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🐰👑🐻
Queen Choi Beomgyu was very good at putting on a happy face. It was what he had been raised to do, after all, and no habit would die hard when he needed to use it every day. Today the facade had been harder to hold up, though, and more than once he’d nearly cracked, even excusing himself to his room once when he thought he would truly break down in tears. He’d ultimately managed to hold them in, but now that the day was nearly over, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could.
He was happy; he reminded himself of that as the maid rinsed soap that smelled of roses from his long hair. His life here in the palace—here with Soobin—was good. Great, even. He would never complain, not when other omegas were so often married to cruel kings, them and their children loomed over as long as the king lived. No, Soobin was gentle, and kind; he’d even given Beomgyu as much time as he needed to be ready to bear a child; bear this child, even as much as it had displeased… well every single person in the kingdom but himself and Beomgyu.
Despite all that goodness, the tears still dripped silently down his cheeks through the entirety of his bath. Every time he began to calm, he would look down at his growing belly and the tears would spring anew. And this feeling, it scared him so badly, because how was he supposed to be a mother, a queen, when he felt so scared?
He asked himself these questions and more, but no answers came. When his bath was done, his maids wrapped him in silk robes, and he shooed the last of them away, needing badly to be alone so he could actually cry.
One of the first things his mother had ever taught him was to control his tears, and to be careful of who he shed them in front of it. It was bad enough he had let silent tears fall during his bath; he wouldn’t let anyone hear him actually weeping.
After his bath, the room felt clammy, so he stepped out onto the warm deck to look out over the golden-glowing city beneath. He took in the view and the stars and the half-full moon while he let himself cry, shoulders shaking, wiping his nose on his fine silk sleeves, wishing he understood exactly why he felt like this, why the tears had pressed so insistently. Despite his insistence at being alone, now that he was, all he wanted was someone warm close by.
The maids kept telling him that sometimes it was like this when you were pregnant, but Beomgyu had had no other issues so far, not even morning sickness. It seemed so silly that tears would be his worst pregnancy symptom so far.
What he couldn’t admit to himself was he did know why he cried, but he wasn’t quite ready to face it yet. Because he’d been sure… hadn’t he? He’d known what kind of lonely life a queen led, hadn’t he?
Beomgyu gave a small start when he heard the curtains to the deck open. He turned, expecting one of his maids, but he was surprised to see Soobin step out, looking concerned.
“My King, what are you doing here?” Beomgyu squeaked. He’d been sure Soobin said he would be in meetings until midnight at least.
“I came to check on you.” Soobin came close, reaching for Beomgyu’s elbow as he approached, cradling it gently. Even after nearly a dozen heats together he still treated Beomgyu like this, so careful and tender, silently asking permission before doing anything. Sometimes Beomgyu wanted to yell at him: ‘My child is in your belly and you can’t even just grab me and kiss me without asking?’
But of course, that wasn’t how kings and queens behaved.
“I’m fine, you shouldn’t miss your meetings.” Beomgyu knew it was silly saying such a thing with tears and snot on his face, his voice cracking, but it was true that Soobin shouldn’t miss his meetings. Nor did Beomgyu want Soobin to see him crying like this.
“You don’t seem fine.” Soobin’s words were gentle, not accusatory. “What’s wrong, my darling?”
Beomgyu shook his head, avoiding Soobin’s eyes which he could feel dark, heavy, and warm on his face. Before he realized what was happening, the pad of Soobin’s thumb brushed across his cheek, wiping tears away. But the gentleness of the gesture only made Beomgyu cry more. At this, Soobin wrapped him up in a hug so big and tight that Beomgyu felt his heart calm a little fraction right away, the sensation of being safe was so sudden and strong. He supposed if even his husband shouldn’t see him cry, then no one on earth should, so he gave in, allowing Soobin to cradle him and soothe him in a way he hadn’t before. It was relieving, and it wasn’t long before his tears slowed. He wished he could fall asleep right there leaned against Soobin’s chest, but now that he was calmer he noticed how much his legs hurt.
“How can I make My Queen feel better?” Soobin asked, his voice so soft it made Beomgyu want to sob all over again.
Trying for a smile and a brave face instead, Beomgyu met his eyes briefly. “I think I’m just worn out… I should go to sleep.”
Soobin came close, pressing a soft kiss to Beomgyu’s cheek, then his neck, scenting him briefly before holding his waist gently and leading him back into the room. Beomgyu didn’t really need him to, but Soobin helped him into his bed nonetheless, then sat on the edge. He slipped one of Beomgyu’s hands between both his own, warming it. For a moment they were quiet, but Beomgyu was the first to break the silence.
“Do you think I’ll be a good mother?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he wished he hadn’t asked. It was a silly question. Of course, Soobin wouldn’t have married him if he didn’t think he would be a good mother. They got on well for having been married such a short time, but Beomgyu knew his place, his purpose… even if he wanted, wished, for more.
“I think you’ll be an excellent mother,” Soobin said, just as any good husband would. “You have so much love to give… you’re so kind and generous, but you’re firm and thoughtful when the situation demands. There is no one else I would rather share a child with.”
Beomgyu smiled half-heartedly at him. He was always so good with his words. Beomgyu could speak smoothly when he needed to, but if he got too flustered he always found himself tripping over his own lips. Truly, he couldn’t ask for or expect any more than this kindness.
“I’m glad you think so, My King.”
Soobin pulled his hands away and Beomgyu mourned the loss for only a couple heartbeats before Soobin took his other hand to warm it as well. Beomgyu gazed down at their fingers, both soothed and filled with longing at the same time.
“Truthfully, though, I would have married you even if I thought you would make a terrible mother.” His voice was light, edged with humor, but still honest.
Now, these words caught Beomgyu off guard. He looked up to find Soobin looking down at their hands now, a small smile on his face.
“What?” Such a blunt and impolite word. Beomgyu pressed his lips together.
Soobin met his eyes, and cleared his throat. “I liked you that much, from the start. Your maternal qualities are a bonus but far from the only reason I care for you so deeply.” He loosened his grip before lifting Beomgyu’s fingers to his lips, kissing them sweetly.
Beomgyu flushed, feeling truly warm for the first time that day. The stinging behind his eyes faded to something more dull and sleepy. It took him a moment to figure out what to say back to something so wonderful. But in the end, he found his own response lackluster.
“Th-thank you. That is so kind of you…” Beomgyu faltered, shook his head. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I want to say at all, I just—I don’t have the words—”
“Shh,” Soobin cooed. “You don’t have to say anything.” He smiled and let go of Beomgyu’s hand so he could lean forward and kiss his lips, slow and chaste. It was far from their first kiss, but it still made Beomgyu’s heart race like the very first one. “You need your rest. Please, don’t ever be afraid to call for me if you need to. I’ll always come.”
Beomgyu nodded, stilling when a last kiss was pressed to his forehead. Soobin met his Queen’s eyes once more, smiling softly before rounding the bed to head for the exit corridor. But before he could reach it, Beomgyu called after him.
“Soobin?”
He stopped immediately, looking back. “Yes, darling?”
Beomgyu swallowed his shyness, motivated by Soobin’s lingering warmth and scent. “Would you… perhaps… want to return here tonight? When you’re ready to retire?”
Soobin’s smile before had been easy, soothing, but this one was bright and genuine in the way he seemd a little caught off guard, yet still rounded soft. “If you’ll have me, I would love that very much. I’ll try not to wake you when I return.”
“Don’t try too hard,” Beomgyu said. He wanted to wake up; he wanted to pick this moment and this feeling back up as soon as he could and feel Soobin close to him, to fall asleep to the sound of his breathing and smell of his skin.
“See you soon, my queen.”
Beomyu watched him go, eyelids heavy, heart soft, and tears dried. He laid his head upon the pillow, realizing the last moment with Soobin had been the first time in a long time he didn’t have to pretend to put on a happy face.