Chapter Text
“Juntae, can I ask you something?” Gotak suddenly asks.
“Sure, what’s up?” Juntae chirps, not noticing the serious look on Gotak’s face.
They’re hanging out after school, just the two of them. They’ve been doing that more and more ever since they became friends, and now that Baku is spending all his time with Baekjin and Sieun is dating Suho, they’re left behind as the only two single people.
They’re sitting on Gotak’s bed after playing video games for most of the afternoon. They still have to do their homework, but neither of them is in the mood to do so, so they’re chilling with some snacks instead, with Netflix playing a random show in the background.
Gotak pauses a moment before he finally asks, “When you said that you won’t forgive Hyoman, did you only mean that you won’t forgive him for the bullying, or did something else happen?”
“What do you mean?” Juntae is very confused about what Gotak is suddenly talking about.
“I mean… Did he touch you?”
“I’m not sure what you mean…”
“Sieun told me about how he harassed you on the stairs last year,” Gotak explains, “I didn’t know about this. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Oh. “I…”
“Juntae. I know we weren’t friends yet when this happened, but since we’ve become close, you could’ve told me,” Gotak says, voice softer now, “I could’ve done something for you.”
Juntae isn’t sure how to respond. It was a year ago, and he still hasn’t forgiven Hyoman for what he did. Before Sieun, Baku, and Gotak came to his rescue, Juntae had a terrible time at school because of him. He doesn’t interact with Hyoman these days and tries to ignore him as much as possible, so it doesn’t bother him that much anymore, but he will still never forgive him.
“Did he touch you? Just tell me, so I can take care of him. I can’t stop thinking about him touching you when you didn’t want that,” Gotak says.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Juntae responds, voice soft and full of insecurity. He’s not sure why Gotak is suddenly bringing this up, “It was already a long time ago. He probably doesn’t even remember it.”
“But you do,” Gotak says, “I don’t care if he forgot and moved on, I care about your feelings, Juntae. Sieun told me you’re still having nightmares about what happened. So tell me, did he touch you?”
Gotak sounds commanding and angry. He’s nothing like the sweet and goofy guy Juntae is used to. He isn’t sure why Gotak is so riled up. They’re friends, and he knows that Gotak will always defend him in a fight and make sure that he’s safe, but he doesn’t have to feel this way about something that happened to Juntae a year ago.
Maybe he shouldn’t have confided in Sieun that he was still occasionally having nightmares about Hyoman’s treatment. Most of his nightmares were about that moment on the stairs. He always wakes up in a cold sweat, not able to separate his dreams from reality. He needed to get it off his chest when he talked to Sieun, but now he’s regretting it. Gotak is so angry, and he’s dredging up the past that Juntae would rather forget about.
“He did, but it wasn’t that bad…” Juntae tries.
“Juntae, no one should be touching you without your consent,” Gotak says. He sounds annoyed.
“I’m sorry,” Juntae responds.
“You're sorry for being assaulted?” Gotak hides his face in his hands as he sighs, “Juntae, you’re too good for this world. You should have shoved that dude down the stairs. He’s now pretending to be an angel, as if nothing ever happened. I can’t stand his stupid face.”
“I know that,” Juntae responds, “I’m stronger now, because of all of you, but I wasn’t back then, and I didn’t know how to put up a fight.”
Gotak grabs Juntae’s hand and looks into his eyes as he asks, “If he were to do the same thing to you now, what would you do to him? Now that you’re stronger, and you can fight back.”
Juntae isn’t sure what to say. He’s scared that if he says something horrible, Gotak will actually go and do exactly what Juntae tells him, so he decides to play it safe. “I would try to beat him up, I guess.”
Gotak nods. “I’d rather just kill him, but okay. I’ll go do that then. Be right back.”
Juntae doesn’t even try to put up a fight. He knows that once Gotak has something on his mind, nothing can stand in his way. So, he’ll wait in Gotak’s room until he’s completed his mission.
He’s been spending a lot of time at Gotak’s place. His parents are nice people who always greet Juntae warmly and offer him plate after plate of freshly cut fruit or an assortment of snacks. Gotak’s dad likes to joke that it’s because he wants to see Juntae grow a bit more, which makes them all laugh. Unlike the jokes that Juntae’s stepfather likes to make, his jokes are actually funny and not hurtful.
Juntae decides to get a head start on their homework while he waits for his friend to be back. He sits down at Gotak’s desk and begins working on figuring out the answers to their math homework. Gotak can copy Juntae’s answers when he’s back.
He has a hard time concentrating on the numbers in front of him. His mind keeps wandering to Gotak. Juntae hopes he’s okay, and his wounds will be easy to treat. Some Fucidin ointment and tender loving care will hopefully do the trick.
He somehow manages to finish all the questions, and he’s about to move on to their history work when he hears footsteps in the hallway. It’s too early for Gotak to be back unless he knocked Hyoman out in one hit, so he wonders who it is.
“Juntae, are you still in there, dear?” Juntae hears the voice of Gotak’s mum come from the hallway, “Is it okay if I come in?”
“I am here, yes, please come in,” Juntae says. He’s a guest in this house, so she’s being incredibly considerate even asking if she can enter a room in her own home.
Mrs Go comes in with a laundry basket filled to the brim with clean clothes. “Are you busy with your homework?” She asks.
Juntae nods, “Yes, I’m about to start on our history homework. Gotak went out to…”
“...Fight your classmate, Hyoman, he told me,” Mrs. Go says as he shakes her head.
“Did he tell you why he was going to fight Hyoman?” Juntae asks carefully.
“He did,” Mrs. Go answers as she places the laundry basket on Gotak’s bed and sits down next to it. “Juntae, are you okay?”
Juntae shrugs. “It was already a year ago, and I haven’t thought about it much since it happened. It’s just that Sieun told Gotak recently, so now he’s on a warpath.”
“When Hyeontak cares about someone, he does so with his entire heart, and he gets very stubborn about protecting them. There is no stopping him. I guess you already know that, seeing as you didn’t run after him,” Mrs. Go chuckles.
“I do, yes,” Juntae smiles as he looks at Mrs. Go, “I’m happy to have him around, always protecting me, but I’m also worried that he’ll come back covered in scratches and bruises. I don’t want him to go through a lot of pain for me.”
“Well, it’s his choice to go out and fight this Hyoman guy. No one is forcing him to do so. It’s just something that he needs to get out of his system right now. Don’t worry too much about him, he’s a tough kid,” Mrs. Go says, “I’ve cleaned a lot of his wounds, and they’ve all healed perfectly.”
Juntae smiles. He knows that she’s right. Gotak will be fine, and hopefully, he’ll feel better once he’s back home. Juntae hopes they can get back to their normal hanging out. No more Hyoman as a topic, just chilling and doing homework together, watching Netflix and playing video games, it’s all he wants from Gotak.
“But, back to you, Juntae, Gotak told me what happened with this boy. Have you talked to anyone about it?” Mrs Go asks as she looks at Juntae with slight concern on her face.
“I… Well, just with Sieun, because he saw it happen,” Juntae admits.
“You didn’t tell your parents?” Mrs Go asks.
He didn’t. Why would he? His stepfather would only make fun of him and call him all kinds of slurs, and his mother is always drowning in bottles of soju, so what good could come of that? He only spoke to Sieun about it when he pressed Juntae on it, and he didn’t feel much better afterwards. Sieun had also wanted to fight Hyoman back then, but Juntae held him back, telling him that it wouldn’t fix anything.
They spoke again about it earlier this week when Sieun asked Juntae why he looked so tired. Juntae admitted that he was having some recurring nightmares. Even though he didn’t originally want to go into details, Sieun kept looking at him with those eyes, and Juntae spilt all his secrets.
Gotak’s parents are vaguely aware of the situation with Juntae’s parents, so Mrs Go can probably put two and two together. Following Juntae’s silence, Mrs. Go asks, “Do you want to talk to me about it? Even if it was a year ago, an assault like this should not be taken lightly. You might suddenly experience issues in later relationships. Trust me, I know all about this.”
“What do you mean?” Juntae asks. He doesn’t want to pry, but it helps to have a bit more background information before he can be sure if he can trust Gotak’s mother with this information.
“I will tell you my experience, and then I hope that you feel like you can share yours too, okay?” Mrs Go says with a small smile.
Juntae nods.
“Well, it was a long time ago for me, too. It was right around the time when I had just married Hyeontak’s dad. I had an ex-boyfriend whom I had dumped because he was too clingy and pushy. When this guy found out that I had gotten married, he stalked me and followed me home one afternoon when he thought I would be alone,” Mrs Go starts, “He broke into the house and immediately grabbed me and started touching me, and I wasn’t able to scream as he held my mouth shut, but luckily my husband heard some commotion while he was working in the garden, and he came to my rescue.”
Mrs Go takes a moment to let it all sink in before she continues, “We moved across the country not long after. I’m eternally grateful for my husband being there, so nothing worse could have happened, but the feeling of fear and worthlessness I felt in that moment will never leave me. So, I think I know what you might be feeling, my dear.”
Juntae is a bit taken aback hearing all of this. He’d heard of the issue with crazy stalker ex-boyfriends, but for some reason, he hadn’t expected this story to come out of Mrs Go’s mouth.
“I’m very sorry to hear that this happened to you, Mrs Go,” Juntae says, unsure what else to say.
“Thank you, Juntae,” Mrs Go smiles, “I mostly got over it, but it always stays with you, so it’s important to talk.” She waits for Juntae to open up his heart now, but it’s harder than Juntae thought.
“Does Gotak know that this happened?” Juntae asks.
“He does. It might also be part of the reason why he’s going on this warpath of his. It’s a sensitive topic for him,” Mrs Go answers with a small smile.
Juntae nods. He can’t think of any other questions to stall time, so he decides to just go for it. “What happened to me wasn’t as scary as what happened to you.”
“There’s no comparing, Juntae. If it’s still having an effect on you, and you feel terrible about it, then we are on the same level.”
“I guess…”
Mrs Go smiles at Juntae encouragingly. After she’d so bravely shared her story, Juntae should be able to do so as well. He gathers all his courage before he finally starts talking, “I used to do a lot of things for Hyoman, so he wouldn’t hurt me and my old group of friends. I guess they weren’t really friends, more like fellow victims whom I tried to protect… I would steal phones for Hyoman, bring his group snacks and drinks, and pay for their drinks and dinners sometimes.”
Mrs Go nods encouragingly. Gotak must have already told her the most important part, but she’s still making Juntae say it out loud. Maybe it’s part of the healing process. Juntae will follow her lead.
“He would always call me cute and make me hug him, joking about going on dates together and stupid things like that. I was fine to ignore it until this one time. We were sitting on the stairs with two of his friends when Hyoman was pestering me about getting drinks together, when his friend started mentioning the size of my, erm…” Juntae pauses, trying to find an appropriate word.
“I think I get it,” Mrs Go answers, “He sounds like a truly terrible person, treating you like this. I can’t even imagine doing that to someone else. What happened afterwards?”
“He kept saying, Goodness! Our Juntae has a big one, and then he asked to feel it. I told him multiple times that I didn’t want that, asked him to stop and pushed him away, but he kept grabbing at me. And eventually, he touched me there, even after I kept asking him to stop,” Juntae blurts out all in one go.
“I knew it. I should have fucking killed him,” Gotak’s voice sounds from the door opening. His knuckles are split open, and he has a big red bruise on his cheek and a split lip, but it looks like he got away mostly unscathed.
“Sit down, dear,” Mrs Go says as she moves the laundry basket to the floor and taps the now empty space on Gotak’s bed.
“How long have you been listening?” Juntae asks. He’s feeling terrible. Sharing these details with Mrs Go was one thing, but he didn't need Gotak to know about everything.
“Just for a little bit, the most important part, I guess,” Gotak answers.
“You know it’s rude to listen in on other people’s conversation, right?” Mrs Go asks.
“You guys are in my room!” Gotak defends himself.
“You have a point there,” Mrs Go says, “Now shut up and let us finish our conversation. Juntae, are you okay with Hyeontak being here, or do you want me to shove him out the door?”
Juntae can see where Gotak got his personality from. He’s very similar to his mother. It’s cute, and he can’t help but smile at the pair sitting across from him.
“I’m okay. There’s not much more to say. Sieun was looking at us for a bit, and I could see on his face that he was angry, but back then he had promised himself not to get into any more fights, so he didn’t intervene, but he distracted Hyoman enough for him to forget about me and let me go,” Juntae continues his story.
“I’m happy to hear that Sieun was there. Even if he didn’t fight for you back then, he helped you before it could get any worse,” Mrs Go says.
Gotak remains quiet, biting on his bottom lip. It must hurt with the deep wound on it, but he doesn’t seem to notice it.
“How did you feel afterwards?” Mrs Go asks, “And did you talk to Sieun immediately or at a later moment?”
Juntae glances at Gotak. He knows that his friend won’t be happy with the answer he’ll give, but he has to be honest with Mrs Go. He’s already told her so much, it’s unnecessary to lie now, so he starts talking, “I felt terrible. I cried myself to sleep that night, and I had nightmares for a few weeks. I still do. But it helped a little when Sieun talked to me about it, I guess. It was some time after. We weren’t friends yet.”
Gotak has an unreadable expression on his face, and he seems to be thinking of what to say next. After a moment of silence, he asks, “So you were alone with this for a few weeks? You didn’t tell anyone from your anime nerd group?”
“I didn’t. I needed to be strong for them, as they looked up to me. So I acted like it hadn’t hurt me,” Juntae answers honestly, even if he’s ashamed to admit it out loud.
“I’m so sorry that this happened to you, Juntae. How does it feel now that you’ve spoken to me, well, us?” Mrs Go asks with a careful smile on her face.
“I don’t know. It feels strange to say it all out loud. Apart from the nightmares, I didn’t know how much it affected me,” Juntae admits, and he feels himself tear up. He’d shoved the memories away, deep down into some dark hole in his mind. Now that he relived the moment again, Juntae feels terrible.
“Go hug your friend,” Mrs Go nudges Gotak, who gets up from his bed and envelops Juntae in a warm hug. He carefully takes off Juntae’s glasses and places them on the desk, so he doesn’t crush them in the hug.
Juntae’s tears flow freely now, and he quietly sobs into Gotak's shoulder. Gotak’s hands caress his back, and Juntae hears him whisper in his ear that it’s okay and that Hyoman will never hurt him again, but the floodgates have been opened, and now Juntae has a hard time stopping.
He doesn’t even notice Mrs Go leave the room as she quietly closes the door. Gotak’s hug is so comfortable and warm that Juntae never wants Gotak to let go of him. It’s their first real hug, and Juntae would’ve preferred to have it for a nicer reason, but he’s still glad that Gotak is there for him.
When he eventually does manage to calm down a bit, Gotak is still holding on to him. He’s on his knees in front of the desk chair that Juntae is sitting in, arms still wrapped around his waist. It must be uncomfortable to sit like that. He should let Gotak sit on the bed again. “I’m sorry,” Juntae says.
“Sorry for what?” Gotak asks as he moves back a bit to be able to look into Juntae’s eyes.
“I don’t know. For not telling you, for not putting up a fight, for letting you fight Hyoman…”
“Juntae, I’m not mad at you. I just want to protect you, and for you to be happy,” Gotak says as he uses his sleeves to wipe the tears off Juntae’s face before putting his glasses back on for him. “You’re so cute. I can’t help but care about you and want to fight for you.”
Juntae isn’t sure how to respond. He was used to never having anyone stand up for him, and suddenly he got three boys fussing over him and protecting him from harm’s way. The fights have stopped for a while now, but apparently, there are still wounds on Juntae’s heart that will need some healing.
Thinking of wounds, Juntae suddenly remembers that Gotak is covered in them, so he asks Gotak to sit on the bed while he rummages in his bag for his first aid kit. It’s moved to the bottom of his bag ever since the constant fighting has stopped. He manages to finish it out eventually, and he quickly makes his way towards Gotak, sitting down on the bed next to him.
“You look so sad,” Gotak says as he reaches out and touches Juntae’s splotchy cheeks, “I like it better when you’re smiling.”
Juntae leans into the touch and closes his eyes, forgetting about everything for a moment. He manages a small smile when he opens his eyes again and looks at Gotak.
Gotak rubs Juntae’s head before sitting back against the wall, awaiting Juntae’s care. “It’s been a while since we’ve had to use this stuff, huh?”
Juntae nods, “Luckily, yes. I would always run out of this ointment so fast that the people working at the pharmacy were starting to question my lifestyle.”
“Thug life, huh?” Gotak chuckles before wincing at the feeling of his lip splitting open. For someone who did Taekwondo, and who is confident and cocky usually, he sure loves being babied by Juntae. It’s not the first time that Juntae has treated his wounds. Where Sieun and Baku always licked their own wounds, Gotak didn’t mind Juntae caring for him and making sure that everything was healing well.
Juntae takes great care in cleaning the cut on Gotak’s lip. It’s a nasty cut, deep and dirty, and it will definitely take a few days to heal, but hopefully, the ointment will do its job.
Gotak keeps looking Juntae in the eyes as he touches his lip with the ointment-lathered Q-tip, making Juntae lose his focus for a moment. He looks away, focusing on the wounds again. His cheek will heal by itself, but Juntae makes sure to clean Gotak’s knuckles and lather them with the healing cream.
As he still holds on to Gotak’s hands, Juntae asks, “How did it go with Hyoman? I gather he’s still alive, but not in the best shape, judging by the state of your knuckles.”
“He’s unfortunately still alive, yes,” Gotak responds, “I made sure that he knew why he was being beaten up, though. Do you want all the gory details?”
Juntae nods as he lets go of Gotak’s hands. Even if this will probably not bring him any peace, it might help him get over the anger he hasn’t stopped feeling for Hyoman.
“Okay, so, Baku told me that Hyoman was still at school. I waited for him to come out of the clubroom and led him to a back alley. He looked so dumb when I asked him if he remembered what he did to you. He started talking about the bullying, but I kept pressing until he finally recalled what he did to you that day. He started making excuses, but by then he already had a fist to the nose,” Gotak explains proudly.
Juntae chuckles despite himself. It's adorable how proud Gotak is that he successfully beat up Juntae’s former bully and assaulter.
“That's of course not all. When I hit him, he started fighting back. He got me on my cheek and once in my ribs, but all I saw was red, so I dropped him to the ground and kept punching him. I punched his face, his hands and the place where he touched you. I told him why, and he kept begging me to stop, but then I said that he didn't stop either, so he deserved it.”
“It does make me feel a little better hearing this,” Juntae says with a small smile. He's not a fan of violence, especially after everything he's been through, but Gotak is so proud, and he probably feels a lot better now that he's done this, so Juntae doesn't want to spoil his mood.
“I'm pretty sure I broke his hand, so I commented that he at least wouldn't be able to touch anyone for a while now. He then started to whine about hospital bills, but when I mentioned that we could go to the police with Sieun as a witness, he shut up and let his minions take him away.”
“You're a lunatic! But also my hero,” Juntae gleams before focusing on Gotak’s wounds again.”How did this cut on your lip happen? And how are your ribs feeling now?”
“The fucker got a few hits in as well,” Gotak admits, and he lifts up his shirt to show Juntae his ribs, “How does it look?”
“I don't see anything serious, but there are a few purple spots,” Juntae says as he touches one of the areas where Gotak took one of Hyoman’s hits. The skin under his fingers is burning hot. “Does it hurt a lot?”
Gotak winces, but pretends that it doesn't hurt, as he shakes his head, “Just a little bit, but it's okay. You are more than worth some bruises.”
Juntae blushes at Gotak's words. He's always saying such sweet things, treating him so well, that Juntae isn't sure what to do with all of it.
“Could you help me change into another sweater? This one is covered in Hyoman's nasty blood. I don’t want to somehow catch something from him,” Gotak says.
“Of course,” Juntae responds as he carefully peels off Gotak's sweater, making sure not to scrape the ointment off his knuckles.
Gotak is a very fine specimen. Juntae has known that from day one, but seeing him without a shirt in his bed is sending Juntae into a spiral. He quickly focuses on the laundry basket that Gotak's mother had taken to his room earlier and takes out the sweater that he likes on Gotak the most.
“Is this your favourite one?” Gotak reads Juntae's mind as he looks at the sweater he picked. It’s a light blue sweater, which creates a nice contrast with Gotak’s dark eyes and hair. Juntae has been thinking about that fact more than he would like to admit.
Juntae nods, “It fits you well, and it makes your eyes look nice.”
“I will never wear anything else in that case,” Gotak coos as he puts his arms up in the air, so Juntae can dress him. Juntae chuckles. Gotak is always making silly jokes like this to lighten the mood. It's very endearing. He dresses Gotak just as carefully as he'd undressed him, before sitting down on the bed again.
“Do you remember one of the first things you said to me?” Juntae asks.
“What do you mean?” Gotak asks, confused. He's said a lot of things in the past, so he isn't sure exactly what Juntae means.
“One of the first things you said to me was that you would kill me, in the underpass,” Juntae answers,
“Who would've thought that we would become such good friends and that you would go on a warpath for me?”
“Oh my God. Did I really say that?” Gotak says, hiding his face in his hands, “I always say such dumb things. I say it before I think, and then I regret it later. I'm sorry that I said that to you.”
“It's okay. I know you didn't mean it, and we get along so well now, I don't mind it. I just think it’s funny, is all,” Juntae chuckles as he looks at Gotak.
He looks slightly embarrassed before promising that he will choose his words better from now on. Juntae giggles. All had long been forgiven, but it was still funny to bring it up and mess with his friend.
“Should I ask my mum if you can sleep over tonight? It's Friday, so she won't mind,” Gotak says.
“I don't want to bother your family any more than I already have,” Juntae responds. He really doesn't like being a nuisance, imposing on Gotak's family so much that his mother felt the need to do a therapy session with him. He can't also ask for dinner and a bed.
“Juntae. You know that my parents really like having you around, right? My mum adores you. She says that you are such a perfect kid. And my dad even joked that she finally got her way, as she always wanted two kids, but they only had me. So just know that you're not a bother and that we all like having you here,” Gotak says with a sweet smile on his face.
Juntae feels himself choke up, but he doesn't want to cry even more, so he swallows and pulls himself together.
“I also think it’s super nice to have you here. You're a really good, nice, honest person. I always have fun with you. You’re funny and sweet, and I love beating you when we play video games,” Gotak adds, making it even harder for Juntae to not start bawling again.
“I also really like being here. Your family is wonderful, nothing like mine. And I love spending time with you. You're so cool, and I'm learning a lot from you,” Juntae manages to respond without a single tear.
Gotak smiles at him, waiting for Juntae to accept his request. He gets up from the bed and starts putting away the clean laundry his mother had brought into his room. It seems like he's waiting for permission to go ask his mum for a sleepover, and he's killing time until Juntae finally speaks up.
“You know, Baku used to sleep over every time his dad got too drunk to behave like a normal human, so it's nothing new for my parents to have an extra kid over.”
“I see,” Juntae hops off the bed and starts helping Gotak put away his clothing instead of giving the answer that Gotak is waiting for. He would love to sleep over, but he doesn't want to bother, especially not for a whole night. He also doesn’t want to receive shit from his stepfather about sleeping over at a boy’s house. If Gotak had been a girl, his stepfather would probably hand him a beer and a condom, but if he asked if he could sleep over at a boy’s house, Juntae could only imagine the slurs that would be thrown his way.
“I'll just go home and come back tomorrow if you want to hang out some more,” Juntae says eventually.
“Okay,” Gotak says, not able to hide the slight disappointment in his voice, “Just know that we have an extra mattress and you’re always welcome here.”
“Thanks, Tak, you’re the best.”
“You don't have to tell me that, Junnie,” Gotak winks.
They finish cleaning up Gotak’s laundry while Gotak keeps making jokes about Juntae being the first non-family member to touch his underwear.
Juntae wishes that he could stay. He wishes that he could be selfish enough to accept Gotak’s offer, but he’ll go home and face his stepfather instead, listen to the clinking of the empty soju bottles and hope that tomorrow will come fast, so he can get out of there.
And back into the loving arms of his friend.