Work Text:
Josh never liked bullet points. He never liked the
order
.
He only liked recklessness, he liked crying at 3am and the colour of cigarette ashes. Josh never liked school because school was order, and JosH DID NOT LIKE
ORDER.
Josh did not like the iambic pentameter or the concept of single file. Josh liked holes in walls and bloody noses. Josh liked to feel bad, because he felt happy when he was sad. He felt like some sort of contradiction.
And so what if, every day, the window sill on his thirtieth story apartment looked prettier and more welcoming? It would just add to
order
if he was to ignore it. Josh did noT LI
K
E
OR
DER.
Josh liked getting so drunk, he couldn’t feel his hands, and wallowing in self pity. Josh liked to wallow because it rhymed with hollow and, therefore, it rhymed with him.
Josh liked messes, he liked catastrophes, so maybe that’s why he fell for Tyler. The boy with messy hair and a catastrophe of a mind. Tyler was a disaster waiting to happen.
Tyler was falling apart by the seams, but he’s not quite sure where the holes are. He wishes he could find them and patch them up. From an outsider’s view, Josh could clearly see where his stuffing was starting to fall out. Neither of them, however, knew how to sew, so they remained gaping on Tyler’s left side, his wrists, his neck, his right ankle.
Tyler was asymmetrical. Maybe that added to the charm.
Josh wanted to die in the worst way possible. He wanted a grimy, sad, lonely, prolonged death and, frankly, he had no idea why. He didn’t really want to die. He wanted to be happy. But there was this part of his mind, somewhere around his cerebellum, telling him that that was what he deserved, what he needed. Josh thinks that that part of him took control at some point.
Josh told Tyler that, at his funeral, he wanted something to go wrong. He didn’t want it to be
orderly
. Tyler promised Josh that he would graffiti his gravestone. That was the night Josh told Tyler he loved him. Tyler didn’t tell him back.
At four on a Sunday morning, Josh took an entire bottle of Advil and chugged half a bottle of vodka. He didn’t say goodbye to anyone because that would have been
orderly.
Josh never liked
ORDER.
The mortician dressed Josh in a suit for his funeral. He got laid down in a beautiful mahogany casket. It was all very
orderly.
A couple months after the funeral, Tyler visited the cemetery where he laid. He brought a can of spray paint with him.