Work Text:
And your face is paler than the moon
A sight I won't forget
Now I'm looking down on your rare glimpse
And know I failed the test
It’s dark in the room. Geoff stares at his laptop screen, rereading the email he’s been sent by Trevor. Again. And again. And again. It’s almost like the words don’t register.
Trevor has personally given him what feels like his permission to work full time on Yes’ new album, which he’s producing. Trevor Horn. Inviting him. He doesn’t even know when the last time Trevor has ever invited him to anything was. On one hand, Geoff gets to do something with him again, on the other…
It’s really making him think too much.
They’re pulling old demos from all the way back in the eighties out of the woodwork for this new album. They're reworking them for the new release. Him and Trevor! Working on songs again! It almost feels like the old days, except this time…
Except this time he doesn’t get to spend any time with the man. He reads the email again . It’s nothing special even, just Trevor asking him what he thinks of a demo on an attached file. But it drives Geoff fucking crazy that Trevor is so close to him now, yet still so far out of reach. He wants to work verbally with him again. He sighs, cursing himself as he picks up his phone to try to find the damn phone number…
Eventually he finds it. The number and Trevor’s contact photo, staring him in the face. With almost shaking hands, he dials. He’s a grown fucking man who shouldn’t be so nervous when calling the man he’s literally doing professional work with, but…
It rings all the way through, eventually going to voicemail. Dammit, I don’t want voicemail. He hangs up and calls again.
It rings five times until he finally picks up. “Who is this?"
Geoff’s heart sinks a bit at the fact that Trevor obviously did not keep his number saved. But his voice, his sweet voice, deeper now than it used to be, has him falling head over heels all over again.
“It’s- it’s Geoff,” he squeaks, suddenly forgetting what he even wanted to say.
“Geoff.” It’s almost like Geoff can hear Trevor rolling his eyes over the phone. “What’s with the calls? Did something happen?”
Geoff freezes. “No, nothing, I- just want to hear the sound of your voice…” He’s babbling like a lovesick schoolgirl after all these years and he can’t stop.
A pause. “Geoff, I need to be honest with you, we really, really can’t do this again. I’ve given you so many chances. Every single time you’ve run away from how you really feel. It’s been so many years and you can just never seem to accept yourself. I’ve moved on, alright? We both have bigger things to move onto, bigger ambitions than this. Please, just save us both the grief this time. We have an album to finish.”
Geoff grips the phone at his ear like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded. So many words he leaves unsaid to himself and Trevor, he knows deep down nothing is going to change his mind. There’s an inkling of truth to his words, but Geoff would admit that over his dead body. He wishes this time it could be more than just a creative partnership. He’ll say it to himself, he’s always loved Trevor and he always will. He’ll never be truly satisfied until he can have him again.
“Can I at least see you again? Just us two?”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Geoff?” It’s like Trevor has him under a spotlight, his true desires on display. “For both of our sakes?”
“I just want to see you outside of work again, one more time, I don’t know, in case something happens.” He’s sputtering and stumbling over his words. He needs just one more time to mentally catalogue the sound of Trevor’s voice accompanying his lips moving, his smile, his demeanor, before his older memories begin to fail him.
Another agonizingly long pause follows. Trevor eventually sighs deep, Geoff can picture in his mind the look on his face and his body language. He knows him well enough. “Alright. Meet me Friday at 12, at the Giocondo. But please, don’t get your hopes up, Geoff. Please cut me a break this time.”
The call ends.
Geoff falls back onto the couch, staring at the ceiling, holding his mobile to his chest. Fuck, it has his heart fluttering to hear Trevor’s voice again, let alone the fact that he’s even entertaining the idea of seeing him in person in such a way. And the meeting point. The Giocondo. They used to go there all the time in the old days, when they were younger and more carefree…
He’s sure Trevor has done that on purpose. Despite everything, in spite of everything he’s said about not wanting to try again, maybe there’s still a chance, he thinks…
Geoff closes his eyes. “I still love you,” he mouths silently, to no one, thoughts of what’s to come floating in his consciousness. It's been so long since he's done anything with Trevor like this, he can't fuck it up this time, he vows to himself.