Chapter Text
It was a cold and windy day. Nettspend was walking home from his Bristol sigma concert featuring Kanye "Tom" West (in this universe thomas west is kanye) when he spotted a tall young special man.
"Wow! Cowabunga!" Nettspend exclaimed. He looked at the lucrative figure of the lad and his eyes popped out of his head. "😍"
The mysterious sigma looked on at Nettspend from across the grapevine with wonder in his eyes. He wondered how a person could look so majestic and graceful (as a grapefruit) and had to hold himself back from full sprinting at him like a rabid dog. He then decided to approach with a nonchalant aura about him.
Nettspend welcomed the tall lad with open arms, his joy manifesting itself in his glowing diamond eyes, eyelashes fluttering like his heart. The butterflies in his stomach clouding his mind, he made a move. "Hi 🎺😃"
Nettspend's trumpety greeting made the stranger's eyes widen. "Hey! I'm Julian Pitera! What's your name? Was ist dein Name?!"
"Woah woah buddy, I'll tell ya! Ich bin Notorious Nettspend 😼"
"Woo goo! You have such a pretty name, Nett." Julian Get a grip mate! "A-ah! Can I call you that??? 😬🤪"
Nettspend replied treacherously, "Well, usually I'd say no to random strangers, but a cutie like you is welcome anytime *😉*"
Julian feet began to sweat. He blushed as he looked over the Nettspend, his long blond locks, his soleus burned as he blushed all over. "Ohohoho! You're a real cheeky one Mr Spend! Awooooga"
Nettspend chuckled flirtatiously. "Say Julian, would you wanna go out sometime? Wouldn't want to waste meeting a cute little chud like you! So waddaya say?"
Julians butt wiggled with delight at the words of Nettspend, his heart beating faster than it ever had before, racing like a hare. He contemplated it, just for a moment – this was a more important decision than his gcse options in year 9. Where he picked german. And history. And p&r. And compsci. Nettspend was a lot like the CPU in a way. So central in Julian's mind, controlling his every move. "Hell yes blud 😍 You frigging chad!"
This is like a classic chud-chad story (david goliath if it was gay and wojak), Julian thought. How did he acquire such a big ol piece of that! Awooooogaaaaa!!!
— ⏰️ —
We arrive at Honest Burgers, Bristol. Julian has dolled himself up for the date, eyeliner on fleek. He was still a ball of nerves, moreso than even a prostate. Nettspend however was much less nervous than Julian, as he knew what he felt when they met and he would not let all that chemistry (so much chemistry you could call this fic aqa gcse chemistry paper 1 HAHAHAHAHHAHA) go to waste. Julian had chosen the venue but Nett had booked their table.
The pink and intimate light of the restaurant emphasised their quickly brewing relationship, and this date was the catalyst. The two mens' eyes interlocked, sharing a moment of pure young love as Julian took a fat bite out of his burger. Nettspend watched the grease squelch from the burger with LUST, a gentle red blush coming over his face.
"How's the burger, king?" Nettspend joked joviously.
Julian guffawed raucously, his nose hairs dancing with humour. The joy coursing through his veins was overflowing out his mouth as he spat burger all over Nettspend. Now he really looks like a nugget.
"Ahĥ!!! Heeeelpppp!!!! There's burger all over me heeeeeeelp!!!!!!!" Nettspend screamed until a waiter came to clean his face off with a showerhead. He was now drenched and furious, glaring straight at Julian with a piercing gaze...