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Eva’s fingers curled around the sink. They shook vicariously as they tightened around the cool surface. Her breathing didn’t come easy– each coming out raspier than the next. Her body was lunged over, head low. She couldn’t dare to even look up at her own reflection.
The reflection of the girl who was now trapped in this awful cage of a ‘game’. Eva could not think, could not perceive her surroundings normally. Her ears rang. Dread fuelled the thumping of her heart.The walls were inching closer to her shaking body.
Suddenly, the sharpness of her throat became smooth— almost willingly so, to the point she was gagging on nothing. A horrible taste creeped upon her tongue.
Promptly, her head violently flew forward as vomit sprayed from her mouth. As she did, tears pricked her eyes like poisonous droplets that stung her cheeks all too greatly.
Her throat now burned more than before– and her fingers were about to break in half; but even so, they refused to release their grip— and Eva still wouldn’t confront the mirror.
The colour from her face left with the contents of her stomach, and a chill overcame her now weakened figure. When she let go of the horridly rigid sink, her fingers graced her own skin into a cold, empty hug.
This damned room that said all but anything about who she actually was. It was just a cruel way to shove her into another meaningless box.
She’d had a nightmare about this once. She was in a small bathroom. Eva had forgotten most of the details but she vividly recalled the ringing of laughter, and the piercing judgemental gaze of her peers — she stared down at her body being immersed in the ocean of the bath.
That bath felt so lonely. It made her realise that her life had been nothing but boxes. Boxes with labels and expectations, no greater heights than its own ceiling.
Eva continued to hold herself tightly. The only strength she had left was in her desperate fingertips. Her stance wobbled slightly— and she started sobbing.
Even during this ‘new start’. This academy was meant to be something different, right? But even with the promise of a ‘fulfilling’ future, Eva was only given another room to attend to.
Now there’s Wolfgang. And Grace. And.. Diana. She had lied to everyone.
And now, she was sure that tonight; she was going to die.
The hope that never existed slipped away from her so soon, Eva had just assumed it was fate. For life to put her in another heartless relationship with another group who wouldn’t recognise her true human potential.
This group would instead want to see her head on a burning stick, wishing for the lying witch to die.
That’s all they thought of her– and she’d only handed the gun over, urging to point it at her head. Eva could not blame herself for this.
Curling herself into a small ball of pity onto the bathroom floor, she would blame the gods for the beaten crow.
***
Diana could not look at someone who was alone without expressing a concerned look. Her heart ached greatly to those who didn’t have a hand to hold nor a shoulder to lean on— which is why hers was always considered available.
Ever since being stranded in this seemingly hopeless situation, Diana generated her own hope. She didn’t see strangers to be feared, instead she saw a wonderful herd of sheep to be guided.
Eva Tsunaka was no different in her mind. She was just different, maybe even off-putting, but no less valid than the rest of her friends.
She would become her shepherd; she offered that Eva would bunk with her.
She hadn’t witnessed a smile grace her features just yet – but she heard a ‘yes’, and that was the first step.
The room was thick with silence. A wall between the two girls. Diana didn’t know how to start off this interaction— this potential friendship. The thought of it was exciting enough to bring a sense of warmth to her chest though, so she had to give it a try.
“Uh, Eva? Do you.. Enjoy the room?” She smiled at her from the bed. Her hand clenched onto one of her many hairbrushes as she very finely brushed the tips of her crimson pigtails.
Eva looked over at her for a moment. She didn’t say anything. Her eyes scrolled around the room almost helplessly— “it’s— fine”
‘fine’?
Nothing about her reaction screamed ‘fine’. But maybe it was a filler word for anything to respond to her mainly empty-handed question. Diana knew she wasn’t in the most joyful mood at the moment.
But she would continue to strive with her cheery nature, “I’m glad..” She said softly.
She mentally questioned for a second whether there was anything she could do to accommodate her new roommate better.. This was their room after all. Maybe she could do something to make her feel more welcomed?
It was a little awkward watching Eva just stand still at the entrance, poorly hiding her fiddling thumbs. The first day confidence and intimidating stare she held had now crumbled to someone in need of a friend. At least, that’s what Diana saw.
Her gaze was back to the floor.. Then the walls.. Still with that gloomy gleam in the reflection of her glasses.
“Hey Eva.. do you.. Have anything you like doing? During your free time?” Diana promptly strung along. This would foster a moment of bonding. Surely.
Now the girl was twirling a strand of her hair, still standing in place. “..I guess” She really was going off of limited words, wasn’t she?
Diana patted the empty spot next to her on the bed, “Can I show you something real quick?”
Her heart clenched everytime she felt her distrusting eyes on her, but she held up a grin anyways. The first step. Eva moved over to the bed and sat down.
Diana noticed how her legs shuffled slightly away from her. Her posture was held still, like a perfectly aware doll. A flash of a worried frown crossed her features, before she turned it back to an encouraging smile.
“What is it?” Eva asked, with a slight worry to her tone. Was it urgency? Did she really think she’d do something to her?
Diana admired her brush as if it were a newborn baby. Then she carefully handed it to the girl sitting next to her, “Brushing my hair always feels better. It’s soothing, you know? I’ve actually had this brush since I was little..”
Reminiscence lurked in her voice, a very warm tone carrying her words. Eva felt she was interrupting an intimate, sweet moment. She couldn’t understand why she’d share this with her.
The brush wasn’t anything special either. It was a small rounded, pink and glittery thing, almost tacky. To Eva, it was just another object. Her hair would probably destroy it, with how thick it is.
“And I remember—” Diana’s cheeks began to flush slightly, “when I was a little girl, my mum would sing to me while brushing my hair.. With this exact brush..” She let out a small, gentle laugh.
Eva’s face only turned into a scowl.
That’s when her blue eyes met magenta.
“If you want, I could brush your hair!” It was as if her entire face lit up with a single switch.
It was just the two of them in their own room, sharing the space. Only around an hour ago had Diana invited her here. She was merely a guest—- not her best friend.
Eva could feel her nerves flaring up, as well as the thumping of her heartbeat. She leaned back a bit and turned to the side. She’s trying to.. Help me feel better?
Her eyebrows furrowed and her face became stern. “That won’t be necessary”
Diana’s shining smile melted away into a neutral expression. Her thumb insecurely swiped over the brush before putting it off to the side. “Right— I guess that offer was.. Kinda weird”
Eva did not respond. Instead, she got up from the bed and walked off. Just like that, the moment was shattered. Her offer was rejected and for some reason— she was filled with the urge to cry.
***
Diana had repeatedly tried to talk to Eva— but nothing ever came from it. All she received was mumbles and two word replies at best— and for the first time her motivation was running at an all time low.
She trusted in Eva, she really did. Sometimes, she even noticed small glances. Like how before they went to bed, Eva would take off her glasses and clean them— then look at her. For just a moment, there were words hidden in those brooding eyes.
And Diana did her best to share her winning smiles— make them as approachable and bright as she could! Always have her heart on her sleeve.
“Eva! Wanna hangout? I know lots of games we could play!” Is this.. Too childish?
“Sorry, I’m not interested” ..At least she was honest.
“Hey Eva! I just found a lot of palettes in my vanity! Do you want to try them out?” Does she even wear makeup..?
“..I don’t really like makeup. Sorry” She’s so pretty naturally.
One morning as the pair were getting ready, Diana thought of something.
“Eva?” How many times have I said her name in the past three days..? — She did not need to try this hard to capture anyone else’s attention, she noticed.
“Hm?” As Eva slid on her sleek white blazer, she turned to her roommate. Her face read as unimpressed as usual— not expecting anything grand from Diana or anything noteworthy, probably.
“Have you.. Ever considered styling your hair differently?” Her cheeks grew a faint pink, a bit embarrassed for whatever reason. The eye-contact caused her nerves to spike slightly.
“I don’t care for changing my appearance. I don’t find purpose in doing so” Diana’s face faltered once more. Every time she heard more words of rejection, her heart felt ever heavy.
“..Yeah but— maybe it could be fun!” Her voice continued to brim with enthusiasm as she clasped her hands together. “Would you mind if I did it up for you?” She asked earnestly— hoping the desperation was hidden well enough.
She heard a hum of consideration from the taller girl, “Okay”
Her heart skipped a beat at her acceptance, her face suddenly glowed. “Yay! This will be so fun, you’ll see! Can you sit here?” She pulled out her petite stool and started prepping her styling equipment.
Eva wouldn’t admit it, but at that moment she found herself feeling… excited? A certain small joy rush. She sat down and faced the mirror.
She hadn’t looked at her reflection since the first night of the killing game.
A chill spread down her spine and she froze. It wasn’t until her eyes followed Diana’s that her body allowed itself to relax again.., The tension managed to melt away for a brief few minutes.
Over her life, Eva had associated her hair with being difficult.
Too thick, not wavy enough to be curly but not straight enough to be easily handled. Too damn long, and always grew way too fast when she cut it. She always cursed the heavens beyond for giving her such a horrid thing to work with— so at some point she stopped caring.
But the feeling of the brush caressing her long strands was really soothing— safe almost; Like she’d settled into a comfortable nest. She enjoyed the texture of Diana’s fingers going through her hair. Her skin was so soft, and every action was carried gently.
And on top of that she was chatting freely. Mainly to herself, since Eva wasn’t responding, but the room was filled with her bubbly words that began to fill her withered heart.
Eva watched as her face changed in the mirror— smiles to giggles here and there, then a focused gaze on whatever she was doing.
It maybe only lasted around 15 minutes, but those were the safest 15 minutes in Eva’s life.
***
Everyone gathered in the dining hall as usual, following the routine Wolfgang had set up. Eva and Diana showed up late, naturally raising a few eyebrows. Mainly targeted at the mathlete.
“What took you so fucking long? Did four eyes try to kill you or something?” Grace had her arms crossed with a fiery scowl on her face, no kinder than usual.
“That’s no way to say good morning, hun!” Ingrid exclaimed with disbelief, Grace only had a scoff as a comeback.
“Good morning Diana, Eva. Grace does have a point. Why were you late?” Wolfgang eyed them down — admittedly he carried himself more politely but still seemed concerned.
Diana was not prepared for the accusatory environment, “Heheh, sorry everyone! We just thought we’d spice things up a bit! Doesn’t Eva look super pretty?” Everyone’s eyes turned to Eva, who was standing behind the small figure of her roommate.
Whilst Diana was the only one who looked at her with awe, admiring the work she’d done, the rest of her peers seemed rather unamused. Eva’s hands tightened around her arms; she did not appreciate this spotlight. Her pale face even gained some colour.
“Oh. Your hair’s in a ponytail. That’s new” Damon out of all people commented first. Kai pointed at her, “Oh yeah!! Barely noticed! But it looks.. Good” the praise knocked down Eva’s composure like a truck—
“It suits you well!” Ingrid smiled.
“You’re probably the first person here to change their look! We should all try out new hairstyles!” Cassidy proclaimed proudly, smiling from ear to ear. From such a small, simple thing.
Eva even felt a slight grin creep onto her lips.., a small wobbly flutter in her heart. She did not know how to respond to this kind of attention. “Haha, yeah! We should do a makeover contest!” Diana’s voice shined through the crowd.
“Oh I’ve got to see Damon with makeup on!” Kai giggled at the thought, which gained a blush from the debater. “Not gonna happen”
Wolfgang then grinned specifically towards Eva and suddenly she felt so much smaller. “Your hair does look nice” She could only feel like a little kid being complimented by an adult. A tingle of dread came back.
“..Thank you everyone. I appreciate it” She went back to twirling a strand of hair. This time, Diana was right by her side, tugging at her sleeve.
“Do you like it?”
Eva realised she never actually said anything. Diana’s big eyes sparkled with curiosity—equally so with pride. It was adorable.
She might’ve let herself grin without realising it. “It’s different” Diana couldn’t be happier.
***
Diana watched the repeated motion of her brush as it strained her pigtail. Over and over again, not moving her position nor the brush in hand. She stared deeply into her own reflection, her eyes dry and puffy.
She’d been weeping for what seemed like days, weeks— it had only been two hours. Since her final stand, her words that brimmed with newfound, hearty determination. Those words kept true in her heart but she couldn’t stand any longer.
The room now felt empty. Filled with nothing but a deafening silence.
Her other hand gripped the hem of her skirt strongly. Fingers clutching tight as if she was holding back more threatening tears.
She tried to silence her mind — with the shaky swoosh of the brush; the sound of her mother’s song distantly present in her ear. She just wished she could hear Eva’s voice instead.