Chapter Text
Regulus:
Regulus tried to keep positive as he walked through the halls of Hogwarts grammar school. He was back for the new term and surely, surely, it would be better than the last.Because can he handle if it’s not? He finds himself heading to the library, a text from Severus a beaming light of hope.
Sev 
:
can’t wait to c u. Xx
They’d been a thing for almost 6 months at this point, though they weren’t boyfriends per se. (Regulus’ heart still aches from the way Severus staunchly refused the label.) He made his way to the schools library, which had always been a safe space for him. Books were safe and would always keep you company. But when he dipped behind the back shelf, their shelf, Severus was no where to be found. Regulus found himself waiting, before another DM popped up.
Sev :
something came up. band room @ lunch.
Regulus sighed to himself, before making his way out of the library. It was fine. Severus was just busy. Maybe Regulus just wanted to be more important. But Regulus Black was never a priority.
Adjusting the straps of his backpack, Regulus listened to the announcements as he mad his way to form, the room neatly printed on his arm, causing him to lift his jumper sleeve ever so slightly.
"Happy New Year, Hogwarts boys. Uh, don't forget there'll now be students from all school years in your new form groups. I hope you enjoy getting to know some fresh faces in registration each day."
Right. Vertical forms, forms where he wouldn't be with any of his friends. Splendid. Regulus had a habit you could say. A habit where he imagined every worst possible scenario all the time. And right now? Right now his brain was alight with possibilities.
Entering B25, Regulus did a quick scan of the room, feeling his shoulders relax in relief. He hadn't been able to spot any of his largest tormentors from last year. They could still walk in. Shut up. He told his thoughts.
"Ah, Regulus Black." Mr. Slughorn said as Regulus came to stand by his desk. Regulus had him for chemistry last term, and found that while the older man was a good teacher, he was also a massive suck up to certain families and thus their children. He never punished Mulciber, even when the boy shoved his head into a-"Ah!" Slughorn exclaimed. "That's where I put you in the seating plan. Yes, you're over there. Next to James Potter. He's in Year 11, so only 1 year older than you. One of the rugby boys, I'm sure you'll get along swimmingly."
Can he ever catch a dang break?!
Walking over to the desk, Regulus ran through just how terribly this could go. Point 1, he's in Year 11 and he knew just how rowdy that lot could be. Point 2, he's on the rugby team, and he spent enough time with Barty hiding from them last year than he likes to think about. Point 3, he-
Fit. Like really bloody fit.
Bloody heck.
James Potter is really bloody fit and Regulus is absolutely screwed. Was he even at fault for noticing? James Potter was tall and muscular. (Regulus still strained to reach the top shelf for the tomato sauce, and even then could barely open it.) Artfully messy black curls (Regulus looked like an opossum when his were messy) and had perfect golden brown skin. Gold circular glasses framed doe-like brown eyes and Regulus had to stop staring.
Regulus nervously pulled out the chair, wincing as it screeched against the floor. After sitting down, he turned to find James already looking at him.
"Hi!" James greeted enthusiastically, nearly sending Regulus flying back in shock.
"Hi." Regulus breathlessly mumbled back, trying to shake off the surprise.
They spent the rest of form in silence, and Regulus had a smile on his face at one point...Well before his mind did that little thing again and-
He's just playing with you. He's gonna turn around and tell all his rugby mates just how pathetic you were in form. How could you ever think it would be different? It's all a repeat, just like last year after you were oute-
The next thing he knew the bell had rang and it was lunch. Regulus picked up his sack and hurriedly made his way down the halls, keeping his head down as much as he possibly could. He turned down a side hall and walked into the band room.
Regulus could probably find the band room in his sleep, being that he played piano in it near daily.
Severus was waiting inside. Severus Snape was a semi-popular boy in school, friends with the rugby boys but never reaching the popularity of someone on the team.
"Hey, sorry about earlier." Severus said, leaning against the robin's egg blue wall.
"It's fine."
"I missed your face so much." Was that what affection was supposed to feel like? They left a sticky taste on Regulus' tongue, but he dismissed it. Maybe they weremn't boyfriends explicitly, but they still cared for one and other.
"Really?" He asked, "Did you have a good Christmas?" Severus nodded, an impatient smirk on his face.
"Yeah, yeah it was alright. You?"
"Yeah, I mean it was just the three of us so we-"
Severus cut Regulus off with a kiss, sliding his tongue into Regulus' mouth. It lasted for a couple of seconds before Severus pulled away, wiping his hand across his mouth.
"You're cute." The bell rang then. "See you later, yeah? Still don't tell anyone about this." And then Severus left.
And Regulus was alone.
It happened the next day when Regulus was walking down the hall. He passed James, who was wearing a soft looking maroon jumper.
"Hi!" James had said.
"Hi." Regulus had breathlessly smiled back.
Then it happened again, and again, and again.
In the form room.
In the halls.
Outside of school.
'Hi' was quickly becoming Regulus' new favourite word.
It was a Wednesday when Regulus first went up to James on his own, the latter furiously scribbling in a notebook, his glasses adorably slouched down the bridge of his nose.
"Hi! Are you going that way?" James asked.
"Yeah. Maths."
"Same."
"Are you literally doing your homework while walking to your lesson."
"I...might be?"
"That's very chaotic."
"That makes me sound way cooler than I actually am." Liar, you're the coolest boy in the whole worl- Calm down Regulus.
"Do want me to do that for you?" Regulus offered, extending his hand. He'd always taken pride in the way maths came to him naturally.
"No, I'm good."
"I can tell you the answer."
"But then I won't learn."
"If you're stuck I can just...Lemme just." They playfully wrested with the paper, before James accidentally marked his hand with the pen he was holding.
"How dare you?" Regulus gasped in mock offence. James grabbed his hand and used one of the dots to create a smiley face on his hand.
"Better?"
"Maybe." God, was his heart already pounding?
They turned down a hall together when Regulus spotted Severus walking down the hall. In a moment of what he deemed poor judgement, he called out softly.
"Hey."
"What?" Severus bristled.
"Just...hi."
"Why are you talking to me? I don't even know who you are." Right, because Regulus was the gay boy you didn't want people to know you were even aquainted with.
"You alright mate?" Severus said, turning to address James, no longer looking like Regulus was shite on his shoe.
"Yeah, alright."
"Alright." Severus said before continueing on his way.
"You're friends with Severus Snape."
"We-uh run in the same circles so.."
Regulus nodded, pushing the deep seated humiliation to the recesses of his mind.
"I did it again!" Evan Rosier proclaimed, dumping 2 apple juices on the picnic bench their lot was eating at. "I bought Dora's drink again!"
"Didn't you do that yesterday? And the day before?" Barty Crouch asked teasingly.
"Yes Barty, yes I did." Evan huffed, punching Barty lightly in the shoulder, who in turn dramatically held his arm.
"Evan, she's your sister. You're allowed to miss her." Regulus told the blond boy sympathetically. He missed Panda too.
"Like I know it's amazing now that she's at the girls school. I mean Mr. Lockhart was still refusing to call her Pandora."
"Mr. Lockhart is a massive transphobe."
"I just...It's weird not being with her right now. She's my twin."
Barty Crouch and the Rosier twins were Regulus' best (and only) friends. He'd met Barty when he'd first moved to Hogsmeade, them being seated together in Year 5 and instantly hitting it off. Barty was loud and brash, which Regulus decided made him compliment his own tendency to be quiet and non-confrontational. Quickly after Barty were Pandora and Evan, identical twins down to their bleached blond locks and cocoa skin. Evan was on the quieter side, yet still had a biting tongue he most often used on Barty. Pandora was extremely intelligent with a gift for graphic design, and when not in uniform, she could be found sporting a variety of patterned skirts and colorful butterfly clips.
"Ugh. Rugby lads." Barty interrupted, shooting a disdainful look at the lads who were fighting over a ball.
"Why would one even do that?" Evan added, and then they were swooped up in conversation.
Pandora:
Thing 2: Everything good at Beauxbatons?"
Thing 1: Yep!
Thing 2: Any friends?
Thing 1: Yep, see ya at home.
Pandora signed at looked around at the empty table around her. She hated lying to Evan, but she didn't want him to fret. Being the new girl sucked.
She glanced around at the many groups of girls hanging out, a soft panging of longing in her chest. Her eyes lingered on a redhead and ravenette with an afro, and a brunette excitedly chattering to a girl with long shiny braids.
Pandora was the new girl, a lonely one at that.
But she was also, as her brother would tease, stubborn as fuck.
Regulus:
"I can't believe you got sat next to rugby king James Potter!"
"Barty! Keep it down!"
"Still though! He basically a dog."
"A dog?"
"Yes a dog, a golden retriever to be exact. A golden retriever mixed with a fawn when he's not on the rugby pitch."
Regulus stifled a laugh with his palm. Barty told him that he was going to be under the tree with Evan. Regulus nodded, then rushed towards the library where Severus was waiting. And judging by the consistent buzzing in his pocket, the other boy was impatient.
A quick make out session later (which Severus refused to speak to him after) Regulus waited behind the shelves before going out, a rule Severus had installed to protect their privacy. Well, Regulus would've gone out if he hadn't chest slammed into an extremely tall boy holding a small pile of books that is.
"Sorry, sorry!" He exclaimed, lifting his head slightly to meet the other boy's amber eyes. He was really tall, with light brown hair, freckles galore, and a silvery scar splitting his face.
"You're fine." The boy assured. "I'm Remus, you?"
"Regulus." Remus' eyes lit up for a short second in recognition, before he simply smiled and went on with his books. He probably recognized Regulus from the Instagram page that had been spread around the term prior. Photos taken when he didn't expect, ones of him holding back tears with cruel captions laughed at as he passed them in the halls.
Regulus' brain was quickly overwhelmed, and he knew he should talk to Evan, Barty or even text Pandora about it, but he did what he usually did in these situations.
He went to see Ms. McGonagall.
Ms. McGonagall had opened her English room doors when she had witnessed a particularly harrowing incident the prior year. One that involved a trash can being dumped over his head. Since then, she'd become one of the few adults he really trusted, and he still sometimes went to her room when he needed a moment alone.
"So, is everything fine? No more bullies I need to sort out? No issues with family?" She asked, a singular gray hair falling from her bun.
"No, everything's fine. Sirius is good and parents haven't contacted me. Well, I-I've got a boyfriend." McGonagall hummed in interest, and the words began spilling out of his mouth in a waterfall.
"He just- he doesn't seem to like me very much? Like he only wants to do things when he wants to, which is kiss, and he pretends we're stranger's in the hallways."
"Have you talked to him about how that makes you feel?"
"No, I don't really want to."
"Well, do you want to break up with him?"
"I don't know."
"I can't solve your problems for you, Regulus. What about your friends."
"They- I guess I don't think they'd get it."
"I can't make you listen to my advice but tell them. It's better to be open and honest in the long run."
He was walking out of the school when he saw it.
Severus, leaning up against the fence, his lips locked with some blond girl's, looking more passionate than he ever was with Regulus.
He felt his heart shatter as he sped home.
He lay in bed that afternoon, an ugly knitted blanket smothering him as he typed and deleted angry rant after rant. He eventually settles on 'I don't want to meet up anymore', to which Severus replied he was being ridiculous and that they weren't going to get caught. Regulus simply ignored him and curled up inside the blanket. He wasn't scared. He was just done.
"Reggie! What's with the long face?" Sirius babbled as he danced into the kitchen, having already had his morning caffeine. (He was a nightmare otherwise.)
"I don't have a long face. And I broke up with my boyfriend." He told his brother, who was tying their long hair up with a scrunchie, relaxed uniform decorated with various pins.
"Was he a knob?"
"Yeah."
"Congratulations then! Now c'mon, we gotta catch the bus!" Sirius dragged Regulus out of the house and into the bus.
On the ride there, Sirius was well, very fucking nosy. He was incessant about his need to know Regulus' type for some reason, to which he only replied that he wanted them to be comfortable being seen with him. Sirius then frankly told him to raise his standards before getting a notification.
Regulus watched in interest as his brother's face lit up, failing to hide a smile as he typed back. Huh.
Regulus watched Sirius get off at his stop, the other giving a wave before heading off with a girl named Alice who had gorgeous designs on her wheelchair wheels.
Sirius was older than Regulus by almost 1 year exactly. (Regulus being born on the 2nd of November and Sirius the 3rd.) Even if his brother was a lot, Regulus still loved him to pieces. Sirius had been the one to practically raise him, trying his best to shield Regulus from their parent's cruelty at his own expense. Sirius said he'd do it over and over again, but Regulus still felt the debt. Sirius was the first person Regulus came out to, and vice versa. So as his brother grinned at his texts, Regulus didn't pry. Many assumed Sirius was always chipper, but Regulus remembers the days after they fled their parents' house, and many more episodes where Sirius couldn't pull himself out of bed.
He still had them now, but it was less frequent and less intense. He went to an art school now, which was surprising to no one who ever saw his room adorned with canvases and half finished clothes.
Sirius protected him for years in that hell house, and he still said Regulus owed him nothing.
Maybe that's why it was so hard to tell Sirius about the bullying after whispers of his sexuality spread around school.
Maybe he had just wanted to protect his brother for once.
Regulus hated gym with a burning passion. In his defense, changerooms where a fucking nightmare and he wasn't the most athletically inclined. His only saving grace in the eyes of Ms. Hooch was the fact that he was a fast runner. (It had saved him and Sirius that night.)
So the bitter February air bit at his face, but he kept going, the faster he was able to stop.
He didn't notice Ms. Hooch shouting about his speed.
Or the messy haired boy's stare.
"Hi!" James startled Regulus as he was at his locker, sending his books tumbling to the floor.
"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry," James exclaimed as he bent to pick up the books, eyes lingering on his piano repertoire. "You play piano?"
"Yeah."
"That's so cool." Regulus really hoped his blush wasn't too apparent.
"Do you need anything?" Regulus asked.
"Well..." In Regulus head, he did something he had never done before. He imagined an idealized situation. James was queer too and they could go out. Unfortunately, Regulus was always better suited for reality.
"Do you want to join the rugby team?"
Well that was not what he was expecting.
"I'm sorry?"
"I saw you running really fast in PE! I mean you don't have to but I-"
"James! Sure I'll do it, but don't you think that I'm a bit small and weak?"
"Well it's only a school team.."
"So you're saying I am small and weak?"
"No, no no, I just-"
"James?"
"Yeah?"
"I may be fucking with you a bit."
Then they both burst out into giggles, and Regulus could've drank James' laugh.
"Are you sure you want to spend a whole hour with the rugby lads?!" Evan's shrill remark piercing through Regulus' thoughts. The blond haired boy was next to Barty, nearly resting his head on the brunette's shoulder. (Regulus wasn't stupid, the pair had a thing, a thing neither would acknowledge.)
"Yes."
"Your funeral." Evan said, sling his arm over Regulus shoulder for a quick hug.
They bid each other goodbye, as well as a promise to call with Pandora, before Regulus departed for the change rooms.
"Regulus Black though?"
"Isn't he like in Year 8?"
"No, Year 10."
"He's like, so tiny and skinny though."
"Can he even play? I'm sure he's a nice guy but we actually want to be decent."
"Does he even like sports? I mean, everyone knows he's gay."
The laughter that ensued nearly convinced him to back out, but he didn't hear James' in the mix, so he pushed the door open, silencing the whispers as he went.
"Hi!" James said, before chittering about the game as they went out, Hooch telling him to show Regulus the ropes. That was when he saw Peter, one of the boys tackle Benjy to the ground.
"I know I said I was joking, but I am definitely too small and weak for this."
"Where is your can-do attitude?"
"Oh, she left, long ago."
"C'mon, just tackle me. I won't dodge."
So Regulus did, eventually sending them both flying to the ground, Regulus landing on top of James. This is not a great position, bloody heck.
James told him that it was great, and that he wanted Regulus on the team.
So Regulus came back.
Again.
And again.
They had finished yet another practice, and Regulus couldn't wait until the weekend. Then his phone buzzed as he was buttoning up his shirt.
Severus Snape: ur at rugby right? Meet ne at the music block after
Regulus typed 'why' back as he left the changeroom, unaware of James' worried glance.
Severus Snape: please regulus i just wanna talk
Regulus: Fine.
Just one last meeting with Snape and then Regulus could be done with the git forever.
"Reg." Snape called from one of the empty classrooms. Don't call me that. 'Reg' was reserved for his friends and family. (Well the 2 people he counted as the latter.) He walked slowly into he room, dropping his bags on the floor as he went, clutching is forest green coat closer around him. He hated this. Hated feeling frail and weak. He'd felt that way far too many times.
Snape snorted, "You're wearing a coat?"
"It's February."
"Lame." Shut the fuck up.
"What do you want?" Regulus was done playing games, whatever Snape had to say, he could say it now. Snape leaned closer, his hand coming up in an attempt to cup Regulus' cheek. He barely suppressed a flinch, before smacking Snape's hand down.
"Don't touch me." Ask my parents how it turned out for them.
"God, what's your problem? I'm trying to be nice." Didn't know 'nice' was in your vocabulary. Regulus snarked in his head, Sirius always told him he could be incredibly sassy when he wanted, but Regulus was often to nervous to let it through.
"I said I don't want to meet up anymore."
"Yeah, and I don't believe you."
"What?" So he's actually going this way.
"You're clearly just scared of getting caught."
Regulus felt the rage simmer up inside of him, a roiling vat of molten rock begging to be released.
"Why would I be scared of getting caught? Everyone in school already know I'm gay. You're the one who's scared of getting caught. You can't even look at me when other people are around. Not to mention that you have a girlfriend. Yeah, I've seen you with her at the school gate. Thanks for telling me. Oh wait, you didn't." Regulus raged.
"Don't be angry at me for not wanting to come out yet."
"I'm not angry about that. If you're figuring stuff out, take your fucking time. I would've been there for you. Don't you think I, out of all bloody people would understand if you're figuring out you're sexuality."
"Then why are you angry at me?"
"I'm angry because you treat me and my feelings like shite! We only meet when you want to. Where you want to. When you feel like kissing a boy. You don't care about me at all." Did anyone ever care?
"It's not like anyone else is going to want to go out with you, is it? Not when you're all hysterical like this." Hysterical, funny how Snape knew that was what Regulus hated being called.
Regulus steeled his gaze at Snape, who's eyes suddenly gained a maniac tint. He moved forward, shoving Regulus up against the wall, his feat aloft from the ground. (And then he was back to screaming and dark locked cabinets, to Sirius' blood painting Father's belt, to....) Rough lips encased his, a hand grabbing his jaw when he tried to move away, his legs kicking out fruitlessly.
"Don't!" That's when he realized he was crying, steaming tears running down his face.
"Reg, I know you like me." ("Don't you love me, Regulus? I'm your mother.")
"Stop it!" But Snape never stopped, never stopped because Regulus' pleas always fell on deaf ears. He'd begged his whole childhood for the horrors to stop, and no one ever listened.
"Reg, I like you, but I'm figuring stuff out. What more do you want from me?" Snape went back in, trying to shoving his violating tongue between Regulus' clenched lips. That's when Snape was ripped off of him, thrown like a rag doll to the floor.
"He told you to stop. Go on, get the fuck out." Regulus never thought he'd hear James Potter swear, but he'd also never seen the other boy this furious. Snape turned and fled, his tail between his legs.
"Hey, you okay?" James asked as he knelt down to Regulus, who had crouched on the floor.
"I'm fine, sorry." He sobbed. Shite, not very convincing. "Did you hear all that?"
"Most of it. I just...You seemed kind of like something was up in the changeroom, so I...I wanted to check everything was okay."
"Thank you, I'm sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry about."
"Sorry."
"You say sorry a lot. Wait, don't say it."
"I kinda want to say it."
"Don't!" And Regulus found himself giggling, actually giggling.
"We should get out." He told James, picking himself and his bags off the floor and making his way to the exit. James nodded, before pulling Regulus into a hug.
Regulus melted into it, while also silently pondering if James Potter hugs were a viable medical treatment for emotional distress. They walked out of the school in silence, aside from Regulus occasional sniffles. James got into a blue car with an older looking woman and Regulus went to wait by the bus stop.
He opened his phone, nearly letting out another sob when he saw his lock screen. Pandora had recently showed them how to make theirs change to a set of photos. The current one was of him and Sirius, his brother's hair sprayed across his shoulder's while his finger's pinched Regulus' cheeks. Sirius had a wild grin on and Regulus' face was one of fond annoyance. It was the most Sirius photo Regulus had and now all he could think about was having to tell his brother about today's encounter.
It would send Sirius into a protective frenzy, maybe he would even seek to get even with Snape.
Regulus couldn't let that happen. So he made up his mind.
What Sirius didn't know couldn't hurt him.