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He really thought this would be the one. He was foolish for thinking so. He watched as his body moved on its own, slashing and tearing at the flesh of his comrades with the aim to kill them. He wasn’t worried though. He had been worried, when Kim Dokja had come at him, sword raised high, aiming for the stone in his hand. However, he had been faster, and he had completed the demon transformation. Now there was no need to worry. He would die here.
He could hear Kim Dokja’s cries and shouts over the clashing of metal and the grunts of effort. He could see the way he was straining against Lee Hyunsung’s grip, trying his hardest to pull away, but he was practically fused to the other man.
“Yoo Joonghyuk! Stop this! We can figure out a different way! Please!” He wailed, begging for them to stop but Yoo Joonghyuk turned a blind eye to the tears. As did everyone else. “Everyone! We can’t kill him, you don’t understand! He can’t die here!”
He knew what all of Kim Dokja’s companions were thinking. It’s not alright for him to die but it’s alright for you to? After all, that’s what Yoo Joonghyuk was thinking. Kim Dokja was destined to die by the hand of the one he loved the most; that day wouldn’t be today.
Yoo Joonghyuk tightened the grip on his sword, he could feel his power waning. Even without Kim Dokja commanding the group, they slowly and efficiently chipped away at the power of the demon king transformation thanks to all the practice they had done previously.
Something tugged at his heart. Yeah, they would be alright without him. Kim Dokja would lead them well, he would lead them to where he couldn’t.
Pain pierced his side and he felt his body buckle at the knees, sending him towards the ground. He coughed up tangy blood as another sword slipped into his skin. It burned. It hurt. It was fine.
A pair of black boots entered his blurring and dimming vision. “You idiot…” Ahh. Was Han Sooyoung really going to be the one that ended this life?
He tried to look up at her but he found he wasn’t able to meet her eyes, afraid of seeing his own defeat in them. What was it Kim Dokja had told him? That he shouldn’t fool himself into thinking things will get better if he repeats it a few times? Maybe he was right. But once more couldn’t hurt.
“He’s crying because of you, you know.” I know. “If we all disappear, I’ll never forgive you.” I don’t need your forgiveness. “….” Just do it.
“Han Sooyoung! Don’t!”
And then the ground opened up and swallowed him whole.
***
The world was dark around him. He supposed he was outside of the scenarios. He could feel his stories leaking out of him. It was painful, it was empty, and cold, so cold. It was fine…
Kim Dokja would probably come up with some plan to try and save him, but he would know it was too late. I just hope he doesn’t waste too much time. They have to start preparing.
[Incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk’s sponsor is looking at his incarnation.]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 3' has been activated!]
Just one more time. That’s all he needed. Just once more.
***
When he opened his eyes he was on that fucking train again. The car swayed through the tunnel, making a ruckus that the passengers tuned out with headphones and chattering.
He was going to kill them all.
Looking down at his hands, they were free of scars and calluses. He made fists. Kim Dokja was the first one of his comrades he met in his last life. If he missed him here there was a high likelihood he would never see him. To meet him again he had to retrace his steps.
He had to kill them all.
Just as the train neared the end of the tunnel and the afternoon sun started shining through the windows, the car jerked forward and everything stilled.
Screams and confused shouts rang from other cars and within his own. Yoo Joonghyuk simply looked up to where he knew the Dokkaebi would show up.
The air crackled and he stood up. He could still remember the deaths of these strangers from his last round. He could still feel their warm blood on his face and their dim eyes staring at him with fear. He could still hear the cackling of the Dokkaebi.
But for him, there was no choice. They had to die. For him, for Kim Dokja, for the world.
***
He was panting as the last body dropped, his hand prints red on their neck. He noted that he needed to get his skills back quickly or this life would be a hassle just like the last one.
“Well, aren’t you a fun one?” The Dokkaebi grinned at him, its sharp teeth shining in the dim light of the tunnel.
Yoo Joonghyuk glared at the beast and began beating on the door separating his car from car 3708. He remembered Kim Dokja mentioning he was in the car next door.
“What are you doing? Are you gonna kill all of them too?”
He didn’t answer and kept hitting the door, watching as the metal slowly indented under his bloodied fists.
Screams and shouts came from behind the door. And then the metal bent sharply in half with a dull thunk.
Quickly, he pushed the door out of the way. But, when he ripped off the door, instead of everyone being gone and only bloodied bodies filling the space like his previous life, Kim Nawmoon, Lee Hyunsung, and a couple people he didn’t recognize stood alive instead.
Kim Namwoon…? He felt a tug at his heart seeing the boy alive. He was useful and quite quick to adapt but he also knew what this meant. If Kim Namwoon was alive, that meant Kim Dokja wasn’t.
It’s fine. He didn’t need Kim Dokja to make it to the end. Kim Namwoon was a better asset in total. He was stronger, better adapted, listened better… God, why did it hurt so much?
“Excuse me? Who are you?” Lee Hyunsung stared at him suspiciously. Arms out in front of a middle aged couple who stood wearily behind him.
The same as always. But now it wasn’t the same. It doesn’t matter. The past can’t be changed. He’ll just have to try again without him. He’s done it before. He shouldn’t miss something he barely had.
“Yoo Joonghyuk. From car 3707.”
***
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 4’ has been activated!]
Fuck. It’s alright. He can do it with just one more try. This time he’ll find Kim Dokja and he won’t get stuck in the Theater Dungeon.
***
He opened his eyes. He was on the train again. He needed Kim Dokja. He’d seen that now. He might have made it further in his second round, but now that he had seen what was possible if he had the man, he needed him.
He would give them more time this time. He wouldn’t begin killing the passengers of his train until at least a minute had passed. To give Kim Dokja more time before the screams started. Maybe that was it.
***
But it wasn’t. Kim Dokja wasn’t there, again. Kim Namwoon still smiled at him and Lee Hyunsung still glared. It’s fine, he could do it again.
***
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 5’ has been activated!]
The air was clear and the sun was shining but Lee Jihye breathed her last breath in his arms. Just one more time. Once more and this time he would find Kim Dokja and Lee Jihye wouldn’t have to die. He would know what to do.
***
This time he would be faster. He would kill them all the second the scenario started. He wouldn’t give them a second to do anything but let out a short gasp. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was how he found Kim Dokja.
***
Well, there was no harm in restarting at the beginning, was there? If he went back now, he wouldn’t have to watch his comrades die. He wouldn’t have to fail. He could just do it again and again until he found him.
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 6’ has been activated!]
***
“Excuse me? Who are you?”
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 12’ has been activated!]
***
“Heh? Who’s this guy? You wanna die too?”
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 25’ has been activated!]
***
Yoo Joonhyuk watched as the bridge broke and Lee Hyunsung fought his way through the monsters with Kim Namwoon. He’s not here either. I guess he didn’t lie at least.
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 32’ has been activated!]
***
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 40’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 46’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 58’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 71’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 93’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 111’ has been activated!]
[Incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk’s sponsor is looking at his incarnation.]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 111’ has been canceled!]
Fuck off.
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 111’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 143’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 160’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 257’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 380’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 479’ has been activated!]
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. …
***
[Incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk’s sponsor is looking at his incarnation.]
“What do you want?”
He was sitting alone in the middle of his train car, the scent of blood remaining unnoticed by his nose. The Dokkaebbi had left him alone after a couple minutes of trying to get a reaction out of him. Perhaps he had been a good enough of a show that the creature figured he could let him mope for a little bit.
[Incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk’s sponsor asks his incarnation why the story must start where it does.]
“What are you talking about?”
[Incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk’s sponsor asks his incarnation why the story must start where it does.]
Yoo Joonghyuk grit his teeth. This bastard never spoke up but now he suddenly wanted to give some input? Whatever. “Fuck off.”
And he really did go silent.
***
But see, now it was bugging him. He was about to die again, he could tell as the flames rose all around First Murim. He didn’t care anymore. He still tried. He still tried so hard to make it further and further, but it was bugging him.
Why must the story start where it does? Because that’s how it was. He couldn’t regress to a point before or after that train ride. Why would the consolation responsible for his stigma ask him that?
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. 697’ has been activated!]
He supposed that it’s true there was about a minute where he was conscious before the StarStream came into creation in their world, but…
Oh.
Of course.
***
He opened his eyes. On the fucking train again. It’s fine.
He looked down at his hands. Unblemished, untainted. There was only one person who knew what these hands had been through. One person and one constellation. Who could see the truth. He clenched his hands into fists. He didn’t want to think about what he would do if…
Swallowing heavily, he felt anxiety for the first time in a while. He hadn’t noticed when his emotions had started to dull without him actually putting in the effort of not caring, but this small spark felt like a wave.
He stood up, turning towards to sliding door between the cars. He was on the other side. He was still alive.
The noise of the train seemed to slow and quiet to nothing but a mere whisper in the distance. The door seemed too far and every step felt like he was running miles, approaching at a great speed. The lights of the tunnel rushed by as though he were falling backwards down an endless hole in space. He just had to press the button and the door would open.
His hand was shaking as he lifted it slowly towards the button. He already knew Kim Dokja hadn’t been lying when he said he was with Lee Hyunsung in the next car over so why was he so scared? Why was he so frightened of what was on the other side of that door?
The plastic button was neither cool nor warm as he pressed it with a small clicking sound. Perhaps a passenger or two glanced at him, but no one said anything as the door slowly slid open, revealing the next car. He stopped breathing as his gaze dragged over each passenger with a hurried carefulness.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO…
Where was he?
This didn’t make any sense. Where was Kim Dokja?
He raked his gaze over everyone again, but his search came up fruitless. Once more. Again nothing. Just one more time.
Lee Hyunsung was standing staring into the distance, Kim Namwoon was playing some game on his phone, but no Kim Dokja.
Slowly walking into the car, he tried to slow his heart rate when he heard another voice that seemed to far gone.
“Auntie, the crickets don’t like the loud sounds.”
A drop of sweat rolled down his face. Lee Gilyoung. Why was that kid here, but not him? He hadn’t known that the kid was on this train, in fact he hadn’t survived even once. That means that something was stopping Kim Dokja from saving the kid. What changed? Why couldn’t he see what changed?
A fury bubbled up deep inside of him. Why were they here? Why was everyone here except for HIM?
“¿Dónde está el cajero automático más cercano? No, that’s not right…”
Whipping around towards the soft voice whispering to herself, his vision was coated with a vivid red. The wave of fear evolved into a hurricane of anger. Someone had to know SOMETHING. SOMEONE HAD TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM SOMEONE HAD TO KNOW
Yoo Sangah’s lips were trembling as he grabbed her by the collar. “E-excuse me!?”
“Where is he? WHERE IS KIM DOKJA?”
Her eyes flitted around for help but no one turned to lend any. “I-I’m sorry, I don’t know who that is.”
He tightened his grip and pulled her up so their faces were centimeters from each other. “Don’t lie to me, where is he? Why isn’t he here?”
“I really don’t know who that is, I-I’m sorry…“
“Hey, sir, put her down. If you have a problem you can talk it out.”
He was sure Lee Hyunsung had a hand on his shoulder and people were whispering about him but it didn’t matter.
He was sure they were nearing the end of the tunnel and that soon everyone would be forced to kill each other.
He was sure Yoo Sangah would die. He was sure Lee Gilyoung would die. He too would die. Because, in the end, without Kim Dokja, he would never make it to the end.
And that was the truth.
***
Yoo Joonghyuk was tired. He was burdened by the weight and task of saving the world given to him by a constellation whose identity he may never know. There was no pain, no joy, nothing but exhaustion. And perhaps he had once known what it felt like to fight for something he cared about but now he fought for death. Now he fought to be released from this hell.
[Incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk’s sponsor is looking at his incarnation with pity.]
“Don’t pity me, you bastard. Isn’t this playing out exactly as you wanted? I did it. I replaced him with the death of comrades. I replaced him with Han Sooyoung and her sacrifice. Now it’s just you and me before this wall. It will all be over.”
He punched the wall. He just had to break it.
[Incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk’s sponsor tells his incarnation that it is no use.]
He just had to break it. It’s fine. He just has to break it and find out who’s big joke this all was. And then he had to kill them.
[Incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk’s sponsor tells his incarnation that it is no use.]
“How about you help me then? How about you do something other than watch for the first time.”
[…]
[Incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk’s sponsor tells his incarnation that it is no use.]
“So, what am I supposed to do? My companion is gone forever, almost as though he never existed, and all my comrades from incarnations to those fucking constellations are dead. So what? I just give up and die again? Is that what I’m destined to do forever? Is there no end to this?”
[…]
Yoo Joonghyuk stopped punching the wall, the thin crack quickly reforming itself as though he had never been there, clearing the proof of his existence. He looked up at the sky, at the empty sky with not a single star left.
“Is this really it? You, a constellation who isn’t even in the sky, and me, the last incarnation who can never be the last one?”
His sponsor remained silent. Perhaps he knew it was time. But this time, Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t demand to regress and his sponsor didn’t bring it up. It was inevitable, but maybe it was the illusion of choice that he had to live for.
He sat down. If he had infinity, he might as well not rush. There was no sentiment to dwell on nor future plans to consider. Maybe in another timeline he had made it. Maybe in another life where he had succeeded in saving both himself and Kim Dokja, he had made it out and lived peacefully throughout the end of the scenarios. Or maybe he had found a way to replace the irreplaceable and traveled the world, looking for Kim Dokja, the real one. Or maybe, just maybe, this was all there was. Maybe he had finally reached it. His ■■.
Ah, the sky is really dark.
[The stigma 'Regression Lv. ■■’ has been activated!]
***
[Incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk’s ■■ is ‘Infinite’]