Chapter Text
Tim sat in his room, swinging his legs back and forth, listening to the soft, rhythmic thump thump thump that his feet made as they hit the frame of his bed, the sound being slightly muffled by one of the blankets that was messily draped over his bed.
To say she was tired was an understatement. She was exhausted. Today had been a long day, first of practicing her shooting in the shooting range they had on the Aurora, then helping Jonny with.. something, then something in his mechanical eyes malfunctioning somehow and reluctantly having to get them fixed by Marius and Raph (she got cuddles and kisses in the end though, so it wasn’t too bad). Overall, it was a long day and he wanted nothing more than to lay down and sleep. But he couldn’t. At least, not yet. His heart was racing and adrenaline pumped through his veins, making it impossible to relax.
Why was her heart racing? Well, to her, the reason was pretty stupid. Somehow, after getting her eyes fixed, Tim started thinking about the past, about the moon war. About Bertie. About how much he missed him. About how unfair it was that she got to keep living (could it truly be considered living if she was immortal and had died thousands of times in her immortal life?) and not him. Why could she keep living and not her bo- best friend?? It was unfair and didn’t make sense. She should’ve also died in that war, after she blew up the moon and didn’t get the shield of the escape pod closed in time. She shouldn’t be in this position, still alive. Still here. Getting to experience things she never would’ve been able to experience if she hadn’t gotten taken in by the other mechs and given these stupid, painful mechanical eyes.
But she was on a spaceship with multiple other people that he now considered his friends, (and lovers, like the gayass she was.) immortal and with eyes made out of metal, instead of the normal ones he used to have. He couldn’t even remember what colour his original eyes were. Were they brown? Were they blue? Hazel, maybe? She couldn’t remember anymore. She wished she could though, but she couldn’t, and it hurt.
She kept thinking, and as she did, a very fuzzy memory returned to her…
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Tim and Bertie sitting in Tim’s room, watching a movie. Which movie it was was something that she can’t remember, but it was one that the two watched together a lot. The room was silent save for the quiet sound of the TV playing the movie as the two sat next to each other, when all of a sudden… “I don’t like the way my eyes look.” Tim blurted out.
Bertie looked over at them, a look of confusion on his face. “Really? Why?” he asked.
Tim shrugged, “I dunno, they just look weird to me, like there’s something wrong with them that I can’t quite place.”
“Oh. Well if it helps at all, I like your eyes. They’re very pretty. I think they suit you.”
Tim smiled, the movie that they had been watching was almost completely forgotten in that moment.
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“I think they suit you.” That one sentence repeated over and over in his mind. That was the main reason he liked his eyes. Whenever he’d think about how he didn’t like them, Tim would think of that moment where he and Bertie were pressed against each other, his head resting on Bertie’s shoulder as they sat on his bed and he would smile.
But now she couldn’t do that because her eyes were different and Bertie was.. Bertie was d.. She didn’t even want to think about what had happened to Bertie, about how it was her idea in the first place to go to the moon and fight in the war, about how if she hadn’t suggested that, then Bertie wouldn’t have died like that and Tim wouldn’t have ended up in the situation that she was in now. It was all her fault and there was no denying that. Just admitting that though.. it hurt. It hurt Tim to know that this probably could’ve been avoided if he had only done things differently. (Even if in all actuality, it wasn’t necessarily her fault, she wasn’t fully to blame and she knew that, but that didn’t stop it from hurting to think about.)
Don’t get her wrong, she loved her crewmates so much, but that did stop her from missing her first true friend when she was mortal. They had known each other since they were both in kindergarten and had stuck by each other until Bertie’s death on the moon.
Tim was still thinking about Bertie, spacing out so much that he hadn’t noticed the door open and close, hadn’t noticed the sound of footsteps approaching or that anyone even was approaching until the person had sat down next to him and he felt the mattress shift. He slowly looked up and saw none other than the quartermaster Ashes. She lifted her hand up and waved halfheartedly at them.
They looked at him with noticeable concern. “You okay, Tim?” they asked in that amazing voice of theirs.
Tim nodded, then paused for a bit and shrugged. He didn’t really want to verbally admit that he wasn’t doing the best, so this was the next best option.
That proved to not be the smartest decision though, as that only made Ashes more concerned. Great. She really hoped this wouldn’t result in more questions and her having to explain what led her to not feel the best.
“You sure? No offense, but you look like you’ve just barely been traumatized, and that probably hasn’t happened since we left the last planet.” They stated plainly, getting a roll of the eyes from Tim, who was trying to act as offended as possible because Ashes didn’t fall for it.
Ashes sighed. “Tim, I’m trying to help you. I get I can be an ass some of the time.. well, actually a lot of the time, but I want to help you, you seriously seem like you need it right now.”
Once again, the master-at-arms rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, I swear. Just a bit tired.” They lied, knowing that there was definitely more than that going on and that they were not fine, but they still weren’t willing to admit what was wrong.
Ashes seemed to realise this, but instead of getting up and leaving, they still sat there. They were silent for a moment, thinking of something before speaking again, “Well, even if you are fine, do you care if I stay in here?” They asked.
Tim thought. On one hand, company would be nice, but on the other, did she really want someone in her room? Especially while she was in this current state? She pondered for around a minute before finally nodding. “You can, I guess. Make yourself comfortable, I don’t know.”
“Alright.” They shrugged before leaning back against the wall. “Hm.. Anything interesting happen to you these past few days?” they asked, trying to start a basic conversation, just to see if they could help take Tim’s mind off of whatever he was thinking about.
She shrugged, “Not necessarily. Well, an octokitten bit off a part of my calf, but that wasn’t that interesting, not like it wasn’t bound to happen anyways.” she mumbled.
Ashes nodded to show they understood and processed what Tim was saying. “Hm. Well at least it didn’t eat all of you.” They said, “Nastya really should’ve remembered to feed the octokittens though.” They mumbled to themself, making a mental note to tell Nastya she needed to feed the cats. “Anything else interesting happen today?”
“Mmm.. no, nothing really.” Tim responded, voice quiet and muffled. She chose to not mention the parts that were.. less than kid-friendly, even though the disgusted look on Ashes face would’ve been worth it. He wasn’t even in the mood to mention them though, no matter how enjoyable the memory of it was. “What about you?” he added.
She saw Ashes shrug. “Nothin’ much. Brian needed help in his garden and Jonny decided he needed to play murder games. So about the same as always." They were fiddling with a lighter as they spoke to him, opening and closing the top of the zippo lighter. It wasn’t the safest, but when had the mechs ever been safe? They were all about violence, not safety.
He hadn’t even noticed that he had spaced out while watching Ashes messing with the lighter until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Ashes looking at him with a concerned expression.
“You sure you’re alright, Tim?” Their voice was full of concern that wasn’t even being masked, that’s how worried they were about him.
She thought for a moment, deciding whether or not to actually tell Ashes. After a few moments of silence, Tim spoke.
“I… I miss him. Bertie, that is. Just been thinkin’ of him lately and that made me a bit upset is all.”
Ashes nodded and let out a hum. “Mm. Yeah that makes sense. Need anything?”