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The first thing Nicholas ever gives him is a piece of chocolate.
Or, well, tries to give him.
Euijoo swears it was just the nerves that made him decline back then, but no matter how many times he tries to explain himself, Nicholas keeps insisting that it was a personal attack.
“Hey! At least I was nice about it!”
“That nice guy act can’t fool me, Juju. You were probably thinking weird things about me.”
“Says the one who’s making these assumptions about me in the first place.”
A long time has passed since that first encounter. Euijoo looks up at his reflection before his gaze instinctively lands on Nicholas in the mirror, the latter still up and dancing like they haven’t been at it for the past 3 hours.
The new survival show they’re joining will be starting next week, and they’ve been spending as much time in the practice rooms as they can. It’s mainly to polish up their skills before they’re officially back on broadcast, but the pair have an unspoken understanding that it’s also partly to pass the time quicker. The doubts about their debut have been festering lately, worries about HYBE pulling a last minute plot twist for the sake of generating more internet buzz creeping into their minds in between language lessons and team meetings.
“K-Hyung wouldn’t let them,” Nicholas had whispered just a few nights ago, the pair lying side-by-side on their shared bed. They always start out like this - on their backs, careful not to brush too much against each other, as if they won’t wake up the next morning with their limbs tangled like they always do. Euijoo had hummed in reply, though they both knew that even the strongest person wouldn’t stand a chance against a giant corporation.
“You okay?” Nicholas’ voice cuts through his inner musings like a sharp knife, and Euijoo startles.
“Huh?”
“You looked a bit dazed. I mean, more so than usual,” Nicholas smirks, but there’s a hint of concern in his eyes that he’s obviously trying to hide, “Here.” He holds out his energy drink, giving it a little shake to let Euijoo know he’s offering.
Euijoo nods in thanks and takes a sip from the bottle. The drink’s lost all of its fizz and is practically room temperature, but he can’t help the slight warmth in his chest knowing that Nicholas noticed something was up.
“I slobbered all over the bottle mouth, by the way,” Nicholas flashes him a shit-eating grin, and Euijoo elbows him in the knee.
~*peareedot*~
The next thing Nicholas gives him is a piece of confetti.
They’re on their way to their new dorms with their new bandmates, and everything feels so new, new, new.
Euijoo’s still riding the high from the &Audition finale, his entire body feeling indescribably weightless, fingers twitching slightly from all of the excitement for the days, months, years to come. Nicholas’ words from a little over two hours ago echo in his mind, getting louder and louder as he’s left to process what exactly his friend had said.
“When we were up on stage together, I suddenly had that thought… how I really wanted to debut together.”
It’s strange. Euijoo has known for a long time now that Nicholas is far from the intimidating, aloof stranger he once mistook him for. He has seen Nicholas laugh with his entire being and cry with his soul bared to the world. But something about that statement had left him stunned, unable to formulate a proper response. Maybe it was the tenderness in Nicholas’ tone, devoid of any teasing. Maybe it was that bashful smile he gave him, one that Euijoo wants to believe he’s been receiving more and more but is too afraid of disappointing himself to truly admit.
Should he have expressed that he wanted the same thing too? Maybe he can tell Nicholas later… Would the absence of cameras make things better or worse? Or maybe the moment’s long over and it’d just be awkward to say anything more…
He feels a tap on his shoulder and looks behind him. The others are all passed out in their seats, except for Nicholas, who’s holding out a single piece of confetti to him.
“What’s that?” Euijoo mouths, and Nicholas rolls his eyes like it’s a stupid question. Which, considering it’s clearly confetti from the stage earlier, maybe it is, but Euijoo feels the familiar surge of annoyance reserved only for Nicholas anyway.
Before he can retort in his own defence, Nicholas says, “Hand.”
Like a well-trained puppy, he offers his hand to Nicholas immediately, and the confetti is soon deposited on to his open palm. Euijoo peers at it, only now realising that it’s actually got a wonky smiley face drawn on one side, slightly smudged. When he looks up at Nicholas, the latter’s already got his headphones on and eyes closed.
Wordlessly, he turns back around, fingers gently brushing against the smiley face.
The next morning, they’re already being corralled to their first official schedule as a band. Euijoo’s eyelids still feel heavy from the lack of sleep, but the sight of the smiley-faced confetti in his phone case is enough to make the corners of his mouth curl upwards.
~*peareedot*~
It’s Christmas a year later, and Euijoo receives a massage gun from Nicholas. He’s testing it out in the living room of their dorms when Nicholas comes out, fresh from the shower and dressed in a black tank top and matching pyjama pants. The nine of them had their celebratory fried chicken dinner earlier in the evening, and have since dispersed, some already resting in their rooms and others out on the hunt for Christmas lights around the city.
Normally, Euijoo would be bundled up in his blankets and sound asleep by now, but he’d promised to watch a movie with Nicholas, which the latter had made a point to remind him about everyday for the past two weeks.
“Hey,” Euijoo says, “Anyone else joining us?”
Nicholas nonchalantly ruffles his wet hair with his towel, and Euijoo does not stare at the flex of the other’s arm muscles. “Nope,” Nicholas replies.
“Huh,” Euijoo winces when the massage gun hits a particularly sore spot on his shoulder, “Guess it’s just you and me, then.”
“Guess so. Hey, scoot over.”
Euijoo shifts a little to the side, and Nicholas plonks onto the couch, crossing his legs so his right knee just about grazes Euijoo’s left thigh. They decide to watch My Neighbour Totoro since they’re trying to finish as many Ghibli films as possible before their trip to Ghibli Park during their next break.
“How’s the massage gun?” Nicholas asks as the opening credits roll.
“Really good,” Euijoo smiles. He stretches the massage gun towards his mid-back, folding his arm in a way that probably looks quite comical judging by Nicholas’ snort.
“Here, I’ll help you,” Nicholas gently grabs the massage gun from Euijoo before he can reply and gets to work.
They sit there for the next twenty minutes in silence, two pairs of eyes trained on the television screen while Nicholas guides the massage gun all over Euijoo’s back.
Euijoo’s genuinely trying to pay attention to the movie, he swears, but it’s hard to concentrate when he’s so painfully aware of how close Nicholas has gotten. Nicholas’ knee is now very much overlapping his thigh, and though both of them are wearing long pants, Euijoo still feels the other’s warmth like there’s nothing between them at all.
When Nicholas finally switches the massage gun off and leans forward to place it on the coffee table in front of them, his leg shifts away.
It’s only then that Euijoo realises he hasn’t been breathing right the whole time.
Oh, he thinks, before promptly forcing away any thoughts about what this all means for him.
~*peareedot*~
He’s able to keep his unwanted musings more or less at bay until their Ghibli Park holiday. They’ve already gone to see all of the main outdoor attractions, and are now wandering through the gift shop with their face masks and caps firmly on.
Euijoo’s debating between an Otori-Sama plushie and wallet for Taki when he feels something suddenly press against his cheek. He yelps, whipping around to see Nicholas laughing like he’s just witnessed the funniest thing in the world while waving around a Ponyo hand puppet. He sees a few other people turn towards them in confusion, likely startled by the sudden noise.
Euijoo wishes he could say something smart as a retort, but all he can do is roll his eyes as he feels his face redden.
“Self love,” Nicholas quips, making the Ponyo puppet flap its arms. The smile he gives him is so wide that Euijoo almost misses the light blush on his cheeks. Idiot, Euijoo thinks to himself, What’s the point of making fun of me if you’re gonna get embarrassed too?
“Is that what you’re getting?” Euijoo asks.
“Nah,” Nicholas replies, “Already have the real thing.”
The light smack that Euijoo gives him only makes him laugh some more. Euijoo looks around and sees a large Jiji plushie nearby, the black cat practically Nicholas’ double with its massive grin and fangs on display. He grabs it and presses its face to Nicholas’ cheek like the other had done to him, adding a “mwah!” before he can really think it through.
The air seems to still.
They stand there in silence, Nicholas rubbing his cheek and Euijoo questioning every decision he has ever made to have led him to this point.
Later, when they’re back in their hotel room for the night, Euijoo finds a small package on his bed after coming out from the shower. He looks at Nicholas curiously, but he’s too busy adding songs to his shower playlist to say anything, and soon Euijoo’s left alone in their room.
Opening the package reveals a small Jiji plushie keychain, and Euijoo feels his heart rate pick up. He attaches it to his carry-on, telling himself that it’s just another inside joke between two best buds.
When he notices the Ponyo plushie keychain hanging from Nicholas’ own bag, bright red against sleek black, he decides it’s time for bed.
~*peareedot*~
It’s the night before Euijoo’s twenty-second birthday and everyone’s gathered for a mini celebration. They’ve just sung the birthday song for him and taken lots of pictures, with Yuma diligently filming everything for his vlog.
His band members give him their gifts one by one, and he takes the time to look at each one closely, heart feeling fuller than he ever thought possible. When it’s Nicholas’ turn, he presents him with a white paper bag while lying on the ground, a lazy smile on his face.
“How does it feel to finally be the same age again?” Yuma’s voice chimes, like a reporter looking for the latest scoop.
“There’s still two hours left,” Euijoo replies, too distracted by what’s in the bag to realise that he’s just thrown Nicholas some bait.
“What?” Nicholas pounces, never one to let anything Euijoo-related go, “Then call me Nico-Hyung.” He gently tugs at the paper bag, and Euijoo’s hands let go without his meaning to, wide eyes meeting Nicholas’ own twinkling ones.
It’s just his usual teasing, Euijoo tells himself, resisting the urge to crawl on to Nicholas’ lap and… and…
What?
“Nico-Hyung,” the words escape Euijoo’s mouth far too easily, and he catches Nicholas’ stunned look before the other quickly schools his features, handing the bag back to him.
When he takes out the watch and ring from the bag, the loud gasps and chorus of voices around him grow muffled as his heart starts beating faster. The accessories are gorgeous - of course they are, Nicholas picked them out after all - but more than that, they’re customised to fit him perfectly.
When Nicholas helps him put the watch on, the feeling of his fingers on his wrist makes Euijoo’s breath stutter. Hoping that the others haven’t caught on to the… weird energy between them, Euijoo starts chattering about how cute the watch is and how much he loves it, showing it and the ring off to Yuma’s camera with a happy smile on his face, all while he feels the weight of Nicholas' gaze on him.
Later, as he lies in bed in the early hours of his birthday, unable to drift off to sleep no matter how hard he tries, he finds himself reaching over to his side-table and grabbing his new watch and ring. Savouring the feeling of cool metal on his skin, he closes his eyes, but the image of Nicholas lying on the ground and looking up at him with that smug face of his refuses to go away.
What would he have done if they had been alone?
Nothing, Euijoo insists, grip on his watch and ring tightening.
When he finally falls asleep, he sees himself alone in the room with Nicholas, his new watch on his wrist and ring on his right ring-finger.
“So,” Dream-Nicholas says, sprawled out on the floor like he had been hours before, “You like your gifts?”
“Of course,” Euijoo replies, getting on to his knees.
“How much?” Dream-Nicholas asks, an unmistakable glint in his eyes.
Euijoo’s now kneeling right beside him. He pretends to think it over, tilting his head and tapping a finger on his lips.
“Want me to show you?”
And that’s when Euijoo startles out of his dream, face so flushed he could probably fry an egg on his cheeks.
Ah, he thinks, I guess I have a problem, after all.
~*peareedot*~
Here’s the situation: Euijoo is about a hundred and one percent sure he’s got a crush on his best friend. He’s not certain when exactly he landed himself in this predicament, but he’s not going to pretend he doesn’t know why he’s fallen for Nicholas specifically.
Nicholas is, well, Nicholas. He’s driven, passionate, and unabashedly himself. He’s fierce on stage and a menace when he wants to be, but so painfully soft around the people he cares about. Euijoo likes it all - the relentless teasing, the unrestrained laughter, the secret smiles, the thoughtful gifts.
So, falling for Nicholas turns out to be an easy thing to accept. The issue here is what Euijoo’s going to do about it.
On the car rides between schedules, when everyone’s either catching up on sleep or busy with their phones, Euijoo lets himself think about what it would be like if he just… confesses to Nicholas. But for every fantasy about Nicholas returning his feelings come five other scenarios where their friendship is irreparably ruined, and Euijoo’s left spiralling for far too much of his already meagre free time.
So he decides to do the next best thing - absolutely nothing.
And honestly? He thinks he’s doing a pretty good job. Sure, sometimes he accidentally flinches away when Nicholas wraps his arms around him from behind without warning, and there have been a few instances of him turning his head a little too quickly when he and Nicholas make eye contact, but overall, things are more or less the same as before.
In fact, he’s so normal about everything that he agrees to go for a late night walk alone with Nicholas on one of their rare weekends off.
They decide to just head to their usual park nearby, Nicholas in an oversized black hoodie and Euijoo in a well-worn grey sweater to ward off the night’s chill, both wearing nondescript t-shirts and sweatpants underneath. They don’t take any bags with them, and Euijoo forces himself to think about anything other than how empty his hands feel. Beside him, Nicholas chatters on about the new vocal technique he learnt the other day, hands shoved into his hoodie’s kangaroo pocket.
Euijoo nods along, trying his best to focus even as his mind drifts to images of himself, probably in a dimension far away from this one, slotting a hand in Nicholas’ kangaroo pocket and finding the other’s own.
A short while later, they reach the little lake in the centre of the park. Nicholas tugs Euijoo down onto their favourite bench, and the two sit in silence for a few minutes.
Euijoo’s close to dozing off when he hears Nicholas clear his throat.
He looks up at the other curiously.
“Hey, uhh…” Nicholas begins, and Euijoo blinks in confusion at his sudden shyness, “How’s the watch?”
Euijoo’s wrist feels awfully bare all of a sudden. “It’s great,” he says, “My mom saw me wearing it during our video call the other day. She says you have good taste.”
Nicholas shrugs, a smug grin on his face like he expected this, but the reddening of his ears betrays him. Euijoo can’t help the smile that spreads across his own face.
“...And, uhh, the ring?”
The ring’s currently under Euijoo’s pillow. It’s there because he was fiddling with it while lying in bed reading the book he’s been meaning to finish for a while now, and had quickly hidden it in the first place he could think of when Nicholas suddenly barged in to ask him out on their walk. It’s not like he isn’t meant to be seen with the ring, obviously - he’s worn it out almost every day since he got it and even showed it off to the fans during a recent livestream, after all. But something about Nicholas catching him stroking the ring (for lack of a better word) alone in the room had pushed his body to act on its own.
Euijoo wrings his hands together, “I love it.” He means it.
Nicholas hums, seemingly satisfied with the answer. They sit in silence for a bit more, and Euijoo’s about to suggest they start heading back home when Nicholas reaches into his kangaroo pocket and pulls out a small black box.
“Hand,” Nicholas says, and Euijoo, mind going blank, offers his hand like he always does.
When Nicholas passes the box to him, he gestures at him to open it. Gingerly, Euijoo does, and inside he sees a silver ring. He gasps, eyes widening.
Before he can say anything, Nicholas starts talking, voice a little strained, “I saw it while out with Maki the other day. Just thought it’d look goo- suit you. I mean, you said you’ve been meaning to get more accessories and I, you know… thought it’d be a shame if you… missed out on… this one.”
Euijoo can’t help it. He beams.
“Thank you, Nicholas. It’s gorgeous.”
Nicholas bites his lip, eyes darting to the side like he’s debating on saying something. Euijoo doesn’t want to get his hopes up. He waits, resisting the urge to shake his legs to dispel the nerves.
Finally, Nicholas leans back, spreading his arms along the top of the back of the bench.
“Try to find a better friend than me, Juju.”
Euijoo does not deflate. He doesn’t. His smile’s still in place when he rolls his eyes good-naturedly, and rests his head on Nicholas’ shoulder.
It’s what he expected, anyway.
~*peareedot*~
A strange tension starts to build between them after that night. Euijoo senses it in the quick glances from Nicholas when the other thinks he’s unaware, and the painfully obvious avoidance of direct eye contact begins to grate on his nerves.
Moreover, it feels like Nicholas is suddenly everywhere and nowhere all at once. They seem to always end up in the same car on their way to schedules, but they’re never sitting near enough each other to have a private conversation. Mealtimes with Nicholas whenever their schedules align carry on as usual, but there’s always at least one other member joining in as well.
When he fits all the puzzle pieces together in his head, Euijoo comes to only one conclusion: Nicholas must have caught wind of his feelings for him, and is now trying to maintain a safe distance while also pretending that nothing’s wrong.
Euijoo buries his head in his hands, letting out a heavy sigh. He’s hiding in one of the small vocal practice rooms in between solo schedules, the udon he ordered for lunch left half-eaten on the table in front of him.
He’s got the latest ring from Nicholas on his left pointer finger, its weight a constant reminder of his situation.
He can’t let things continue the way they are. On top of being the leader - whose very duty calls for maintaining good relationships with everyone and solving disputes, not starting them - this is his best friend he’s dealing with. To lose their entire friendship over Euijoo’s inability to keep his emotions in check would be devastating.
We need to air things out for good, he tells himself, though the very thought of definite rejection sends a shiver down his spine.
It’s then that he hears the door open. He whips around and comes face-to-face with a wide-eyed Nicholas cradling an armful of snacks.
“Oh - sorry if I disturbed you, I’ll just go - ”
“Wait!” Euijoo says a little too loudly, and Nicholas freezes, “I was just eating lunch… join me?”
The internal debate that Nicholas very obviously has is both endearing and worrying. Thankfully, he ends up in the chair next to Euijoo’s, his packets of chips and chocolate spread out in front of him. They eat in silence for a bit, staring at the blank wall of the practice room.
Finally, Euijoo has enough.
“Listen, I - ”
“Hey, can I - ”
Their mouths clamp shut at the same time. Euijoo feels a blush start to form.
“Sorry, I - ” Nicholas tries to apologise, but Euijoo waves him off.
“It’s fine. You go first.” Internally, he’s screaming about how much of a coward he is, but he’s hoping his smile doesn’t betray him.
Nicholas worries his bottom lip with his teeth, uncharacteristically shy. Finally, he takes a deep breath.
“I’vekindofbeeninlovewithyouthewholetime.”
The stream of words pours out so quickly Euijoo fails to process any of it.
“... What?”
Nicholas’ eye twitches. Under any other circumstances, Euijoo would probably have laughed.
The tension in the room is now so thick that Euijoo feels like suffocating has become a very real possibility.
“Sorry, I genuinely didn’t catch what you sa - ”
“I’ve. Kind of. Been. In love. With you. The whole time.”
Euijoo’s jaw drops.
“Shut up!” Nicholas yells, even though Euijoo hasn’t said anything, “Stop! You’re embarrassing me! God, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything!”
Euijoo can’t tell if the lightheadedness he’s suddenly feeling is from pure elation or a genuine health concern. In the end, nothing can stop the massive smile from spreading across his face, and Nicholas goes silent.
“... Me too,” Euijoo finally says, voice soft but sure.
Nicholas seems to let his reply soak in for a bit. He blinks.
And then, he’s beaming back at him, and Euijoo’s never seen anything more beautiful.
Nicholas reaches into his pack of chocolates, pulling out a piece. He offers it to Euijoo, eyes twinkling.
“Go out with me?”
This time, Euijoo takes the chocolate from him.
“As if I’d say no.”