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It was already quite late in the night when Taizi Dianxia was checking the memorials regarding the state affairs. There were only a few servants inside and outside Taizi Dianxia’s study chamber and the atmosphere was calm and silent, far away from the cheers of the Heining Palace.
At the Northern Wing of the Heining Palace, tonight, there was a huge banquet to celebrate Her Majesty the Empress’ birthday that brought together important officials throughout the country to exchange the echoes of insincere pleasantries. It was not so that Taizi Dianxia was not interested in these kinds of gatherings, he believed his presence was of utmost importance in these gatherings so as to not let the high officials ploy for the dragon's seat. It was just that he was too preoccupied with the responsibility of an investigation and the duty of state affairs that the Imperial Father had bestowed upon him recently that Taizi Dianxia had to leave the banquet early.
The memorials must be checked before the sun would arise, otherwise there would be too little time to delve into the matters of the investigation.
An imposing figure sat on the chair at the high podium. The table in front of him was an organized yet cluttered mess of many books, scrolls, ink slate, brush stands, blotting paper and what not. The chamber was supported by multiple wooden pillars that contained the royal emblem. The large chamber was well lit by thousands of candles making it as bright as day but Taizi Dianxia’s heart was a little dim.
He sighed as his right hand moved mechanically, the brush in his hand staining the paper with fine ink. He wondered what his vassals were upto at this time.
He was quite certain that Lu Qingshi was still at the banquet, entertaining guests on Taizi Dianxia's behalf. On the other hand, Xu Yiran must have either been flirting with young noble ladies or drinking the night away with the amusing old fools. As for Chen Yuanbai, he had probably headed back to his place by then, to meditate before retiring.
And Mei Nianqing…
Taizi Dianxia's lips curled into a subtle smile.
Ah, yes, Mei Nianqing must have gone back to his place as well. It was a pity. Taizi Dianxia hadn't had the time to exchange some simple nothings with him for so long and he wouldn't be able to see him today either. It had been exactly two weeks since they met. And the last time they did, they even had a quarrel.
His hand paused. His smile slowly disappeared. His body was so drained and his mind was so occupied that he could barely feel like a person. Was he any better than a corpse?
Finally, the last scroll was done with. He could finally retire to bed.
Just at the moment when he was about to stand, one of the doors of the chamber slid open forcefully.
Around ten to twenty maidservants and watchguards instantly followed the tall man who barged in. But none of them could stop him.
Taizi Dianxia had sharp ears. Of course, he could hear the commotion rattling outside for quite a long while. But these trivial matters were not to worry about. He was certain that the man did not wish ill of him.
After all, the man in front of him was none other than Mei Nianqing himself!
Taizi Dianxia’s countenance did not change. It was as cold and distant as ever.
“Taizi Dianxia!” The watchguards exclaimed in unison. They bowed as they clasped their hands along with the maidservants who kowtowed.
Mei Nianqing paused as well and kneeled to offer him his greetings. He softly uttered, “Your Highness…”
His demeanor was quite strange, in fact, quite deviated from his usual self. His eyes were somewhat dreamy, his face quite red under the candlelight. He was clad in white inner robes that were shrouded by a purple outer robe of thin gauze that were usually worn for ceremonies. There was supposed to be an outer robe under the gauze and a middle layer between the outer and inner robes but there was neither. Perhaps because the young lord was in too much of haste or he was too drunk to remember to clad himself properly.
His long raven hair that had already been undone, was under the gauze robe. Unlike the usual, there were no jewelleries on him, not even the gold string of suspended amethyst that always adorned his head and not even the veil that he preferred to hide his face. It seemed he had hastily attired himself only in order to meet Taizi Dianxia.
Taizi Dianxia was obviously certain of it. Mei Nianqing seemed to be drunk.
“Rise,” Taizi Dianxia announced.
Everyone stood up. Only Mei Nianqing continued to kneel.
One of the guards said, “This servant is incompetent and failed Taizi Dianxia's order. Please punish us.”
“We had assigned a simple task of not allowing anyone in this chamber. Since you know your mistake, we shall not hold you accountable. Send him back,” Taizi Dianxia declared calmly.
“At once, Taizi Dianxia!” The guard proclaimed.
As a crown prince, he was not unreasonable. He was aware that Mei Nianqing had barged in precisely because the guards could not stop a high ranked vassal from entering his study chamber. If he hadn't realised that Mei Nianqing was drunk, he would have mistaken this for the fact that some mishap had occurred.
“Your Highness!” Mei Nianqing uttered, his voice sounding confused and somewhat incomprehensible. He stood up with the help of the guards.
Even if Taizi Dianxia had asked the guards to send back Mei Nianqing, they obviously could not throw him out of the chamber and had to ask him respectfully to leave alongside them. After all, Mei Nianqing was a high ranked vassal who was as close to Taizi Dianxia as the great generals. An offense to him, even under the orders of the Taizi, might even cost them their heads.
The guard said, “Lord Mei may return tomorrow to discuss any matter with Taizi Dianxia. Please allow me to escort you back, Lord Mei.”
Mei Nianqing's breath hitched as he blinked slowly. It seemed the liquor had already drowned his senses.
“My… Dear… Highness…” Mei Nianqing whispered, though most of it was unintelligible to the ears of others.
Under the fierce gaze of Taizi Dianxia, the guards did not dare delay the matter anymore. Two of them assisted him to walk properly and tried to convince him to return with low voices.
“No, I do not…” Mei Nianqing muttered, “My Dear Highness, I… do not… wish to leave...”
His words were so mingled and unintelligible that it was evident he was drunk, even more the reason to drive him out of Taizi Dianxia's study chamber.
Mei Nianqing exclaimed in a tone of worry, as he blabbered the words all at once, “I-wish-to-convey-important-matters-to-Your-Highness!”
This situation called for a stalemate. The guards were torn between a great dilemma. Disobeying Taizi Dianxia's orders was punishable to death, but disobeying the vassal’s orders would lead to offense.
“Haven’t you heard him?” Taizi Dianxia interrogated, raising an eyebrow.
“Ah, yes, Your Highness, we shall take our leave,” The wise guard said as he cupped his hand before leaving the chamber along with the others in the chamber, leaving only Taizi Dianxia and Mei Nianqing in the chamber.
“We allow Qing'er to come here, next to us,” Taizi Dianxia declared.
Mei Nianqing stood steady where he was, his face completely blank, unlike a while ago.
“Are we qualified to know the important matters that Qing'er wishes to convey?” Taizi Dianxia asked.
Mei Nianqing walked towards the podium, swaying and waddling at times. Suddenly, he paused. His hand leaned on the large pillar, seeking support.
He uttered, not daring to look into Taizi Dianxia's eyes, “Your Highness, I'm sorry. I lied.”
Taizi Dianxia remained at the high podium. He remarked, “Oh? What did Qing'er lie to us about?”
His intimidating way of interrogation enshrouded the amusement away from his face. In fact, Taizi Dianxia was the son of the heavens. Naturally, he knew that Mei Nianqing's ‘important matters’ were just an excuse for this rendezvous.
Seeing that there was no response from Mei Nianqing, Taizi Dianxia realised that his beloved was too guilty of this lie and was reluctant to approach him.
“Even if this Taizi is not fond of lies,” Taizi Dianxia said, sitting down on the chair, “We may overlook it this time. We are weary after looking through the memorials. Qing'er should come here and console us.”
At first, Mei Nianqing seemed reluctant. But perhaps because it were the direct orders from Taizi Dianxia, he strode towards the podium decisively. As he did, he said, “Your Highness, I'm sorry, some days ago, it was my fault. I…”
He continued, “I yelled at Your Highness. It was wrong of me. I know I said I wished for Your Highness to stay away from me but— but I was simply— I was wrong. I did not mean any of it. I… I am not good with words, Your Highness… I'm sorry. For the last two weeks, I've only thought and thought and contemplated and I've realised I was at fault.”
Taizi Dianxia’s eyes flickered. It was unusual of Mei Nianqing to express so much of his voice, let alone all of it at once. Perhaps the liquor had given Mei Nianqing much of the courage. Taizi Dianxia could only thank the liquor for having let him see this side of Mei Nianqing.
It was true, two weeks ago, the two of them had a minor quarrel. That day, he went to seek Mei Nianqing who was at the Imperial Library for almost three sichen. It turned out that Mei Nianqing had lost track of time as he studied there. But that was not the problem laid.
When Taizi Dianxia continued to sit there and pester him to leave with him to meet the other vassals and practice the sword, Mei Nianqing became rather upset and declined his offer. Despite Taizi Dianxia insisting multiple times, Mei Nianqing was stuck to his books and refused to spend time with him. Taizi Dianxia was not used to being declined so heartlessly and thus even he remarked a bad word to two and left without turning back.
They never quarreled before so it was quite complicated to say that it was a trivial matter. But Taizi Dianxia had never taken it much to heart anyway. He even thought Mei Nianqing must have forgotten all about it by then. After all, he had so many things in mind.
Was it necessary for such a formal apology? Taizi Dianxia was not certain. This was his first relationship. He had never done these sorts of things before.
He stood up as Mei Nianqing went up the stairs. The latter's eyes were fixed on the ground, as if he was afraid of the prior's response.
“Qing'er has all the rights to refuse us. We shall not take it to heart. He can come along with us when he wishes to and not if he does not wish to. It was our fault for insisting so persistently,” Taizi Dianxia admitted, “Would Qing’er forgive us?”
He extended hand towards Mei Nianqing who stood at the last stair. Mei Nianqing's lips curled into a visible smile as he lent his hand to Taizi Dianxia. The latter grasped him at once and pulled the prior towards himself.
Instantly, Mei Nianqing's body sunk into Taizi Dianxia's embrace.
At times like these, Mei Nianqing would either silently remain or try to push him away. But tonight, things were different.
Mei Nianqing ran through his robes and embraced him back.
Taizi Dianxia could feel his cheeks grow warm, yet far more warmer was his heart. The shadows of the candlelight flickered upon his face, but Taizi Dianxia's heart has exceeded that kind of fickle brightness.
“Qing’er did not say if he meant to forgive us,” Taizi Dianxia said. He wished to hear Mei Nianqing admit it with his own voice, or perhaps even scold him for keeping him in such turmoil for two whole weeks.
But Mei Nianqing's response differed from what he had imagined.
“It was not Your Highness’ fault at all. That day, I did not mean to push you away and quarrel about meaningless things. When Your Highness wished to kiss me, I wished to kiss him too but I refused because we were at the Imperial Library. I was afraid there would be other people there, as there are those shadow guards of His Highness and the whole of the Imperial Palace is full of His Majesty the Emperor’s informants. Only when I am with His Highness in a private place does my heart feel secure,” Mei Nianqing blabbered in his drunken voice, so drunk that he could probably not even differentiate between the night and day.
Hearing such frivolous words from Mei Nianqing was quite rare. Perhaps a bit of liquor was enough to change a man.
Taizi Dianxia chuckled, “Wait, so Qing'er means to say that we quarreled not for we insisted Qing’er to come and practice sword with us but because we insisted on kissing him?”
Mei Nianqing's back quickly straightened as he lifted up his head suddenly, hitting Taizi Dianxia's chin accidentally in the process.
Before Taizi Dianxia could even feel the throbbing sensation in his chin, Mei Nianqing quickly covered his own forehead with both of his hands. His eyebrows furrowed and tears brimmed his eyes. His skin was starkly a shade of bright crimson that Taizi Dianxia could easily detect even under the candlelight.
Mei Nianqing looked at Taizi Dianxia in such a manner as if it was the latter's fault for this injury and he was absolutely wronged.
“We did not mean to hurt Qing'er, let this Taizi check Qing'er's forehead,” Taizi Dianxia asked, “Does it hurt?”
“It hurts so much, Your Highness,” Mei Nianqing replied, biting his lower lip. Before this, the last time that Taizi Dianxia heard him admit his pains and sorrows was probably when they were little children. Liquor does truly render one truthful.
Mei Nianqing continued, “It feels so terribly wrong to love Your Highness from afar yet I can not but give in to such temptation. I understand that Your Highness' status far exceeds mine— or anyone else’s— and that I am but an unsightly man who is unworthy of any title that may let me stay by Your Highness’ side. I'm sorry, Your Highness, this servant is incompetent.”
“Nianqing is my most beloved vassal, if you call him incompetent then you shall be prepared to face the wrath of the heavens,” Taizi Dianxia joked as he cupped Mei Nianqing's face and planted a kiss on his forehead, “If there is a next life, we wish for Qing'er and us to be born just the same as we are now so that there is no universe where Qing'er can escape my affection.”
Mei Nianqing rubbed his forehead, “One life is tiresome enough.”
“We suppose one life with Qing'er is good too, an eternal one,” Taizi Dianxia claimed, “Once we ascend to heavens, we shall transcend the mortal way of thinking.”
Mei Nianqing interjected, “Ascension is not a simple matter as you say, Your Highness. There has been no—”
Taizi Dianxia placed his thumb on Mei Nianqing's lips and interrupted, “But we shall— we will ascend. And when we do, we shall also appoint Qing'er to be a god by my side. For eternity, we shall be together then, you and I.”
Mei Nianqing simply looked at his feet and did not respond. Taizi Dianxia understood that Mei Nianqing did not lend an ear to his heartfelt confession at all. What a pity.
But how could he blame him? Mei Nianqing was too intoxicated in wine to spare him any attention.
“Is Qing'er all right? Did he drink a lot?” Taizi Dianxia asked.
“No, not a lot,” Mei Nianqing replied.
“Then why does Qing'er ignore this Taizi’s sincere words of affection?” Taizi Dianxia asked playfully, holding Mei Nianqing's arm.
“This servant was in the duty of receiving guests on behalf of Taizi Dianxia,” Mei Nianqing said nonchalantly. His answer was not coordinated with the question in any way. And yet he dare claim he did not drink too much?
“Nianqing has worked with great efforts. Standing at the Great Receiving Hall must have rendered your feet weary. Have a seat,” Taizi Dianxia said as he pulled Mei Nianqing and helped him sit on the grande chair atop the podium.
If Mei Nianqing was sober, Taizi Dianxia would have an earful of why it was immoral for anyone else to sit in the place of which was reserved for the son of the heavens. But since he was so intoxicated with fine wine and drinks, he could not tell apart an ordinary chair from the Taizi's.
“Hadn't Qing’er always told me that alcohol clouds a man’s true judgment? Yet right now, isn't he the one who is intoxicated?” Taizi Dianxia teased.
Mei Nianqing’s eyebrows knitted, “While I was drinking at home, I was reminded of Your Highness and ran here all the way to convey my feelings. And yet Your Highness—”
Mei Nianqing bit his lower lip as he turned away out of disappointment.
Taizi Dianxia's most beloved vassal, Mei Nianqing, had the disposition of a true scholar— quiet, gentle and reticent. His emotions were always shrouded away behind the veil that his face was always adorned with. His indifferent voice that always recited the rules of conduct and mantra of cultivation, when intoxicated, sounded rather foreign to Taizi Dianxia.
He had never seen this side of him. He had never seen Mei Nianqing expressing all his thoughts directly the moment it occurred inside his head. He had never seen Mei Nianqing obeying his words without questioning him deliberately. He had never seen Mei Nianqing whose expressions changed drastically with every word he spoke, full of feelings.
Taizi Dianxia was so stunned by Mei Nianqing's sudden vulnerability that he was not sure what to respond with. Thus he stood there, silent, his cheeks growing warm.
Mei Nianqing broke the silence, “Your Highness may not care but I did not simply come here to convey my apologies but also to express my gratitude. This servant is aware that it was Taizi Dianxia who sent me dinner that night— when I was busy preparing for the banquet with the others.”
Mei Nianqing continued, “Xu Yiran said that it was he who brought those delicacies for Chen Yuanbai and I to savour but I am certain all those were royal delicacies. It tasted just the same as it does when I sit at the table sometimes with Your Highness. Your Highness thought of this servant, I am very grateful. I thank Your Highness for his graciousness.”
It happened the day right after their quarrel. Chen Yuanbai and Mei Nianqing were assigned the matters of preparing for tonight's banquet and thus they were busy with incessant toil to the point that they could not even spare time for lunch. That was until Xu Yiran went and rescued them out of the Heining Palace valiantly. He even brought some lunch along with him, which happened to be royal delicacies.
That idiot, Xu Yiran! Clearly, Taizi Dianxia had told him repeatedly not to make any mistake that would make Mei Nianqing realise that the lunch was sent by him!
Oh lord, was there at least one person who could obey the orders as given!?
Taizi Dianxia held back his sigh. He could not afford to lose his face twice. The disappointment in a gentleman’s heart was never to be seen upon his face.
Thus, with a strengthened heart he said, “Qing’er expresses his apologies and gratitude through his words but not sincerely enough as through his lips.”
Mei Nianqing tilted his head with a look of confusion. Perhaps the wordplay was too complicated for a wasted man.
Taizi Dianxia grinned and said no more. His words only meant to tease him and he did not expect anything in return.
Mei Nianqing opened his arms silently, perhaps asking Taizi Dianxia for an embrace. He had never been so openly affectionate so Taizi Dianxia was in turmoil whether to embrace him or send him back to his chambers. Otherwise, would Mei Nianqing be upset with him the next day?
If Mei Nianqing was sober, he would remind him how uncouth it would be for a Taizi to lose his cool over such a simple matter. He would say things like ‘If Taizi Dianxia is easily moved by worldly trinkets then that could herald danger to Dianxia’s life. A true gentleman never yields before his temptations and instead, he persists.’
But hadn't they been lovers for so long? Couldn't the Taizi at least have one embrace from his beloved?
Thus, Taizi Dianxia placed either of his hands on the armrests of the chair and leaned into Mei Nianqing, as if a moth sinking into a cradle of fire for he seeks warmth and burns within it.
Instantly, Mei Nianqing planted a kiss on Taizi Dianxia's lips as his arms slithered around the latter's neck and hugged him tightly. Taizi Dianxia's knee pressed between Mei Nianqing's legs onto the chair.
His eyes twinkled, his lips craving the warmth he just now felt.
Taizi Dianxia tried to pull apart from the embrace but Mei Nianqing was quite reluctant.
“Isn’t Qing'er afraid that his strong grip might leave us breathless?” Taizi Dianxia chuckled.
Mei Nianqing retracted his hands and pulled Taizi Dianxia by the collars of his robes instead. His face looked awfully red, despite the candlelight painting everything in the chamber yellow.
But Taizi Dianxia did not even budge. Mei Nianqing's eyebrows furrowed. He tried to pull him again. But he couldn't.
Taizi Dianxia did not need to exert any effort to resist Mei Nianqing's force. As he was done laughing at Mei Nianqing's antics, he leaned forward again. But this act was unprecedented by Mei Nianqing who stood up and leaned in at the same time.
Their lips clashed with great force, mostly due to Mei Nianqing's sudden enthusiasm, causing their teeth to accidentally collide as well.
Immediately, they pulled apart. Mei Nianqing took a step back and rubbed his lower face as he sunk into the chair again. Yet again, he looked at Taizi Dianxia with a grimace, as if this was all his fault to begin with.
Taizi Dianxia covered his lower half of the face with his hand as well, distancing himself from the chair. Oh, this was tragically painful. He was a cultivator and a Taizi, naturally he had faced physical hardships, but this kind of pain was rather inexplicable. He was rather worried for Mei Nianqing whose face grew redder by the time.
Perhaps Taizi Dianxia had also grown drunk by the dregs of the wine that remained on Mei Nianqing's lips. Otherwise, why was he behaving so impulsively tonight?
Taizi Dianxia pursed his lips. Tonight, the air was warm and the moon was bright. Mei Nianqing, who sat in front of him, smiled and laughed. They had been lovers for more than a year. Taizi Dianxia never felt that his feelings wavered even once. Never. He had loved Mei Nianqing deeply and truly and so very affectionately.
Slowly, the pain vanished as Mei Nianqing's giggles filled his ears. Taizi Dianxia smiled back.
“Your Highness is so beautiful,” Mei Nianqing commented happily, “So utterly handsome, valiant and has the most upright character.”
He extended his arm, as if for Taizi Dianxia to hold and said, “The feelings within my heart burn as though flames, Your Highness. They always have persisted through droughts and downpours, not wavering even once. Does Your Highness feel the same way?”
Taizi Dianxia held Mei Nianqing's hand that was offered and nodded. He said, “Qing’er reads our mind.”
“It has always felt this way— this burning sensation within my chest that appears at times… when I see Your Highness looks at me, when he smiles at me and when… he holds me— It has always… been there… like this… which I have quite cherished, this feeling, yes… Yet tonight, I don't feel… the same… Your Highness,” Mei Nianqing uttered, his eyes seeming distant.
His words were rather uncoordinated. Taizi Dianxia was left puzzled.
Mei Nianqing placed Taizi Dianxia's hand on his cheek and said, “Tonight, these flames burn my very body— Yet it does not kill me. Does Your Highness know if passion… is meant to be so painful? I want… Your Highness to… look at me— It has been so many days and days and days and…so many… Your Highness… hasn't looked at me for so long. And I haven't seen him… I'm sorry, Your Highness… I shouldn’t have quarreled with you… I like Your Highness as he is… I like everything about him.”
Taizi Dianxia felt a strange ache in his chest.
‘Does Your Highness know if passion… is meant to be so painful?’
How could he respond to him? He had never felt this way either.
Taizi Dianxia quickly leaned in and embraced Mei Nianqing, covering the latter's body with his own. Mei Nianqing's arms lightly clung onto the back of his robes. The moonlight entered through the window and bathed his face.
“I like Qing'er too. I like him,” Taizi Dianxia whispered, “A lot.”
These simple words were heavy tonight, each syllable pronounced with great weight. A lover's sincere vow far exceeded the weight of any other words.
“Your Highness…” Mei Nianqing muttered.
As the night deepened, the moonlight grew brighter. In the study chamber, the two lovers embraced for quite a long time. Neither of them wished to pull apart first. The soft petals of the orchids and plum blossoms entered through the window. But the two lovers paid heed to none but each other.
When Taizi Dianxia finally pulled apart reluctantly, his eyes fell upon Mei Nianqing who was now fast asleep. His snores were soft and almost silent. He had never seemed so gentle and loving as he did then. His eyebrows rested peacefully, his mouth slightly agape.
Taizi Dianxia's lips naturally turned into a smile. Perhaps no cradle was as warm as a lover's arms.
喓喓草虫，
Anxiously chirps the cicada,
趯趯阜螽；
Restlessly skips the grasshopper;
未见君子，
Before I saw my lord,
忧心忡忡。
My heart was ill at ease.
亦既见止，
But now that I have seen him,
亦既觏止，
Now that I have met him,
我心则降。
My heart is at rest.
-君梅-
It was only the next morning when Taizi Dianxia found out that last night, it was Xu Yiran who asked Mei Nianqing to drink along with him and passed out first. Taizi Dianxia did not seem very happy about it. Under mysterious circumstances, Xu Yiran was sent to the Nobel Minister Wu’s manor for investigation purposes on behalf of the Taizi.
—Fin.