Chapter Text
April woke up with Noah’s strong arms around her. Even before opening her eyes, she knew that it was Noah beside her because of the relentless snoring. As loud as a jackhammer pounding against the wall. She smiled at the sound, hearing it as a reminder of his steady presence. She slinked and slithered her way out of his arms without waking him up.
As she sat up, she immediately recognized the landscape that filled her eyes. Beds, lots of them, in almost blindingly bright colors. Other couples sleeping, Chelsea’s space buns and Henrik’s long hair making them the easiest couple to spot. She scanned the room searching for anyone who was up. No one. Except for her, the early bird.
Next to April, Noah began stirring, stretching, and the sound of his snoring faded to a crawl.
¨Hey, I thought you were sleeping…¨ April remarked.
¨I know, but someone got up already… Someone who should still be in bed..¨ As he said this, he encircled April again with his arms and pulled her back in bed with him. She laughed, and layed down with him.
¨You know I’m an early bird, Noah.¨
¨I know, but I didn’t know it would make all my mornings early too.¨ Noah smirked in a cute way. He saw the apology in April’s eyes and said: ¨I don’t mind, if you’re there to make it up to me.¨
April smiled. ¨Oh yeah? How am I going to do that?¨
¨With lots of kisses perhaps…¨ he smiled his perfect Noah smile again, and she melted.
¨I can handle that,¨ she remarked, holding his face and pulling him in for a kiss. But as soon as she did, everything disappeared.
—
April awoke with a start, sitting up in the bed. She felt Lucas’s hand in hers. She felt Lucas’s hand in hers, and she was dreaming about kissing Noah? She sighed audibly. Why did her brain have to be so stuck on this?
It had been months since the villa, and a week since the reunion party. The reunion party where Lucas proposed to her with a ring that cost three months salary.
God, she should not be dreaming about other guys when she had a perfectly good one right next to her.
Then, she felt Lucas’s hand slip out of hers to get up out of bed.
¨Hey, what's wrong?" He asked as he rose up and kissed her on the head. She realized she was breathing heavily.
"Just a bad dream, that's all." She lied to him. "What time is it?"
"It's 6:30." He sighed, "I gotta go to work." He still had his physiotherapy job in Oxford and he had even got promoted 6 months after the show he had aired. This meant longer hours and less time at their recently-bought home… which meant even less time together. He had compromised by buying a house in London vs in Oxford, where it would be cheaper to commute, so April tried not to complain. Not to his face, at least.
They had been drifting apart though. So far apart that there was a rift between them, causing April to feel like she couldn’t voice her feelings anymore with him. He was never there anyway.
Lucas lifted himself off the bed and started to go get ready, leaving April with her thoughts. She sighed again and flopped down on the bed. Would things be better if she had made different decisions in the villa? If she hadn't given up on Noah? She shook her head at the thought. She couldn’t think about things like that.
Lucas came out of his closet, buttoning up his polo. April climbed out of the duvet and sat up to face him.
¨Look, I know it’s difficult with the hours I have now, but it’ll get better. You’ll be on tour soon anyway, so you won’t even notice I’m gone with how much fun you’ll have.¨ His face turned sour at the comment, and April rose to hold his cheek.
¨You know that would never happen. I always miss my freaky Doctor dude.¨
He smiled, but it wasn’t genuine and fell immediately. ¨What I’m saying is… you’ll feel better soon, once you have more to do every day.¨ He moved away from her hand to look at his hair in the mirror.
¨Yeah, sure, I will,¨ April reluctantly agreed.
Lucas left, and without him, came a wave of guilt and shame. She shouldn’t be thinking about Noah, not in the slightest, yet here she is, with detailed dreams detailing how she would kiss him to make up for her quirks.
She wasn’t a cheater. Her ex had cheated on her, and once she heard the news, she was absolutely sure that she would be sick to her stomach if she did the same thing to someone. She would never.
So… maybe she just needed to get Noah out of her system. Call him, once and for all, see how he’s doing, and then let it all go. Focus on Lucas.
Yeah, that sounded right. That sounded like something reasonable, logical. If she was honest, she would have made a thousand excuses in her mind to do it because everything in her body was telling her to call him, call him, call him.
She dove into her contacts list, finding him under all the Ns. She hesitatingly hit the call button, unsure if he would even want to talk to her at all. Maybe he would leave her on voicemail.
As the dial tone rang and rang, she thought more about the decision and how Lucas could see her call log and maybe it would look like she was starting up something with Noah and–
¨April?¨ a very confused, deep Noah-like voice asked.
¨Uh…hi, hey, hi, Noah.¨
¨Uhm…hey, April. What’s up?¨ he asked expectantly.
April didn’t know up from down these days. ¨I just… I just wanted to call, to check up on you. See how you are. I’m doing it with everyone in the cast. Y’know, times are tough and it’s hard out there– anyhow, how are you, Noah?¨
¨I’m ok, that’s nice of you to check in with everyone.¨ April fidgeted with the hair band on her wrist as he talked.
There was a moment of awkward silence before she asked:¨But how are you… really?¨ she tilted her head back. ¨That’s the answer I get with everyone, Noah. Everyone’s ok, and I’m nice, and yeah, that may be the truth, but there’s another truth too, somewhere under the surface.¨
Noah sighed and took a brief pause. ¨I’m… I’m sort of having a bad day. I started the day off with a text fight with Hope, and these days there’s always a fan waiting for me outside the library to get a pic or an autograph. It’s… so awkward. I never know what to say, or how to say it. I hate it.¨
¨I know, it can be bad. Especially when you’re the winner of Love Island, and you look this good, y’know, everyone in the world just wants to take a picture of me.¨ He gave a small, hushed chuckle that made her heart feel warmer somehow. It was becoming less awkward.
¨I wouldn’t blame them for that.¨ He remarked. He breathed out, ¨It’s good to hear your voice. How are you, April? How’s Lucas?¨
¨Lucas is… working. I mean, everyone’s working, but he just… he works a lot lately,¨ she said sadly.
¨I’m sorry about that… Hope can be the same way. She gets lost in the work, and forgets about our plans at times.¨
¨That sounds like Hope. I’m sorry, Noah.¨ April commented.
Noah sighed. He got really quiet for a minute, the silence holding over both of them, until he said: ¨Can I tell you something, April?¨
April was nervous at this, but allowed him to continue. ¨Yeah, of course, you can tell me anything.¨
He sighed again. ¨Sometimes… sometimes I feel like I wish I could go back to the villa and just rewrite everything, y’know?¨
April’s brows muddled together in confusion. ¨How so?¨
¨Like, rewrite the way I did things and how I acted. Like, with you, I wish I would have thought things through more… I would have been kinder to you if I had.¨
April was even more confused at this comment. ¨Noah, all that is in the past. I think you were kind to me then, and I think you’re kind to me now. Don’t worry about it,¨ she reassured him.
¨Yeah… yeah, sure. I just wish–¨ she stopped him before he could finish.
¨Listen, I have to go, ok? I hope you have a great day, Noah.¨ she rushed to get off the phone. She was too scared to hear what he had to say, and what it could mean for her.
¨O-oh ok. I hope you have a good day too, April, thanks for calling,¨ he said in a sweet voice that made her feel bad about hanging up on him.
¨Thanks, Noah. It was good to hear from you. Bye!¨ Without hearing his parting call, she hit the end call button and put her phone down. Her breath was speeding up, her mind reeling from Noah’s comment. What exactly did he want to change? And why did she want to know so bad? Why did she want to change it too?
Oh god, the call had simply overwhelmed her more than it had calmed her down. All she wanted to do was talk more to Noah, about what there was to change and why, but she was afraid that all she would do was cross lines that couldn’t be uncrossed. It was better to leave it as it was.
It always is. Isn’t it?
She decided to call Chelsea in her confusion. She picked up on the first ring.
¨Hey, babes, how are you?¨ Chelsea remarked in her exceedingly high voice.
April took a breath in and out. ¨Noah just told me he wanted to rewrite our season of Love Island and do things over, act nicer to me or something… and I don’t, I don’t know what to do with that.¨
Chelsea paused for a second. ¨Why are you calling Noah these days?¨
April sighed. She forgot she would have to explain that. ¨Because… because I had a dream about him, okay? And I couldn’t get it out of my brain in any other way than calling him.¨
¨A sex dream?¨ Chelsea gasped.
¨No, you perv,¨ April laughed. ¨Just a normal, weird dream. What do you think about what he said, Chels?¨
Chelsea hmmed over the phone and took her sweet time to reply. ¨Well, I think that you’re engaged to Lucas, so I don’t think it matters really what Noah says.¨
April bite her lip. ¨But… but, what does it all mean? What even happened at the villa that Noah would want to redo?¨
Chelsea sighed and ignored her question: ¨Listen, I have a couple of flower arrangements perfect for the engagement party next Saturday, so if you would like to come over to hang out and see them, that would be fab.¨
¨Okay, okay, I’ll come over in a bit. I just have some chores to do before.¨
¨Okay, babes, see you soon.¨ Chelsea said. She took a breath in, seeming like she wanted to say more. ¨Try not to think about what Noah said, ok, babes? It’ll do you no good to look back on the past like that.¨
April bite her tongue, and sighed. ¨Ok, I’ll try not to.¨
After that, April tried to go about her day. Brushing her teeth, eating pancakes for breakfast, putting together the beats her band had recorded last week, editing a video they made. Looking at her ring and twiddling with it. Fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist, cleaning the bathroom. Trying to do anything but think about Noah’s comment and how could he say that and could he regret getting together with Hope and what would he do differently, the entire thing, or just a tiny part of it or, or, or…
She was thinking about it constantly.
She was truly trying not to–she was trying to think of Lucas, how happy they were, or had been, and how happy they could be when they got married. All she kept coming back to though was Noah. Was he happy with Hope the way things were? Could they both accept the way things were, instead of trying to rewrite it all?
She didn’t know anymore. She didn’t think she knew anything anymore. All she knew was that she had to watch her season of Love Island, and see what he needed to change, see what she wanted to change. See the reality of it all.
She turned on the tele, found her season on Hulu, and skipped it until she saw the moment she was looking for….
She remembered her hands were shaking with nervousness. She put her hair in buns to make sure that she wouldn’t play with her hand on camera that day. She remembered desperately wanting to look nicely… to look like she belonged there, because she never once felt like she did.
Her phone dinged and she almost jumped out of her skin.
¨April, it’s your turn to graft! Walk out to meet the hot lads and have your fun with them, without any other couples to stop you!¨
She hesitantly took a step forward, with whispers of good luck following her from the other girls. She moved forward, twiddling with her bracelet–her tic.
The warm sun reached her skin, making her cheeks flush. The green grass, blue skies, and transparent pools were unbelievable–it was like she was inside a computer background screen, like she had reached into her computer and somehow gotten to this beautiful place where everyone else was beautiful and–
The guys were there. The guys were standing in front of her.
She remembered this moment. She remembered being awestruck by abs, pretty eyes, and smiling faces. She was terrified to speak, worried that she’d say something wrong and they would all write her off as a weirdo.
She just stood there, with her mouth open, as 5 very handsome men stared at her with blank looks on their faces. One, though, with dark skin and warm eyes didn’t have a blank face. He was still smiling at her. He had these big eyes that enveloped you like a hug, and a posture that made you feel at ease with him. He did something, then. He waved to her, and gave her a small ‘hi’ under his breath.
She smiled widely then. He was like her. Scared to be here, too. She suddenly felt like she could do this, she could make it through this, as long as there was him there who was in the same position as her. Awkward, uncomfortable, and struggling through it all.
¨Hello, lads!¨ she said brightly. ¨I’m April. Nice to meet you all!¨
¨Hey, lass,¨ a man with curly hair said. ¨I’m Bobby. Are you a baked good? Cause you’re looking delicious to me.¨
She laughed at that one. ¨I think I’m human, but thank you for the compliment!¨
¨Hello, April,¨ a very put-together dark-skinned man said to her. ¨I’m Ibrahaim, but you can call me Rahim.¨
She smiled at him, mentally crossing him out in her mind out of people to choose. He looked too serious, or maybe too shy. Too something.
¨Hi, April, I’m Gary,¨ a blond, very pale man remarked from beside Rahim. ¨Are you dirt at a construction site? Because I want to pick you up.¨ She gave him a pity laugh for that one and Bobby gave him a dirty look. ¨What, I’m a crane operator!¨
¨Nice to meet you, Gary,¨ she gave him a smile, but knew they probably wouldn’t hit it off, at least not right away.
She looked to the kind guy who had given her confidence with a simple wave, and gave him her widest smile. She was ready to hear his introduction.
¨Hi,¨ he smiled, and looked like he didn’t know what to say. Bobby, next to him, had to nudge him to get him to stop staring at April. Bobby muttered ‘your name’ under his breath, and Noah snapped out of his trance. He cleared his throat, ¨I’m Noah. I don’t really have a line, I’m a librarian so I could say something like ‘Are you a good book?’ but all I really want to say is it’s nice to meet you, April.¨
She nodded, ¨It’s nice to meet you, too, Noah.¨ She shared a long look with him and knew who she was going to pick.
She picked him once she got the text saying she could choose between the guys, and went right over by his side.
She remembered being so happy when he beamed at her after she said his name. She remembered his hand slipping into hers like it had always been there. Like it was meant to be there…
Then came Hope.
And then Lucas.
And then Hope and Noah and April and Lucas.
And April was happy with Lucas.
And Noah was happy with Hope.
Right?