Chapter Text
Simply saying that Choi Hansol was tired was an understatement. He looks like a match that went out in winter. His eyes were still puffy from the lack of sleep and crying from the previous night.
As soon as the wedding ceremony was over, he was out of the venue. Boo Seungkwan thought he could convince him to stay a little longer by bringing up how good the food of the reception must be, but it was of no use.
Kwon Soonyoung’s cousin got married, most of their friends stayed behind to celebrate it, and now Seungkwan is sitting next to Hansol in the taxi, reassuring Hansol that he doesn’t mind leaving early with him.
“I was getting tired, too. Kwon Soonyoung’s tension will make them forget that we’re absent anyway,” Seungkwan explains, setting a hand on Hansol’s thigh and patting it gently. Seungcheol already understood the message when Seungkwan said he was leaving first with Hansol. It should be okay. “Let’s just rest for now. Do you want to go to your place?”
“Yours,” Hansol answers quietly, eyes closed as he leans comfortably on the backrest. “I’m sleepy…”
“Get some sleep.”
In hushed tones, Seungkwan relays his address to the driver. For the next hour, he hums to himself. Some music would be good, but Hansol is already asleep, and he doesn’t want to put headphones on in case Hansol wakes up and calls for him.
They say grief is a needle in the pocket. You forget that it’s there until you fish for it and get poked on a good day. On a rainy day. On a day when you want to rest, but you can’t.
Seungkwan chews on his bottom lip, watching the horizon zoom by. The streets keep on changing. The world turns, alters, and it’s still sad to think of the places they once loved but can never go to anymore.
A bit before they arrived at their destination, Hansol stirs and shifts. Seungkwan hushes him, willing him back to sleep. Hansol finds a better position, scooting to Seungkwan’s side and resting his head on Seungkwan’s shoulder. He must be tired from the occasion. Maybe it was a good thing that the group dragged him out today, if only to give him some rest after like this.
“I’m right here,” Seungkwan tells him, patting his thigh again. His heart aches. If they could live without feeling pain, how nice would that be? If he could get the sleepless nights instead of Hansol, then he would stay up listing all the reasons why he loves all of them. To the moon and back. Every new day. With every raindrop.
Shortly after, the taxi pulls up in front of Seungkwan’s apartment. He struggles to fish his wallet out of his suit with Hansol still dozing off, but he manages to hand his card to the driver just fine. While he was getting charged, he gently taps Hansol’s cheek.
“Sol, we’re here.”
Nothing.
Another tap. “Choi Hansol. Let’s get off here.”
Hansol nuzzles closer, but doesn’t open his eyes. Seungkwan looks apologetically at the driver, who just shakes his head while handing back the card.
This is gonna take a while.
*
A few hours after Seungkwan tucked him in, Hansol joined him in the kitchen. They didn’t eat anything before the wedding and were unable to eat afterwards, so he was pretty hungry. He already had some cup ramen earlier. Seated at the same table now, Seungkwan pushes a plate of ham sandwich towards Hansol, who starts eating wordlessly.
Reaching out, Seungkwan pats Hansol’s hair back into place. It has grown so much since his last haircut. They could both use one at this point, but Seungkwan doesn’t bring it up. Hansol is like a hibernating bear right now. He never wants to go anywhere if he can help it.
“What should we have for dinner?” Seungkwan wonders aloud through a mouthful, whipping out his phone and licking off sauce from his fingers. “The chicken delivery here is really good…”
“I’m good with anything.”
“Should I cook some curry?”
“Sure.”
It’s a relief that at least his appetite hasn’t changed. After ordering some chicken, Seungkwan gets to work. Hansol asks what he can do to help, so Seungkwan orders him to wash the casserole and boil some water.
It was just another day. Seungkwan decides to put some music on and Hansol never makes a sound while moving around. He was yet to thaw.
“Sol.”
“Yeah?”
“Want me to call Myungho-hyung? Or Jihoon-hyung?”
Leaning against the counter after setting the casserole with water on the stove, Hansol folds his arms. “They’re probably still drinking.”
But Seungkwan is sure that they’ve been keeping their phones close just in case, just like him. He doesn’t leave Hansol’s side these days, but when he has no other choice, it makes him way too anxious. “They’ll come if we call them.”
“I’m fine.”
But he’s not. “I didn’t say anything. I just wanted to eat with them.”
For a short moment, Hansol is quiet and seemingly deep in thought. Their gazes lock again and he’s approaching. Quizzical, Seungkwan holds his ground.
Hansol doesn’t quite hug him.
He doesn’t undo his crossed arms, but he rests his chin on Seungkwan’s shoulder again. A walled-up embrace.
“This is enough for me.”
Seungkwan is unconvinced it is. Maybe because all he can see around Hansol are the nimbus clouds. Maybe because it’s hard to say that you love someone with your entire being when you can see how much pain they’re in. Maybe because he can feel that pain as if it’s his.
When is enough rest truly enough when you’re still hurting?
“Alright,” Seungkwan concedes, raising a hand to pat Hansol’s back.
It’s gonna be okay, right?