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The Sun has completely set and rows of stars has stretched across the darkened sky. The air is cooler but still retain that Summer’s signature humidity and heat. Sebastian stands alone, leaning against a large tree. Taking a deep drag from his cigarette, he watches as the smoke escapes his mouth and dissipates into the air.
This is his safe space.
He feels the most at ease when the sky goes dark. The silence allows him to think. What is his plans for the future? What should he do tomorrow? Does he need to have band practice with Sam? Maybe he should skip breakfast tomorrow? So on and so forth. Not all of his thoughts are good, however. They quickly crawl away from mundane subjects and towards heavier ones. Gazing at the lake, he can see the moon is reflected clearly on the surface. Sebastian can’t help but feel like he wants to disturb the perfect reflection by jumping in.
Would anyone notice if he is gone?
He brings the cigarette to his mouth and inhales the smoke to allow the nicotine in. Obviously, that’s just his stupid intrusive thoughts, but it feels more real day by day. Sebastian ruffles his hair, trying to dispel the curse he has placed on himself.
“If there’s anyone who would notice my disappearance, I hope it’s her.”
The person in question is the farmer who recently moved to this small town. She has only been here for a year but everyone already loves her. And he’s no exception to her charm. Out of everyone in this suffocating town, she has made the most effort to get to know and understand him. He doesn’t know when but he has helplessly fallen head over heels for this unreachable flower.
She laughs at his jokes. She understands his desire to move to Zuzu city. She takes his offer to ride on his bike. She is interested in his work. She doesn’t look down on him. She is understanding with his needs to be alone. She never makes fun of him maliciously.
Her smile heals souls. Her laughs sound like bells. Her features are refined. Her eyes are always sparkling with energy. She always gives her all for everything. She’s witty, she’s funny, she’s a hard-worker, she’s –
He can stand here and list out all of the things he loves about her, but what good will that do? He’s just making himself fall for her harder and harder. She’s like a firefly – beautiful and unreachable – whilst he’s like a frog, forever sitting on the ground looking up to her.
“Frogs can’t eat fireflies, they are toxic. Am I trying to imply she would kill me?” He quietly chastises himself. “Snap out of it. I’m just desperate for attention and falling for anyone who would give it to me. She deserves someone better.”
Sebastian tries to stop himself from falling deeper. If it’s just his needs for validation, he can eventually get over her. But despite his desperate attempts, deep down, he can tell this feeling is real. He takes another deep breath and inhales the smoke, hoping the nicotine in his system will help calm him down. There are better people in this town for her anyway. Frankly, she is too good for anyone here, but they are certainly better choices than him. Like his best friend Sam. A shut-in who can barely talk to anyone or a guy who is friendly to a fault? The answer is clear, to him at least.
“Good going idiot, you’ve made yourself even more depressed now.” Sebastian sighs to himself in self-pity.
“Careful, sighs are happiness escaping your body.”
A familiar voice coming from behind him makes him jump and almost drop his cigarette. He quickly turned his head to the source. The feelings he has been trying to fight back and supress comes out full force as his eyes meet his crush’s. She looks at him with her twinkling eyes, which are laced with concern. Ash and soot is peppered on her skin, which is glistened with sweat. Looks like the summer heat has also gotten to her. Despite that, she still looks amazingly beautiful. His heart is thumping in his chest, threatening to jump out of his mouth.
“What are you doing here?” That comes out harsher than he has intended. He quickly tries to amend it. “I mean, it’s pretty dark out. I didn’t expect you to be here.”
“I was in the mines, trying to get some ores y’know.”
Sebastian hums in acknowledgment. She is never offended whenever he’s accidentally rude to her. Thanks to that, he feels the most at ease when she’s around.
“Oh yeah! I got this for you.” She digs into her rucksack and pulls out a clear blue crystal shaped like a water droplet. “I was gonna give it to you tomorrow. What luck to run into you now huh?”
The way she smiles captures his heart effortlessly. He curses at himself, trying to convince his smitten brain that she’s just being nice. That this doesn’t mean anything. But he is so starved for her attention that this simple gestures makes him feel so warm inside. He can tell he is helplessly falling for her deeper against his better judgment.
“Oh, a frozen tear, thank you.” His words manage to come out quietly, but not lacking in excitement. Sebastian reaches out to pick up the crystal. His cheeks feel warmer as his fingers brush past her palms. “I love this. How did you know?”
“I just figure. You have a lot of gems and crystals in your room.” She chuckles, seemingly pleased with his reaction.
Sebastian gently put his gift into his hoodie’s pocket. Now that her business with him is finished, surely she will leave right? It sounds like this is the only reason she’s talking to him right now. Sebastian tries to find words to ask her to stay. He wants more time with her but doesn’t know how. Would asking her to stay sound too desperate?
“So, what got you so down?” Luckily, she finds the words for him.
Inhaling the smoke from his burning cigarette, Sebastian sighs as he sits down. The ashes falls off to the ground. His secret crush follows suit, sitting down next to him so they can be at eye-level together. The last thing he wants is to be a pathetic mess in front of her, but the atmosphere and the night sky makes him feel weirdly sentimental.
“I’m just wondering when I can leave this town.” His eyes follow the glow of fireflies flying around the lake like mini fireballs. “It’s suffocating here...”
She only hums in acknowledgment. He knows she would never agree with him considering she uproots her city life to move here. The exact opposite of what he wants. Regardless, he follows his urge and continues.
“I just think people here are like stones skipping over the water.”
As demonstration for his point, Sebastian picks up a small smooth stone next to him and flicks it across the lake. The stone bounces on the water surface a few time then sinks down to the murky water below.
“We all sink eventually. One way or another.” Sighing, he takes another puff from his cig. “I want to get out of here before I do.”
Sebastian wonders if he creeps her out with his pessimism. He feels like a loser. He gets a chance to be alone with his crush and this is how he behaves? Racking his brain, he tries to find something to say to break the silence.
“I don’t think you will sink.” She turns to look at him. Her eyes reflect the pale moonlight, captivating him whole. “Regardless of where you are – city or here – I believe you will bounce until you’ve made it pass the lake.”
“And why are you so sure?” He can’t help but chuckles at her bold declaration.
She leans closer, as if she’s trying to make sure that he hears every single of her words. Sebastian instinctively moves back a bit as he’s paranoid she will hear how fast his heart is beating right now even though he knows that’s not possible.
“Because I know you. You are brilliant, hard-working, and honest to a fault. I have seen how hard you work and the long hours you put in everyday. I have also seen how you give your all to learn things by yourself, whether it be programming or motorbike. I know, you can trust me.” She takes a deep inhale to take back the air she has spent. “Have I ever lied to you?”
He forgets how to breathe momentarily. The intensity and sincerity in her words put his heart in disarray. His chest feels warm all over and the heat creeps up to his face. Hearing compliments is more embarrassing than he has thought. He’s not used to this feeling as he rarely receives praises.
“No, I guess not...” Sebastian hides his face behind his hand, hoping to conceal his blush. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he watches the smoke from his cigarette rises up and disappears into the night.
“Mark my words, you'd sooner see mayor Lewis forgetting to collect taxes than see yourself sinking.” She jabs with a mischievous grin plastered over her face.
“Oh please, as if he forgets. He might forget to use that tax money to improve this town’s dilapidated roads though.”
Laughter erupts from them both, listing out possible ways the tax money is being spent and how it should have been spent instead. The shift in atmosphere clears the fog from his brain slightly. Sebastian feels like he understands a bit better why they say laughter is the best medicine now. After calming down a bit, a frog sitting on a leaf near the edge of the lake catches his eyes.
“Do you see that frog there?” Pointing towards its direction, he nudges her for attention. “I wish I’m that one right now. No difficult thoughts, no stress, no burden, just sitting on a leaf.” He chuckles to himself wishfully.
What follows is a calming silence as both of them watch the frog. It really does not look like it has any thoughts going on. All it does is sitting on a leaf. A cooling wind blows by – a blessing in this weather. The distance sound of frogs croaking and crickets chirping come together like a harmony. Summer’s signature harmony. Sebastian quietly wishes that this moment would last forever.
“Hey Sebastian.” She breaks the silence and leans over to make eye contact with him. “Why do you want to go to Zuzu city so much?”
He gives her question a thought as he takes another puff from his cigarette, which is slowly burning out.
“To get away.” He mumbles just loud enough for her to hear. “I’m not particularly fixated on Zuzu city. I just want to get away from here...” He pauses. “Away from everything.”
She turns her hear towards the sky, taking in the sight before answering.
“The sky is beautiful tonight.”
Sebastian mirrors her, turning his gaze to the sky. It’s not as dark as he’d thought – a sprawling blanket of stars stretches across the vast expanse. It makes him feel small and insignificant in comparison.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
Her gentle smile lights his system ablaze. He wants to quickly turn his head away to hide from her but her intense gaze prevents him from moving. He’s utterly captivated by her eyes. As if hypnotised, he unconsciously leans closer. Control has completely left his body – it’s acting out in auto-pilot mode. Her face is so captivating tonight, even more than usual. Her eyes make the starlit sky looks pale in comparison. Her skin is glowing under the moonlight. Her lips look so full as they are slightly parted from astonishment.
Sebastian can’t get enough. He needs to observe her more. He wants to print this into his memory bank. His brain has completely let go of his swarming self-doubts.
For once, he feels free from himself.
She leans closer in response, as if she reads his mind and allows him to gaze at her longer. The distance between the two gradually shrinks.
Until their lips meet, in a gentle and chaste kiss that Sebastian holds onto.
The world doesn’t feel like it matters anymore. Like the stars in the sky, everything is so distant. So small. So insignificant. The world right now is her soft lips, pressing against his. He has never felt more free than this moment. No negative thoughts. No stress. No worries. Just like a frog on a leaf.
She pulls away first. Her face is glowing red. She tries to hide it behind her hand in a futile attempt as the blush has already spread to her ears. Sebastian is still under her spell. His eyes are transfixed on her.
“Sorry...” Words finally find a way out of his mouth.
In truth, he does not know what he should be apologising for. His instinct just tells him that he should. The world still does not feel real.
“No no–” Her hand finally moves, allowing him to gaze at her further. “I like it...”
That comes out as barely a whisper, but it certainly doesn’t escape his notice. Sebastian reaches his hand out, placing it on her chin. Gently guiding her face towards him, their lips meet once again.
Ah, this is what he needs.
The harmony of summer ceases playing in his ears. The only thing that matters right now is her. She is his world right now. To let other thoughts and senses in is sacrilegious.
Pulling away, they gaze at each other, eyelids half opened.
“I like you...a lot.”
It feels magical. What he has always wanted to say finally finds its way out of his self-doubt ridden brain. Right now, his insecurities don’t matter. They are just a speck of dust in the back of his mind. The only thing left is his raw, unfiltered longing for her.
Suddenly, the ashes from his cigarette fall onto his ankle, jolting him awake with its heat. His brain finally registers what just happened and is now in overdrive.
Holy shit, did he just kiss his crush? Did he just confess to her?
“What was that for?” She giggles seeing his expression shifted from hazy passion to panic.
“I – uh – sorry...” Sebastian apologises, actually registering why now. She did say she likes it right? Does that still stand right now? “I must have smelled like cigarette smoke...” It’s completely unnecessary to add that but his brain isn’t functioning correctly.
“No no, it’s ok. I don’t mind.” Her reassurance eases his worries so swiftly like it’s magic.
Letting a sigh of relief escapes him, Sebastian grinds the glowing cigarette stick on the ground to put it out. He takes deep breaths to calm down. His heart is racing in his chest for a different reason now. It fluctuates between excitement from the kiss and the crippling anxiety from his fear of rejection. He only hopes she will let him down gently so they can move on from this without looking back.
But she said she likes it. Does that mean he has a chance?
His brain immediately blocks that thought from coming in. He knows better than anyone that expectation only leads to disappointment. It has happened too many times.
“Luckily I brought this with me today.”
Her voice breaks his spiraling thoughts, causing him to turn to look at her. She reaches into her rucksack and pulls out a bouquet of colourful flowers, proudly presenting it to him.
“I like you too!”
Is that from Pierre’s? Does this mean what he thinks it means? Are his feelings reciprocated? Does she also feel the same? Questions cross his mind like a high-speed car chase. Once again, like a robot, he takes the bouquet from her hands on auto-pilot.
“Does that mean...?” The question is purposely left empty as he hopes she would fill in the blank for him. The last thing he wants right now is misinterpreting her.
“I hope you don’t mind someone like me as your girlfriend.” Her soft smile is accompanied with her reddened face.
She looks shy, bashful and above all, incredibly dazzling to him. He can’t believe this is reality. He must have spent all of his life’s luck on this moment.
“Am I dying tomorrow?”
Luckily, what comes out of his mouth isn’t numerous of his insecurities, but a firm and resolute answer that leaves no room for misunderstanding.
“I hope you don’t mind a guy like me as your boyfriend more like.”
Sebastian means it 100% but he laughs it off as if it’s a joke. She definitely catches his real intention though as she pouts. Laughing at her cute expression, he stands up, offers a hand to his now-girlfriend, which she gladly takes. Looking into each other’s eyes, they giggle at how silly this entire scenario is. Who could have thought that his usual depression hours would lead to him ending up with his dream girl? Finally having a courage to hold her hands, he offers what he has always wanted to say to her.
“It’s getting late. Let me walk you home.”