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When Kiyoomi woke up, he felt cold. He slightly opened his eyes and looked at the alarm clock on his nightstand.
10:00
He sighed and gazed out the window. Through the curtains, he could see that the sun was already high in the sky and there were no clouds in sight, a perfect summer day, and yet he felt cold.
He had fallen asleep wearing one of his lover’s sweaters, and he could smell Atsumu’s perfume and aftershave. Even if he could, the scent was slowly fainting. He was also wearing one of his boyfriend’s grey sweatpants, and yet Kiyoomi was cold.
He curled up on himself trying to find some warmth but the bed was cold. His skin was cold. His heart was cold.
He sat in a bed too big for one person and slowly stood up. Kiyoomi saw Mudkip, their cat named after one of Atsumu’s favorite pokémon still asleep on the right empty side of the bed.
Kiyoomi left the room and saw Atsumu sitting at the kitchen table. He passed by his lover and put a kiss on the top of his hair.
“Did you prepare breakfast?”
“Nah I was waiting for you.”
Kiyoomi nodded and turned on the coffee maker. As usual, he prepared Atsumu’s coffee. A latte. Too much cream, too much sugar for Kiyoomi. Unusually, Atsumu stayed at the table. He didn’t get up to take an orange or help Kiyoomi.
Kiyoomi hated peeling orange, Atsumu knew that. He hated the feeling of the peal under his nails, the smell at the top of his fingers, and yet, Atsumu didn’t peal his orange so Kiyoomi did.
He started peeling it as the latte flowed.
“Why didja want ta do today?”
“Bed. I want to stay in bed.”
“Omi. Ya can't stay in bed. Ya have to go to practice.”
Kiyoomi shook his head. I’m already late anyway. What’s the point? And I’m too tired and cold to leave the bed.”
As soon as the coffee maker bipped, Kiyoomi took Atsumu’s mug, put it on the table, and poured his own black coffee.
Kiyoomi slowly continued peeling the orange as Atsumu continued looking at him leaving his hot coffee mug untouched.
“Omi, ya can’t stay in bed forever.”
“Why not?”
“Omi ya hafta to-”
“No.” Kiyoomi raised his gaze from the orange to look at the love of his life. “No. I’m staying in bed.”
Atsumu sighed. “Is Motoya coming to ya?”
“Yes, he said I needed to clean the apartment.”
Atsumu snorted. “He’s right thought.”
Kiyoomi looked away. He saw one of Atsumu’s dirty shirts abandoned on the couch. Atsumu’s pokémon plushie Emolga was next to it. The blanket the blond spiker used to wrap himself during movie night too. Last night Kiyoomi also saw a pair of dirty socks on the ground but didn’t have the strength to pick it up. He had been too cold, too tired.
“Our home is fine.”
“Omi-”
“I said our home is fine.”
“Omi, babe-”
“Stop.”
Atsumu sighed and pinched his lips into a fine line. “Omi, ya can’t stay like that, ya hafta to move on-”
“I said stop!” Kiyoomi yelled and threw his mug on the ground letting the hot coffee and the porcelain explode against the ground.
“Omi!” Atsumu exclaimed getting up to help him.
“No! Stop please beloved stop, you’re going to hurt your feet you’re barefoot it’s fine I’ll clean.”
“Omi, please, let me help you.”
Kiyoomi shook his head, fighting the tears. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
“Omi-”
“I’m fine. Everything is fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
Kiyoomi repeated those two sentences like a mantra or more like a prayer. He grabbed paper towels and started cleaning up the hot coffee. He gently picked up the broken piece of porcelain trying not to cut himself.
“I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
“Yer will be fine Omi.”
Kiyoomi put the pieces and the paper towels in the trash can and buried his face in his hands. He tried his best not to let out a sob but he was tired and cold. So cold.
He felt Atsumu wrap his arms around him and his lover rested his head on Kiyoomi’s shoulder.
“I love ya so much, Omi.”
“I love you too so much Atsu.”
Atsumu gently turned him and wiped his tears. He kissed his forehead. “How about we dance together? It’s been so long since the last time.”
Kiyoomi nodded and tried to smile through his tears. “You’re right.” He picked up his phone and didn’t see his last new text messages, the missing calls or the new voicemails. He simply opened the Spotify app and clicked on a song. Their song.
The first notes started to resonate in their home.
I know a place.
It’s somewhere I go when I need to remember your face.
Kiyoomi put down his phone on the kitchen counter and rested his head on Atsumu’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around his torso and melted into his embrace. He stayed in his arms and tried to feel his Atsumu’s warmth but Kiyoomi was still cold.
— — —
Motoya climbed the stairs holding plastic bags and turned the key to his cousin’s apartment door. He opened the door and heard a song. He sighed. Today was a bad bad day.
He entered and closed the door. He took off his shoes and put on spar slippers.
Since he was a child, Kiyoomi had often bad days or good days but since it happened, his cousin had rarely had a good day.
He looked at the picture on the chest of drawers. The picture was framed and showed Atsumu and Kiyoomi smiling and holding each other.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair at all.
They should have left for their honeymoon trip today.
He still remembers Kiyoomi’s happiness when they got engaged. At the engagement party, Kiyoomi had told Motoya he would take the Miya name since the Sakusa name only brought him loneliness, sadness, and pain since his childhood when Miya only brought him happiness, love, and warmth.
But now. Now, everything has changed.
Only because of a foolish incident. Only because a reckless man decided to drive drunk. Only because Kiyoomi, during an MBSY party, crossed the road without looking, too busy to notice the love of his life.
Only because Atsumu saw it and decided to take the hit to protect the love of his life.
Fortunately but unfortunately, it had been quick. Too quick to save Atsumu, but quick enough so he doesn’t feel any pain.
Since then, since the horrible accident, Ma mourned a son, Osamu grieved a part of himself and Kiyoomi cried the love of his life.
Motoya saw Mudkip, their cat exit their bedroom. Since Atsumu was gone, the cat slept most of the day on Atsumu’s side trying to find comfort in his smell or lying down in front of the door. Motoya wondered if the cat understood Atsumu was gone and would never come back.
He entered the living room and saw Atsumu’s dirty shirt on the couch. Motoya wondered if he should pick up or not. He didn’t want to upset his cousin.
He looked in the kitchen and saw Kiyoomi holding the air and slowly dancing alone to the music that was supposed to be their first song.
We get married in our heads.
Something to do while we try to recall how we met .
Motoya saw Atsumu’s favorite mug filled with a cold late on the kitchen table. He left it on it and petted Mudkip. “It’s okay Mudkip. It’s going to be fine.”
Do you think I have forgotten?
Do you think I have forgotten?
Do you think I have forgotten about you?
Motoya opened the bathroom door, it was the first room he had started to clean. He looked back at the kitchen and saw for the first time Kiyoomi smiling again after weeks of tears.
He looked back at the bathroom and Mudkip rubbed himself against his leg. “I know buddy but don’t worry. Kiyo will be fine.”