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Andre Kriegman and Calvin Gabriel were going to die.
It has been written in stone for months now, even if Andre couldn't see it. There wouldn't be anywhere to go after they did Zero Day.
After months and months of meticulously planning, plotting, and lying through their teeth, Zero Day was finally just around the corner. And what else could they do but worry? They were going to die they next day. And if they didn't die, they were going to rot in prison.
Andre sat in his bed, cleaning his rifle. A rifle that would be used to cause unimaginable horror in mere hours. Cal sat next to him, adjusting the settings on Andre's camera.
They had a peaceful way about them. Despite the violent nature of their plans, they spoke of them as if they were planning nothing more than a simple outing as two friends.
Cal is the first to speak up.
"Hey, 'dre? Are you.. are you even a little bit worried? About tomorrow, I mean. Because like.. uh.. I am. I'm really worried."
His voice gets progressively quieter the longer he speaks. Cal isn't worried about dying. Death was never something he was afraid of. He was afraid of never seeing Andre again.
Despite his additude towards death, his deep suicidal urges, Cal didn't want to take Andre down with him. No, he needed to take Andre down with him.
He needed Andre with an intensity that he as almost feverish. Almost out of control. Almost too much. Almost, almost, almost.
"Well, we've been working on this for months, haven't we? It'd be pretty stupid to back out now, Cal."
Andre responds flatly.
"No, no, I wasn't saying we shouldn't do Zero Day, I'm just asking. Are you worried? Even just a little bit? It's okay to be worried Andre, I won't judge you."
There's a teasing lilt to Cal's words that say that he one-hundered percent would judge Andre.
Andre scoffs, shaking his head, never looking up from his rifle.
"You kiss your mother with that lying mouth?"
Cal laughs boisterously, shoving Andre with one hand. Andre winces slightly.
"Dude, no way! I don't kiss my mother!"
"Yes you do, I've seen it. You're just proving my point about you being a liar-"
"Nuh uh."
"Cal. You can't just say "nuh uh" when you don't agree with someone. It's not a valid argument-"
"Nuh uh!"
Andre laughs under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck with the hand not wrapped around a rifle.
"You're a child."
There's a beat of silence.
"I swear in everything if you-"
"Nuh"
"Don't."
"Uh"
Andre drops his rifle haphazardly on the med, tackling Cal. Cal fights him back, but Cal does not have the same muscle mass as Andre. It's a losing fight for him.
"Andre, Andre, you're such a jerk-"
Cal tries to push Andre off of him, to no avail.
"You brought this on yourself, idiot."
"Stupid"
"Moron"
"Bitch"
"Asshole"
"Fag."
They stop their petty argument after that. Andre doesn't move from his position on top of Cal, pinning his wrists down, his legs on his thighs so he cannot move.
"Could you get off of me."
Cal asks with a glare.
Andre complies.
Cal was going to miss this.
Or well, he wouldn't.
Because tomorrow Cal was going to die. And so was Andre, if Cal had any choice in the matter.
Cal clears his throat.
"Have you finished that rifle yet?"
He asks, like a child waiting for the car ride to be over.
"Yeah. It's good enough."
Andre claims, collapsing into the bed next to Cal.
This wouldn't be the first time they shared a bed. But it would be the last time.
Andre and Cal used to have sleepovers with each other. They'd always sleep in the same bed. Until about 8th grade, when everyone's favorite insult turned into fag, gay, and "if you do this, you like men!"
Andrew's room is more empty than Cal's. Cal's bedroom was littered with dirty clothes, the walls were plastered in band posters, and it smelled like someone had left an empty febreze can in a boys locker room for a month.
Andrew's was clean. Andre was a bit of a clean freak. It would make it easier to pack everything up after he's gone. Cal's parents would have to go through his room and pick everything up. Would have to be reminded of their sons life and death for hours as the cleaned his room out.
Maybe Cal was a sociopath.
The two boys were content to simply lay in each other's presence. That's all that they needed. They didn't need anyone else. Not Rachel, not Greg, not their parents, or siblings, not even Mel. All they needed was eachother.
And that's all that they would have until they blew their tongues through their skulls tomorrow.
Andre didn't want to kill as many people as humanly possible. Only those who had wronged him. Who has locked him. Treated him like he was nothing.
Cal however, was suicidal in the worst way. He wanted to take a many people down with him as he could.
Andre breaks the silence.
"You know, I don't think I could do this without you, Cal. You're like, my best friend."
He sighs softly.
"Hey, I couldn't have done it without you either."
Cal grins at Andre.
They stared at each other for a while. Too long to be of purely platonic intentions. It never was purely platonic. But they never had the courage to make it more than platonic. Neither having the guts to spill to the other about how much they yearned for each other. It's a wasted life.
Cal brings his hand up close to Andre's, not quite bridging the gap between them.
"I'm gonna miss this. Miss us."
Cal utters under his breath, gazing up at Andre like he hung the moon and the stars for him.
"What do you mean?"
Andre asks incredulously.
"We're still gonna be together. Just not in the same place. We'll go across the country together, doing Zero Day to other schools.. we'll be a household name. Calvin Gabriel and Andre Kriegman. People will fear us. Love us. Worship us.."
Andre sighs, gazing up at the ceiling.
"Calvin Gabriel and Andre Kriegman."
Cal repeats, still staring at Andre. In truth, Cal wasn't thinking of glory. He was thinking of the coroners report. They both died at the same time. Gunshot wounds to the head.
Cal smiled at the thought.
Andre's hand brushed against Cal's slightly, causing both of them to jolt slightly. Cal jerks his hand back to his chest, as if trying to shield himself from the inevitable scorn. Andre keeps his hand in the exact same position, as if trying to soak up Cal. To keep him under his skin and always with him in ways that couldn't even be described in the English language.
They were going to do the most loving thing a person could do. To end their lives before the troubles and hate of the world managed to get into their pretty little heads. They were saving them. They were god.
"How much damage do you think we can do?"
Cal asks with a wide grin.
"I'm thinking at least 15 people. Maybe we could hurt more if we waited until lunchtime."
Andre scoffs.
"We don't need to kill that many people."
He states flatly.
Cal grins.
"Says who? We make our own rules, right Andre?"
Cal gazes up at the ceiling alongside Andre. It's a blank black abyss. Hopefully this is what death is like.
Andre doesn't respond to Cal's question.
They lay in silence for a while. A very long while. If anyone would walk in, they would say that they were the gayest couple of boys to ever exist. They were laying too close to each other. They were laying miles apart. Too far to touch. To close to try.
Whoever decided what they got to be anyways? They were Andre and Cal. Too close to be friends, to scared to be lovers.
Always yearning for the other, never being able to take each other.
Had they been born to a different decade, maybe things would have been different. Maybe their volatile personalities would have developed to be what they were if they were just allowed to have each other. Maybe they would have been able to spend the hours they planned for a shooting exploring each other's bodies. The effort that they put into stealing weapons into stealing kisses. The lies they told into whispered "I love you"s.
But they hadn't.
They stared at eachother for a very long time. Cal's eyes flicked down to Andre's lips more than once, wishing he had the confidence to just lean forward a few inches and press them together. Maybe then they would be content to die.
Andre sighed.
"I think.. I think I care about you... A lot more than a guy should care about his best friend.."
Andre admits quietly.
Cal chuckles.
"That's pretty gay man."
Andre sighs.
"For fucks sake, can't you just listen to me for a minute?"
Cal shuts up.
"I care about you. Too much. I don't want us to die, or go to prison, or anything like that. I want to stay with you for the rest of my life.. the rest of your life... The rest of our lives.."
Andre grabs Cal's hand, clutching it close to his chest.
"I think I love you.."
He whispers.
Cal is taken aback. This was not supposed to happen.
Before he can do anything else, Andre brings Cal's hand up to his lips, not quite kissing it. Just holding his knuckles against his lips.
"Forever?"
Andre asks, near silently.
"Forever."
Cal repeats.
They went to sleep in the same bed for the first time since 7th grade that night. If they ended up snuggling together, that was nobody's business but their own.
The next morning, they grabbed their guns, got in the car, and set off.
Because it was Zero Day.
And Zero Day was all that they needed.