Archive of Our Own

Deep into space, in a beautiful land of cotton candy clouds and a castle of roses, the fair maiden Princess Giselle was tending to her cake garden. The pale strawberries loomed cold and sad atop the tall desserts. Giselle flipped her soft brunette hair to make way for her cherry blossom fairy wings. She comforted a lonely berry with a sweet kiss. Before her very eyes, a vivid watercolor splash of red filled the strawberry with life.

"There, all better! Only 49 more to go," she said.

Giselle fluttered her brilliant wings, but found herself merely suspended in place. An eerie green light disturbed her now aching eyes.

"What the fu-"

SHOOM!

Giselle's corneas were flooded with radioactive lime! A familiar wicked laugh echoed around her.

"OPEN YOUR EYEBALLS, butterfly-girlie!"

The neon flashbang subsided. Giselle had been teleported into the interior of a retro flying saucer, one with an admittingly luxury violet interior. Her little pink fairy dress was replaced with an absurdly lengthy bridal gown reaching as far as she could see. Its embroidered flowers swallowed the floor, transforming the metal base into a pearly white garden.

Above her, a four armed, green skinned alien in a tuxedo slightly too tall for his short limbs suspended himself by the thread of his ceiling spiderweb. He slowly lowered himself until they were an inch apart. Every little shine in his big, glassy, ruby eyes was on full display for her.

"Sir Zim!" Giselle exclaimed.

"In the flesh!" Zim backflipped down onto the neverending train of Giselle's gown.

Giselle crossed her arms and turned her shoulder to the alien knight. "You're late! I waited all day yesterday to be abducted on schedule! I stood outside for ten hours doing nothing for...NOTHING!"

"Well, I- eh...ZIM IS NEVER LATE! YOU'RE MERELY EARLY, EARLY I SAY!" Zim cleared his throat. "As you'll see, wearer of Planet Candy's legendary sticky tiara, I have much prepared for us! For you see, we-"

"Where's GIR?"

Zim shot a glare at Giselle.

"You heard me!" Giselle opened her eyes, but kept her arms hugged to herself. "Where's GIR? You know, my lap dog?"

"YOUR lap dog?! Are you fucking-?!" Zim sighed, face palming right into two his hands. "Look, I'M the knight who's going to force you into marriage against your will, not GIR! GIR's just like...I don't know...I'd make him the ring bear, but he'd just lose the rings and the bear suit somehow..."

"I'd love it if he's our flower puppy!"

"Hm, yes, flower puppy, that's not too-" Zim shook off the topic. "IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR GIR, TOO BAD! HE'S NOT HERE!"

Giselle gasped. "Then where is he?"

Zim cackled.

Giselle shot up and gripped Zim by his neck. "Where is he?!"

Her hands forced a choked sound from Zim's throat, but he somehow kept laughing anyway. "When I beamed you down, my ingenious device blasted GIR into your place! Now watch out the window as your CONFECTIONERY towers FALL INTO NOTHINGNESS AT THE HANDS OF ZIIIM!"

"WHAT?!"

Giselle dropped Zim at once. She had to swim through her own wedding gown just to see out the UFO's porthole, but she could see the red aura of devastation from 5 feet away. When she looked down...the kingdom was unrecognizable. Not a single dessert remained. Sweet strawberries were reduced to bloody juice! An ocean of whipped cream had melted into mere ooze! Her life's work, those spongey dreams of deliciousness, were nothing more than molasses. In the fallout, all that remained was GIR sucking on a comically oversized lollipop in his red stained dog costume.

"My kingdom! My berries!" Giselle fell to her knees. "Oh, and I'm going to have to wash GIR, aren't I?!"

Zim leapt to her side, still laughing at her defeat. "YES, YES! Especially when I make YOU the honored BRIDE OF ZIM, princess! Then, through this marriage ritual, I, Zim, will become the emperor of your little candy planet! My first order of business will be to place it in a planet sized cardboard box and ship it straight to the Almighty Tallest! Oh, they'll be so happy!"

Giselle wiped away a tear.

"INGENIOUS, is it not?! Praise me with a KISS, butterfly fiancé!" Zim shoved out two of his hands.

On her knees, Giselle merely had to look straight ahead to be on eye level with Zim. She looked to his eyes, then to him...and began to laugh herself.

"Eh? Why are you laughing but not me?! Explain yourself!"

"Well, when our dog ate my kingdom...your entire plan fell apart!” she pulled off her tiara and snapped it in half. “I'm not a princess, you won't be a prince, and your Tallest won't get SHIT!"

Zim went completely blank in the face: eyes wide as saucers and mouth invisible.

Giselle straightened herself up and loomed over the little alien dumbass. "Congratulations, you played yourself. What do you think of that?"

Zim remained still and barely blinking, a statue physically paralyzed by his own blunders.

"...I said, what do you-"

"You speak nonsense, bug-girlie! I, eh, everything went as planned! I distracted you with the marriage idea and...now you don't have a kingdom! Mua ha ha, victory for Zim!"

The two stared at each other for five long minutes.

"...So, what now?" Giselle asked.

"Iunno. Want to go to...I don't know, that new roller boogie planet or something?"

With nothing left to live for anymore, Giselle gave up with a shrug. "Sure, why not?"

The roller skating date turned out to be pretty damn good. Zim even brought some flowers and a muffin for Giselle. They danced the night away to outdated music under the glow of an ethereal disco ball. At the height of their passion and the disco serenade, Zim and Giselle leaned in, an inch away from kissing. Giselle closed her eyes and fluttered her wings excitedly.

Suddenly, she felt Zim headbutt against her arm.

"What the-?!"

"Giselle!

"Giselle!

"Giselle!" he repeated.

"Giselle!

"GISELLE!

"GISELLE!"

Giselle drifted awake, still beneath her blanket on Zim's couch. She felt his true self nudging against her with his head and a subtle whine.

"Giselle?" he asked one more time.

Giselle smiled. "Yes, Zim, I'm still alive." She brushed one of her hands over his quivering antennae.

GIR was curled up sleeping in a bowl of nachos on the floor, his suit drenched in cheese sauce. The last credits of the movie Zim rented were rolling on the TV screen.

"Sorry I fell asleep, did the alien win?" Giselle yawned.

"No, it was another stupid human propaganda!" Zim complained. "At least only one human survived this time."

"Damn." Giselle wasn't exactly a fan of human adults not getting turned into gore.

Zim sighed. "This time, they stopped the mighty alien threat by locking it in the freezer!"

"Oh well, maybe we'll find a movie where the alien wins eventually." Giselle yawned again. Her eyelids were growing heavier by the minute. "Mister Computer?"

The computer also yawned. "WHAAAAT?"

"What time is it?"

"IT'S LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, 1 IN THE MORNING? I DON'T WANT TO BE AWAKE EITHER."

"Ohh, and there's skool tomorrow, we have to sleep-"

"Wait!" Zim gripped her arm.

"What's wrong, Zim?"

Zim just stared at Giselle with his big, blank ruby bug eyes. His antennae dropped to the back of his head.

Giselle knew this look all too well, it tugged on her heart strings every time. She gave Zim a small smile and a tired kiss on the cheek.

"We can cuddle in the nest, Zim."

Zim smiled with his eyes.

The nest in question was one of Giselle's favorite room in the base, especially since it was only built for her. It served the same purpose as a bedroom, but was far more comfortable since the entire room was just one giant, round bed from floor to ceiling. Zim and Giselle dropped in from a chute above and bounced high against the mattress floor upon impact. As usual, Zim was still in his uniform with his boots taken off and a soft, violet bathrobe enveloping him. Giselle was the only one in the house to actually bother putting on pajamas: a puppy themed set with a dog's head on the shirt and little paw prints on the fluffy pants. Blankets and pillows got knocked into a mess by the pair's fall, but Giselle didn't care, this was her favorite part of bedtime, especially when the bounces gave way to gentle rocks against the cushion interior.

"WEEE!" GIR fell in right after them, but knocked back out the second he settled in. Giselle giggled at how funny he looked flopped over and buried in pillows.

"Come here!" Giselle scooped her beloved alien tight into her arms. She kissed his flushed cheeks right below his squeezed eyes. "I love you, Zim."

"Mph, who doesn't?"

"Do you love me?"

"I don't want to destroy you."

"I love you too.”