Chapter Text
A year passes. A year of Elizabeth having Simon. Of Simon having her. Of Johnny getting them both. The year has its ups and downs, as expected, but generally speaking it’s good. Johnny loves every second of it.
Simon seems to settle into his new role of father, partner and veteran’s physiotherapist much better than anyone could’ve imagined. In fact, Simon’s most challenging time in the past year came when Price and Gaz came and stayed locally for a week. Gaz had recently dislocated his shoulder and kept griping about how stiff and sore it was. Simon reluctantly offered to assist with it, which had Price complaining about his ‘swollen old man ankles’ shortly after. Simon nearly resorted to chopping the man’s ankles off to save them both the pain but he too massaged them and did some strengthening exercises with his ex-Captain whilst both Johnny and Gaz looked on and watched with poorly contained glee.
“Aye, Si,” Johnny shouted from his spot in the corner of the couch. He nudged Gaz with his foot and nodded towards Simon, encouraging his friend to watch his partner’s reaction, “My arse is sore, think you can massage it better?”
Gaz and Johnny had laughed at that until Simon had chirped back with a quick, “Treatment plan isn’t a massage for sore glutes, Johnny. It’s getting off your lazy arse and doing some squats.”
Johnny groaned at Simon and flipped him off at the time but that night, Simon had asked if his arse was still bothering him and Johnny played up to it, complaining that his lower back had been stiff for days and that his backside was strained as a result. Simon had showered him with sympathy then and insisted on giving Johnny the massage he so desperately wanted and, as he finished, Simon leaned in close and asked, “Anywhere else need massaging, dear?”
“Aye, can think of a few places.” Johnny had said smugly, a smirk finding his face when Simon had chuckled.
The evening ended with them both wearing significantly less clothes and Simon needing to buy a new bottle of massage oil for work- a completely different brand too because there’s no way he could look at that tub innocently again.
Still, the year passes like any other would. It feels almost normal honestly. Like nothing ever happened before all this, like there was never a time before Simon being there, and Johnny likes it.
It’s closing in on Elizabeth’s 6th Birthday, Halloween and by that same token also Simon’s birthday. Simon didn’t want to do anything for his birthday, practically snorting when Johnny asked if he wanted to celebrate or have the crew around. “I’m almost thirty-five, Johnny, I don’t need a birthday party.”
They had had a big party in May earlier in the year as Johnny had turned thirty. Simon had a mild breakdown at that one when he realised he and Johnny had known each other for ten years and been involved with one another- so to speak- for seven or eight off and on over the years. He was twenty four and still a Sergeant when they first met, Johnny a twenty year old Corporal who was flying through the military like he was born to be there. Price, a Lieutenant then but months away from his promotion to Captain, had told Simon to go and overlook the training and to keep his eye on Soap.
At the time, Simon had thought it was some kind of punishment or a babysitting task because it hadn’t been all that long since the incident. Everyone referred to it as that but Simon just talked about it as the ill-fated day that his previous allies betrayed him and those he cared about most paid the price for it. People treated him like he was made of glass and he was heartbroken, obviously so, but he didn’t need the sympathy and he sure as shit didn’t want Price putting him on babysitting duty.
Simon watched MacTavish for all of two minutes to realise why Price actually sent him there. The man was a beast. Twenty years old, fast as fuck, efficient, fiery- Simon found himself smirking behind the mask he was wearing. Medical had asked him to wear it if he wasn’t going to keep the bandages on the scars on his face; keep dust and dirt out. They have healed nicely, to be fair, hardly visible these days, but at the time they were gnarly and raised- puckered purple and rugged red. He remembers the early years with Johnny when he used to kiss them better. Sometimes these days Johnny still traces the thin silvery lines they left behind.
Johnny has gotten Simon to concede to having a Halloween party. They’re having a birthday party for Elizabeth on the 28th and then on Halloween they’re hosting that as a joint mix of spooky celebrations and Simon’s thirty-fifth birthday.
So now, two weeks away from Elizabeth’s birthday, Johnny is sitting on the couch with his laptop resting on his thighs as he scrolls through Amazon for dinosaur balloons.
“She couldn’t have been into fairies or something, it had to be fucking Pterodactyls.” Johnny groans as he sees another Dino balloon, finally a Pterodactyl, and his heart practically stops when he sees that it’s £50.
“That’s an expensive dinosaur.” Simon muses, leaning over his shoulder and practically giving Johnny a heart attack.
It seems so stupid but Johnny feels himself growing agitated. He used to be attuned to every movement of The Ghost , always knew where he was and what he was doing, and the fact that Simon just snuck up on him like that makes him feel like he’s lost his touch. Like he’s not special anymore.
“Aye,” Johnny groans, scrolling further through the website, “She couldn’t have been basic and picked a T-Rex or a Raptor could she?”
“I don’t think she would mind a T-Rex or a Raptor,” Simon says, “I think she’d be happy with any dinosaur.”
“Well I won’t be,” Johnny huffs, “I want her to have her favourite! I don’t want her to come back to me in ten years and go ‘Dad, do you remember when I asked for a Pterodactyl and you got me a Velociraptor? God you’re so stupid’. It matters.”
“I really don’t think she’s going to hold it against you for ten years, love.” Simon chuckles.
“Well I’m going to hold it against myself forever,” Johnny mumbles, “Stupid fucking flying thing! No wonder it’s extinct with how high maintenance it is.”
Simon laughs again but Johnny doesn’t. He knows he’s being ridiculous and petty but he genuinely feels frustrated over this and groans again when he scrolls again and sees another T-Rex. He huffs and squeezes his eyes shut tightly, “I can’t do this anymore, I’m losing my goddamn mind. She can have a Pterodactyl on her cake, balloons only get popped anyway.” Johnny reasons.
“Well, cake only gets eaten.” Simon supplies. John feels his agitation getting close to bubbling over and he can’t believe it but he thinks he’s actually going to cry over this stupid balloon.
“Not helpful. Not helpful in the slightest.” Johnny grunts. He shuts the laptop and throws it onto the cushions beside him. He feels Simon push up from the back of the couch and walk away, into the kitchen to get some water if the sound of the tap is anything to go by. After a moment, he too moves and heads to their bedroom where he crawls into their bed and pulls the covers over his shoulders. He lies there with his face smushed into his pillow, practically seething, for what feels like hours. He feels anger coursing from him and he imagines he would be quite hot to the touch from how much frustration is stewing within him.
Simon joins him after a few minutes and sits down, a hand snaking just under the covers to rest on Johnny’s upper back, “You’re seriously bothered by this, aren’t you?”
Johnny feels tears dripping from his eyes onto the pillow and he huffs, “Of course I am! It’s my baby’s birthday.”
“I know that love, but she will have many more.” Simon tries to reason.
“I want them all to be perfect for her.” Johnny mutters.
“Not everything can be perfect, Johnny, it’s unrealistic,” Simon says, “We will try our hardest for all her birthdays and that’s what matters.”
“I want her to remember them all.” He whispers.
“You’ve got to accept that she’s six, she’s not going to remember it. Not like how we will.”
“I don’t care, I want her to.” Johnny sulks.
“You’re being ridiculous now,” Simon slowly rubs his hand over Johnny’s back, “You know that’s not possible.”
“You’re shit at making someone feel better.” Johnny jabs and Simon sighs.
“I know.”
A few minutes pass, silence encompasses them, and Johnny is the first to break it.
“You’re not really shit at making people feel better.”
“I know that.” Simon replies softly. He leans down and presses his lips between Johnny’s shoulder blades, lifting a hand and slowly carding it through Soap’s hair.
Johnny sits up and grabs his pillow, squeezing it closely for extra comfort, “I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me. It’s a bleeding balloon, I know I’m just being dramatic- beyond dramatic- but I feel like if I don’t get this or if I don’t try and make everything perfect for her, I’m just failing her.”
Simon leans against the headboard and pulls Johnny against his chest, hand sliding down his arm and slowly stroking over his clammy skin, “You don’t get to say you’re failing her baby, not ever. You do everything for our girl, you know this, I know you do. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re just having an off day, it happens, but don’t be cruel to yourself. You’ve tried your best but you’re right, we’re not paying £50 for a balloon. How about we buy the Raptor balloon and you get your craft stuff out and design some wings to stick to it?”
“I don’t think she’ll fall for that.” Johnny sniffs but he does chuckle at the idea.
“Well maybe not but at least it’s a dinosaur. I will find her a card with a dinosaur, the Pterodactyl teddy bear you sent me and the wrapping paper if you make the Raptor balloon look like it can fly, deal?” Simon reasons and Johnny nods.
“Okay.” Johnny smiles softly and cuddles further into Simon’s shirt, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m so bloody emotional.”
“Because she’s your baby and you want everything to be perfect, I get it, you don’t want to disappoint her,” Simon says, “But we have to be reasonable as well. You don’t have to apologise for being human, Johnny.”
“Well I’m sorry for saying you’re shit at comforting me. You’re not. You’re the best really.” Johnny mumbles and Simon chuckles, leaning down and kissing the top of Johnny’s head.
“I know.”
When Elizabeth’s birthday rolls around, the morning passes in a blur. She opens her presents before eight AM even hits and then is impatiently waiting for her party to start at twelve.
Elizabeth asks who is coming and Johnny rolls through the guest list with her again. Sarah and her daughter, Macy. Johnny’s parents and siblings are making the trip down but are heading back up to Scotland later in the day. Gaz and Price are coming, naturally, and a few days ago a gift bag arrived at the door addressed to Elizabeth from Laswell and her wife. Alejandro and Rodolfo were talking about coming over at some point in the year to meet Elizabeth and see Johnny again but they are currently fostering two kids in Mexico- a three year old girl and her baby brother. They were at the start of the adoption process but it was slow, too slow, and ridiculously difficult for them so they are fostering till they can get any further with adoption. Two of Elizabeth’s friends from school are coming too but Johnny has no idea if their parents are staying for the party or not, he just got RSVP texts from both of their Mums saying they’ll be there.
Johnny’s family are the first to arrive, gifts piled high for Elizabeth who is excited to see her Aunts, Uncle and Grandparents again. She sits and plays with them and her new toys for mere moments before the door opens again and Price and Gaz walk in.
“Knocking would be nice.” Simon huffs as he greets Price.
“You lads never once knocked before coming into my office.” Price replies, “‘Bout time I paid you the same respect.”
Their small apartment fills quickly after that. Johnny jokes with Sarah for being the last to get there despite being their next door neighbour. Elizabeth, Macy and her two friends from school run around with all of her new toys (Liz with the Pterodactyl teddy Simon went to three different stores to find). The grown ups converse in their own little groups: Johnny’s family together, Gaz with Price and Sarah, the parents of the girls from school are sitting together quietly chatting about how their kids are getting on in the new school year. It’s ridiculously domestic, so much so that the military lads all make a joke and laugh about it being so unbelievably crazy that this is their lives now, but they all adore every single moment of it.
Johnny finally takes a break from milling around, setting out buffet food, sorting out disagreements between the Pterodactyl and Mr Snuffleton who said ‘mean things’ about the dinosaurs' extinction status. He heads over to Simon at their small dining table and chuckles when he sees that his partner is fighting with the string attached to one of the spindly legs of the Raptor-dactyl balloon. As promised, Johnny designed a pair of wings that he managed to glue onto the Raptor that Elizabeth screamed at in excitement over how big the dinosaur was.
The helium balloon is floating above their table and keeps drifting over to Simon who bats it away with more and more fervour each time. He bats it again particularly fiercely and the wings come loose on its back, earning Simon a flick on his ear, “Watch it Riley. I will have another meltdown over this balloon if you pop it.”
Simon huffs out a laugh and holds his hands up in surrender, “Wouldn’t want that on my conscience now would I?”
He kicks out the chair beside him and gestures for Johnny to sit down before he himself jumps up and heads into the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of cold beer that he puts down in front of Johnny who shakes his head lightly, “Not feeling it today, you can drink this time.”
Simon furrows his brows and uncaps the beer, “Bullshit, if anyone gets to drink today it should be you. You were pretty busy six years ago today.”
Johnny chuckles at that but stands firm, “That’s true but trust me, I don’t want it.”
Simon ignores him and places the beer back down in front of him which has Johnny pushing it back towards him lightly, “Si, seriously, you can drink. I don’t want it.”
“Well I drank last time and we take it in turns,” Simon replies, pushing it back, “Besides, I don’t like beer much anyway.”
“Simon, please!” Johnny begs quietly.
Simon mumbles, “You said you were looking forward to drinking and socialising again last week.”
“That was- well, I meant it then but not now. Just give the beer to Kyle or something if neither of us want it.” Johnny says.
Simon stands and moves to be on Johnny’s right instead of opposite him at the table. He reaches an arm around Johnny and rests it on his shoulder, squeezing the muscle under there lightly. He places the beer in front of Johnny who slides it back across to him and sighs.
Johnny looks around the room and sees that no one is around so he leans in to Simon, lips resting against the shell of his ear and he whispers, “Simon, I’m pregnant.”
Simon spins to face him in shock and Johnny leans back slightly, smiling softly at him, “You’re- what? How long have you known?”
“Two days. I thought maybe I was when I had that meltdown over the balloons but I forgot about it until I started throwing up.” Johnny says.
“You’ve been throwing up?” Simon asks, “How didn’t I know?” He sits back down and Johnny notices how his hands are shaking.
“I’m sneaky. I took the test a couple days ago and I was waiting until tonight to tell you so we could celebrate Elizabeth’s birthday without thinking about this too.” Johnny explains. Simon sits there for a moment with a soft smile on his face not saying a word. Johnny reaches out and squeezes Simon’s thigh before leaning back in, “If you want to go and process this for five minutes I won’t stop you, just don’t take too long. We can talk properly tonight and freak out later together, but right now we need to cut the cake and throw a mean party for our girl.”
“I- I might go and take a second, just to stop myself from smiling so much I guess,” Simon chuckles and Johnny nods in understanding. The soft smile has turned into an elated grin and Simon’s expression is overwhelmingly happy. Johnny’s own begins to mirror it and he softly shoves Simon away, “Start getting the cake ready, I will be back in a moment.”
Johnny stands up with Simon and places a hand on his shoulder, leaning in to kiss his cheek, “Go and splash some water on your face, let this sink in, and then come out when you’re ready.”
Simon wraps an arm around Johnny’s waist and kisses his forehead in return, “I won’t be long.”
True to his word, Simon comes back only minutes later and beelines straight for Johnny who is meticulously placing the candles in Elizabeth’s cake. He wraps an arm around Johnny and kisses the shaved side of his head quickly before he opens the top drawer and gets out the lighter, knowing Johnny will ask for it in just a moment.
“You doing okay?” Johnny asks as he licks some buttercream from his finger where he wiped it from the side of the candle.
Simon nods fervently and passes Johnny the lighter, “I’m amazing.”
“Can’t disagree with you there,” Johnny chuckles, “Go and get Elizabeth and tell everyone to come and watch her with the cake.”
Soon enough, Elizabeth is sitting on Simon’s hip, smiling joyously as all their friends sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to her. They all laugh when everyone uses a different nickname for her name in the middle of the song and it gets a little messy but it’s perfect in its own way. Elizabeth blows the candles out in one big breath and everyone clamours around her asking what did she wish for.
In true six year old fashion, she says, “I wished for Dinosaurs to not be ‘stinct anymore.”
Later that night, Johnny is lying on his side in bed, head resting on his hand as his other traces shapes lazily on Simon’s shirtless chest. He occasionally dips down and kisses his shoulder but other than that he just keeps his routine the same, “How’re you feeling? What are you thinking about?”
Simon says nothing for a minute, long enough so that Johnny thinks he’s angry, until Simon mumbles, “Why didn’t you take the test with me around? Why did you do it alone?”
“I didn’t want to get you excited about something I wasn’t even sure about,” Johnny mumbles, “If we had been trying I would’ve taken it with you but because it just kind of happened I wanted to know before I told you. We’ve never really talked about having more kids so I wasn’t sure if you’d be excited or terrified and I wanted to know for sure before I got you thinking about it too.”
It’s true, they never have sat down and talked about what’s next for them. Not really anyway. It came up once in conversation about three months ago, just before the kids broke up for summer. Elizabeth had come home from school and was telling Johnny about how her friend Riley was going to be a big sister but she didn’t think it was fair because she was already a little sister so why did she need another sibling?
Johnny had explained to her that all families have different numbers of kids, like how Johnny has three siblings but Simon just had the one, but Elizabeth then couldn’t understand why she didn’t have any. She was also upset that Johnny wouldn’t share any of his siblings with Simon so Simon could have a brother again since Tommy had passed but Johnny trying to explain how that’s not possible and, in a way, it’s like they share anyway because they’re almost in-laws went way over Elizabeth’s head.
In the MacTavish family, Johnny falls third in the line. First is Esther, who is now thirty six and wishes people would stop talking about it. Second is Johnny’s brother, Harry, who is thirty three but still acts like a five year old when John is in town. The two of them together can get into all kinds of mischief and Harry was the first to know about John being transgender because of how close they were as kids. Harry’s response was, ‘Girl or Guy, you’re still a little shithead.’, and Johnny always knew he was safe with Harry. After Johnny is his younger sister, Skye, who is twenty four. They told her that she was named Skye because the Isle of Skye was where their parents met but really it’s where they went on their fifteen year wedding anniversary that miraculously saw the fourth MacTavish child come into existence. She still doesn’t know to this day that her parents actually met on a bus in Glasgow.
After trying for several minutes to explain to the exasperated six year old how families work, Simon had come home from work and had immediately been harassed by said six year old whining about why Papa won’t share his siblings. Simon was confused and Johnny had explained that someone at school was becoming a big sister and Elizabeth was sad that she wasn’t which then stemmed into her being even more sad that Johnny has more siblings than Simon and by the time he finished explaining, Simon looked no wiser.
John had huffed, “She wants to be a big sister.”
Simon’s eyes had widened comically. He looked at the kid wrapped around his legs and put a hand in her hair before saying, “Maybe a fish tank?”
Johnny just stared at Simon for what felt like hours before he said, “Really? A fish tank?”
“I don’t know. What do you want me to say?” Simon shrugged.
Johnny had laughed a little but shook his head, “I don’t know but we’re not getting a flamin’ fish tank.”
“Are we having a sister?” Elizabeth asked and Johnny sighed dramatically.
“No, sweetheart,” Simon chuckled, “We can’t just magic a baby out the sky. Besides, it’s a lot to think about and a lot to do. Babies are expensive and loud and your Dad and I are happy just having you.”
At the time, John had listened and had agreed with Simon. He let him finish the conversation and Elizabeth was satisfied with the answer he gave and left it there. As the months passed, the conversation drifted out of his mind until he found himself standing in front of the pregnancy tests in Asda and feeling that same gut-wrenching dread he did when he stood there all those years ago when he was pregnant with Elizabeth. His thoughts were all over the place.
What if it’s positive- we haven’t got room for a baby!
What if Simon doesn’t want a baby?
What if Elizabeth feels left out?
What if he leaves us?
What if Simon goes for good?
“Oh I’m shit scared, trust me,” Simon agrees with a chuckle, quickly responding to Johnny, “But I’m so fucking happy. I haven’t been this happy since you told me Elizabeth was my baby too.”
John smiles and rests his head on Simon’s shoulder, sighing softly as he cuddles him close, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you straight away, it’s been killing me these last two days, I just really wanted to celebrate today without thinking about this too and ruining anything for Lizzie today.”
Simon leans to the side and kisses Johnny’s forehead, “You did the right thing, gotta prioritise our baby that’s already here right now.” Simon says and Johnny nods in agreement.
“I don’t know what we’re going to tell her.” Johnny mutters.
“We have time, don’t worry.” Simon replies, “We’ll think of something.”
“You think she’ll be happy?” Johnny asks, tilting his head a little to look at Simon more. He sees a grin spreading across Simon’s face and feels himself smiling in return.
Simon nods softly, “I think she’ll be over the moon, love.”