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They’ve been married a year and Zahra still isn’t sure how that happened. She swears she never said yes any of Shaan's proposals.
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When they started seeing each, both agreed they didn’t have time for anything serious. Zahra was working 70 plus hours a week as Chief of Staff for the President of the United States. Shaan was working almost as many hours as equerry for Prince Henry. But Zahra had to admit she was attracted to the tall, dark, handsome man she ran into sometimes in the course of her duties. And, well, a woman has needs.
She quickly learned Shaan is smart and has a wicked sense of humor, she's found she enjoys their frequent talks and texts, and she had always had a thing for competence. It's their third date, rendezvous, tete-a-tete, whatever you want to call it, for just a simple hook up, when Shaan says he loves her. In his defense, they had known each other longer through their work, but it's still too impulsive if you ask Zahra. Her response goes something like, “NO, no, no, no, no, no! That was not the agreement, I don’t have time, NO, no, no, no, no, NO! We can’t just happen like that. NO, no, NO, no, NO! I swear I will beat you with a shoe if you say it again.” Shaan just smiles and pulls her back into bed.
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She knows it isn’t in her best interest, but, damn, the man is hot and smart and funny and kind and so very good in bed, that she keeps meeting with him when they both manage to be in the same place at the same time. Shaan behaves linguistically and doesn’t make any more declarations of love and Zahra lets herself think things are fine. They talk, they text, they hookup, that’s what they do. It’s fine. It’s all very deeply fine.
They are at about the 7 month mark into the situationship, she still maintains it is not a relationship, when it happens again. They are basking in a lovely afterglow when Shaan opens his big, dumb mouth and says, “Zahra, I intend to marry you, what do you say?”
And Zahra, epitome of tact and diplomacy that she is, begins laughing. And laughing. In fact, she can’t stop laughing, laughing so hard she is finding it difficult to breathe, and while sucking whatever air she can get into her lungs, she is also repeating the word no over and over again. “Hahaha, (gasp) NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, hahahahaha, (gasp) NO, hahahahahahaha, (gasp) NO, no, no, hahahahahahahahahahaha (gasp). NO. I swear, (gasp) perfect ass or not, hahahahahhah,(gasp) you are danger of never (gasp), hahahaha, seeing me naked again.” This goes on for several minutes until her sides are sore and she is panting for air, and not in the good way. Shaan smiles and replies "Noted. Are you going to join me in the shower?"
Zahra still can’t quite convince herself to end things. She knows how hard it is to find a man that is intelligent, witty, compassionate, worldly, good in bed and, dare she think it, her equal in every way. So, she keeps doing what they're doing and every once in a while, Shaan proposes, she says no, maybe she threatens him, he smiles, and they carry on. No big deal, she can handle it.
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Shaan takes some time off and comes to Washington to see her. She’s managed to find a few days to spend with him, the only condition: he is not allowed to propose. It’s fine, Zahra’s fine.
They go out for a romantic dinner, or as Zahra called it, plain old dinner, and then go for a stroll along the National Mall. Shaan is quick to assure her, “Not a proposal, but if we were to get married someday, how do you think that would happen? Would you want a big wedding or a small private affair?”
“Shaan, I’m not discussing this with you. I will brexit your head from your body if you keep this up.” Zahra responds.
“I understand.” Shaan smiles at her, “The White House is stunning lit up for the night, isn't it?”
The next evening, the view from the hotel room is beautiful, the supper was fantastic, and Zahra can’t remember when she has had such earth-shattering orgasms. She and Shaan are curled together in bed, still sweaty and sated. In her mind she can acknowledge that she cares for this man more than she had ever intended, but she is nowhere near ready to say that out loud. In fact, it’s probably just that thing he does with his tongue, now that she thinks about it, she’s sure it’s not actual feelings. Her life is chaotic and far too busy to be closely involved with anyone. She knows she is not, and may not ever be, romantic partnership material. She thinks the threats alone should be disqualify her.
“Zahra, dear, if we were ever to marry, what do you think our life would like?” Shaan asks.
Perhaps it’s because she is feeling so satisfied, maybe the sex altered her brain chemistry temporarily, but she considers it, for a moment. “I think it would be crazy, we’re both pulled in so many directions, we live an ocean apart and both love our jobs, I don’t know how we could make it work. I’d probably end up killing you.”
“You make several good points,” Shaan says and he is smiling, “perhaps we shouldn’t talk about it anymore. Shall I have another bottle of wine sent up?”
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The next time, Zahra goes to him for a long weekend in London. After dinner, they take a long walk along The Thames and Shaan has booked them a Cupid’s pod on the London Eye. The conversation turns to sharing personal experiences. She tells him about the first time she met Ellen Claremont-Diaz, how pushy she was in trying to get a spot on the campaign of this powerhouse of a woman. And about Alex and June and what they were like when they were younger. Shaan talks about Arthur Fox and taking care of Henry after his father died. He tells her what it was like to lose a man that was more than an employer, but also a close friend. It’s an emotional conversation and Zahra lets her guard is down.
“Zahra, if we were married, do you think we would live in here or in the states? Or maybe a flat in each of our respective cities?” Shaan asks.
This time, maybe it’s the champagne they are drinking, or maybe it’s being in a moving, luxury cage high above the city, but Zahra thinks about it, “We’d have to keep an apartment in each city, at least until Ellen is no longer in office. I wouldn’t leave her while she is president.”
“Do you think we would elope?”, asks Shaan.
“If I ever did get married, I think I would want a small wedding with only those closest to me there. But I haven’t given it much thought.” Zahra muses, absentmindedly.
“I love you.” And when Zahra doesn’t object, he adds, “I still think we should get married.” Zahra pretends not to hear.
"The view from up here is gorgeous, isn't it, Shaan?"
Shaan smiles and agrees, then motions the attendant for more champagne.
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The next couple of months go on like that, they spend time together, talking and laughing, exerting themselves in each other’s beds when they find themselves on the same continent. Shaan continues to ask questions and Zahra answers, just a thought exercise, tucking away her feelings. Shaan most pointedly does not propose again.
This time they decide to meet in New York. Shaan wants to attend an exhibit at The Met Fifth Avenue, The Good Life: Collecting Late Antique Art at the Met. That’s how Zahra learns of his interest in late antique art from Egypt and, lord knows, she loves a well-rounded man. Wait, did she think that? Does she love this well-rounded man? She really needs to get a grip.
A sunset walk along the High Line, they point out items in the store windows they pass, then another excellent meal and they find themselves back in a luxury suite overlooking the city. Zahra stands at the windows, wearing only a sheet, contemplating the city below when Shaan comes up behind her and puts his arms around her. “Do you think we would ever live in New York?” he asks.
“I don’t know, maybe.” she answers, “it’s a big place, lots to do, there are people here who would happily pay us both well for the services we can offer.”
A little while later, back in bed and entwined in each other, he asks, “Could you see us getting married here?”
“I don’t think so,” she answers, “If I were to get married, I would rather be married somewhere that means something to us, D.C. or London, maybe Austin where I grew up.”
“What would your wedding dress look like?” he laughs and says, “I’m guessing white lace with poofy sleeves and a big butt bow.”
She hits him with a pillow, “Yes, that’s exactly what I want, a butt bow!” But she is laughing as she snuggles back against him, “I think I would probably go sleek and not necessarily white. Maybe something like that silk jumpsuit we saw in the window.”
“You would be lovely.” he says, “I love you.”
“I love you.” she surprises herself when she says it out loud.
This time she feels Shaan's smile against the back of her neck.
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Zahra has met with Shaan in Paris, this time. She’s beginning to think she may have made a miscalculation, meeting with him in the most romantic city in the world. She is, after all, still trying to maintain some semblance of self-control. They take a walk along the Seine before stopping for dinner in a small bistro that has live music playing. They began to make their way back to the hotel, stopping at a spot that has a breathtaking view of the Eiffel Tower lit up in the dark.
Shaan asks, “Do think maybe one day, in the future, when someone else sits in the White House?”
“Maybe, then.” she says still focused on the view before her, “But I wouldn’t expect you to wait for me. And I don’t know how to make it work for us sooner.”
Shaan hands her a jewelry box, “It’s not an engagement ring.”
Zahra opens the box and gives him a playful shove, “It sure looks like an engagement ring.”
“No, not an engagement ring,” he tells her, “It’s my promise to you. I will wait. I will wait until you are ready or until you tell me to leave. I think we can make it work. Does it fit?” And when she puts it on, it fits perfectly, and Shaan smiles and kisses her.
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Ellen is hosting a state dinner for the queen at the White House. She has June and Alex plus Prince Henry on the guest list. It makes for a busy evening, but it gives Zahra and Shaan the chance to meet the day after. Shaan picks up Zahra early in the day and takes her to the courthouse for a marriage license. He’s not sure how this is going to go, but there is an expression he’s heard Alex say, “Sometimes you just have to jump and hope it’s not a cliff,” and Shaan thinks he’s ready to take the leap.
When they arrive at the licensing office, Zahra tells him, “You’re crazy. You are an absolute lunatic. This looks like some kind of craziness Alex would try, I would think you would know better. I'm going to tell the clerk you are far too unbalanced to get married.”
But when she signs the papers, Shaan smiles as he takes her hand and brings it to his lips.
After they get their license, Shaan has the car take them to the wedding venue he has booked. They enter and Zahra finds Ellen, Leo, Alex, June, Nora and Prince Henry waiting for them. “You are a menace to society, I can’t believe you thought this was okay. You had better sleep with one eye open, Buster.” but Shaan notes she is smiling, and her eyes are wet, but, discretion being the better part of valor, he thinks it's better to keep his mouth shut and his head attached to his body.
Zahra changes into a satin Sasuphi jumpsuit, in a rose color, that Shaan has waiting for her, one she had seen in the store window the night they walked the High Line. She looks sleek and strong and she still wonders what the hell she is thinking.
She says as much to him, “I’m still in Washington, you’re still in London, this can’t work.”
Shaan smiles, “Prince Henry is taking a job at the shelter Pez is opening in New York, we’ll be much closer, and Ellen can’t be president forever. I told she’s limited to no more than eight years in total. Then we’ll see. In the meantime, I’ll get us a place in New York that we can call ours, for when you can get away. And we still have your flat in Washington. I’m willing to wait for you. I love you.”
“I love you, too. But I still think this is impossible.” she tells him, while wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him.
Soon they are in front of an officiant and Shaan is saying I do, but Zahra responds, “I love him, but this is still the craziest thing I’ve ever been a part of.” and apparently that means yes to the officiant because she hears “I pronounce you husband and wife.” and Shaan is kissing her.
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She is still working for the president. Ellen won her second term, but Zahra manages to make time for Shaan, she supposes he’s worth it. She thinks when listing all of Shaan’s positive attributes to herself early on, she might have forgotten the most important one: he is a very patient man, and sneaky, very sneaky. She's still not sure how it is that she is married to him. Shaan has purchased an apartment near Henry and Alex’s brownstone. It’s a cozy place just for them when Zahra can get away, a place they have decorated together so it feels like home, although Zahra still has her apartment in D.C. They have decided to remain in New York after Ellen retires from public life. Zahra maintains Alex is a little shit and should have an adult close at hand, but truthfully, she thinks she and Shaan can make a good life here for a few years, then maybe, when their children are old enough to go to school, she can persuade Shaan to move to Austin with her. Or maybe they’ll decide to raise their family in England. She thinks she’ll be happy wherever they are, as long as they’re together. He still proposes to her occasionally. She thinks maybe one day she’ll say yes.