Work Text:
For some, time passes slowly. An hour can seem an eternity. For others, there is never enough. For Dean, it did not exist. It had not until this very moment. As he waited, he felt nervous, anxiety overwhelming him. A feeling making him aware of his existence. For two centuries, it had been non-existent for Dean; time had paused. The gift of immortality had been a blessing and later a curse.
People talked about living forever; he took part in such conversations over the years, but no one ever considered how lonely it is to live forever. Win was his sole companion, as he had witnessed the deaths of numerous loved ones over the years. He would continue to feel as though something was missing even after that. Nobody slept with him long enough for him to wonder why he never got older. He never had anyone he felt was interesting enough to share his secret with or who would not betray him.
That was before Pharm. The first time Dean saw Pharm, he was wearing a white shirt, black tie, and black pants. His smile had drawn Dean in. The boy sitting opposite him had said something, which made Pharm lean back in laughter. That action, which was both unadorned and noteworthy, left him in awe.
He had watched him the whole time, forgetting why he was even there, Win. Win had made it his business to interfere with Dean's life. Dean had decided on a life of solitude, only conversing with people when necessary. Win was the opposite of him. Immortality had been a blessing and continued to be that. So, he would drag Dean out at least twice a month. And today would be the first time in so long that Dean appreciated his extroverted friend.
Following every movement Pharm made, Win laughed at how obvious Dean had been. When Dean, had noted that the two boys were leaving, he picked up his jacket and followed them outside, leaving Win to pay their bill. Unfortunately, for him, Pharm at the time had made it into his car and was already driving away.
It would take Dean a year before running into Pharm again, not from lack of trying. He had visited the restaurant often, hoping that Pharm would show up again. To only meet Pharm in a different location.
Pharm was sitting on a bench, typing on his phone. His eyebrows narrowed together, looking like he would cry at any moment. Dean felt like he was invading, just by looking his way, but he could not let him slip away, again.
There was never a point in Dean’s life when he had been sure about anything. However, he was sure about Pharm. From the day he had decided to approach Pharm, everything had felt right. Pharm was sweet, smart, and a little awkward, but Dean had found that adorable. In Dean’s eyes, Pharm seemed like he was made just for him. He brought out qualities in Dean that Dean had not even known were there.
Dean had felt alive for the first time in years. And years for him felt long. He became enamoured with the simple life Pharm lived. The simple life Dean had run away from all those years, but Pharm had made it so extraordinary. The dates, the kisses, Dean could recall everything, and he loved every single minute of dating Pharm; it was heaven. That was until Win mentioned the thing that scared Dean the most. How long could he keep his relationship with Pharm? Pharm would eventually grow old, and when he starts ageing and Dean doesn’t, what would he do?
Win had to burst Dean’s bubble. The bubble he had created for himself, the excuses that he had made, the lies he told himself had gone up in smoke. He could not breathe for the first time since meeting Pharm. But what was worse was his inability to hide how scared he was to lose Pharm. Pharm had mentioned it to him over dinner. Dean had been acting differently for the past weeks, and Pharm had hoped that Dean would eventually tell him what was bothering him. He tried to disregard it, telling Pharm it had to do with work; however, from that night, things had been different.
Trying to pretend that the one thing he feared was the same thing he could not let go, had proved difficult. He was so consumed with the thoughts of death that he had done something he had vowed not to do. He had brought Pharm to the magic spring. Furthermore, he told Pharm everything, opening up about his life. The water that Dean and Win had protected over the years had given them abilities. Immortality is a part of that. They did not age, nor could they get injured. When they had realised this, they had bought and sealed this part of the land away from people. Afraid that people would use it for misdeeds.
He asked Pharm to drink the water, to live out the rest of eternity with him. He would wait for Pharm, he gave him a time and address for Pharm to met him in a month, hoping that would be enough time for him to make this life altering decision.
******
Pharm went to bed without Dean for the first time since a month of dating. Dean, who had fit into his life like he had been the missing puzzle in his life. He had heard it all. His friends wondered how he had been lucky to find a guy like Dean. Dean, who never pressured him and treated Pharm like he had been so fragile, which Pharm can admit that he was. He had never dated anyone until Dean, too afraid of a heartbreak. Dean had made an impression on him. Pharm could not even remember what Dean had said to him; the conversation on that bench had changed something in Pharm to the point that he had exchanged numbers with Dean on their very first meeting.
Later Dean had told him that he had seen Pharm before. At a restaurant that he had remembered going, but he could not recall the events of that evening. He had learned from everything about that night from Dean’s prospective. He could tell, that Dean had loved him from the way he talked about Pharm. There was always a glint in his eyes when Dean spoke to him or about him.
Dean made him smile, had made him laugh, and treated everything about Pharm like treasure. He had planned all they dates, which Pharm loved, having Dean dot on him like that. And the fact that the dates had been Pharm’s interests had made Pharm fall head over hills in love with Dean.
Dean made their relationship feel like one from fairy tales and had made him feel like a princess, but Pharm felt that there was something Dean was not telling him. He knew that there was something that was bothering him. Pharm would wake up in the middle of the night to find Dean awake, staring into the abyss. He would be so lost in his thoughts that he would not be aware of Pharm’s presence.
Now, as Pharm slept alone for the first time, he knew what it had been, and it had been his turn to stare into the abyss. He had to decide whether to drink the water or not. Dean had made it sound so simple: drink the water and spend eternity with him. Pharm did not want to lose Dean, but if he chose Dean, it meant he would have to say goodbye to his mother and brother before his original time. He would have to watch from afar as they aged. He would not get to be part of his brother’s family. And that meant he could not have the same thing, not that he had ever thought of children, but now he had to, if he made this decision, it meant that he would have to think of all the factors.
Could he spend eternity and be okay? He thought about it over and over again, nitpicking at everything that he had not realised that the end of the month had approached. When the day came, he realised that this decision had consumed so much of his life, and he knew that there could be no other option. He wanted to live his life to the fullest, but the natural order was being born and accepting death. Life, as much as the concept of it seemed flawed, had its purpose. So he knew that he would be losing Dean, he was ready to accept the gift that Dean had brought to him, for the short time that he had known Dean, he understood what love was, and that was another gift life had given him.
Immortality had been a gift or curse for Dean, but if he chose it knowing what it meant, it would neither be a curse nor a gift to him. To Pharm, it would be a decision that he made and would have to live with. And, he knew that he would come to regret it. So he packed away everything that reminded him of Dean. Everything that Dean had got for him, souvenirs that Pharm had saved from their dates. Dean would stay in his memory and his heart, but that was all Dean would be to him, a memory, because if he allowed himself to think about Dean, he would run to him.