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The warm spray of the shower brought her senses to life. With a sigh of relief, Toph stood underneath the shower head, letting the water blissfully soak her skin for what had to have been five minutes.
Was it the smart thing to do? Probably not, but her body needed it this morning.
She woke up feeling nauseous. And while it wasn’t unusual, given that she was part of a high-profile band that was currently on tour and after parties were a must after every gig, last night, she didn’t get drunk or high. In fact, for a few days now, Toph hadn’t been in the mood to party at all. Her perfect evening was to crawl into bed after a killer show, hopefully with Kanto in the bed right next to her. Or on top of her. Or beneath her. She wasn’t picky.
So one would assume that after a couple days of being sober, Toph wouldn’t be feeling like shit.
The shower curtain pulled back, and she couldn’t help but smile when Kanto joined her.
He kissed the back of her neck, wrapping his arms around her waist as he did so. She reached behind her, grabbing a fistful of his hair as he made her moan like no man had ever done before. Toph tilted her head up, meeting him halfway for a kiss on the lips. His hands moved from her waist to her breasts, and then she let out a startled gasp.
Kanto immediately pulled away. “Sorry, are you sore?”
“Yeah, it must be just—”
Toph froze, but before Kanto even noticed, he jumped out of the shower when he heard a knock at the door.
But she couldn’t bear to move, to breathe. She swore this wouldn’t be her, that she would never let this happen. And yet, it happened. This was happening. There was no other explanation.
She was pregnant.
For as long as she could remember, Toph Beifong wanted to be in a band.
Not some high school garage band that never made it past the prom performance phase. She wanted to feel the music vibrate through the stage. She wanted to hear the crowd sing the songs they made themselves. She wanted the world to stop spinning when they performed because the entire stadium was rocking out with them.
She wanted to be in the biggest band in the world.
And thank her lucky stars, she got in with The Elementalists. Somehow, a weird group of fellows called her and asked if she wanted to join the band. Well, they weren’t all that strange to her.
Toph ran into their drummer one evening as she was clearing her items off stage. She nearly lost her balance and her belongings with it, but his arms wrapped around her waist and steadied her.
“Oh! I—I’m so sorry, miss. I—”
“Relax, Hotshot. I’m fine.” Toph had to roll her eyes. Sure, the guy’s chest was broad and his arms were firm and his voice was deep and sexy as hell, but he called her ma’am. And that just wasn’t right.
She shoved him off her and said, “No need to be dramatic, just watch where you’re going for the both of us, will you?”
With that, she pulled out her collapsible walking cane from her back pocket and threw it out to straighten out.
“I—uh, of course. I just—I’m really sorry.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“It’s just—uh—you guys rocked on that soundcheck. Well, I thought you rocked.”
“You flatter me.”
Just as she was about to walk off, he called out for her again. “Uh, hey! Don’t you wanna listen to us play?”
“I’m good, Hotshot. Got places to be.”
“Right. Well, can I at least know your name? In case you become famous? I can say I ran into…”
Despite herself, Toph found the corners of her mouth turning up. “Toph Beifong.”
And she could hear the man’s smile in his voice. “Well then, I can say I literally ran into Toph Beifong, and that will be my claim to fame. If, of course, we happen to become famous after you.”
“Of course. Only makes sense.”
“And I’m Kanto. Kanto Nakamura. Just so you can say I ran into you when I’m famous.”
“Kanto, huh? Kind of like Hotshot better.”
She walked away after that, but she’d be lying if she said she never thought back to that day.
So when she got a call one evening from a guy named Kanto, she knew exactly who was calling.
“Hotshot,” she drawled as she sat on her mattress in her dingy apartment. “How did you even get my number?”
“I asked around,” he said coyly. “And I asked around a lot because I have a proposition for you, Beifong.”
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“What if we became famous at the same time?”
“What?”
“I, uh, I heard you play the day I ran into you, and you’re the most talented keyboardist I’ve ever met, and we could use someone with your skills in our band.
“So what do you say? Wanna become famous together?”
And despite the fact that she only met the man once and had never even met the other band members, she knew who she was dealing with. Toph had heard their works before, and they had talent, there was no question about that.
The question was whether or not the risk of traveling across the country to be in a band of practically strangers was the best move for her career.
She let out a small sigh, then said, “When and where’s our next gig?”
Toph paced around the room as she waited for Kanto. It wasn’t long after her realization in the shower that she snuck off to the nearest drugstore and picked up some pregnancy tests.
And when she was told by her best friend Katara that all the tests turned up positive, Toph didn’t know what to do except pace around the room until the show, and then place around some more until Kanto finished up with the after party.
A baby. She was pregnant. She was pregnant with Kanto’s baby, and this was probably going to ruin everything.
It wasn’t like they talked about their lives outside of music, but Toph knew that Kanto was a family man. Had he had any siblings out of his parents were still alive, he’d be as close to them as possible. And kids…
He would’ve made a great dad.
Unfortunately, kids weren’t in Toph’s plan. In fact, a kid would royally fuck up Toph Beifong’s master rock star plan.
Her heart was in pieces, but she wasn’t going to go through with this. And now, after Kanto partied with the band and the crew, she was going to have to break his heart.
“Hey!” Kanto’s bright voice entered the room, and his body engulfed her in the sweatiest bear hug ever. “I missed you downstairs. You feeling okay?”
“Um—”
“You know, you kicked ass on the show today.” He let go and began to busy himself around the room and make himself a drink. “That solo? All I wanted to do was kiss you then and there, it was mind blowing.”
“Uh, thanks. Kanto, we need to—”
“Oh, and get this! Zuko thinks that if things keep going well, we can add a few more shows to the tour. We could tour all year and—”
“I’m pregnant.”
He just stood there for a minute, completely silent. Then, he took a deep breath. “You’re—”
“Pregnant, yeah. I, uh, it’s early. Maybe only a couple of weeks?”
“Oh my god.”
Toph let out an exhausted sigh. “Yeah.”
“We—we’re having a baby?”
“Wh—you—” Toph frowned. She knew Kanto would be a great father, but did he really expect for her to drop everything to be his housewife? “You want me to have this baby?”
“I—I didn’t mean—I only thought that—”
“That…what?” She demanded. “That I’d suddenly stop performing so I could be a stay-at-home mother and listen to you guys perform backstage with a baby in my arms? Fuck that, Kanto.”
“Wait a second, I only said—”
“Yeah, you implied that—”
“Stop!” he yelled, grabbing her shoulders. “Stop putting words in my mouth and let’s just take a beat, okay?”
“Fine. What do you want to say?”
There was a hesitation in Kanto’s voice as he seemingly tried to piece together his excuse. “I—I only want us to take a moment to think about our options. We never discussed this, and now that we’re dealing with it, we should talk.”
“There’s—there isn’t a conversation, Kanto. I can’t be a mother. I can’t quit the band.”
“And I’d never ask you to. But you could take a break—”
“Why do you automatically assume that I would be the one taking a break? What about you? Why aren’t you giving up your dreams of stardom?”
“I—I would—”
Toph scoffed. “You’re only saying that to try and prove your point.”
“Toph—”
“No. I’m done talking about this. You should check to see if there’s another room available.”
She stormed off into the bathroom, locking the door. Kanto pounded on the door for a few seconds, and yet it felt like hours. When she heard the hotel door click after his exit, Toph emerged into the main room, feeling lost and lonelier than she’d ever felt in her whole life.
Nothing could beat the feeling after a kickass concert. Toph’s body vibrated from the aftershocks of the event, buzzed with excitement.
She couldn’t believe how quickly things changed. Once she flew out to meet up with Kanto and the rest of the band, they became the talk of the city. Their tour got extended twice, had a two album record deal signed, and now they were topping the charts.
Her dreams were finally becoming a reality, and as Toph walked off the stage, she couldn’t even try to hide her smile. But Toph had a reputation to uphold, so she snuck off to a quiet corridor to have a moment to herself, to soak in the feeling, the pray to the music gods that it would never go away.
Suddenly, a strong set of sweaty arms wrapped around her waist. “You were incredible!”
Toph smirked at Kanto’s exclamation. “Tell me something I don’t know, Hotshot.”
Kanto turned her in his arms so she faced him. She could feel his breath tickle her nose, the heat radiating off his skin. And even though he smelled like metal and sweat, she didn’t want him to let go.
“Well I’m glad you know how special you are, sweetheart, because without you, we’d still be playing in the back of dingy bars.”
“Don’t call me sweetheart.”
“How come?” He asked, his forehead pressing against hers. They were alone, but the thought of someone finding them like this brought on a sense of thrill and fear she wasn’t accustomed to.
Pride always won out, so she turned her head up, her nose brushing against his with defiance. “I’m no one’s sweetheart, Hotshot. Far from it.”
“No, but there’s still time. Besides, I think it’s nice that I’m the only one that can get under your skin, sweetheart.”
“You’re not—”
“You’re telling me that after six months of dancing around this, you’re still in denial?”
“I don’t dance.”
“Sure you do, you just say you don’t.”
“You’ve got a lot of nerve all of a sudden, and I’m not sure it suits you.”
Kanto breathed out a laugh, sending shivers down Toph’s spine. “That post-concert adrenaline rush is not to be trifled with.”
He was so close, and no matter how hard she told her brain to push him away, she couldn’t do it.
Instead, her hands fisted his damp shirt, making sure he didn’t escape. Their foreheads still touched, their lips a hairs length away from connecting.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” she whispered.
His lips pressed into hers, knocking the breath out of her lungs. Hands seared into her skin as she hitched her leg up and around his waist. They didn’t need to come up for air, there’d be time for that later. Now, Toph just needed him.
Nothing could beat the feeling after a kickass concert.
Well, almost nothing.
Over a week had passed, and Toph resorted to being the mature one in their secret relationship.
Meaning, she completely avoided the man.
It was hard work considering that they worked together, but any time they had a break or there was a moment where she heard Kanto approach her (or anyone, really. Toph wasn’t interested in being all that social as of late), she rushed off to the restroom or a private break room until time was up.
It was rather pathetic, but the last thing she wanted to do was talk through her feelings.
But it didn’t matter. All she needed to do was avoid Kanto a little bit more, until she scheduled the appointment, and then…
And then she’d have to break up with him.
The bitter truth was that she didn’t want to break up with Kanto, but there wasn’t any other option. It wouldn’t be right to have an abortion and then stumble back into bed with the potential baby daddy.
Maybe that was why she hadn’t scheduled the appointment. Even though she wasn’t with Kanto right now, it wasn’t like they had broken up. They had an argument, for all the band knew. But Toph held onto that tiny shred, the last thread of their relationship.
Because once that piece fell apart, Toph dreaded the thought of who she was after. She loved who she was with Kanto; she had no interest in going back to who she was without him.
Toph shook her head and tried to focus on their rehearsal (she sounded like dogshit but no one seemed inclined to criticize her at this point). It took ages to power through the stupid practice, but after, she gathered her belongings and dashed out of the venue as fast as she could.
But apparently, she wasn’t fast enough today.
“Toph. Toph wait up.”
She barely heard Kanto’s footsteps following her as she tapped her cane through the long hallway. Or maybe she chose to block them out. Unfortunately for her, there weren’t any escape routes.
“Toph, please stop running from me.”
“I’m not running. I’m walking.”
“Will you please stop walking away from me??”
“Mmm no thanks, I’m cool with doing this for the rest of my life.”
“Well, you can’t. Not right now, at least. We—we need to talk about—”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Can we at least talk about the thing that we supposedly have nothing to talk about?”
“Why? So you can change my mind?”
“So we can feel okay and confident in our decision!”
“Wh-what do you want to talk about? What can I say, Kanto? You want this baby! And I—I can’t do this, and you’re just going to use your words to convince me to have this baby.”
“I’m glad you had the whole conversation with imaginary me already. Now, can you and I talk now?”
Kanto dragged Toph to a musty smelling room. Just as she was about to protest, he closed the door and planted himself in front of it, effectively trapping Toph. The intrusive part of Toph’s brain wanted to scream and shout for help, but another feeling, a feeling that she couldn’t quite place, stopped her from saying anything at all.
“First off,” Kanto began what Toph only assumed would be his passionate speech. “I want to say things, and I want you to take some time to think about it. I want you to just take a beat with my words so you don’t feel like they’re influencing you one way or the other. And please don’t—don’t do something without telling me. Please.”
There was a part of Toph that wanted to shut down the conversation right then. In fact, she desperately wanted to tell him to shut it. The less he said, the easier this would be. Toph wouldn’t have to consider his reasoning or perspective because it simply wouldn’t exist in her mind.
And yet, there was a part of Toph, a deep, unknown part of her that wanted to know what he thought about all of this. The idea of not knowing his thoughts seemed unbearable to this piece of her conscience.
So, she found herself biting her tongue, letting him have the floor to speak. Kanto took a deep breath and took a step toward her, his voice soft. “Yes, I want this baby, but more importantly, I would want this baby because you would also want the baby. I’d want us to be a family.
“If you’re scared of being a mother, I hope you know you’ll be the best mother ever. And together—we won’t be perfect, but we’ll be a team. I—I want to be your partner in this. So if it means I take a break from performing, I’ll do it. I—I don’t have it all figured out but I’d imagine we could work a schedule to make sure that we can both follow our dreams.
“I love you, Toph. And not just because you’re beautiful or pregnant with my kid or whatever. I love you because you have a big fucking heart, you’re a kickass performer, and you’re unapologetically you. Nothing and no one messes with you, me included.”
Kanto placed his hands on her shoulders, his lips dangerously close to her as he continued, “So, if you don’t want this baby because you don’t want it, that’s okay. Just, please tell me, so I can be there at the appointment. I want to be there for you. But if you don’t want this baby because you’re scared you won’t be good at it or are worried you can’t pursue your career, then… let’s talk about it. Because I’m ready to go to the moon and back to show you that you’ll be a fantastic mother and that we can still be in the biggest band in the world.”
Toph opened her mouth to say something, anything, but words didn’t form, and Kanto put a finger on her lips to stop her. “Don’t say anything right now. I just—take some time, and then we can talk again. Just. Please don’t shut me out, Toph.”
He left before she could even stop him.
……
To say that Kanto’s words impacted Toph Beifong would be the biggest understatement of the century.
So much so that she nearly threw her keyboard in frustration.
This wasn’t supposed to be a decision. It was already decided. But Kanto Nakamura had a way of shifting Toph’s entire world, giving her a new perspective that she never imagined having.
For days, she dissected his words, replaying them and trying to figure out what she should do. His speech rattled in her brain at all hours of the day, and it was starting to get annoying.
Their relationship wasn’t exactly a secret to the band, but they never talked about it. The only person she wanted to turn to was Kanto, and he was giving her the silent treatment. Or space to think. One of those two.
If she didn’t say something now, she never would. So, after a concert where she played like an average keyboardist, she dragged Kanto off to the side and had him lead them to a room where they could talk. Because if there was one thing she couldn’t stand, it was being an average keyboardist. She needed to talk so she could be Toph Beifong again.
Once they were hidden away in an abandoned room, Toph paced the floor as her unprepared speech turned into a word soup in her brain.
“Toph—”
“Shush.”
“I just wanted to apologize—”
“Shut up or I’ll never be able to say this.”
Kanto went silent, and Toph took a deep breath.
“This wasn’t part of my plan.”
“I know.”
“Not just the baby. But you. You weren’t part of the plan. I never wanted to settle down. I wanted to be on the road with a band and my keyboard until I dropped dead on the stage. I wanted to have five different partners every night because the next morning I’d never run into any of them ever again. I didn’t just want the music, I wanted the lifestyle.
“And then I met you, and you made me fall in love with you and you wrecked all my plans of being that sleazy keyboardist that could get away with every fucking thing because she was the best in the world. You just made me focus on being me and just being the greatest keyboardist and part of the greatest band in the world. You made me think of my life differently. And now I have dreams of buying a fucking house with you and waking up every morning in your arms and making breakfast with you and then performing on stage with you—”
Toph’s voice grew shaky, and for some stupid reason she felt her eyes become watery. She could barely speak now, only in a wobbly whisper. “And now you’re fucking—you’re making me think I can be a mother. A good mother.”
“Sweetheart—”
“And I’m scared as hell now because now I want this, and I’ve never, ever wanted this.
“But you made me this way. And I don’t—I don’t know how we move forward and I’m scared—”
Kanto approached her, wrapping his arms around her. How she missed his warm embrace. “I’m scared too,” he whispered. “I just—I’m scared I’ll be bad at this, that you’re gonna hate me, that I’m going to hurt this kid by not being good enough.
“I just feel like—maybe if we’re scared together, if we do this together, it wouldn’t be so bad.”
When she exhaled, the words that came out of her mouth surprised her, scared her, but deep down, she knew they were true.
“I’m starting to think that too.”
……
“Thank you,” Liang said after wrapping up their penultimate song for the night. “Now before we go, we have some bad news.”
The crowd voiced their surprise and concern, but then Liang shushed them by saying, “Don’t worry! Don’t worry because the bad news is followed by good news. Great news, actually.
“We’ll be cutting our tour a little short, so instead of tour dates for two years straight, we’ll be taking next summer and fall off instead of performing.”
Cries of disbelief and confusion rattled the stadium, but Liang was always the loudest one in the room. And it helped that she had a mic. “We’re taking time off so that our band mates Toph and Kanto—come up here you two.”
Toph sat on her bench frozen. This wasn’t part of the plan, Liang was just supposed to announce the break and the baby and that was it. In none of their talks did Toph agree to stand up and showcase her changing body. The fans and press could speculate, and she planned to continue rocking out from the safety and comfort of her keyboard.
But when Kanto’s warm hand landed on her back and offered support, she stood up too. They walked to the front of the stage with Kanto’s arm around her shoulders. He gently squeezed her shoulder, as if he was speaking to her.
Everything’s gonna be great. I’m here for you.
When they reached Liang, she continued, “We’re taking time off, so that these two can spend time with their baby due in the summer.”
The stadium erupted. Cheers and screams filled the arena, and Toph couldn’t help but laugh. Up until now, they had kept their relationship a secret. But that never stopped the rumors and fan theories from spring and taking a life of their own. She could only imagine the field day the press was going to have.
Kanto seemed to find the reaction amusing, too. She felt his laughter as he held onto her, and even placed his free hand to her small but growing belly. Toph placed her hand over his, and when he kissed her forehead, she felt safe, happy.
And the feeling of him right next to her rivaled the thrill of performing on stage.