Chapter Text
I was never a fighter, hell i was barely a healer. Despite being born with a technique that put me in above above-average position to heal- to *help* i wasn't built for the life my clan wanted me to push towards.
I was a wreck, I am a shell of something that could have of been something great. I know i could never reach Satoru- or even Suguru’s level but i could have of saved people. It was something that torments my mind, leaving me paralyzed in my bed, tears streaming down my face.
But when hes around, he made me feel truly amazing,
It was dumb, truly. Everyone felt inferior around Satoru Gojo, he was like a god. Something crafted to help humanity thrive and i admired him. I always have and always will, he lived up to what he was made to do.
It was sad i couldnt join him on that journey.
It wasnt anything too major that caused me to spiral.. But spiral i did.
The doctors said it was PTSD. My family called it weakness. I didn't blame them, i had wanted to develop my skills, i wanted to do my part to help humanity to the best of my ability beside him. But i guess that wasn't God's plan for me.
When I got up, it was around 2:00 p.m. The light streamed through my closed blinds, casting lines across my hardwood floors. I danced around them, like a kid hopping from one tile to the next at school. My hair was tangled, so I kneaded my fingers throughout it to see if i could untangle the knots a bits.
The smell of microwavable ramen started to fill my nose as i opened the seasoning packets… i was almost out of groceries. Guess i would need to make an order for more soon.
The dirty microwave plate caused me to cringe as i quickly closed it back up and set a timer. Out of sight out of mind…
*ding*
I perked up, reaching my hands into my hoodie pocket.
Toru<3: U home?
I simply roll my eyes, shoving my phone back into my pocket. He knew where I was, and he knew I would never refuse him.
That was my sign to clean up a bit. Well, maybe not clean up per se- depended on if you counted shoving things out of the way to make a path as cleaning. I threw the clothes that were on my couch into my closet, put the books that were on my tv stand on my bookshelf, and threw a rag over the dirty dishes in the sink, leaving me enough time to properly detangle my hair.
*knock* *knock* *knock knock, knock*.... *knock* *knock*
I shivered, walking down the hall to the apartment door. I peered through the peephole, seeing the ever-familiar man with white hair and a blindfold on. I sigh in relief, before opening the door- keeping the chain lock on so i could peek both ways before hastily unlocking it and pulling him in.
It was in one swift motion, he was outside in the hallway, and then he was in the dark apartment.
“Hi, pretty girl.” he whispers.
I smile.
“Hi Satoru.” I say in a soft tone, looking up at him.
“I brought mochi!” He smiles, lifting up a bag.
I roll my eyes affectionately and pull him farther away from the door, towards the kitchen.
“What's that smell?” he asks, sniffing over dramatically, like a rabbit to some carrots.
“Oh shoot!” I grimace, walking over to the microwave to take out the long forgotten Ramen. “I forgot about it.” I frown before throwing it away.
Satoru sits down at the island bar.
He giggled before tearing into the box. “Dibs on mint chocolate chip!” Toru grins, not even giving me a moment to react before he pops the whole thing into his mouth.
“Goodness, Toru, I would never get between you and your mint mochi.” I let out a breathy laugh before opening a chocolate mochi to nibble on.
I walk behind him, resting my chin on his shoulder. He emits heat that not even the heater in my room could match. Its not even his temperature, but he drowned me in his warmth. I settle in his touch. I slowly move my face into the crook of his neck.
“Y’know Ieiri was worryin’ about you real hard.”
He smells like mint and freshly mowed grass. My body tenses. I know the mint is just his calonge but it reminds me of the plant we used to keep together in high school. We would giggle and laugh and carry that dumb thing around like out baby, just because Yaga said we couldnt take care of anything after Satoru begged him for a dog or cat that could roam the school.
“She wants to know if you're even in Japan. None of them have any idea where you are…” He trails off.
I lift my head, looking down at him, and trace my finger over the scar on his neck. I feel him shiver under my touch, ever so slightly.
Hes so warm.
“God. I don't- i don't want them to know, Satoru. You know that.” I trail off, letting my hand fall to my side, as i glance at the locks on the door that still remained firmly locked.
“I know! And I'd never do anything to jeopardize that, but I just…” he gets quiet for a moment. “I wish you could see the new students this year. There's this girl who reminds me of you-!” His eyes gleam, only for a moment, before he turns back to see my own.
My eyes are glazed over, and i clutch my arms tightly against my body. I don't like talking about the outside. Why is he talking about it?
I take a step back.
Flashes of Satoru bleeding out. Yu’s dead body. Suguru. Satoru’s manic eyes, glossing over from the sunlight. Yu’s sunken face, his open eyes. Satoru’s broken body… his broken face. Ieiri. Kento. Yaga. All of them, disappointed, seething. Irate.
Im sorry.
“I'm sorry.” Satoru whispered, looking at me with such pity that it made my stomach churn.
Im sorry.
“No, it's okay, Satoru- *I'm sorry.*” I smile, my throat tightens as if barbed wire was strung through it.
He gets up slowly and wraps his arms around me. I want to hug him back, return the comforting embrace, but my arms remain limp at my sides.
He lets go and leaves.
He always leaves, and I truly get it. He's a god who must serve his people. I'm the girl who lives in a dirty apartment and loves him. It's painful how much I love him, knowing I can't have him more than a few fleeting nights a month.
But it's okay. It's enough for me. Because I don't want to leave my apartment, and he doesn't want to leave his outside, and that's okay. So I'll keep staying here in this place, and he’ll keep visiting me every so often, because it's enough.