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Begin Again

Summary:

Donovan Rocker was the kind of man who always stuck to his word. A promise made was a promise kept. That was how he was raised: straight talk, hard work, and loyalty.

or

A story about how Donovan Rocker believed his divorce cost him everything. Instead, it led him to the love of his life.

Notes:

Hi, everyone!

I didn’t expect the Rocker-Molly storyline at the end of the show, but wow! It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them since.
This started as a headcanon post on Tumblr that received a lot of love (thank you!), so I decided to turn it into a polished fan fiction story. Here we are, nearly 4,000 words later!

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Title from the song Begin Again by Taylor Swift.

P.S. English isn't my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes or odd phrasing. Thanks for understanding!

Work Text:

header

Donovan Rocker was the kind of man who always stuck to his word. A promise made was a promise kept. That was how he was raised: straight talk, hard work, and loyalty.

That's how people saw him. In high school, his reliability, paired with a varsity jacket and ability to throw a perfect spiral, made him popular. The fact that he was handsome (all sharp cheekbones, a cleft in his chin, and the kind of muscular build that came from actual effort) and funny in an easy, self-deprecating way probably didn’t hurt either.

Val was also popular. She was one of the top cheerleaders with an effortless kind of beauty that made heads turn, and a laugh that made people lean in just to hear more of it. They were both admired on their own, but together? They were everything. They were the kind of couple that teachers smiled at in the hallways. Prom king and queen. Twice. Homecoming royalty. They even had a song that they called 'theirs'.

They had their first kiss after a Friday night movie. He picked her up in his truck, his hair still damp from a quick shower after practice. She wore a soft sweater that smelled like vanilla, and he couldn’t focus on the movie at all with her right there beside him. When they arrived at her house later, she hesitated at the door, then smiled at him.

"Are you going to kiss me, or do I need to make the first move?"

He kissed her, clumsy and sweet, and that was it. From that moment on, she was everything. She was his first kiss. His first time. His first everything.

They were the high school sweethearts who made it look easy. 

They got married in their early twenties. Rocker could still picture it clearly, even now. The wedding had been a big event, funded entirely by Val’s parents. Val planned every detail with such precision and excitement that everyone else just nodded and got out of her way. She wanted a fairy tale, and she got one. The venue was adorned with white flowers and soft lighting. A string quartet played under a floral archway that cost more than his first car. Val walked down the aisle, beaming. Her dress glittered in the sunlight. Rocker thought: She looks like she stepped out of a dream.

She had called herself a princess that day, and he hadn’t disagreed. She was radiant. He’d been so proud. So in love. So sure.

He remembered his hands shaking when he held hers during the vows and the way she squeezed his fingers as if it were a secret only they knew.

The size of the wedding, the cost of the ice sculpture, and the hundreds of little silver favors placed at every seat didn't matter to him. He would have married her barefoot in a field. But she looked so happy, and that was enough.

She was everything to him back then. He thought they had forever.

After school, they wanted to stay in Los Angeles County, close to their families. Rocker went to CSULA and then straight into the police academy. Val went to Mount Saint Mary's University like every woman in her family. Not really knowing what she wanted to do with her life, she switched majors three times before landing on fashion marketing. Then, she decided to give modeling a real shot. She was beautiful, after all. People had been telling her that her whole life.

Modeling didn't work out. Neither did acting after. Los Angeles chewed her up and spit her out. The silence that followed her early auditions hit her hard. She had always been admired, noticed, and talked about. Suddenly, she was just another pretty face in a city full of them.

But Rocker was always there for her. He held her when she cried. He told her that nothing had changed. He told her that she was more than what people saw and that they’d figure it out.

He was making good money, and her family was wealthy enough that they never had to worry about rent or bills. She started working part-time at a beauty salon, just a few days a week, doing reception work and giving styling advice. It kept her busy. It made her feel useful.

She also helped her sisters with their children. She helped with school pickups, field trips, and weekend soccer games. She volunteered with youth programs, too, the kind of steady, soft work that gave her a sense of purpose. And she was so good with kids. But deep down, she still felt like she hadn't found her passion. 

Meanwhile, Rocker transitioned from patrol duty to special assignments, eventually joining SWAT. This had been his goal for years. He passed the selection process on his first try. The job required long hours, brutal workouts, and constant improvement. He loved it. He loved the team, the structure, and the purpose. He enjoyed joking around with his colleagues and the friendly competition between 20-David and 50-David. He admired his team leader, Mumford, and looked up to him. And every time he came home exhausted, Val was there with a smile, waiting for him. They were solid, he thought.

They were supposed to be unbreakable.

At first, Val was proud. She told people he was on the SWAT team with a smile, as if that made her taller. Maybe it did. He remembered the way her hand would rest on his arm at parties, her fingers curling slightly as she said, "My husband’s a SWAT officer."

She believed in him. She liked knowing he was doing something important and real.

But that pride didn’t last forever.

One night, he came home with a busted lip and a bruise swelling beneath his right eye. Some guy had taken a wild swing during a close-quarters takedown. By the time he was in the car, Rocker barely felt it, but Val went quiet the second she saw him.

"Don't do that," she said, her voice trembling. "Don't walk in here like it’s nothing."

"It's not a big deal," he said, trying to keep it light. "It looks worse than it is."

She didn’t answer right away. She just stood there with her jaw tight and her eyes glassy. Then she reached up, took his face in her hands, and pressed a cold pack to his cheek. She didn't speak much that night.

Their first real trouble began after the threatening letter.

He never thought it would be her. When the truth came out, what she’d done and why, he couldn’t even be angry. Not really. She was scared. Of course she was. She’d always hated the danger that came with the job. Every busted lip and bruised jaw sent her spiraling into more worry. Maybe it was that one night when she had to go to the hospital after their SWAT car was blown up, and he had to crawl out of it with blood all over his face. That's when she started thinking about what would happen if he didn't come home one day.

He forgave her. Because he loved her. That’s what you do when you’ve promised your life to someone. That’s what you do when you’ve married someone: you find a way back.

If he was honest with himself, he knew it was partly his fault. He was the one who came home after a long shift and drinks with his colleagues. He was the one who took his frustrations home with him.

So when she crossed that line, it wasn’t out of malice. It was fear. It was love in its most desperate and twisted form. Rocker was sure of it.

He told himself it was just a rough patch. They’d had bad days before. This wasn’t the end.

He was a good man. Marriage meant something to him. To them.

Besides, everything seemed fine.

Really.

Everything was fine until the next fight.

Mumford pulled him aside and told him the news. He was retiring for good. No coming back.

Later, Rocker found out that he was going to take his place. Team leader.

Rocker felt it like a lightning bolt. Pride. Gratitude. A quiet kind of disbelief. He’d worked hard and done the job right every day, and now it meant something. It had paid off.

He went home that night practically buzzing. He picked up her favorite wine on the way and imagined the way her eyes would light up when he told her. She’d been with him through everything: high school games, academy training, and long, bruising nights. She’d understand what this meant.

But when he said the words, she didn’t smile.

"More danger," she said quietly, arms crossed. "More chances to get hurt."

"It's more responsibility," he explained, awkwardly holding the wine bottle in one hand. "More leadership. It’s a good thing, Val."

She didn’t say anything after that. She just looked away. The silence stretched on longer than it should have. A few short words turned into a long, quiet argument. Then, nothing at all. She barely spoke to him for a week.

So he filled the silence.

He spent late evenings sketching in the garage, finishing the drawing he was making for Mumford's goodbye. He went on a few long runs. He took long drives just to be alone with his thoughts. He didn't say it out loud, but he was starting to feel weighed down by the stillness in the house.

Eventually, she came back to him. They talked. She apologized. They laughed again.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was good.

They were okay.

Really.

Once Val seemed more at ease with his promotion and quiet months had passed without bruises, late-night injuries, or explosions, things smoothed out. She even smiled again when he came home in uniform.

For a while, it was peaceful. Normal. But then she brought it up one night after dinner, the way she did when she’d made up her mind about something.

"I think it’s time," she said, her eyes soft. "For us to try. For real."

She meant kids. A family. The next step.

Rocker nodded. Of course he did. It made sense. They had the house. They had the life. She wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and he supported her decision. He always said she’d be the best mom: warm, gentle, and good with the kids. It felt right. He wanted to be a dad and have two or three perfect little mixtures of them both.

Except…. it wasn’t happening.

At first, they brushed it off. Timing, stress, or something else. But months passed. Then, nearly a year. They started tracking cycles, marking "good days" on the calendar, and scheduling around her ovulation. Intimacy became mechanical, pressure instead of passion.

The house felt somehow quieter. He didn’t know when it had stopped being a home and started feeling like a waiting room.

The doctors said everything looked fine. That made it somehow worse. There was no one to blame. There was no clear path forward. There were just empty spaces where hope used to sit.

Val became brittle. Her temper shortened. The way she avoided his gaze in the mornings made his chest ache. And he couldn’t fix it. No matter how many times he brought home her favorite dessert or took her out to dinner or planned a spontaneous road trip, she still felt far away.

On the surface, she was still there. But when she spoke to him, her voice sounded thinner, as if something had dimmed within it.

Rocker hated how helpless it made him feel. He was a man who solved problems. He handled things. But this left him empty-handed.

Still, she was his wife. He loved her. So he’d stay. He'd do whatever it took. Keep trying.

Even if something inside him whispered that maybe it wasn't working.

At work, he embraced being the guy everyone expected: He was loud and easygoing, with that familiar pain-in-the-ass energy that 20-David loved to groan about. He made Tan roll his eyes at his bad jokes. He teased Deacon until he laughed against his better judgment. Even Hondo cracked a smile now and then. And he was a good leader for the 50-David.

He treated the squads as if they were a second family. Because if he showed any cracks there, too, he didn’t know what would be left of him. Maybe if he was loud enough, bright enough, and funny enough, no one would see the grief he carried home every night.

Eventually, after years of trying his best, Val said she was tired.

Tired of the tests. The waiting. She was tired of the clockwork routine of intimacy that felt like an obligation.

They stopped trying.

The silence that filled the void was louder than any fight they’d ever had. The shift was immediate. Jarring. They went from a rigid schedule sex life to no intimacy at all. No more trying. No more reaching. No more late-night conversations about potential names or nursery colors. Just absence. Just space.

He still stood by her. He sat across from her at the dinner table. They even shared a bed. Yet the distance between them grew wider each day.

They were alone.

Rocker had made a vow, though. In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow. He meant it. He stayed. Not out of obligation, but because marriage is work, and hard times are part of the deal.

He thought maybe they could find each other again.

But then the day came when he came home and saw the envelope on the kitchen table. She sat there calmly. Too calm. It was as if she’d already had this conversation a hundred times in her head. Her eyes were kind but firm.

"I met someone."

It didn’t register at first. He stood there with his keys still in hand and the door half-shut behind him. She kept talking. Her voice was soft. Apologetic. But final.

"I didn't plan it. But it’s real. I can’t do this anymore."

He couldn't breathe. He tried to hold it together. He tried to keep his voice steady, but it cracked anyway. His hands shook. He begged her just once: "Please, can we try again?"

But she said no.

He wasn’t an asshole. He didn’t yell. He didn’t guilt her. He just stood there with tears in his eyes and nodded as if it made sense.

All he ever wanted was for her to be happy. If it wasn't with him, he wouldn't stand in the way.

He signed the papers.

He slept on the couch for the next few weeks until he found a small apartment across town. They sold the house. Just like that, it was over.

He fell apart inside.

He was still good at his job, made the right calls, he was a good leader. But he was moody. Short-tempered. He snapped at people. He picked a dirty fight with Deacon during a sparring session just to feel like he had won something.

It didn't help. He felt worse afterwards. At least Deacon got him right back.

Tan cornered him outside the locker room after.

"What the hell was that, man?"

His voice wasn't angry, not exactly. But it was sharp, disappointed. The kind of tone you only use when you expect better from someone.

Rocker didn't answer right away. He grabbed his backpack, slung it over his shoulder, and started to walk past. But Tan stepped in front of him.

"You're usually a pain in the ass in a funny way," Tan said. "You are off for weeks. And that? That was just mean."

That word stuck. Mean. That wasn't who he was. Not really. Not until now.

Something cracked open.

"I signed the papers," Rocker said. It came out hoarse.

Tan blinked. "What papers? Wait... You and Val?"

Rocker nodded, eyes fixed on a crack in the tile.

"She met someone," he said. "It's over."

That was all it took.

The dam burst.

He sank down on the bench, shoulders hunched, and for the first time since he'd scribbled his name on that line, he let himself cry. Not loudly. Not messy. Just silent tears and the kind of pain that hollowed him out from the inside.

Tan didn't say much. Just sat there. Gave him space. Let it happen.

And after that, they talked. More than Rocker ever expected. Tan invited him to dinner with Olivia. Sometimes they stayed up late at Rocker's new place, just talking. Tan knew the territory. The Bonnie situation had left scars of its own, and it gave him the language Rocker couldn’t find on his own.

He didn't have to explain everything. Tan just understood.

And slowly, so slowly that it almost felt like nothing, Rocker began to feel a little better.

Not cured. Not fine.

But better.

Rocker signed up for the spin class on a whim.

He didn’t even know why. Maybe it was because everything else in his life felt stale, as if someone had dimmed the lights without asking. He drew a lot, but he needed something new. He wanted to do something with his body that wasn't sparring or training. Something demanding, but in a fun way.

He showed up early. He grabbed a bike in the front row, trying not to look out of place.

Then, the class filled in.

"Oh," he muttered under his breath.

A lot of women. Like, a lot of women. There were only two other guys in the room. He tugged at the hem of his shirt, feeling a little uncomfortable now that he had chosen such a tight outfit.

Class started, and it kicked his ass. But in a good way. His heart was pumping, and his muscles were burning. For the first time in weeks, his brain wasn’t stuck in that awful loop of what-ifs and why-didn't-I.

Afterward, as he was toweling off, he noticed the looks the women gave him. And, okay, he was not ready for that.

He tried to avoid eye contact, but he caught a friendly and amused grin across the room, not flirty.

Molly Hicks.

He blinked in surprise. He hadn’t recognized her at first; she had her hair in a messy bun and was wearing workout gear. Her face was still flushed from the ride. But yeah, that was her.

He had seen her at work functions and knew that she had dated Street from 20-David at one point. So he did the polite thing and said hello.

"Hey," she said when he walked over. "I didn't expect to see you here, Rocker. I thought you were more of a lifting weights and boxing kind of guy."

He smiled sheepishly. "I didn't expect to be here, to be honest."

She laughed, a bright, full sound that felt like something cracking open in his chest. "Well, you survived."

"Barely. I don’t think my thighs will ever forgive me."

"You'll be fine." She nudged him playfully with her water bottle. "Are you going to come back next week?"

He hesitated, then shrugged. "Yeah. I think so."

After showering and getting dressed, he walked out of the gym and was surprised to see her waiting at the exit.

"Want to grab a coffee?" she asked.

He looked at her, surprised. "You mean like now?"

"Yeah. My favorite café is just around the corner. I’m still riding the endorphin high."

He didn’t even think about it. "Sure."

They talked over coffee for an hour. Then two. He couldn’t remember the last time a conversation had felt so effortless. They talked about everything: movies, family, and food. She told him about the cases she was currently working on. He told her about the new sketchbook he had bought to try out some new techniques and how drawing helped him calm down.

"You draw?" she asked, curiously.

"Yeah, a little. I used to do it more, but you know how life goes. I've picked it up again recently."

"I'd love to see your work sometime."

And just like that, something small yet significant took root in his heart. He’d had fun. He wasn’t used to that anymore.

They kept going to spin class. They kept getting coffee. Sometimes dinner. They became real friends.

It happened so quietly that he didn’t notice it right away. But then he realized that he was looking forward to seeing her. His stomach did a little flip when she texted him. He found himself checking the clock in the afternoon, hoping class would start soon.

Wait, was this a crush?

The thought terrified him.

He hadn’t had a crush since high school. He’d been with Val since he was sixteen. Now, here he was, feeling like a teenager again, all because Molly Hicks had smiled at him across the studio.

He tried to shake it off. He told himself it was just friendship. The attention. The good conversation.

Except it wasn’t.

Not when she leaned over the table at dinner, laughing so hard that she had to wipe tears from her eyes. Not when she teased him about his terrible taste in music and then admitted that she loved early 2000s pop-punk just as much.

Not when she touched his arm, warm and light, after he opened up a bit about his divorce.

Since he met her, it felt like every part of his life had improved. And that scared him more than anything.

Because she was Hicks’ daughter. And she was a bit younger than him. Was that weird? Inappropriate?  And he remembered exactly how Hicks had acted when Street had dated her. That tension had lingered for months.

But she was so brilliant. So smart. So funny. So beautiful. Also, out of his league in ten different ways. But when she laughed, the whole room lit up, and when he was with her, he lit up, too.

He didn't know what to do.

But then there was the night they went to the Thai restaurant she liked so much. They shared a big bowl of drunken noodles and talked about everything from movies to her worst dates to the time he'd accidentally backed into his dad's car and tried to hide the scratches by painting over them himself.

He walked her to her car like he always did.

"Thanks," she said, fiddling with her keys. "This was fun."

"Yeah," he said, hands in his jacket pockets. "It always is."

She smiled up at him softly and almost shyly and said, "So, I'm going to do something. If it's weird, we'll pretend it never happened, okay?"

He blinked. "Uh, okay?"

Then she kissed him. It was a soft, warm kiss that caught him completely off guard.

But, my God, the way it felt! For a second, everything in him went still. Then he felt a flutter, electricity, and joy.

When she pulled back, he stared at her, his eyes wide.

"I really like you," she said quietly. "And I know it might be complicated with my dad, but if you're in, I am."

He couldn't help but laugh, feeling stunned and breathless.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm in. I am so in."

Because maybe for the first time in years, even in a decade, he felt like he could breathe again. Like he wasn’t just surviving; he was living. And if Molly Hicks was the reason for that, he’d count himself lucky every single day.

He knew it wouldn’t be simple, her dad will be so against this.

But he also knew this: He would do anything to make her happy. To make this work.

As she leaned in again beneath the parking lot lights, all he could think was-

Okay. This is how it’s supposed to feel.

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