Work Text:
Mafuyu hadn’t been too sure how to feel about her. She asked a lot from him. She promised things she may not deliver. It was a curious relationship, that the two of them had. It was interesting enough to make him want to stick around.
She made him smile again after a long, long time.
Everything became more complicated after he got sick. She must have picked him up on his way home, because he barely remembers anything after taking a moment to rest outside. And he’d been so, so tired…
He’d woken up in her room, to her petting his hair. It was so unfair. He’d probably sounded incoherent, since he could barely think, but… but…… it only makes it worse, that he was impressionable, that he was delirious. She reminds him of his mom, the way she treated him so tenderly, caring for him like he deserved it.
Stupid. Because even though he’d still been unsure around her, he couldn’t stop himself from melting under her kindness. He’d been acting irrational from his fever, of course. He can barely even remember what he said to her that day.
He knows he begged her to stay close. He wishes he hadn’t been weak.
She held his hand and whispered sweet nothings as he lay there. He remembers with perfect clarity the warmth, the peace, the calm that soothed his body as he fell asleep. His heart had filled with love, and it latched onto her. To his sick, feverish, mind, she was an angel.
…Horrifyingly, that perception hasn’t fully vanished. Mafuyu can’t really bring himself to doubt her anymore; in his heart, he knows that she’s someone he can trust. It’s infuriating.
It had been so easy when they were just two people on either side of a screen.
When they met face to face for the first time, she’d claimed at first that this… this , was all just for her own conscience. Because it would weigh on her forever if Mafuyu ended up disappearing for good.
Now that things have changed, it’s obvious that’s no longer a good enough excuse. She really does care. And Mafuyu still can’t say how it happened. The thought of showing concern for a thoroughly tiresome person like himself is so ludicrous, it makes him want to laugh.
But… but she does it anyway. He desperately wants to know. Why?
At this point, he’s almost scared of her, because he hates how much he needs her. Yes, he can admit it. He wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for her. And at this point, he wouldn’t be able to keep going without her, either.
You’re haunted by your past too, he wants to scream. You’re not supposed to be like this! How do you have the energy to spare for someone like me? How do you keep going?!
Sometimes, he wishes he could just squeeze the life out of her. He dreams of crushing her neck in both hands, waiting for the moment her pulse finally starts to slow.
When he sees her, though, in the flesh, he only wants to collapse into her arms. It’s so pathetic he could cry.
It’s even more pathetic that he’ll never be able to get what he wants.
There isn’t really a point to all of this. They’ll stay together anyway. He just can’t help but hate the both of them for it.
He loathes these new feelings, the person he becomes around her. Most of all, though, he wishes more than anything that he could hold her hand again. All he’s ever wanted is to be loved, and he can’t tear himself away once he’s been shown a taste.
Mafuyu doesn’t think he’s ever been in love before, but dear God, he hopes this isn’t it.