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The room is quiet, save for the soft sounds from Kenma's PSP, and the occasional page turning from Kuroo. They're across from each other on Kenma's bed, Kuroo sitting up against the headboard, and Kenma lying on his stomach, chin tucked over a pillow, his arms around it with the PSP in front of him. It's a lazy afternoon, with rain falling gently against the window pane, rolls of distant thunder interspersed between the pitter-patter. It wasn't raining when Kuroo first came over, but once it started he didn't complain, simply replaced his volleyball with a textbook and asked Kenma if it was all right if he studied.
It was strange; Kuroo never really asks permission to do anything, he simply does things and Kenma allows it because he never minds. But something feels different about today. There's a tension to Kuroo that tells Kenma he wants to say something, or ask something, but he's nervous. It's rare for Kuroo to be nervous around Kenma, so he isn't sure what to do about it. So instead of bringing it up, Kenma sneaks glances toward him throughout their time spent together, waiting.
Finally Kuroo sighs and leans his head back against the wall. Kenma peeks over at him through his hair but doesn't stop playing his game. It's one he's played before, so his thumbs move automatically.
"I was just thinking . . . I'm going to university soon," Kuroo starts absently, staring up at the ceiling.
He doesn't say anything else for a moment, but Kenma waits patiently, knowing Kuroo will get around to whatever he wants to say eventually. He turns his eyes back to the game for a particularly difficult combo, smiling faintly when he successfully executes it.
"It feels like it kind of crept up on me, you know? There were things I still wanted to do while in high school. Experience that cool high school life, you know? But I've been so busy with studying and volleyball . . . shit, I haven't even been to a high school party."
"You always say high school parties are where students go to let their brain cells die," Kenma points out. "You always cite Bokuto as an example."
Kuroo laughs under his breath, lowering his head with a faint grin. "I know, but I mean . . . it's supposed to be a rite of passage, isn't it? Where you have your first drink, smoke your first cigarette, get your first kiss . . ."
"You don't want to drink or smoke or kiss anyone," Kenma says, thinking Kuroo's not making any sense. "You always talk about the chemicals in alcohol and cigarettes that are bad for you and how nobody on the team should touch that stuff while they're playing or you'll kick their asses." He pauses, glancing over at him again in his peripheral. "And you've never mentioned wanting to kiss anyone before."
"Kenma, please, I'm trying to make a point," Kuroo says, looking aggrieved.
"What point?"
"I don't want to go to college without ever having done anything memorable in my teenage years."
"But you're still—"
"Kenma."
Kenma pauses his game, turning his head to look at Kuroo more fully. That's when he notices the way he's chewing on his lip, brows furrowed slightly over eyes that look worried.
"If you want to say something, Kuro, just say it."
"I want to kiss you."
Kenma blinks.
Kuroo rubs the back of his neck, looking away. "Just for the experience! So I can say I did something cool and exciting when I look back on my high school years."
Kenma blinks again. "I'm not sure kissing me will be cool or exciting . . ." He looks away, not sure why his stomach feels fluttery. He's never really thought about kissing Kuroo before. He wonders if it'd be nice or just weird. Glancing back, he studies Kuroo's lips. They're always bitten and chewed (an anxious habit Kuroo's never quite been able to shake), but they're nicely shaped.
"I won't know unless I try," Kuroo reasons. "And I . . . I'm not really close enough to anyone else to ask . . ." He pauses before grimacing slightly. "Sorry! I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable or anything. We can just forget it. Never mind."
Kenma rolls his eyes, sitting up with a sigh. He sets his PSP aside, crossing his legs, as he looks over at Kuroo.
"It's fine."
Kuroo stares at him, his eyes widening. "Are you sure?"
Kenma nods. He doesn’t really get it, but if Kuroo wants to kiss him just so he can say he didn't finish high school without one . . . well, it's a small enough thing that Kenma isn't bothered. He figures it'll be over quickly, and he can return to his game and Kuroo will feel better about himself.
He's just helping out his best friend. It's fine.
Still, Kuroo seems nervous, as he pushes his book aside and scoots closer to Kenma on the bed. He lifts his hand, and his fingers move almost tenderly over Kenma's cheek to brush his hair behind his ear. Kenma can feel the slight tremble in them, and he reaches up to take Kuroo's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
You don’t have to be nervous with me . . .
Kuroo breathes a shaky sigh, and one side of his mouth lifts in a crooked half-smile. "Sorry if I screw it up."
Kenma stares. "It's not like I'll have anything to compare it to," he reasons. It's his first kiss too, after all.
Kuroo blinks. "Oh. Right." A faint blush colors his cheeks. "Er, okay. I'm going in now."
Kenma snorts, fighting a laugh. Kuroo starts in surprise, before he laughs too, though his is rather sheepish.
"Stop it. I'm trying to take this seriously."
"You're over-thinking it."
"Well! This is kind of a momentous occasion for the both of us!"
Kenma rolls his eyes. "Not really. It's just a kiss."
"A first kiss."
"So?"
"So . . ." Kuroo looks down at their hands, slowly running his thumb over Kenma's knuckles. "I want it to be special."
Kenma feels goosebumps travel up his arm. He stares down at Kuroo's thumb, not sure why it feels like his stomach has hollowed out, and his chest feels shivery. He frowns faintly. This is weird. He's never felt this way around Kuroo before. There's this strange sort of anxious energy vibrating through him. With Kuroo this close, he can smell his shampoo (a clean, fresh scent), and the faint sharpness of his cologne. Kenma knows he dabs just a little on his neck and the space between his collarbones. He always smells good (well, except maybe after rigorous volleyball practice), but it always makes Kenma feel warm and safe, not like he's about to spontaneously combust.
He lifts his gaze to find Kuroo watching him, and he has that tender look in his eyes that he often does whenever he looks at Kenma and thinks Kenma isn't looking back. Kenma's always associated that affection with their close friendship, but now . . .
"Why?" he asks before he can stop himself.
Kuroo tilts his head to the side. "We deserve a special first kiss, don’t we? Like, I mean, in general . . ."
It's just a kiss.
It doesn't mean anything's changing or has to change. Kuroo's right though. Kenma's not entirely sure for himself, but Kuroo at least deserves a special first kiss. It makes him wonder why Kuroo wanted to have it with him then. Wouldn't he prefer a girl? He says he's not close enough to anyone else to ask, but wouldn't he rather wait for that special moment with a special someone so that it means something? Kuroo's always been a romantic like that.
"Kenma."
Kenma blinks, pulling his thoughts back into the present. Kuroo's watching him closely, gaze sharp and intense on his face. Kenma feels his cheeks warm, and his eyes skitter to the side.
"If you don’t want to do this, that's okay," Kuroo continues softly.
Kenma glances back at him with a faint frown. He said it was fine, didn't he? Reaching up with his free hand, he wraps it around the back of Kuroo's neck, pulling his face closer. Kuroo seems surprised, but he moves willingly, and Kenma meets him halfway to press his lips lightly against his.
A shudder runs through Kuroo, and he moves his own free hand to Kenma's side. Kenma tilts his head and presses more firmly, parting his lips slightly so that they fit between Kuroo's, sliding into place neatly. It takes a moment, but then Kuroo is pushing back, his mouth gentle yet with an eagerness that causes Kenma's heart to beat faster automatically.
He pulls away then, unsure of how he feels about this. Is a kiss between friends supposed to make his skin feel hot and tingly? Is he supposed to feel like he can't breathe, while his face burns like it's been set on fire?
Kuroo's lips are still parted, slightly damp now. He opens his eyes slowly to look back at Kenma, and the expression in them is hard to read. He doesn't seem puzzled the way Kenma is. The hand on Kenma's side moves to the small of his back, and Kenma finds himself being guided onto his back, his head hitting the mattress with a slight bounce, as Kuroo hovers over him.
Kenma swallows hard, his heart pounding in his throat. His mind is spinning, unable to take hold of a single coherent thought, and Kuroo hesitates, almost like he's waiting for permission. Their joined hands lie beside them on the mattress, and Kuroo slowly shifts his fingers so that they're laced through Kenma's.
"Why?" he asks again, his voice sounding small and breathless. Why do I feel like this? Why does my heart feel like it's about to burst? Why did you choose me?
Kuroo inhales slowly, his gaze wandering over Kenma's face. "I think . . . I'm in love with you, Kenma."
Kenma blinks rapidly. He thinks over everything that's happened over the past year or so, he remembers every look, every touch, every smile. Things begin to fall into place in his mind; confusing situations suddenly make perfect sense. Clarity fills him, and he realizes with the tightening of his chest that the only thing he feels in response to that is relief.
He moves his hand from Kuroo's neck up into his hair. He grips the strands gently, pulling Kuroo down to him for another kiss. Kuroo moves willingly, and he braces himself on his elbow, his lips moving against Kenma's leisurely. Kenma lifts his head off the mattress in order to deepen the kiss. He opens his mouth, nudging Kuroo's with his tongue. Kuroo pauses for a moment, before parting his lips, allowing Kenma to lick inside him. It's warm and wet, and Kuroo's tongue feels squishy and strange against his, but it makes pleasant shivers run through him.
Kuroo's body is close to his, but not oppressive. Kenma always thought that if someone ever got this close to him he'd hate it, that he'd feel trapped and panicked, but he doesn't. Kuroo's scent surrounds him, reminding him of home. He feels safe, comfortable, like he could lie here kissing Kuroo for hours.
Kuroo's hair tickles his face, and they bump noses a couple times, as the kiss grows heated. Kuroo murmurs against his lips, and Kenma finds himself nibbling gently on Kuroo's lower one, which causes Kuroo to groan softly. The sound burns through Kenma's veins, and he's finding it difficult to breathe, but not in a bad way.
Finally Kuroo pulls back, but instead of stopping completely, he starts placing tiny kisses along Kenma's jaw. He follows the line of it to his ear, before nuzzling him there and taking Kenma's earlobe between his teeth. Kenma gasps softly at the sensation, his entire body feeling flushed. Kuroo moves again after a moment, kissing down the line of Kenma's neck. Something that sounds like a whimper escapes him, and he squeezes his lips together tightly to keep it from sounding again.
Kuroo leans away then, looking down at Kenma with glassy eyes and a face just as flushed as Kenma feels. Kenma stares back at him, not sure what to say now. This wasn't at all what he was expecting, and he feels different somehow. Things feel different.
But not in a bad way.
"Kenma, I—"
Kenma moves his hand from Kuroo's hair to place it over his mouth, cutting him off.
"It's fine," he assures him quietly. It's more than fine, but Kenma feels hazy and unsure how to express that more than he already has.
Kuroo sighs, flopping down on top of him completely then, burying his face in Kenma's neck. Kenma strokes his hair slowly, moving his hand down to his back then to rub small circles against it. Their hands are still laced together beside them, and Kenma gives Kuroo's a firm squeeze.
It's strange to see Kuroo in this new light, yet Kenma realizes it was probably only a matter of time, considering how close they already are.
He knows he loves Kuroo (of course he does), and the prospect of being in love . . . it really does seem cool and exciting.
It's like a new level has been unlocked, a special one that he can explore and experience with his best friend, his home, his entire universe.
He looks forward to it.