Chapter Text
Ash Lynx has dreams. He mostly dreams of a perfect world these days.
In Ash’s perfect world– well, a lot of things wouldn’t have happened, but he’s not going to be greedy here– no, in Ash’s perfect world, it’s just him and Eiji. Forever and always, ‘till death do us part’-- all that jazz. He feels like enough shit has happened to him to demand this at the very least. He’d never be okay with letting someone else go through his clothes, his underwear drawer looking for constantly disappearing socks. No, they would probably be on the receiving side of his revolver.
Unless it was Eiji, sweet, kind, ethereal Eiji, in which case Ash would just mildly grumble and then help him pick out plants for the window garden they apparently have now. Improvements. He’s not going to pretend that he’s this saint or angel or anything stupid like that but dear god, does Eiji want to make him start caroling whenever he gives Ash that smile of his. That gorgeous, radiant, almost mythical smile that he could just get drunk off, and sure, maybe he dreams of it even though he’s getting it for free– sue him, he’s having his first experiences with mushy feelings like love and all that amazing garbage.
crash– somewhere, in some alternate heavenly dimension it’s just ash and eiji, and their sweet 2 bedroom condo overlooking central park and throw in a dog too, why not? just him and his person, watching a new york sunset –screaming– laughing about nothing and everything, huddled under a blanket with popsicles that go straight to their heads, their dog sleeping next to them on the balcony as eiji looks at him –something’s on fire– just him and not the rot behind, and then he’s leaning in and he can almost feel it–
Then he opens his eyes, staring at the box of knockoff IKEA furniture that’s enough for at least 5 people.
Right.
It is enough for 5 people. That’s why Eiji bought it in the first place.
Sweet, pure, forgiving Eiji who Ash would and has given his life to. That very same Eiji has invited everyone and their mother to crash at the new place Ash literally just signed the papers for. The ink hasn’t even dried.
And by everyone and their mother, he means a demonic, purple entity he has no choice but to call his best friend that’s been ransacking their newly stocked fridge like it owes him money; a runt who Ash could at least bully around a bit before, but no– someone up there apparently thought it was a good idea to give an extra 10 goddamn inches to an emotionally repressed, snarky teen who thinks cup noodles are enough to live on– (no, Ash hasn’t figured out self-awareness yet, he’ll get there. maybe)
And Yut-Lung. Yut-Lung, who Ash has a sneaking suspicion doesn’t even know why he’s here himself. He just appeared with Sing, like a mean, spiteful, judgemental spirit who keeps staring at the furniture like it personally insulted his mother. All the little snake did the whole time here was check his nails and insult Shorter when the atmosphere got a bit too happy for his liking.
And Eiji– sweet, kind, too easily forgiving Eiji, who is trying to get Demon Spawn and Bob the Bodybuilder to stop trying to arm wrestle on their brand new coffee table. It’s futile, Ash should tell him. Sing has the spite of someone who had to use a stool to reach the top shelf until last week along with the newly-acquired body of an MMA fighter, and Shorter– well to be honest, Ash has no clue what Shorter is. He might have said he hatched from an egg if he didn’t have Nadia as a sister, and she is decidedly non-reptilian. No, something else far more unhinged is going on with Shorter and for once, it’s Eiji’s problem.
It is his problem if they break the table though. It’s teakwood and Eiji has become somewhat emotionally attached to it. So if the table breaks, Eiji feels sad and Ash decks someone. Bad sequence of events for everyone involved. He begrudgingly puts down the admittedly cute bowls Eiji picked out, making his way to the morons who have become a permanent headache somehow. His permanent headache. Damn it.
There’s sweat, there’s tears– Ash isn’t sure who those came from and there’s grunting and swearing that the neighbours are definitely hearing and are going to report.
He kind of wants to let it happen. Let them fight. Let them break each other’s bones. The world will breathe a sigh of relief for it. He’ll be a hero.
But no, long gone are his days of fighting on the streets and against gross old rich men , now he has to babysit these two disasters. Sing, who is winning somehow, and Shorter who is clutching the edge of the table like it's a lifeline as he struggles and complains. This man– this creature is technically older than Ash. He thinks about it sometimes at night.
Then, like a gust of wind and tomfoolery– Shorter plays dirty. And by that, it means he blows wind into Sing’s eyes and uses it to win. No sportsmanship, no pride, no honour. Ash is almost proud of him.
Shorter jumps up, like he’s actually won something worthwhile, grinning and hollering at Sing’s annoyed face. “Booyah, take that– losing? Couldn’t be me!” Eiji gets a double high five that he has no idea what to do with and Ash just gives him a look. Love you, but you literally asked for this. Deal with it now.
Sing stands up, dragging the chair aside. “You cheater.” He says, eyes narrowed. He’s pretty intimidating with the newly deep voice and extra muscle and height. If only Ash wasn’t there when his voice was still cracking, he might have been a bit more alert around him.
Alas.
Yut-Lung, freeloading weasel that he is, makes his displeasure clear for no good reason. “Do you both have to act like neanderthals?” He drawls, opening a fan he didn’t even have a second ago. Sing has already begun trying to grab at and try to do unimaginable horrors to Shorter.
Ash is going to deck someone, even without Eiji involved.
“Don’t you act any better, you brat.” He wants to use Yut Lung as a tablecloth. That smug little face tends to do that to people, and even Ash isn’t immune. “You haven’t lifted a finger since we’ve gotten here–”
“I,” Yut Lung announces to a truly exhausted Eiji. “Have given my labour in the form of advice against this crime against interior design you all seem so set on.”
“All you did was call the cabinet ‘plebeian’.” Shorter says, dodging Sing’s grabs. “What does that even mean?”
Yut–Lung must have been a conniving eunuch in his past life, there’s no other way to explain how the fan magically furls and unfurls itself with no other movement. “Well, I wouldn’t expect a pleb such as yourself to know.” He smiles, ignoring the offended gasp Shorter lets out as he’s being put in a headlock by an enraged Sing.
“Why are you even here?” Sing huffs, not letting go of Shorter as he talks. “You literally have a mansion in Chinatown. Why are you hanging out with peasants like us?”
Eiji just gives Ash a look.
They’re your friends.
Ash waves his arms around at so many unopened boxes.
You invited them!
Eiji just crosses his arms.
Because they’re your friends.
Ash points at nowhere now.
Don’t call Yut-Lung my friend, he’s literally part snake–
Said snake laughs, ignoring both Sing and Shorter’s look of contempt. “Ah,” The magical fan unfurls itself yet again. “Finally, you agree– you’re peasants.”
He makes his way to the largest bedroom like he pays rent, which he definitely does not. A silent, but clear declaration. Mine. Pokes his head out one last time, smug smile on again. “Glad to see at least some of you are developing self-awareness.”
Door shut. Snake slithered away. Shorter still in a headlock he’s stopped trying to escape.
“...he never said why he was here.” Shorter notes, drawing Sing’s attention to him again. Ash tunes out the choking and scuffling as he goes back to unboxing the cute little bowls. Eiji has given up too, based on how he comes to stand next to Ash, opening a box of silverware.
If they tune out Sing’s insults and Shorter’s pleas for mercy, it’s almost nice. The quietness, the silent love.
“If they break something, don’t say I didn’t tell you.” He grumbles.
Eiji smiles a bit, opening a drawer, “I still will.” He gazes up at him and Ash just tries not to drop the ceramics on his toes.
Maybe he can deal with the others, if he has this too.