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"you're acting distant lately" sion's voice returns riku from reality after a long time staring at the window. the tone in his voice almost turns it into a whisper.
"huh?" riku asks turning his head to sion, targeting his eyes — kinda sad, to be honest.
"i said you're acting distant lately, riku." sion repeats, this time saying a little bit loud clearing his throat at the end, like a "i wanted to ask you something else".
"i don't know what you're talking about..." riku says sighing and finishing eating what sion prepared for them. sion's homemade pasta was one of the best things ages ago, but somehow it turned out to be something... dull now.
"riku." sion says while grabbing riku's arms when he got up the table. "did i do something? talk to me, please?" his voice shakes until the end.
and riku hates himself to notice it. "obviously you didn't do anything, i did. i cheated on you" was what went through riku's head, but the words seemed to not make their way to his mouth. and after sighing intensely, riku just shook his head negatively and went on his way to the kitchen leaving sion's arm and heart on the dinner table.
this cold war started a while ago, right after sion made his way to an amazing opportunity in his job and consequently had to put more effort and time in his work putting riku a little bit by side. of course it wasn't his intention, but at the end of the day, he did. it was a fact. just like riku's dissatisfaction. obviously he was happy to see his boyfriend — who he loves so much — having the recognition he deserves, but at the end of the day, he missed all the cuddles and drunk sex after the banquet that sion prepared for them. all the times that they'd went out for dinner and managed to make out in the bathroom or how sion's hand often made them way to riku's most sensitive places, feeling the fear of being caught or the rush.
that's it. the rush. the adrenaline, the hardcrashing passion. riku missed all the emotion and the feeling of being in a brand new relationship. they were together for almost 2 years and immediately started to live together. all the monotony and their routine together was a big no for him. so what could he do? find a new hobby to distract himself while he doesn't just get used to the fact that maybe that ardent desire maybe it wasn't in their home anymore? he tried. started to go more often to the gym, to read more, even do groceries even when they had everything at home. but somehow, the emptiness sensation just refused to make his way out.
so what started as a passionate-hardcrashing love turned out to a wrinkled-old-dull something. riku stopped to hug sion tightly when they were going to sleep, riku stopped to talk to him and smilling pretending to hear about sion's crap about his boring job. riku just stopped. and sion noticed it. obviously he would notice the atmosphere of what they called home turning into a cold and indifferent house. he tried to get close to riku countless times and even gave him what riku desperately wanted again, that ardent passion and great sex, but maybe it was a little bit late. because riku managed to get goosebumps and endless orgasms with somebody else... and sion noticed it too.
riku started to dress up more while going out — wearing that sweet cologne that he loved to smell while he was licking and biting riku's tanned neck. how riku started to smile talking to someone on the phone, how riku subtly came back to wearing tighter clothes that valued his body, his tiny waist that used to be sion's favorite place to put his hands on — tightening them while riku begged him to go faster. and he didn't do it anything. sion just let riku trade his sweatshirts for late-night outgoings.
riku started to sleep over more often. "i'm going to a friend's house", riku used to say. "bullshit", sion used to thought. and suddenly, they were two strangers living under the same ceiling. sometimes the house went so quietly that it was possible to hear the breathing of two separate people in two separate rooms. sion started to sleep in his office and stared at the crack in the door noticing the light turning off and riku's loud footsteps accompanied by the sound of the front door closing late at night and coming back when sion was leaving to his job, meeting each other in the hallway without saying a single word. both of them were hurting, too unhappy to say anything, to used to all that bullshit to break up.
but riku ignoring their 3 year anniversary was the last straw. seeing riku ignoring the cake sion had bought for him and the expensive wine at the table, grabbing his stuff and going out leaving sion sat down at their dinner table wasn't bearable anymore. sion wanted him to return. 2 am and nothing, 3 am and nothing, 4 am and nothing, 5 am and nothing, 6 am and nothing, 7 am and nothing... sion woke up at 10 am hearing riku's keys turning the door and there he was. absolutely overdressed to someone who got home at 10 am, leaving a trace of cologne that wasn't his and a deceiving look in his eyes at sion's face of who cried all night.
"if you feel like leaving me, it's okay. I'll grab my stuff and you can keep the apartment."
silence.
"i am talking to you, riku. are you listening?" sion said. this time making the anger and sadness inside him even more obvious. "of course you're not listening to me. you never listened to me. i'd pay for discover what's going on your mind half of the time. just to know what shit you've been doing all this time."
"sion..." was the only thing riku could say, seeing sion throwing the chocolate cake at the wall.
"don't you dare to say my name, riku. don't you dare saying my fucking name." sion yelled. he didn't mean to. but he did. it's a fact.
"sion..." riku called for sion again, this time bursting out in tears.
"i'm tired of your bullshit."
sion said making his way to their bedroom. his steps were furious, echoed in that hollow house. but it wasn't the only thing that could be heard. riku's hiccups and loud crying resonate to sion's ear while he was packing all his stuff, leaving their room more empty that already was. and subtly, sion was back at the kitchen with his suitcase and his furious steps right in front of riku.
"why you're crying? huh?" sion said staring at riku's teary eyes. "why i thought you was going to answer me this time? dumbass."
"what you wanted me to say?" riku finally said recovering himself cleaning up his tears. "what you wanted me to say, sion? answer me"
"i wanted you to not be an asshole, riku. i wanted you to at least be able to hide it the fact you're fucking someone else. is it too much to ask?"
silence again.
"well, i think it is for you." sion said feeling the salty tears streaming down his face, exactly where the tears he cried the whole night before fell as well. "you're not even able to talk to me, you're pathetic."
"you are pathetic, sion." riku shouted wiping his tears recovering again from the hiccups. "you're pathetic for staying all this time silent while i wanted you close to me"
"and the guy you're fucking? he didn't stayed close to you enough? don't fuck with me right now, riku. i always did everything i could for you, i worked my ass off to buy this for us." sion pointed to the entire apartment. the apartment where they'd use to be happy. to be a couple.
"that's the problem, you always worked. you always took the night shift even when you didn't have to. i tried to stay here, sion. i really tried. but i couldn't. you were always too tired, too unhappy. we weren't fucking for two months. two months, sion." riku grabbed one of their portraits smashing them against the floor, feeling all the inner rage letting out of his body.
"so you started to fuck with every guy who showed up in front of you? wow, so that's really what trying means then." sion mocked at him.
"fuck you." riku said pushing sion. the first physical touch tthat they had in months.
"fuck you, riku." sion pushed riku back.
and suddenly, they were kissing. not a passionte kiss. a brutal kiss full of regret and anguish, almost wild. sion grabbed riku in his lap and took him to their bed, throwing him violently, taking out riku's clothes flooded with someone else's scent, distributing kisses all over riku's body that used to be only yours. riku moaned as he tightly gripped sion's hair while the older started to make his way inside him again. after so long, both of them lied down at the same bed letting out breathless sighs full of passion and nothing at the same time, rubbing their skin against each other, causing little sparkles with a eletric touch.
but when riku woke up searching for sion all across the messed bed where they'd shared that intensive moment, he simply couldn't find him. riku made his way to the kitchen being received with the smashed cake at the floor with the pieces of broken portrait from the previous fight and there wasn't any trace of sion too. he was gone. and that was the hurtful fact.