Chapter Text
Subaru jolted awake, screaming at the top of his lungs until his breath gave out. He inhaled deeply, then exhaled, trying to regain his composure. He looked around. He was back in the mansion—back in his bed, in his room. Then he heard the distant sound of screams echoing through the halls. He suspected it was the others waking up from the same hell they had just endured.
“Oh god,” he whispered in a pained voice.
For hours? Days? Weeks? He and his friends—along with the other royal camps—had been trapped in a theater. A theater run by a manic being who called himself the Warden: an all-powerful entity who claimed to be stronger than the Witch herself. We all thought it was ludicrous... not anymore.
The Warden claimed he watched stories from different universes and became fixated on mine. He said he thought my story was unfair, unjust. That someone like me—a supposed hero—didn't deserve such a cruel fate. And that he was here to fix that. We all laughed, thinking it was some twisted joke. So I replied sarcastically, “That's right, good old hero Subaru, suffering like no other.” The crowd laughed. But the Warden didn’t. He simply said, “I know.”
That made me nervous, but I still played along with his game.
Soon after, we entered a theater—one that looked like any ordinary theater in Japan, which was unsettling enough. But nothing compared to what happened next.
As we took our seats, three things happened. First, Julius regained his name—an event met with tears and cheers from the Anastasia camp. Second, Crusch had her body healed, the dragon blood removed, and her memories restored—again, more tears, mostly from Felix, and celebration from her camp. I couldn’t blame them.
Because the third thing... Rem woke up. With her name, her memories—everything. My Rem, just as she was. Just like before I failed her. I completely broke down. I must have looked more pathetic than both camps combined. I was a mess. Eventually, I pulled myself together—well, as much as I could, while the others teased me for crying like a baby.
Then the Warden called our attention to the screen in front of the room. He said he was going to show everyone my memories.
I objected. Told him that was an invasion of privacy. He didn’t care. Honestly, I didn’t care much either. It would be embarrassing, sure—but most of them already knew what I’d done. I just prayed it wouldn’t show anything too personal.
There was a lot of complaining, but eventually everyone settled down. The screen began with my arrival in Lugunica. That surprised everyone. They didn’t know I was from beyond “The Great Waterfall.” After a storm of questions, we continued.
Strangely, the screen paused whenever more than one person spoke—what a considerate feature.
But as it continued, I noticed something deeply wrong. These weren’t just the memories of a single timeline. No, they were the memories of all my failed loops. I realized it the moment I interacted with Emilia for the first time.
Then we reached Old Man Rom’s shack. I started screaming at the screen, yelling at the Warden, asking if he was insane—if he wanted to get us all killed. My friends tried to calm me down, but I begged the Warden to stop the playback.
He said nothing.
My friends dragged me back to my seat and soothed me the best they could. The screen kept going. Then, it happened. My first death.
I clenched my body, bracing for the worst—for her to appear and slaughter us all. But she didn’t. Instead, chaos broke out—camps yelling over each other, trying to make sense of what they had just seen.
We weren’t dead.
I started laughing—wild, unrelenting laughter, because I couldn’t believe it.
“HAHAHHAahahahHAHHAHahahhahahahHAHHAHHAHAH!”
The laughter turned to tears. The tears wouldn't stop. I grabbed Emilia and told her the truth:
“I can Return by Death.”
I’ve never seen her so scared before. And all I could wonder was—was she afraid of Return by Death? Or... of me?
They bombarded me with questions, but I ignored them, hoping the problems would just disappear. But they didn’t. They only got worse.
The screen continued. More deaths. More failures.
When we reached the forest—when Rem tortured me—I tried to defend her. That didn’t go over well. Wilhelm tried to kill her. I practically had to beg the old man to stop. Thankfully, he listened.
As we went further, they saw who I really was. How pathetic Natsuki Subaru truly is. Beaten by Julius. Arguing with Emilia. Groveling for help from the other camps. Losing to Sloth. Letting Rem die. Letting the village die. Letting everyone die.
And dying myself. Over. And over.
They saw it all. Every failure. Every shameful, desperate act.
Eventually, they strapped me to my chair—bindings provided by the Warden. How generous. Apparently, I kept hurting myself. I didn’t even realize. Maybe they just didn’t want me to run.
After that, I sort of blacked out. I know we watched Sanctuary. I know we watched Priestella. But I don’t remember how they reacted. I don’t remember what they said.
I just thought.
I couldn’t feel anything. No sound. No touch. Only the taste of blood in my mouth from biting my tongue.
And all I could think was:
Why?
Why were they putting me through this?
Why did the others have to watch?
Why did they have to see me suffer?
Why?
Why?
Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy...
Eventually, it ended.
The show stopped.
The others tried to talk to me. I ignored them. And then, the Warden sent us back.
Now I’m here. Back in my room. Wondering what to do next.
And the only thought that comes to mind is: “I have to run away.”
It’s the only choice I have left. Before my friends barge in with accusations. Before the camps throw me into the deepest dungeon. Before...
Before the people I love abandon me.
That—that would be worse than prison.
I don’t think I could handle being left behind. Forgotten.
So, without another thought, I stood up and headed to the window. I climbed out, barely balancing on the ledges that barely held the tips of my toes. I didn’t care if I fell. I’d reset. I’d do it better next time—like always.
But somehow, I made it to the ground.
Even though I was exhausted, I ran.
I ran to Patrasche. I unlatched her from her stall. No saddle, no hesitation—I climbed on and we took off.
We rode past the estate. Past the village. Out of the forest.
And I didn’t stop.
That was the day I ran away from it all.