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Janis stirred slowly, slivers of early morning light peeking from around the edges of the blackout curtains. Cady was tucked into her side, breathing steady against her neck. Janis reached for her phone on the nightstand, tilting it up just enough to see the time.
6:53 am
Sunday, May 11
Mother’s day - all day
She set the phone back down and stared at the ceiling, her heart lurching.
They had only found out that they were pregnant a few days ago. Cady’s blood test wasn’t until tomorrow, but she had gotten excited and bought a test from the grocery store just in case. When it showed a positive result, she enthusiastically ran out to tell Janis, then asked if they could go get another test just to make sure.
They made the trip several times, always coming home with different brands, always getting a positive result. Nothing was official yet. It was just an exciting secret shared between her, Cady, and the CVS employee who had unintentionally become a part of their nightly routine.
They had agreed to try not to get their hopes up. Promised, really. But the excitement of seeing the different “positive” indicators every night was making that difficult.
Cady moved against her, still fast asleep with one hand gripping the hem of Janis’s shirt. Janis stared at her wife, feeling overwhelmed with the idea that this was technically Cady’s first mother’s day. Was it appropriate to celebrate? What if the blood work came back tomorrow, or at some point later down the line, and they got disappointing news?
Her inner turmoil sent goosebumps across her skin. Her breath felt too shallow in her chest, and she shifted slightly to try and find some relief. She took in a breath that was closer to a gasp and moved her free hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose in a futile attempt to ground herself.
Cady stirred beside her, her brow crinkling in response to Janis’s unrest. Still half asleep, she untangled herself from Janis and turned onto her side. Janis would usually roll over and go back to sleep at this hour, but she knew that wouldn’t be possible.
They hadn’t planned anything, hadn’t even acknowledged that Mother’s Day was this weekend. It didn’t feel right to let the day pass without acknowledging it, so Janis eased out from under the blanket and got out of bed.
She froze when the movement prompted Cady to move onto her back, then scoot into the warmth of Janis’s spot. Her hands halfheartedly felt around for Janis, but with a sleepy sigh and never bothering to open her eyes, Cady settled back to sleep.
Janis shuffled into the kitchen, squinting her eyes at the light streaming in through the window above the sink. From the pantry, she pulled out a box of pancake mix and a bag of chocolate chips. Breakfast was safe. It was thoughtful, but nothing monumental.
After setting the ingredients on the counter, she reached up into a cabinet for a mixing bowl when their cat appeared and wound around Janis’s ankles. She stooped down to pick up the cat and scratched behind her ear. “Mama’s got a baby in her belly, Willow. Did you know that?” She stopped scratching and the cat blinked at her, then leaned her head back into Janis’s hand.
“We’re going to have to figure out what a kid is going to call us. Is that something that we get to pick? Or are we supposed to, like, let them figure it out?” With a quiet sigh, she adjusted the cat in her arms and nuzzled into her fur. “You aren’t being particularly helpful. I’m sorry we didn’t really consult you with this whole ‘having a baby’ thing. You’re pretty used to being an only child, huh?”
Janis squeezed the cat, making her vocalize her discomfort and struggle to get out of her arms. Willow jumped down onto the floor and sat, staring at Janis with her tail flicking. “Sorry I got all sentimental on you. Is this a sign that I should try to just be normal about today? No gifts, nothing sentimental?”
Turning back to the counter, she grabbed a set of measuring cups and began scooping pancake mix into the bowl. Her eyes drifted back to Willow, who was still glaring at her from the floor. “Are you seriously not going to answer any of my questions?”
She continued to follow the instructions on the box of pancake mix, shooing the cat away with a splash of water from her fingertips. She stirred together the ingredients, then pushed the bowl to the side before fishing her phone out of her pocket.
Into the search bar, she typed: what do you get your wife on her first mother’s day?
She scanned through the results without opening any of the links, disappointed. She quickly added “NOT flowers” to the search, then continued to see recommendations for flowers. That, followed by a bunch of ideas of cute things to do with the baby, like wearing matching clothes or making art out of tiny handprints and footprints.
She sank into a chair at the kitchen table, scrolling to the bottom of the page with a sigh. She added “pregnant” to her search and rolled her eyes when the first results were now clickable ads for flower delivery.
She opened a reddit thread of someone from a few years ago in a similar situation. Most of the replies said it was best not to jinx it, one of which included a story about how a well meant gift had turned into a heartbreaking reminder of loss.
Her chest tightened. She set her phone down on the table and put her head in her hands, suddenly doubting that even making pancakes was a good idea.
Before she could continue to overthink, she heard Willow’s claws skitter against the tile floor. She looked up to find the cat with a crazed look on her face, a green twist tie from a loaf of bread hanging out of her mouth. Moving slowly, she reached into the recycling and crumpled up a receipt that lay on top. She tossed the paper ball onto the living room carpet, relieved when Willow abandoned the twist tie and ran into the other room. Janis retrieved the twist tie, and laughed when Willow batted her new toy directly into a paper grocery bag that was laying on the floor. She picked up the bag to shake the wad of paper out, chuckling when the cat pounced on it.
Flattening the bag on the table, she plucked a marker from a cup on the end of the counter and began doodling some flowers. She didn't really have a plan but, she was relieved to have something to focus her nervous energy on. From the recycling bin, she rescued an old grocery list and scribbled down her thoughts before carefully rolling the paper into a tight tube. She let it unravel and rolled it back up repeatedly, unsure what to do next.
She considered the paper bag for a moment and tried to roll it up similarly, but was disappointed that it folded instead of rolling. She folded it into the smallest pleats that she could manage, pinching it tight and securing it near the middle with the twist tie. The ends unfurled and she tilted her head to the side while she fidgeted with it. She pinched the bottom back into a uniform shape, then fanned the top out as widely as she could.
She held it up to show Willow with a smile. “After all that, I made a fucking flower. Why did you let me do this, huh?” She carried it down the hallway to their office, where she found a piece of tape to secure the bottom. “This looks kind of like a flower, right?”
Willow dipped her head down to lick one of her paws and Janis rolled her eyes. She rolled the note up tightly again and tucked it into the stem of her paper flower, hiding it behind the twist tie. She set it down in the middle of the kitchen table, then made her way to the fridge.
Out came a stick of butter, a bottle of syrup, and a few cartons of berries that she laid out neatly on the counter. She was rinsing the berries under cold water when she heard Cady call her name from their bedroom. Janis quickly dropped the berries into a bowl, wiped her hands on her shirt, and made her way back to their room.
“Who are you and what did you do with my wife?” Cady grumbled from beneath the blankets.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean my wife would NEVER be up before me, especially on a weekend.” Cady reached out her hands and made a grabby motion toward Janis. “She would stay in bed with me and kiss me and cuddle me and we wouldn’t get up until noon.”
Janis took Cady’s hands but didn’t let herself be pulled back into bed. “I’m sorry I abandoned you, but I couldn’t sleep. I almost woke you up on accident so I escaped before we were both up early and grumpy about it.” She kissed Cady’s forehead and gestured to the kitchen. “I’m making you breakfast.”
Cady’s eyes narrowed, but she wiggled her way out of the blankets and let Janis pull her into a sitting position. Janis wrapped her arms around Cady and peppered the top of her head with kisses. “Do you know what today is?”
“Saturday?” was Cady’s muffled reply.
Janis laughed and squatted down to be at Cady’s height. “It’s Sunday.”
“Close enough. Still the weekend.”
Janis met her eyes, more serious now. “It’s Mother’s Day.”
Cady blinked, then realization came over her face as she understood what Janis said. “I thought we weren’t getting our hopes up.”
Janis sank to her knees, reaching up to hold one of Cady’s hands in both of hers. “I know.”
“It isn’t even official yet,” Cady continued, her voice shaking. “What if this doesn’t work out?”
Janis squeezed her hand, then shrugged. “But what if it does?” She let go with one hand and reached up to wipe a tear that was falling down Cady’s cheek. “No matter what the blood test tomorrow says, the shelf full of pregnancy tests in our bathroom says that today is our first mother’s day.” Cady only stared at her, unwavering. Uncomfortable with the silence, Janis rambled on. “And I promise I didn’t make a big deal about it. We’re having pancakes from a box, the kind you just add water to. And I made you a flower out of trash.”
This elicited a giggle from Cady. “I think this is my third ‘First Mother’s Day’ with you.”
Janis stood up and looked at her, confused. “I knew you were gonna bring up the first year that we had Willow and I got you cookies, what am I forgetting?”
Cady let Janis pull her to her feet and stretched, letting out a yawn. “My first year at Northshore you and Damian did that robot baby project, remember? Damian was a deadbeat dad and left you to go on some field trip, so I helped you raise Baby Gaga.”
“You did look super cute carrying my baby around, but I’m pretty sure that was in November.”
“Yeah, but when you got an A on the assignment you definitely gave me a mother’s day card. It had “stepmom” crossed out and you wrote “the mom who stepped up”. It was the first thing that you signed with a heart by your name.” Cady took a few steps backwards towards the bathroom. “I actually think I still have it in a box somewhere, if you don’t believe me.”
Janis shook her head with a chuckle. “Nope, I definitely remember now. I had the biggest crush on you, and Damian told me if I didn’t sign it with a heart that he’d forge a love letter from me and put it in your locker.” She took a few steps to follow Cady and captured her in a hug. “And now that cute girl I had a crush on? She’s my wife! And she’s pregnant! Can you believe that?!”
Cady tried to wiggle away, but Janis wouldn’t let her go without a kiss. “Go make pancakes and let your pregnant wife go to the bathroom, okay?”
Janis let her go and smiled stupidly as their bathroom door was shut in her face. She spun around and went back to the kitchen, putting a pan on the stove and turning on the heat underneath it. She stirred the pancake mix and carefully spooned some onto the pan, trying to maintain a perfect circle.
While she waited for the pancake to cook, she set the table with two plates and sets of silverware, and moved all the toppings to the table. Cady came into the kitchen as Janis set down 2 glasses of water. “I thought you said you weren’t making a big deal of this.”
Janis put her hands up innocently. “I’m not!”
Cady wrapped her arms around Janis and squeezed her, looking up at her with a suspicious smile. “We’ve lived in this house for over a year and we’ve only eaten at the table two times - Thanksgiving and Christmas. Setting the table makes it feel like a big deal.”
A burning smell wafted their way, making Janis mutter a slew of curse words under her breath. Cady let her go with a laugh, picking up the bowl of mixed berries from the table and following Janis over to examine the burned pancake.
Janis scraped the inedible disc off of the pan and onto an empty plate, then started over again with a new blob of batter. She turned around and pouted at Cady, who was happily eating the fruit. “Go sit down baby, I’ll bring you the first pancake.”
Cady looked skeptically at the burnt pancake behind Janis. “No thanks, I’ll wait for the second one.”
Janis rolled her eyes, then plucked a berry out of the bowl in her wife’s hand. “You know what I meant, meanie. And for the record, I set the table because I didn’t think you wanted me to spill syrup on the new couch. But if you’re okay with me making a mess, feel free to bring everything over to the coffee table.”
Cady shook her head, popping another berry into her mouth. “What if I wanna stay here?”
Janis playfully scrunched up her face in disapproval. “What if I want you out of the way so I don’t burn another pancake?”
Before Cady had a chance to respond, Janis lifted her up by her waist and set her down on the kitchen counter. Cady let out a surprised squeak, dropping the bowl of fruit on the counter with a clatter so she could steady herself on the edge.
“I was standing perfectly still and minding my own business, thank you very much,” she said, grinning down at her wife as Janis leaned in to kiss her. When they pulled apart, Cady was still smiling. “You realize you’re totally burning another pancake, right?”
Janis whipped her head around in horror and groaned at the wisps of smoke beginning to curl up from around the pancake. “God DAMNIT!”
Cady burst out laughing, legs swinging where they hung off the counter. “You’re going to have to learn to watch your mouth if we’re going to have little ears around. Don’t want them picking up any bad words.”
Janis scraped another pancake into the burned pile and carefully poured more batter onto the pan again, turning the heat down this time. She turned and pointed at her wife with her spatula. “This is sabotage. I tried to be all cute and set the table, and you retaliated by making me burn the pancakes.”
Cady started to respond, but Janis held up a finger and turned back to the stove, flipping her first successful pancake. She marched to the table and collected everything she had set out for breakfast, stacking it on the counter beside her wife.
She took an empty plate and proudly put the first pancake on it, turning and presenting it to Cady with a performative bow. She accepted her applause and turned to start another pancake. This one got sprinkled with chocolate chips, then Janis moved back over to stand in front of Cady and steal a bite of pancake from her fork.
“Did you want to leave any berries for the pancakes, or would you rather eat them all separately?” she teased.
Cady grabbed the bowl and hid it behind her back. “I’m not letting you waste any of these, you already burned two pancakes and you’re going for a third.”
“FU-” she stopped herself before saying another curse word, mindful of what Cady had said earlier. “Funny! You’re so funny. And look, this pancake is just fine!”
They finished their breakfast with no more casualties, and ate at the kitchen counter instead of at the table or living room. When they were done eating, Janis banished Cady to the couch while she washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. On her way to the living room, she swiped the paper flower from the kitchen table and brought it to her spot on the couch.
She ran her fingers over it, spreading out the paper at the top to get a better look at the doodles Janis had done on the bag. She was fidgeting with the twist tie when she found the note that her wife had tucked inside.
It sprung open in her hand, and she stretched it out to read Janis’s familiar handwriting.
Cady,
I wasn’t sure if we’re allowed to celebrate today, but I’m too excited to not do anything.
We spent so many years talking about things that might happen someday. We waited for so long. We took our time to make sure we were doing things right. We took a break when I was too dumb to realize that we were doing things right.
(I’m still sorry about that, by the way)
I never dreamed that I’d be lucky enough to actually marry you. And now we might be having a baby!
Even if this doesn’t go the way we want it to, we’ll make it through. We always make it through.
I love you, Cady.
You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I’m so scared, but also so excited.
I love you.
❤︎ Janis
Cady glanced up at Janis, still washing dishes with her back turned to Cady. She read the note again, then rolled it up and secured it back in its hiding place in the stem of her flower. She carefully set the flower down on the end table and watched her wife finish cleaning up.
Janis joined her on the couch, delivering a fresh glass of water on her way to sit down beside Cady. They chose something to watch on tv and Janis curled into Cady’s side, fussing with the blanket over their laps until she went suspiciously still.
“You’re not falling asleep, are you?” Cady asked.
“Hm? No!” Janis answered, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “I’m just, um. I’m resting my eyes.”
“We could go rest your eyes in bed, you know?”
Janis opened her eyes and shook her head with a pout. “No, I’m awake I promise.”
Cady arched an eyebrow. “You promise, huh?”
“Mhm,” Janis agreed, snuggling in closer and letting out a content sigh. “Wide awake.”
Cady pressed a kiss to the top of Janis’s head, then rested her cheek on it. “So awake that you can’t even sit up on your own.”
“I’m snuggling my wife, sue me.” Janis mumbled, her eyes already closed again.
Cady chuckled quietly and found Janis’s hand under the blanket and laced their fingers together. “I’m sure we can settle this out of court.”
Janis hummed in response, noncommittal and sleepy. It didn’t take long for her breathing to slow down and for her grip on Cady’s hand to loosen.
Cady turned the volume down and let Janis sleep through a whole episode. When the credits started, she leaned forward to grab the remote, which startled Janis awake with a snort.
“I wasn’t asleep,” she said immediately, blinking furiously.
Cady pressed the button to skip the end credits and begin the next episode, then leaned back into her spot and let Janis melt on top of her. “Baby, let’s go lay down.”
Janis shook her head, “I’m fine. I’m awake.”
“Says the girl who’s about to fall asleep again,” Cady teased.
“I am not!”
“You are. And I’m tired.” Cady ran her fingers through Janis’s hair and gently pushed the other woman off of her. “If we’re both gonna fall asleep, I’d rather be in our bed.”
Janis blinked at her a few times, like she wanted to argue. Eventually, she conceded and stood up. “Okay fine, you win.”
She reached out and tugged Cady up beside her, lacing their fingers together and leading the way to their bedroom. Cady flopped onto the bed without ceremony, dragging Janis down on top of her.
They both laughed as Janis landed with a soft oof, landing half on top of her wife and squishing her. She rolled off to her side of the bed and nuzzled into Cady’s shoulder with a sleepy sigh. Cady pulled the blanket up over both of them, but froze when Janis’s hand slipped under her shirt and rested low on her stomach.
The small reminder of the new life inside her sent a flood of anxiety through her that was immediately silenced with a brush of Janis’s lips against her collarbone. “Hey,” Janis whispered. “We’re good. We’ve got this. No matter what.”
Cady closed her eyes and nodded, not trusting herself to say anything. She pulled Janis closer into her, and brought her hand up to settle over her wife’s. The weight of the morning melted away as Janis pressed one last kiss to Cady’s shoulder as they both drifted off to sleep.