmett’s brain short - circuited, and his body felt like a rocket ship about to blast off into the depths of outer space. The faint smell of cedar and citrus cologne penetrated his nose. His hair, like the color of a teddy bear, was loosely combed over the side.
Cedric’s face was mixed with a combination of worriedness and frustration. His brows furrowed, and his posture stiffened. “You weren’t at the Ball tonight.”
Emmett hesitated, his voice cracking as he spoke. “Cedric, you… you’re more important. You should go back there right now. Cho Chang is waiting for you, and Professor Dumbledore is going to worr-”
Emmett’s hands fidgeted with his wand, his eyes darting everywhere but the taller boy’s eyes. Why was he here? What on earth is happening? How did he get into the Ravenclaw room?
“You were crying.”
Emmett went silent.
“... I wasn’t.” His voice was just above a whisper.
Cedric heard the tremble beneath Emmett’s tone. He placed his hand on the other boy’s arm.
“Emmett. Please. I was worried about you. Tell me. You don’t sit next to me anymore, and what about our tutoring sessions? And now the Ball? You’ve been acting very odd lately.”
Odd. Perfect. Just the word.
What was Emmett supposed to do? His hands trembled, his mouth opening but no words were coming out. Why was it so hard to say it to him?
“Use your words, Emmett. Breathe.” Cedric said. It wasn’t an order. It was a reminder. For Emmett to calm down.
Emmett opened his mouth, stuttering vowels before forming a coherent sentence.
“I… like you, Cedric.”
He feels like he’s getting boiled alive. His knees trying their best to not be buckled. His stomach churned, his eyes shut themselves tight, and his mind went hollow. Please, he thought. Reject me so we could both get this over with. Emmett held his breath, wishing he could just disappear into nothingness.
It was quiet for a long time.
That lump from earlier started to form in Emmett’s throat again. So now what? His only friend is going to think he’s a weirdo as well.
“Ah… I’m sorry. Please forget what I just-”
“…I like you too. You should’ve just said that earlier.”
Emmett glanced up to look at the Hufflepuff boy’s face for the first time. “W - what…?”
There it is again. That silly grin plastered on his face. That strand of hair placed neatly on the middle of his brows. The glow of his perfect teeth. Emmett’s heart melted at the sight of it again. Each heartbeat faster than the last. Despite that, Emmett removed his hands from Cedric.
“...But what about Chang? You like her, don’t you? People will like you guys more if you’re a couple…”
Cedric took back both of Emmett’s shaky hands and put them into his.
“I just asked her out because my friends dared me to. I think she likes the Potter boy better, anyway… Does that make you feel better?”
Emmett’s hands turn clammy, clasping onto Cedric’s sleeves. Yes. No!
“I’m… not sure. What will people think of us? What will we do? I haven’t got anything for the Ball-”
“Then we’ll keep it a secret. We can have our own Ball here.” Cedric stepped closer, the cedar scent becoming stronger. “I think you already look lovely in your uniform, Emmett. Purple highlights suit you very well.” Cedric fixed a strand of hair out of the boy’s face. Cute.
The taller boy firmly put his hand on Emmett’s waist. He could still feel the warmth of Cedric’s fingers, even under all those layers of clothes.
“I- I can’t dance…” His trembling body is gradually becoming the same temperature as an erupting volcano. he quickly glanced up to Cedric, barely making eye contact, as if it’s to beg him not to dance anymore.
“No worries. Just follow my lead, okay?” Cedric smiled, placing the smaller boy’s hand on his chest, and took the other. He commanded the record player to play light piano music, and started to move.
“You really shouldn’t be dancing with me..!” Emmett reluctantly tried to keep up with the taller one. Cedric’s legs moved so swiftly, he almost got caught in them. The hand on Emmett’s waist got more and more firmer, each slender finger gently pressing on his clothes like a little bird on a tree branch.
“Shh, I already came all this way to your dorm, didn’t I? You won’t try to chase me out of here.” Muttering into Emmett’s ear, Cedric’s voice was low, and his breath was like peppermint.
They let the rhythm control their movements, Everything around them seemed to dissolve, and it was just them alone. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. The perfect pair. Despite that, Emmett’s body stiffened even more. His hands gripped tighter, anxiously onto the other boy’s palm..
Cedric noticed. He slowed down.
“... Look at me.”
The Ravenclaw boy slowly, hesitantly brought himself to look. Emmett’s eyes were glossy and shone like smooth dark crystals, like he was on the verge of tears. He smelled like rain and books, with a tinge of sadness and frustration. Cedric thinks it’s the most adorable, dorky thing ever, aside from his small habits when they sit next to each other, like when he mumbles spells incoherently when they’re working in the library. Or when his mind is too fast for his mouth to catch up, and he ends up stuttering nonsense about herbs. He liked Emmett because he was Emmett. A kind and gentle soul, who wouldn’t dare to hurt a fly.
Tears from Emmett’s eyes streaked down his embered cheeks like a small waterfall. He took his hand out of Cedric’s to cover it up, but it was too late.
“…I’m sorry…” he whimpered, trying his best to keep his composure.
“Sorry for what, Emmett?” Cedric grabbed his hands once again, holding - gripping them, moving them out of the way. Emmett was a mess, as if someone poured liters and liters of embarrassment, fluster, sadness, and denial into a big cauldron and stirred them all up. His tears smeared all over his face, eyelashes fluttering as if to try to blink it away. Blood concentrated on his cheeks.
“…For liking you. For getting you into my mess.” Emmett finally choked. He liked Cedric. He liked him so much that it hurts. Like an umbrella in a rainstorm, one cannot prevent all the water.
“Emmett.”
“Don’t say you like me out of pity, Cedric. I-If you don’t, just say so, and I’ll gladly accept it.”
“Emmett! I do like you! I love you!”
The rain outside boomed a little louder.
“You think this night was a silly little dare by my friends? They have no idea I’m even in the Ravenclaw dorms right now. You think I asked you to tutor me because I didn’t know anything? I was placed second in class, Emmett. Only after you.”
“Then why-“
“Because I just love you! I like your voice. I like your light annotations in my book. I like how you emphasize details. I like how big your pupils get when we go over something interesting. You care, Emmett. Not only to me, but to other people. To animals! To mere objects!
Emmett went silent. “Cedric…”
They were close enough to feel each other’s shaky breaths.
“... Can I kiss you?”
Emmett hesitated for a split second - then decided not to suppress anymore. He fiercely tugged at Diggory’s collar and pulled him in for a kiss he had always longed for. Like an old fountain bursting with new waters for the first time in millenia, he let his instincts and emotions take control of him. Tingling sensations warped over him, and he closed his eyes to feel that odd sensation.
Cedric did the same also. He pulled at Emmett’s waist, forcing their bodies together like magnets. He hoped this moment would last forever. Their lips locked closely before he pulled away.
“You should open your mouth a little bit more, Em.” He tilted Emmett’s chin up, their eyes meeting. He was redder than a tomato, and his body and face was radiating heat.
Dazed, Emmett couldn’t think of anything anymore. He wanted more of that golden haired boy, so he obliged. “Ah, alright…”
Their tongues tied. Their hands marking each other’s territory, each passing moment became more and more intense. Cedric, usually so calm and cool, has pushed his partner to his physical limits. His hands reached for the other’s buttocks, slightly gripping them, giddy that each one fits perfectly into his slender hands. Emmett gripped tighter on the fabric of Cedric’s chest, balancing on his tiptoes when his knees suddenly buckled from the immense pressure and euphoria.
Cedric fortunately caught him in time. “Blimey! You okay?”
“Yes, sorry…! I was just-”
“Too much, huh? Should we move this to the bed, so you can lay down?”
“What?” Emmett’s face turned into the color of strawberry milk. Though he has only read of “it” in books, He knew exactly what Cedric meant. “But my roommates..”
“To tell you the truth, Em, I may or may not have paid them to keep away from the dorm for at least until past midnight.” Cedric picked him up like a feather.
“Cedric, I never thought you were so…!” Austen yelped as he was thrown onto his bed, breath hitching.
“So well thought out? So caring? So in love with Emmett Austen?” He teased as he twirled his wand, making the lights go out and the curtains shut. Emmett giggled, and tugged Cedric into a kiss once more.
The air around them seemed to freeze, as they finally embraced each other, heart to heart, soul to soul, smile to smile.