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“Gonna be summer soon.”
“Yep”
“Gonna get pretty hot”
“Yeah, I like the warmth though. Like to feel it in my bones”
Mae turns her head to look up at Germ sitting on the steps, “I don’t, I want it to be freezing, so cold you gotta wrap up warm. And like, people don’t go out as much so it’s quieter.”
“Yeah but you don’t wrap up, you go out in the same old ass clothes and ask to borrow Bea’s jacket.” Germ stretches his feet down another stair and leans back.
“I like Bea’s jacket, anyway I dress warm sometimes. I just get all sweaty when I go inside, or when I climb, or when I walk.” She looks at the worn cuff of her hoodie, he might have a point about the age of her wardrobe. A gust of wind sweeps over the two of them causing Mae to shiver. He might also have a point about her underdressing.
“I think you’re just really sweaty then.”
“Yeah, I guess. But that’s why winters are better cause then sometimes I stop sweating. In the summer there’s no escape. Just live in a damp hell.”
Germ blinks at her, “You probably don’t want to go south then, I mean Possum Springs doesn’t get that hot.”
“You tell that to my sweaty body.”
“I’d really rather not.”
“Ugh, my back hurts.” Mae slowly peels herself off the hard ground with a groan, ears flickering as she stretches her back. She crosses her legs and turns to look at Germ, lounging against Saint Rubello’s statue. His eyes half-closed. She looks into Rubello’s slightly open beak - in this position Germ looks quite a lot like him.
“You talked to Gregg lately?” Mae rocks slightly as she asks.
“I like, texted him a couple days ago. He’d gone to some kind of rave.”
“Yeah he told me about that, said the DJ was super hot. She had this big neck tattoo of that dog.”
“What dog? You can’t just say that dog. Could be my dog.”
Mae rolls her eyes, “Why would she have a tattoo of your dog, dude? That’d be weird.”
“I’m not saying it’s my dog, I’m saying that you shouldn’t say that dog cause it could be any dog.”
“What I mean is the dog that’s like greek and is like in hell.”
“Oh, Cerberus. The one with three heads. Say that, don’t just say that dog because he has a pretty specific defining feature.” Germ has sat up, arm resting on his knee as he gesticulates.
“Ok, yes, Cerberus it doesn’t matter. We’re talking about Gregg.”
“Why are we talking about Gregg?”
“I dunno, he’s just been gone for a couple months now, I miss him.” She picks at her fingernail absent-mindedly. “I feel like he’s been talking to me less, and he and Angus have all this exciting stuff going on and I’m still here. Maybe I’m boring now.”
Germ’s head tilts to the side as he looks at her, “Might be more boring, but you weren’t really exciting before. You were mostly scary.”
“I guess I was. I just want to see him. But it’s not like they have any reason to come back to Possum Springs. Their families suck, they don’t have anywhere to stay, it’s boring.” Mae flinches as she pulls a piece of skin off her thumb’s cuticle.
“You should stop doing that, it’s weird.”
“I’m looking for comfort man, don’t judge my coping mechanisms.” She keeps fiddling with the, now slightly bloody, finger.
“Oh I’m sorry, he’ll probably come back sometime. Or we can go to him. Get some buses, stay on his floor.”
Mae smiles though she keeps her gaze on her hands,“Oh, are we making this trip together then?”
“This hypothetical visit to Bright Harbour? Sure, why not?” Germ is also smiling, in his weird barely there way.
“Well then we don’t need to get any hypothetical buses, I have a pretty literal car that I can drive us in. Be way shorter and we’d get to do a road trip!” She brightens considerably at the idea, “I love road trips.”
Germ looks at her blankly, “I do not want that, you’re a scary driver. It took you like 3 tries to pass your test too. Also your car was cheap as hell. ”
“Hey!!” Her smile drops, “I’m a fine driver! Loads of people take a few times to get it right. I rule the road, I can go super fast.”
“Yeah you're always kinda speeding, you should have been caught and arrested or something.”
“Can’t, I’m too fast, me and the cops’ll get in a high speed chase and they won’t get me cause I’m better. I’m fast and I’m furious.” The brief bout of annoyance she felt fading as she natters. It’s always easier to bandy back and forth with Germ then have serious conversations - though she supposes it’s easier with everyone else too.
“Those are the opposite qualities that I’d want in the driver of my car.” Germ says as he stands up, arms coming together above his head. The pain in his shoulders echoing Mae’s, clear evidence they have been sitting by Rubello’s monument for too long. “Come on the sun’s going to set soon, I want to watch it on the edge of the cliff.”
Mae clambers to her feet with a grunt, “Ok sure, I think Mom’s thing will be over soon so we can’t stay too long though.”
They start wandering slowly through the sparse trees that surround the hill behind the church. Mae leads the way, her eyes on the muddy grass beneath her feet. “Hey Germ, am I, like, covered in mud? I was laying there for a while.”
“Eh, not covered, maybe sprinkled?” He speaks in a contemplative manner, not entirely focused on Mae, “Actually I’d say you’re splattered. A healthy splatter of mud.”
“Ugh, mud’s great to sit in and touch until you have to rejoin society and you’re covered in mud, then suddenly you’re a little freak” She kicks a stone lodged in the mud absentmindedly, it flies a short, vaguely unsatisfying distance.
“Is getting in your mum’s car rejoining society?”
“I guess not, she’ll just be annoyed that I’m getting mud in her car. I think that’s silly though, a car’s meant to go outside ergo it’s meant to be dirty. You can’t really be outside and not be dirty.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Mae jogs forward and picks up the stone she had previously kicked, tossing it in the air. Feeling the weight and layers of mud coating it. She passes it between her hands, her doubts welling up once more, as she continues speaking. “Anyway, even if you would get in my car I don’t know if Gregg would really want me there. He’s got a whole new life he’s setting up, am I just remnants of the old shitty one?”
“I think you’re being kinda self-absorbed.”
Another streak of hurt shoots through her as Mae stops walking, “Germ you’re being kind of an asshole today, it’s a lot right now.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Don’t really mean to.” He sounds slightly guilty, “I keep doing that.”
She sighs, he’s right, it often happens that Germ’s bluntness wounds more than he means it to. Her hurt is replaced with guilt, falling back to bump shoulders with him, “I know man, sometimes you just say stuff that’s like right, but maybe it’s too right? You’re accurate, but I don’t always need that.”
Germ knocks back into her shoulder, as they pick up their meandering path towards the cliff, “Ok, I’ll try to keep it under control.”
“Thanks, sooooooo why am I being self-absorbed here?” Her curiosity at his thoughts overrides the insulted feeling.
He hesitates briefly, before continuing his previous line of thought, “I just think that Gregg doesn’t have the energy to think about us right now, there’s alot going on for him so he can’t. He just started a new job, in a new place, with new people. We still matter, just not as much as all the other stuff.”
“That sucks.”
“Yeah.”
The two crossed over the line of the trees, the short stretch of desolate land feels quiet and empty. Mae has always felt like this cliff means something. Staring out at the miles of trees, the water tower in the distance standing proud, the sky wide and open. It gives her a sense of overwhelming silence, sometimes peaceful, sometimes oppressive, but always undeniably powerful.
In the past year she’s come here more often, with Germ, and with Bea. With Gregg before he left. None of them ever linger for long, don’t seem to feel the need to, simply the need to see it. Sometimes she comes by herself, though her parents don’t like her going in the woods by herself since the ‘mass disappearances’ last year.
They meander closer to the edge, the long drop into the forest below becoming more and more visible.
“I think you’re right, I think I am pretty self absorbed. I mean Bea’s pretty much said the same thing, so multiple accounts of it probably means something. I don’t want Gregg to move on, I don’t want him to change. I know I want him to be happy, I just don’t want him to be happy without me.” The words are quiet, almost stolen by the rushing wind. Germ seems to hear them though, he normally does.
“And it’s even more selfish, because I left first. But the thing is I didn’t change, I went to college and pretty much stayed the same. But he’s going to be different, like, forever now. He’s got a future now. He’s gone and I don’t want him to be.” Mae digs her fingers into her forearm, slightly embarrassed to be so vulnerable about her less admirable qualities. Though how many actually admirable qualities she has she doesn’t know.
“That’s ok I guess, you haven’t stopped him from doing it. Like, not wanting it is normal I guess.” He stiffly lays his hand on Mae’s shoulder, “You’re not actually a bad person, even if the thoughts are bad.”
Mae pats his hand on her shoulder briefly, “You know you don’t have to touch me to comfort me, it’s cool to just say stuff if you want.”
He lets out a small breath she hadn’t noticed he was holding as he lowers his hand, “Thanks.”
“Yeah, thanks Germ.” She slides back down to the ground, crossing her legs and squinting her eyes against the setting sun.
Mae tilts her head as she rests back on her hands, her eyes dart over to Germ. He has his arms crossed as he stares into the horizon. She turns her own gaze back and takes a deep breath, enjoying the calm, the breeze, and the slight fading warmth of the sun.
Neither of them say a word as the sun sinks, it isn’t until it has disappeared from view that Mae even moves.
“The dark’s scarier than it used to be.” Her words disturb the comfortable silence, she drags herself further from the dark edge of the cliff. She wasn’t particularly close but lessening the risk of falling is still comforting.
“Nothing’s really happened since last year.” Germ sounds confident, but the sliver of trepidation that Mae has felt since the mines remains strong.
“I know, there was that big sinkhole in the fall. But I guess we’ve always had those. Sometimes I feel like someone’s watching me, and I don’t know if that’s real.” She studies the vague shapes of trees far below in the moonlight. She reaches up to fondle her necklace.
Last winter she and Bea went to a christmas market a few towns over, it was pretty and Mae drank far too much of some extremely delicious hot chocolate. Bea had let her drag her around the entire event, most of the trinkets were simply things to either coo over or insult but she had been drawn to a stall of jewellery. Mae’s paranoia had been high, and seeing a small four leaf clover necklace had spiked her interest.
What she’d seen and how accurate her experience of it was irrelevant. Bea tried to understand but she definitely didn’t get the extent of her experience. Whatever it was was real, malicious, and unnatural. The teens were also kind of right. Something supernatural is around. Maybe in Possum Springs, maybe in Mae, maybe everywhere.
Either way, the small good luck charm was irresistible and rarely removed. Small comforts are important, she thinks to herself, even if it was probably overpriced.
“Bea says she thought someone was following her last month. But I don’t know if that was real either.” She tries to keep her voice even, but it wavers. She’s never been good at staying stoic. “She also hadn’t slept well for a couple days I think.”
“Sleeping pills aren’t working right now?”
“I think they work, I just think she doesn’t like taking them all the time. I might ask her if I can stay with her for a couple days, I can make her an actual dinner or something.”
Germ lets out a small laugh, “You’re not gonna make her an actual dinner, you’re a terrible cook.”
She laughs as well, “Yeah, you’re right. But I can make grilled cheeses or something and keep her company while she does paperwork.”
Living alone has been hard for Bea, and her being by herself all the time has made Mae worry. Doesn’t help that she’s been stuck on what to do with the Pickaxe for ages.
“I should probably go find my Mom, don’t want her to freak out if she can’t find me.” She rises once more, shaking out her legs.
“Ok sure, I’ll walk with you back to the Church.”
“Yeah ok, you coming by the library tomorrow?”
“Probably, it’s pretty nice working there.”
“Could we do Clik-Clak when I’m done with work?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty good.”