Work Text:
They were in a hurry to get away from a very pissed General who had found out that the crate with weapons he had bought from Joe and Booker was empty.
Booker: "Where the hell is your boyfriend?"
Joe: "First of all, he isn't my boyfriend and..."
Booker: "We don't have time for you to get poetic."
Joe tried not to look offended at Booker. Why did it seem like Nicky had all the time in the world for him when he wanted to be poetic during a mission, while the rest seemed like they didn't?
Booker: "So, where is your boyfriend?"
Joe: "Finding an escape car. He should be here any moment soon."
They turned another corner and ended up at a square where people were selling food and other things.
Joe: "Hide your gun and walk the other way around. Keep your head low. Okay?"
Booker nodded, and they separated for now. As they walked through the crowd, they tried to act like anyone else who had an errand. Suddenly, Booker noticed two things: one, Joe was gone, and two, the General and his soldiers were clearing the square for people by checking each of them. Booker scanned his surroundings and saw Joe standing next to a small building, so as discreetly as he could, Booker walked over to Joe.
Joe: "Nicky is over there."
Joe pointed behind Booker before going over to the car.
Booker: "That is not an escape car."
Joe: "It got four wheels and it drives, so what is the problem?"
Booker: "It is a sardine can."
Joe: "No, it is a French car, something you should be happy about, given you are French."
Booker: "Just because I am French doesn't mean I am a fan of the 2CV."
Nicky stuck his head out of the window.
Nicky: "Should we not get going? Or aren't you hungry anymore? "
Joe: "It isn't I who is being difficult this time."
Booker: "I am not being difficult. All I am saying is that a 2CV isn't an escape car, but a sardine can."
Nicky: "Can we have that conversation another time?"
Booker: "No, and I am not getting into the car without a very good reason because it is a sardine can."
Joe: "Oh, you want a good reason."
Joe turned Booker around before pointing at the crowd.
Joe: "What if I give you at least ten good reasons to get into the escape car?"
Booker saw the General and his soldiers getting nearer with raised weapons.
Joe: "So, do you want to walk or drive?"
Booker: "The sardine can will do."
It was with some difficulty that Joe and Booker got into the escape car. Before Booker could complain about the sitting arrangements, Nicky got the escape car going with such a speed that Joe elbowed Booker in the face.
Booker: "Merde. Get off me, Joe."
Joe: "Pretty hard thing to do in a sardine can."
Booker: "You are not funny."
Suddenly, Nicky turned a corner on two wheels, which meant Joe ended up on the floor of the escape car with Booker on top of him.
Booker: "And that is why we don't let the Italian drive the escape car."
Joe: "I am pretty sure that move just saved our asses."
Booker: "Please don't talk about asses with your ass pressed against my face."
Joe: "Nicky, Booker is complaining about my ass."
Booker: "Shut up and get off me."
Joe tried but couldn't do it in the confined space. When Nicky turned another corner, it was on all four wheels, but both Joe and Booker banged their heads against the escape car's ceiling and floor.
Booker: "Nicky, pull over."
Nicky: "Can't do it right now. Look."
Nicky pointed behind him, and both Joe and Booker saw that there were still two military jeeps behind them.
Booker: "It is almost before I would rather face the soldiers than Nicky's driving."
Joe: "Did you say something about Nicky?"
Booker: "No, not everything in the world is about Nicky."
Joe: "I disagree with you."
Booker: "If you start reciting poetry or something else right now, I will kick you out of this car."
Suddenly, Nicky turned the escape car to the right and onto a forest road, which meant the car ride became bumpier. At the same time, bullets started flying around them.
Joe: "At least they waited to fire at us until we had left the city."
Booker: "Merde. Instead of stating the obvious, can you reach the gun strapped to my ankle?"
Joe tried, but because of the way they were lying, he couldn't. Seconds later, Nicky drove over something. Joe and Booker couldn't see what it was, but they felt it in their backs, and they knocked out the air of the other one.
Nicky: "Hold on, guys."
Booker looked at Joe.
Booker: "Did he ride on a horse just as badly as he drives a car?"
Before Joe could answer, they saw they had left the forest and found themselves in midair. Seconds later, the escape car hit a river.
Nicky: "See, I got rid of our pursuers."
Joe: "Well done, Nicky. Let us get out before we drown."
They all got out of the car before they swam towards the nearest shore.
Booker: "I am only saying this once: This is the last time Nicky gets to drive or find an escape car when I am around, and I am never getting into a sardine can again with any of you two."
Booker walked away while swearing in French.
Nicky: "What was that about?"
Joe: "His way of being happy about you saving his life - something I also am."
Joe kissed Nicky.
Joe: "Come. Let us catch up with him before he eats the roast you left in the fridge alone."
It didn't take long before they caught up with Booker.
Nicky: "Sorry if I have upset you, Book. I was just trying to save our lives."
Joe looked at Booker, hoping Booker wouldn't say what was truly on his mind about Nicky's driving.
Booker: "I know and I am grateful for it. No, what is upsetting me is that I had a close encounter with Joe's ass."
Joe: "Hi, there is nothing wrong with my ass, right Nicky?"
Joe looked over his shoulder at his ass.
Booker: "I disagree with you because your ass almost killed me."
Joe: "Nicky never complains about almost being killed..."
Booker turned around with his Bowie knife.
Booker: "Don't finish that sentence or else I will throw you into the river again. Got it?"
Joe: "Yes, yes. Understood."
Booker turned around before walking on again.
Nicky: "He is in a good mood today."
Joe: "Good mood? He just threatened to throw me into the river."
Nicky: "Well, it is your own fault if you think about it because you are always teasing him."
Joe: "It is called banter, but what really worries me is what he will do as repayment."
Joe looked at Nicky.
Nicky: "Don't look at me. I am not helping you with that."
Nicky kissed Joe on his cheek before he walked on.
Joe: "Thanks. And here I thought you would always have my side."
Nicky: "In most cases, yes, but I am staying neutral whenever you decide to tease people."
Booker looked at Nicky.
Nicky: "I said neutral, so I am not helping you get back at Joe. Just try not to kill each other, or else I will tell Andy."
Booker and Joe looked at each other because they knew Nicky would do it. And the last thing Booker and Joe wanted was an angry Andy chasing them again with her Labrys. Nicky looked over his shoulder at Booker and Joe.
Nicky: "Are you planning to stay there all day, or should we get home and get out of the wet clothes before eating dinner?"
If there was one thing Joe and Booker could agree on, it was that Nicky was the best at cooking dinner, so they caught up with him in seconds.