Chapter Text
Despite his appearance and personality, Bakugou Katsuki didn’t do drugs. Hell, he didn’t fuck with alcohol either.
He might look like a delinquent, but that didn’t mean he was a delinquent. He was nearly top of his class and dead set on being valedictorian. He didn’t have time to do drugs or loiter on a street corner till old women reported him to the police.
He was angry and brash, but he was still going to become the number one Pro Hero.
Then Kamino happened.
Kamino happened, and that somehow led to Katsuki currently walking around a convenience store with his hood firmly over his head.
Not only did Kamino practically turn him into a walking exhibition, it did something that he absolutely hated.
It made him nervous .
Katsuki’s shaking hands were pressed firmly into his hoodie’s pocket, his fake ID clutched tightly in his fist.
There was a constant thrumming anxiety locked in his chest at all times, muscles constantly tense and ready just in case they come back he had to move.
The cashier was eyeing him, and Katsuki pretended to browse the snack aisle for a few minutes.
He knew what he was feeling wasn’t healthy, and he knew it wasn’t sustainable, but no matter what he did it just wouldn’t go away .
He was constantly on the verge of a breakdown and didn’t know how to stop it.
He picked up a bag of trail mix that caught his attention.
Meditation didn’t work, exercising didn’t work, he even bought one of those stupid adult coloring books which just made him feel ridiculous.
He walked up to the counter, trail mix clenched so tightly in his hand that he could feel some of the nuts inside of it crumble.
When he looked online for any type of relief, there was a single thing that at least one person said.
He cleared his throat, and put the trail mix on the counter.
“This and a pack of Seven Stars,” Katsuki said as confidently as he could muster.
The cashier scanned the trail mix, then looked him up and down.
“I’m gonna need to see an ID, sir,” the cashier said, and Katsuki very calmly handed over his fake ID.
The cashier scanned it, then raised an eyebrow.
“Bakugou Katsuki?” the cashier said, “Aren’t you the kid who got—”
Katsuki snatched the ID from the cashier’s hand and ran out of the store.
He ran until he reached UA, tucking the fake ID under his phone case. He calmly walked up to the gates, letting the security guard scan his—real—student ID before speed walking to the dorms. It was dark out, the only lights being the street lamps dotted along the walkway and the crescent moon.
That was the fourth store he had gone to this week.
The dorm building loomed ominously over him, and he hesitated in front of the door.
His heart started beating faster, staring at the shiny golden doorknob. It was mocking him, it was the same fucking color as Dabi’s staples. Katsuki had never noticed it before. How could he have missed this? Was this a ploy? Why was it the same color? Did Katsuki miss something?
Anxiety churned in his stomach, and he felt like he was going to vomit.
It was just a doorknob, right? But what if—
The door flew open, and Katsuki slammed his ignited palm into whatever just came out of it.
He heard a cry of surprise and stumbled back, hands popping with more explosions as he tried to see through the smoke, eyes wide and crazed because of course, they were waiting for him, the knob was a ploy to get him to—
“Yo, Bakugou, you okay?”
Katsuki realized he wasn’t breathing and gasped for air, staring dumbly at Kirishima. He was holding a gray trash bag, looking at him in concern.
“You look really freaked out, dude,” Kirishima said, “You should probably sit down somewhere.”
Katsuki blinked, then blinked again, then stiffly pushed Kirishima out of the way and stomped into the dorms.
His breath came out in wheezes, heart pounding in his chest as he stumbled up the stairs to his room.
If there were people in the common room he didn’t notice, the anxiety coiled in his gut getting more and more intense until he was running through the hallways, bursting into his dorm and rushing to the connected bathroom. He fell to his knees and threw up in the toilet.
He gagged until nothing came out, his meager breakfast of two slices of toast regurgitated into the toilet and wasted. It was the most he had eaten in days. He inhaled shakily, the taste of bile burning the back of his throat. He pressed his head against the cold porcelain, squeezing his eyes shut.
He couldn’t keep doing this.
He forced himself up and stumbled to the sink after flushing the toilet.
He didn’t look at his reflection as he washed his mouth out and brushed his teeth.
He didn’t bother getting changed out of his jeans, just emptying out his pockets onto his desk and collapsing onto the bed.
He curled up on his side and stared at the wall.
He had become very acquainted with this part of the wall specifically. He knew all the dents and smudges by heart, could identify it from feel alone.
He rolled over and grabbed his phone.
He navigated to his Notes app and crossed out the drugstore he had gone to. It joined the list of the twenty stores he had visited and failed to get what he wanted.
His fingers found his contacts for some reason and he scrolled through them. He frowned at the pathetically small amount of numbers saved.
He paused when he saw one of them.
“Smokestack?” he read out loud.
Who the fuck was—
He sucked in a breath.
Kariage.
Fucking Kariage .
From middle school.
Kariage, who almost always had a lit cigarette in his hand.
Katsuki got an idea.
It was stupid. Kariage probably didn’t even remember who he was, let alone want to hang out with him.
The last time they had even spoken was the Sludge villain, and that was a can of worms Katsuki was not interested in opening until he was 30 and in therapy.
He clicked on the contact.
Apparently the two of them had never texted before, and he was met with a blank chat box.
He bit his lip.
How would he even ask ?
His hands were shaking as he typed out a message.
To: Smokestack
Teach me how to smoke cigarettes.
There was a pause, and Katsuki stiffened when a Read receipt appeared. Bubbles popped up, disappeared, then popped up again.
From: Smokestack
Kats?
To: Smokestack
Don’t call me that, asshole. I’m free tomorrow night.
Five very, very long minutes passed, and Katsuki was about to block Kariage’s number and never think about him ever again until his phone buzzed.
From: Smokestack
Fuck it why not. Meet at the bench at 9
To: Smokestack
Whatever.
Katsuki shut off his phone and placed it on his nightstand, rolled onto his back, and stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night.
////----\\\\
The next day passed in a haze. It was like he wasn’t even there, mind fuzzy and blank. All he could think about was Kariage. How was the boy doing now? How much had changed? Would it be awkward? Would Kariage expect Katsuki to bring his own cigarettes? Why the fuck did he do this this was so stupid, he could feel the nervousness start to build in his chest.
“Hey, Blasty,” Ashido said, “What has you thinking so hard?”
Katsuki’s head whipped up, forehead nearly colliding with Ashido’s nose. “What?”
He looked around and realized he was sitting at a lunch table with an uneaten sandwich in front of him. His idiots were looking at him in concern, and he quickly waved them off.
“I’m fucking fine,” he grunted, “Leave me alone.”
He barely held back a flinch when Kirishima put a hand on his shoulder. “You haven’t been doing too well, Bakubro. What’s going on with you?”
“Just leave it, Kirishima!” Katsuki snapped, and the table fell silent.
They were worried about him for some reason, like Katsuki couldn’t take care of himself, which he was doing just fine .
He was shaking, and they must have seen something on his face because Kaminari said, “Did you guys watch the Game Awards?”
“Yes, and they were rigged!” Sero replied.
The conversation quickly floated away from Katsuki’s mental state, but the anxiety didn’t fade.
It stayed in his chest as he got dressed to “go to his parents’ house”. He decided to go with a simple hoodie and jeans, and strolled out the door while pretending like he wasn’t about to do drugs for the first time in his life.
It didn’t take him long to get to the bench Kariage had referred to. It was a small bench, tucked against a tree, hidden by the shadow of a streetlamp. There was a bush next to it that covered most of it from the prying eye. It was the spot he and his lackeys used to frequent in middle school.
The trees made him nervous, rustling quietly and filling Katsuki with dread.
There was someone sitting on the bench when he reached it, and they looked up as he approached.
“Kats,” Kariage said, and the two of them scanned each other silently.
Kariage still had that undercut, his hair slightly more curly than Katsuki had remembered. He had a handful of piercings studded in his ears and dark circles under his eyes. He was wearing a leather jacket, a nondescript black shirt, cargo pants with that fucking chain that Katsuki hated and will always hate, and a pair of combat boots.
“You look like a fucking Hot Topic employee,” Katsuki said, and Kariage laughed in surprise. He patted the seat next to him.
Katsuki sat down.
“So,” Kariage said after a few moments of silence, “You want me to teach you how to smoke?”
Katsuki refused to be embarrassed. “Yeah. So?”
Kariage raised an eyebrow, but reached into his pocket and took out a pack of cigarettes. “Just seems a bit…out of character.”
Neither of them mentioned middle school.
“You always talked about how smoking calms you down, or whatever,” Katsuki said, “I want to see if you’re a lying asshole or not.”
“The great Bakugou Katsuki wants to calm down?” Kariage asked doubtfully, and Katsuki snarled at him.
“If you’re not going to help me, I’ll fucking leave,” he growled, and Kariage raised his hands in peace. His knuckles were split, and a smudge of blue ink was on his thumb.
“Sorry, sorry,” he said. He offered the small box, the top open and revealing a few cigarettes. It was already half empty.
Katsuki hesitantly took one out of the box. He held it awkwardly between his fingers as he stared at it for what was probably a bit too long.
“Are you gonna light it?” Kariage asked
“Light it with what?” Katsuki snapped, and Kariage raised an eyebrow.
“Your quirk, Kats.”
Katsuki’s face heated up in embarrassment and he quickly looked away. “Shut the fuck up, Smokestack.”
He sparked the hand not holding the cigarette to clean it off, small explosions popping across his palm like firecrackers. The glow lit up their faces for a moment, and Katsuki glanced at Kariage.
He was watching Katsuki with an unreadable expression, eyes glinting with an unknown emotion.
“What?” Katsuki snapped.
“Nothing, nothing,” Kariage said, “Continue.”
Katsuki refused to acknowledge the fact that he was shaking and sparked his index finger as he pressed it to the end of the cigarette.
It caught, the end glowing faintly before a thin trail of smoke started to leak from it.
“Great!” Kariage said. He slipped a cigarette out of the pack he had placed on the bench and held it up. He positioned it between his index and middle finger. “Hold it like this, then inhale through it.”
Katsuki mimicked Kariage’s stance and stared at the cigarette.
After a moment's hesitation, he brought it up to his lips, the orange tip facing towards himself.
It was just a cigarette, he’s seen people smoke them all the time. It couldn’t be that hard, right?
He inhaled, and immediately started to choke, dropping the cigarette as he coughed and sputtered around the smoke coming from his mouth. His throat burned as his lungs spasmed, desperately trying to rid itself of the tainted air.
“Congratulations!” Kariage said happily over Katsuki’s wheezes, “You just smoked your first cigarette! I’m so proud.”
“The fuck was that?” Katsuki rasped once he could breathe again. He rubbed his throat, avoiding the back of his neck.
Kariage snorted. “What did you expect? Did you think you could just become a chain smoker right off the bat? You’re breathing in something that’s gonna kill you in thirty years.”
Katsuki scowled. “Fuck off.”
Kariage lit his own cigarette with a small black lighter, its design hidden by his hand. He took a long drag and blew it in Katsuki’s face.
“Don’t worry,” he said as Katsuki batted the cloud away, “We’ll get you addicted in no time.”
Katsuki didn’t know if he was feeling nervous or excited, and the thought of either scared the shit out of him.
Kariage offered his lit cigarette, and after a moment of hesitation, Katsuki took it.
////----\\\\
That day was the start of Katsuki and Kariage’s strange relationship.
Every Saturday night, the two of them would meet at the same bench in the park, smoke in silence as Katsuki tried to stifle his coughs, then leave.
The routine was almost soothing, consistent with no strings attached.
By the third week, Katsuki was confident he had gotten the smoking thing down.
He could (mostly) take a drag without coughing his lungs out.
By the fourth week, he started to realize why people smoked.
This shit felt good.
He sighed, and for the first time in a month, allowed his muscles to relax.
Kariage glanced at him, a cigarette between his lips. His bottom one was split. “You alright?”
“Yeah,” Katsuki said, surprisingly truthful, “I’m alright.”
He felt like himself again, the nervous shell that had clamped around him after the training camp slowly cracking away.
He made sure to ash his cigarette before continuing. “I think I understand why people smoke now.”
Kariage looked at him blankly, then started laughing.
Katsuki flushed. “Shut the fuck up!”
Kariage laughed harder, and Katsuki shoved him off the bench.
“Hey!” Kariage protested from the ground, still laughing, “Is that how you treat your dealer?”
“You’re not my dealer!” Katsuki hissed.
Kariage got up, his cigarette still in his mouth. “Kats, don’t know how to tell you this, but we’re literally meeting up at night for me to give you drugs. I’m your dealer.”
“What, you want me to pay you or something?”
Kariage sat back down on the bench. “Nah, a few cigs don’t exactly break the bank. But I am curious about something.”
Katsuki froze.
Please don’t ask about Kamino please don’t ask about Kamino please don’t ask about Kamino—
Katsuki took a drag of his cigarette, pretending like his hands weren’t shaking.
“Why’d you call me?” Kariage asked.
Katsuki blinked in surprise a few times. “What?”
“I mean, there are plenty of stores around that sell cigs, and it’s not like you need supervision to do this shit. Hell, there are probably thousands of videos online teaching you how to do it. So why me?”
Why did Katsuki text Kariage? He could’ve found a way to get cigarettes if he really wanted to, he knew that for a fact, so why did he text Kariage? Was it because he didn’t want to be alone while doing it? But Katsuki was always alone and he was pretty sure it would stay like that for the rest of his life, so why? He probably could’ve gotten someone else to come with him, maybe one of the Idiots, he was pretty sure that Sero smoked weed so he would have someone with experience to help him. But he really couldn’t handle their stares, intense and sad like they were trying to commit him to memory in case he fucking disappeared again. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to be with the people who still treated him like glass because Katsuki was fine he didn’t need any help he was coping just fine —
“Because I want an alibi,” he said with a smirk, “Big bad delinquent forces honor’s student to do drugs, more at 9.”
Kariage punched his arm. “Fuck off!”
////----\\\\
Katsuki tried to convince himself that the only reason he was looking forward to their meetings was because of the nicotine and failed miserably.
Kariage was good company, and that was a fact he would never, ever admit.
It was nice being able to sit in comfortable silence with someone for an hour before leaving with minimal conversation. Kariage never pried, never asked Katsuki if he was fine or if he ‘needed to talk’, he just sat there, smoked, and occasionally listened when Katsuki couldn’t help but spill into the night.
It was comforting, in a way. Or maybe that was just the nicotine, he couldn’t really tell anymore.
The shell he was still trapped in was slowly disintegrating, and he would compare it to Shigaraki’s quirk if the very thought of Shigaraki didn’t send him into a quiet panic attack.
He felt…different. Not in a good way, but not in a bad way either.
Just…different.
He was able to stomach more time with other people before he had a nervous breakdown, something that his idiots took and ran with as fast as possible. His annoyance at them slowly turned more into amusement, and the way they looked at him when he played along with their stupid ideas would keep his head up for days.
He knew Deku knew something was changing, but the nerd never mentioned it, so Katsuki never brought it up.
Things would never go back to the way things were, Katsuki had changed far too much for that. Kariage had changed him, with his low voice and the mystery surrounding him. Katsuki started to notice more and more things, all pointing in different directions. Kariage’s ease in the dark, his baggy clothes, his random injuries, his smoking, all of it.
Katsuki didn’t really know what to make of it, so he just ignored it for the time being.
He had more important things to do than form a conspiracy theory about his friend from middle school who he copped cigs from.
////----\\\\
The two were smoking quietly when Kariage said it.
It was a day of quiet contemplation, smoking at uneven intervals with nothing but the sounds of the park filling the silence between them.
Katsuki’s mind was blissfully empty, and he inhaled the night air, gentle wind tinged with smoke.
“Hey, Kats,” Kariage said quietly, breaking the silence.
Katsuki hummed questioningly, taking a drag of his cigarette.
“Sorry,” Kariage said, “About the sludge villain. You didn’t deserve that.”
Katsuki froze, cigarette halfway to his mouth. “What?”
“I ran away like a pussy,” Kariage said, staring holes into the nearest tree, “I was convinced you hated me or something, so I stopped talking to you. It was a dick move. I’m sorry.”
Katsuki had honestly planned to just ignore the sludge incident in its entirety.
He didn’t like thinking about it, and his hatred for the event was only fueled every time someone recognized him from it.
It was even worse when they brought it up while talking about the Sports Festival.
He didn’t want to unearth the memories he had shoved deep down into his psyche that he would—maybe—dig up in his thirties after being forced to go to a therapist.
But here Kariage was, bringing it up shamelessly.
The boy hadn’t moved, shoulders slowly hunching as Katsuki didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry,” Kariage repeated, “And I get it if you don’t want to forgive me.” He laughed. “I wouldn’t forgive me either.”
Katsuki took a drag of his cigarette, exhaling slowly to savor the burn.
“Yeah,” he said. “It was a dick move. It fucking sucked. I did hate you for a while.” He hesitated. “But I also understood why you ran.”
Kariage didn’t want to be a hero like Katsuki did. Kariage didn’t have a flashy powerful quirk, didn’t have that dangerous drive that Katsuki had to be the best. And if Katsuki were to be honest, if Kariage did try to help, he probably would’ve beaten the shit out of him and then ignored him till the end of time.
He would’ve become another Deku.
The thought made something horrible curl up and die in his stomach.
“We were dumb kids,” he said, ignoring the fact that it had barely been a year. It felt longer than that. Katsuki felt old. “Plus, I knew a fucking scrawny ass art kid couldn’t do anything to help anyway.”
Kariage punched Katsuki’s arm, but there was a slight quirk to his mouth. “Whatever, dick.”
The two sat in silence for a little longer.
“So, are we good?” Kariage asked, quiet and insecure.
“Yeah,” Katsuki said, just as quietly, “We’re good.”
////----\\\\
After his apology, Kariage started talking more. They actually had conversations rather than sitting in silence, and Katsuki quickly realized that despite technically being childhood friends, he knew nothing about Kariage.
So, albeit a bit awkwardly, he asked.
“Did you get into that high school you were going for?” he asked.
Kariage blew out a lungful of smoke. “Yep. Stressful, but it’s not bad.”
“How the hell is art school stressful?” Katsuki asked, wrinkling his nose.
Kariage shot him a deadpan look. “Try to write a ten-page paper about the specificities of Van Gogh’s usage of the color yellow and then we’ll talk. At least you get to punch things.”
Katsuki eyed Kariage’s split knuckles. “I’m not the only one punching things.”
Kariage stiffened for a moment, and Katsuki narrowed his eyes.
“You box as a hobby or something?” he probed.
“You could say that,” Kariage said cryptically, and took a drag of his cigarette.
Before Katsuki could ask what the fuck that meant, Kariage spoke. “You still live with your folks?”
It was such a blatant attempt to change the subject that Katsuki decided not to push. He wrestled his curiosity onto a shelf in the back of his mind to think over later.
“I live in the dorms at U.A.,” Katsuki said, “But I go home on the weekends. How’s your hag?”
Kariage smiled sardonically. “She disowned me after I told her I was gay.”
Katsuki blinked. “Oh.”
“S’okay though,” Kariage leaned back against the bench, “After she found out I got an apartment on my own she started sending me checks to pay my rent with.”
“I see,” Katsuki managed.
Kariage elbowed him roughly. “Quit it.”
Katsuki hissed. “I didn’t say shit.”
“You were thinking it. I make enough money to get by with more to spare, I’m fine Kats.”
“The hell does that mean? What fucking job do you to make that much? You sell drugs or something?”
Kariage stiffened again, and Katsuki raised an eyebrow.
“Smokestack?”
Kariage coughed into his fist. “Anyway, how’s U.A. treating you?”
Katsuki laughed. It was sudden, loud, and obnoxious, but it was real. He couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed like that.
“Katsssss,” Kariage whined, but he was smiling, “Don’t be mean!”
“You’re such a dumbass,” Katsuki said when he managed to catch his breath, and Kariage rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Don’t get caught,” Katsuki said, and Kariage smirked at him.
“Not planning on it,” he said, achingly confident. Katsuki rolled his eyes.
“U.A. has been shit,” Katsuki said, “In case you haven’t heard or seen, I was kidnapped by fucking villains and chained to a podium on live television.
“Hey, look on the bright side! You’re hanging out with me ‘cause of it,” Kariage said with a grin, and Katsuki smacked him.
“Fuck off, smokestack,” he said, “Now give me another cig, mine burnt out.”
Kariage rolled his eyes but was smiling, and handed Katsuki a fresh one that he sparked up.
On his walk back to the dorms, Katsuki realized that was the first time he had spoken about Kamino since he came back.
////----\\\\
“Hey, Kats,” Kariage said one night, “I wanna try something.”
Katsuki raised an eyebrow, blowing out a breath of smoke. “What.”
Kariage leaned in.
“Kick me off if you want to stop,” he murmured, and took a deep drag of cigarette, their noses inches apart.
He cupped Katsuki’s face with his free hand, and got so close their lips nearly brushed.
Katsuki froze.
Kariage stroked his jaw, and his lips parted.
Just as Katsuki went to inhale, Kariage blew smoke into his lungs.
Katsuki breathed it in instinctually, their lips maddeningly close to touching before Kariage pulled away.
Katsuki held his breath until he couldn’t and exhaled, smoke swirling into the air.
Kariage’s face was tinted pink.
“What was that,” Katsuki managed eventually, knowing his own cheeks were bright red.
Kariage smirked. “You, my friend, just shotgunned a cigarette.”
The two of them had a staring contest, and Katsuki’s eyes flickered to Kariage’s lips.
He tched and looked away. “Whatever.”
Kariage looked pleased, and Katsuki denied the fact that it made him want to do it again.
When he was back in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, he thought of Kariage’s face and blushed.
He groaned, and shoved his face into his pillow.
////----\\\\
Katsuki never slacked off on anything, no matter what it was. That was the sole reason why he was currently hunched over his textbook at ass o’clock in the morning, having just come back from smoking with Kariage. He had a calculus test and if he got anything lower than an A he was going to burn the dorms down.
He had a battery-powered desk lamp lighting up his textbook and the notebook he was furiously writing in. The absolute silence was calming, everyone asleep in their rooms. Katsuki’s guard was down, body still pleasantly tingling from the nicotine, all his focus on studying for his stupid test.
He almost missed the elevator dinging open.
His hand shot out before he could think and turned off the lamp, plunging the common room into darkness.
He was frozen, heart beating quickly in his chest as he hunched to make himself as small as possible.
There was the sound of footsteps, and the light to the kitchen turned on, revealing a familiar shock of curly green hair.
Fucking Deku.
He only saw his hair from his position, holding his breath as Deku shuffled sleepily toward the fridge. He stiffened when Deku stopped, sniffing the air.
“Smoke?” Deku murmured, and Katsuki was close to having a heart attack.
He heard shuffling and the sound of the fridge opening, then closing.
There was another series of shuffling, and Deku stepped into view, holding a water bottle. If he turned to look at the tables, he would’ve seen Katsuki hunched over and stinking of cigarette smoke.
Deku frowned, scanning the couches. “No fire.”
He rubbed his eyes before taking a swig of the water bottle. One more scan, then Deku turned and padded back to the elevator.
Katsuki didn’t move or breathe until the elevator doors slid closed, and even then he counted five minutes until he exhaled harshly.
He almost laughed, sitting up.
Of course it had to be Deku.
////----\\\\
Kariage’s lighter wasn’t working.
Katsuki watched, slightly amused, as Kariage grumbled quietly while sparking it to no avail.
“Is it broken?” Katsuki asked.
“No, just ran out of lighter fluid,” Kariage said, “I’ll have to go buy some more, dammit.”
“Just buy a new lighter,” Katsuki said, making a vague gesture, “They’re like, 100 yen.”
Kariage didn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah, but this one is special. I’m not gonna just replace it.”
Katsuki raised an eyebrow. “What’s so special about a cheap lighter?”
Kariage bit his lip, searching Katsuki’s face for something.
He sighed, and handed the lighter to him.
It was black, slightly worn in certain places after years of use. There was a semi-faded skull in the center.
Katsuki’s eyes widened slightly. It was the same one that Kariage had in middle school, the same one that he practically begged Katsuki to get him after he had forgotten his wallet.
“I bought you this,” Katsuki breathed.
Kariage rubbed the back of his neck. “You never let me pay you back for it.”
“You kept it for this long?” Katsuki asked, and Kariage nodded.
Katsuki felt a strange feeling form in his stomach, and he handed it back.
“You know,” he said, with confidence he didn’t know he had, “I can give you a new fuckin’ lighter right now.”
Kariage rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay. Next you’ll—”
Kariage’s words died as Katsuki plucked the cigarette out of his hand and placed it between his own lips. He sparked it, took a drag, and yanked Kariage forward.
He breathed out as Kariage inhaled, their lips centimeters apart. Katsuki pressed their foreheads together as Kariage exhaled.
“I’ll be your lighter from now on,” Katsuki rasped, and he felt Kariage shiver.
////----\\\\
When Katsuki reached their bench one day, Kariage had a sketchbook in his lap.
He was sitting cross legged and hunched in a way that Katsuki knew was bad for his back, sketching something with a charcoal pencil.
“Hey, Kats,” Kariage said without looking up, “Can you sit at the base of the streetlight?”
Katsuki scowled. “And why exactly would I do that?”
“Because my final project for school is coming up and I want it to be about you,” Kariage said.
Katsuki felt all his blood rush to his cheeks. “What?” he choked out.
Kariage looked at him with wide eyes, before looking away and clearing his throat. “They said to do something that inspires you.”
There was a long pause, and Katsuki could see thinly veiled panic start to form on his face.
“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to,” Kariage said quickly, “I know you think my art shit is stupid.”
“I never said that,” Katsuki snapped.
He stomped over to the light post across from the bench they always sat on, and caught the thing Kariage suddenly tossed to him deftly. It was a pack of cigarettes.
“You can use them if you want,” Kariage said, “Just do a pose, doesn’t matter what.”
“‘Do a pose’? The fuck does that even mean?”
“Just sit down like how you’d usually sit down.”
“You better make me look good,” Katsuki grumbled.
He sat at the base of the light post, legs up and slightly spread. His arms hooked around his knees as his hands rested in the empty space between them.
After a moments hesitation, he grabbed a cigarette and lit it.
He took a drag, then let his hand hang, smoke floating up towards his face as he exhaled.
“Perfect,” Kariage said from the bench, and the tone made him blush, “Now look to the side like you’re contemplating your metaphorical traumatizing past.”
“Bold of you to assume it’s metaphorical,” Katsuki deadpanned.
Kariage laughed like a madman before readying his pencil. “Now don’t move. I’m gonna paint you like one of my French girls.”
Katsuki rolled his eyes, but looked off to the side and tried to make the expression Kariage told him to.
Kariage didn’t say anything, so he assumed he was doing it right.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, listening to Kariage humming softly as he drew.
His cigarette went out, and he subtly sparked his finger to light it again.
Eventually he got a bit bored, resisting the urge to fidget. His only movement was an occasional twitch of his finger, and he was starting to go a little crazy.
He started doing random math equations in his head to keep himself busy, and was in the middle of an advanced calculus problem when his cigarette fully burned and turned to ash.
“It’s okay!” Kariage said, and he barely kept himself from jumping at his voice, “Don’t move, I’m almost done.”
Katsuki didn’t move, but subtly flipped Kariage off, making him snort.
“Okay, drama queen,” Kariage said, and went back to drawing.
It was kinda nice, being the center of Kariage’s attention. He could feel his eyes on him, lingering and intense.
He wanted to kiss him so badly.
But he didn’t want it to be a one and done type of thing, he wanted to hold hands and go on dates or something, sappy couple shit. The idea of Kariage with anyone else made a pit of festering jealousy form in his chest.
He really liked Kariage, but did Kariage really like him?
Kariage was the one who showed him shotgunning—he almost shivered at the thought—and he always blushed when Katsuki got too close or blew smoke rings. Did that mean Kariage had a crush on him, or was he just imagining things?
All he knew for a fact is that he just really wanted to kiss Kariage and go to amusement parks and share crepes.
But he didn’t want to ruin what they had now, what if he messes everything up by confessing?
“Stop scowling,” Kariage said, “I just need to do a few more finishing touches.”
Katsuki huffed, but forced his expression to relax.
He’ll ponder his relationship with Kariage when he gets back to the safety of his dorm.
“Annnd done!” Kariage said, and Katsuki got up with a groan.
Kariage rolled his eyes. “Okay, grandpa.”
Katsuki walked back to the bench, dropping the cigarettes on Kariage’s now closed sketchbook.
“Was the drawing so bad you won’t even let me see it?” Katsuki asked.
Kariage smirked. “Don’t worry, I made you look as stupid as possible.”
Katsuki sputtered. “What the fuck!”
Kariage laughed and Katsuki sat down with a scowl.
They sat in silence for a bit, and Kariage held out a cigarette for Katsuki to light.
He made a show, rolling his eyes and huffing, but lit it with a spark.
“Thanks, babe,” Kariage drawled, and took a drag.
Katsuki’s face went beet red and he immediately looked away, resisting the urge to get up and run.
Dammit, he was so whipped.
////----\\\\
He couldn’t meet with Kariage the next week, the provisional hero exam taking up most of his time.
He was going to get a perfect score and pass with flying colors to become the number one hero.
Kariage wished him luck, and it made him feel all warm and gooey inside.
He was going to pass this exam.
////----\\\\
He failed.
He failed the stupid fucking test and Deku didn’t .
His hands were shaking, he was shaking, his world was falling apart around him so he did the only thing he could think of.
He beat the shit out of Deku.
Deku gave as good as he got, leaving both of them bruised and bloodied and Katsuki was just so tired .
This was all his fault .
Then All Might came, and Katsuki’s world collapsed.
Having his crazy fucking conspiracy theory be true messed him up .
On his second night of house arrest, he could feel his limbs locking up with anxiety and he couldn’t take it anymore.
He texted Kariage and left the dorms.
Aizawa never stopped him, so he fucking knew Deku did something. For the first time in his life, he decided that he wouldn’t complain about it.
He went from walking to jogging to running in the streets to get to the park as fast as possible.
His mind was whirring the entire trip there as he felt a wave of crippling anxiety wash over him.
He got to the bench before Kariage, but it wasn’t long before the other boy appeared.
“Kats,” Kariage said, “You miss me that much?”
His tone was light, slightly sarcastic, but Katsuki could hear the undercurrent of worry.
Katsuki walked forward until they were about a foot apart.
He was just so frustrated. He was angry, furious, but also absolutely terrified. His emotions were swirling around him like a hurricane, beating against his brain and threatening to sweep him away.
Kariage was safe. Calm. The person who listened and didn’t pretend like everything was okay, the person who cared about Katsuki, in a weird, twisted way.
Their relationship was probably toxic, Katsuki mused. Meeting up only to smoke together, indulging in the comforting high of nicotine.
Kariage raised an eyebrow. “I know you didn’t just drag me here to stare at me.”
Katsuki grabbed Kariage’s face, moving slowly to let the other boy pull away just in case.
He felt Kariage’s breath hitch, suddenly going very still.
Katsuki leaned forward. “Kick me off if you want to stop,” he murmured.
He kissed Kariage.
He didn’t have much experience with these things, but he’s seen enough movies to know to tilt his head and shift to wrap his arms around Kariage’s neck.
Kariage melted into the kiss, one hand cupping the back of Katsuki’s head and the other on his lower back, pulling him closer.
It was soft, making his heart beat faster as Kariage kissed back, lips insistent against his own.
Kissing Kariage was addicting. He felt like he was on a smoker’s high when Kariage deepened the kiss, tilting their heads to fit together.
Their lips parted, and a tongue slid into Katsuki’s mouth.
Kariage tasted like smoke, like the ash he flicks off the end of his cigarette.
It was Katsuki who pulled away first, both of them breathing heavily and flushed.
“I…didn’t expect that,” Kariage said eventually.
Katsuki scoffed, nosing into Kariage’s neck.
Kariage’s hands slid to rest on his hips, a grounding presence that made Katsuki relax against him.
Kariage didn’t ask, content to just hold him for as long as he needed.
To his horror, Katsuki felt tears well up in his eyes.
It was just so much .
His breath hitched, and he started to cry.
Kariage didn’t say anything, moving to rub Katsuki’s back soothingly as he sobbed.
He felt all his stress spill over, his stupid fucking hero license, fucking Deku, All Might, his pride, it all came crashing down.
He probably should’ve tried to be quieter, sobs echoing in the empty park.
When his tears slowed down to sniffles, Kariage said, “I’m not that bad at kissing.”
“Not everything is about you, self-centered prick,” Katsuki mumbled, voice ragged from crying.
“You’re the one who burst into tears after kissing me for the first time,” Kariage said.
Kariage didn’t coddle him, didn’t tell him that ‘everything will be alright’, and Katsuki kissed him again for it.
From that point, it was like nothing changed, except for the fact that instead of smoking the whole time, they smoked for half and made out on the uncomfortable park bench for the rest.
////----\\\\
Katsuki had finished his cigarette, and was staring up at the clouded sky.
Kariage was quietly smoking his second one, and Katsuki could feel the occasional moment where his gaze would flicker to him.
“What’d you get on that art project, by the way?” Katsuki asked.
Kariage blinked in surprise before smirking.
“I got full marks,” he said smugly.
“Hey, the only reason you got full marks was because I was hot as fuck,” Katsuki said flippantly.
“You are hot as fuck,” Kariage said, with so much sincerity it made him blush.
“Shut the fuck up, you asshole,” he said, and punched Kariage in the shoulder.
Kariage laughed. “But really, my teacher liked it. He said I picked a good model.”
“Damn right you did,” Katsuki grumbled, looking back to the sky.
Katsuki mulled it over in his head. “Good job,” he said.
Kariage inhaled sharply, and Katsuki looked at him.
Kariage was blushing .
Katsuki's face slowly broke out into an evil grin.
Kairage fought valiantly, but it ended in Katsuki kissing the shit out of him.
////----\\\\
It was another quiet day.
Both of them were lost in thought, keeping to themselves.
“Hey, Kats,” Kariage said, “Has anyone ever told you your quirk looks like stars?”
“What?” Katsuki asked incredulously, “No?”
Kariage looked at him thoughtfully. “When you spark them. Looks like stars. It’s pretty.”
Katsuki had never in his entire life heard someone call his quirk pretty.
He sparked his quirk, explosions running across his palm.
He shook his hands a bit and rubbed them together to form some sweat.
He cupped them together, like he was holding something small.
He sparked and threw open his palms.
Small explosions flew into the sky, twinkling for just a few moments before going out.
“Stars,” Kariage murmured, “Beautiful.”
Katsuki kissed him, and felt an ache in his chest.
////----\\\\
The two of them were talking softly, cigarettes in hand when Katsuki felt a shiver up his spine.
Something was going to happen.
Kariage looked at him in concern at his sudden silence. “Kats?”
“Something’s gonna happen,” he said with narrowed eyes.
The feeling wasn’t sharp like it usually was, just weirdly uncomfortable.
Then, he saw a flashlight, and connected to that flashlight, a very disgruntled looking police officer.
Kariage must have seen him too, because the two of them exchanged a look.
There was a pause, and suddenly the flashlight froze.
“You two!” the police officer yelled, “What are you doing out this late!”
Katsuki’s eyes went wide and Kariage grabbed his shoulder.
“Wanna see something cool?” Kariage quickly asked.
“What?” Katsuki replied, torn between running or making up some sort of believable excuse.
“Watch me,” Kariage said.
He took a deep drag of his cigarette, grabbed Katsuki’s hand tightly, and exhaled.
A large cloud of smoke came from his lips, covering the area in a thick fog.
Katsuki’s eyes widened.
“Come on,” Kariage whispered, and yanked on Katsuki’s hand.
Katsuki stumbled forward, nearly tripping on his feet as he was led along.
He was running blind, his vision taken up by the light gray smoke around him.
Kariage was running confidently, and Katsuki just had to follow.
He placed his trust into Kariage, which was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
Kariage pulled him to the side, and his back brushed against the bark of a tree.
The only point of contact Katsuki could feel was Kariage’s hand, and he hesitantly reached into the smoke.
Another hand came and intertwined their fingers, and Katsuki relaxed.
“So, your quirk, huh?” Katsuki asked quietly, and Kariage chuckled.
The sound echoed throughout the smoke cloud.
“Yeah Kats, my quirk,” he said.
Katsuki heard shuffling behind him and froze.
A voice sounded from behind him. “Where did this flipping smoke come from?”
It was the cop from before, and Katsuki stifled a grin.
“Fudge this, I’m going back,” the police officer grumbled, and his steps retreated.
The two of them waited in silence for a few minutes, then the fog slowly lifted.
Kariage faded into view with a large, cheeky smile.
“Haven’t had to hide from the police for a while,” he said, “How’d I do?”
Katsuki wrapped his arms around Kariage’s neck.
“Could be better,” he said, and kissed him.
////----\\\\
Kariage shoved something in Katsuki’s hands when he sat down.
“Hello to you too, Smokestack,” Katsuki deadpanned, looking at the small object he had acquired.
Kariage had shoved a pack of mint gum into his hands, already opened, and Katsuki just raised an eyebrow.
“You trying to tell me something?” he asked, and Kariage rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
“No, uh, it’s nicotine gum,” he said, “I switched it out into a regular gum packet so you could take it with you if you…you know.”
Katsuki just stared, something horribly warm unfurling in his heart.
“It helps when I’m dorming at school,” Kariage continued, “So I thought you might like it too.”
“Hey,” Katsuki said, leaning forward. He cupped Kariage’s face, far too intimate.
Kariage sucked in a breath, and Katsuki kissed him gently.
“Thanks,” he said, and Kariage smiled.
“Of course.”
////----\\\\
Don’t get him wrong, Katsuki loved the kissing. In fact, he looked forward to it.
But it just wasn’t enough .
He didn’t want to just kiss Kariage, he wanted to date Kariage, and he still had no idea what was going on in Kariage’s head.
But the kissing was so good , and what if Kariage never wanted anything more than what they have?
Eventually, Katsuki couldn’t take it anymore.
The next time they met up, Katsuki took the cigarette Kariage handed to him, sparked it, sparked Kariage’s cigarette, took a drag, and asked, “What are we?”
Kariage choked, which made Katsuki very nervous.
“Just a question,” Katsuki said with a scowl, “Don’t have to be so dramatic about it.”
Kariage cleared his throat. “I mean, we’re together?”
He was pretty sure both of them heard the very loud incorrect buzzer sound in Katsuki’s head.
“Yeah, obviously dipshit,” Katsuki said.
He swallowed roughly and forced himself to keep eye contact.
“Do you wanna continue this?” Katsuki asked, motioning to the two of them.
“What do you mean?” Kariage asked, which made Katsuki feel worse.
“Like, all this,” Katsuki said, and something dawned on Kariage’s face, which flickered through multiple emotions very quickly.
“You…don’t want to…?” Kariage said, and Katsuki bit his lip.
He wanted more. He didn’t want to keep walking around each other, unsure what was going to happen next. He wanted a relationship, not just…kissing.
Katsuki nodded, and Kariage wilted.
“Oh,” Kariage said, “A-Alright.”
“Why are you so upset?” Katsuki snapped, “Is that so bad?”
“Can you not?” Kariage said, “Just, not this, okay? I get it.”
Katsuki felt like a bucket of ice-cold water had been dumped onto his head.
“The hell does that mean?” Katsuki’s voice wavered.
Kariage gritted his teeth. “Okay, don’t have to rub it in. I'll just leave."
Katsuki’s mouth fell open.
What? Was that a rejection?
Kariage wouldn’t look at him, and Katsuki felt his heart break in half.
Fuck, he was so stupid!
He got up. "I didn't—I'm sorry. If you don't like me, then that's fine."
His voice was robotic, flat, and Kariage’s eyes went wide.
“'Like you'? Was that—Do you want to see each other romantically?” Kariage looked confused and hurt, and Katsuki was getting mad.
“Do I need to spell it out for you, you asshole? I had a crush on you, you dick!”
Kariage gasped, getting up from the bench too. “No, Kats, I just didn’t understand. We can work this out—“
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Katsuki said, the words ash in his mouth. He turned away, “You don’t want anything more. And that’s…that’s okay.”
“Kats, no, baby, sit down, we have to talk this through. I like you romantically too!”
Katsuki whipped around, anger mixing with dejection. “Don’t do that, don’t say that! You feel bad for me, don’t you? Looking down on me for falling for you, fuck off!”
“Kats, I’ve been in love with you since fucking middle school!” Kariage said.
Katsuki felt tears brim in his eyes and he hated it. “The long haul, huh? Stringing me on till I embarrass myself? Just leave me alone, okay? Fuck!”
“Kats, that the fuck are you talking about?!” Kariage cried.
Katsuki stormed off, hating the fact that Kariage didn’t chase after him.
God, he was so stupid . Of course Kariage wouldn’t want him .
He walked to campus, not bothering to even attempt to hide his presence.
He was holding back tears the entire time, occasionally wiping at his eyes with his sleeve when it got too hard.
He was so lost in his world of utter fucking pain that he nearly bumped into someone.
“Shit, fuck, sorry,” he managed, and looked up.
All Might—of course it was fucking All Might —was looking at him in concern, and Katsuki was so close to just bursting into tears.
“What are you doing out so late, my boy?” All Might asked.
Katsuki deflated a little, like some sort of Pavlovian response to his idol’s voice and fuck he was gonna cry in front of All Might.
“Could say the same for yourself,” he managed to bite out.
“Ah, well, sometimes it gets a bit stuffy in the dorms. It’s nice to just walk around when it gets dark. What about you?”
Katsuki sniffed, and All Might knelt down.
“What has you so upset, young Bakugou?” he asked softly, “I am here.”
He put a hand on Katsuki’s shoulder, and Katsuki fucking shattered.
He sobbed, and All Might pulled him into a tight hug.
Katsuki cried and broke down, knees giving out. He slumped against All Might, clutching the back of his shirt.
Fuck, why did it hurt so much?
“I am here, young Bakugou,” All Might said, and Katsuki whimpered.
He cried into his number one hero’s shoulder like a girl in a romance movie after breaking up with her boyfriend.
They weren’t even boyfriends, so why was he so upset? Was Kariage this upset? Did Kariage care?
When Katsuki managed to finally breathe, All Might asked, “Can you tell me what happened? I promise everything you say will stay between us.”
Katsuki sniffed quietly, trying to get his tears under control. “Promise?” he asked, like a fucking child.
“I promise,” All Might said with so much conviction that Katsuki believed him.
“There’s this boy,” Katsuki said, and his breathing hitched, “And I…I really think I like him.”
All Might nodded, rubbing Katsuki’s back soothingly.
“And our relationship is really weird, we were already involved, but he’s so…I don’t know what I expected, of course he isn’t going to like me back—“
He stifled more tears, pressing his face into All Might’s shoulder.
“He tried to make me feel better by telling me he actually liked me back, but I knew he was lying,” Katsuki said.
“Do I know this boy?” All Might asked.
Katsuki shook his head. “He doesn’t go to U.A.”
“I see,” All Might said, letting out a breath, “May I ask how you confessed?”
“I asked him ‘What are we?’ and he responded with fucking ‘we’re together’, like who fucking says that!”
He was still very, very upset, but he tried to channel some of that pain into fury because he really didn’t feel like crying again.
“And you mentioned he also said he likes you romantically?” All Might asked
“Yeah, but that was after he was a stupid fucking idiot!”
All Might rubbed his back soothingly.
“I just thought we had something,” Katsuki said, “We did all this stuff and even kissed but he never went any farther than that.”
Part of him was embarrassed that he was dumping his soul to All Might, but he was upset enough to steamroll over it.
“So you were waiting for him to make the first move?”
Katsuki did a one-armed shrug. “I guess."
“Did you consider the fact that he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable?”
“What do you mean?” Katsuki asked.
“Both of you seem close,” All Might said, “What if he feels the same way, but didn’t want to confess because he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable?”
“But I told him I wanted him romantically,” Katsuki said.
“Did you tell him, or did you imply it?" All Might asked, "You have to be direct with these things."
"I told him I wanted to stop doing what we were doing," Katsuki said, "So that we could become more."
All Might sighed. "My boy, something like that can be misunderstood."
"But I was so clear with it!" Katsuki protested.
"But there was a misunderstanding," All Might said, "He told you that he liked you romantically, yes?"
Katsuki stared into the distance. “Yeah, he did.”
“Do you like him romantically?” All Might asked.
Katsuki nodded.
“Well, I do believe the two of you need to have a long talk about communication,” All Might said, "You both feel the same way about each other."
“He likes me back,” Katsuki whispered. “And I just—”
He choked on a sob.
“It’s alright, my boy,” All Might said, rubbing his back, “This isn’t the end of the two of you. Relationships, no matter what kind, will always have some sort of conflict.”
All Might pulled back to look at Katsuki, and he looked so earnest that Katsuki nearly cried again.
All Might continued. “What matters is the way you deal with and solve each conflict. This is an opportunity to learn more and set important boundaries.”
Katsuki nodded again, unable to find words.
“This isn’t the end, Young Bakugou. It’s alright.”
All Might patted his hair, and Katsuki slumped, closing his eyes.
He’s so, so selfish, sitting here with fucking All Might and crying his eyes out after leaving Kariage alone .
All Might held him tight, seemingly content to hold him until Katsuki pulled away.
For someone as bony as All Might, his hugs were criminally comfortable.
Before he fell asleep, Katsuki pulled away, rubbing his eyes with his fist.
“Sorry,” he rasped, and All Might smiled softly at him.
“It’s alright, my boy. I’m glad I can be here for you. Do you want to go back to the dorms?”
The two of them stood up, and Katsuki hid a wince at the way All Might’s knees cracked.
The thought of having to deal with his classmates made him feel sick, and All Might must have seen something on his face.
“Come, we can go to mine,” he said, “I have a tea I’ve been meaning to try. Do you like tea?”
Katsuki nodded at him, then his eyes widened a fraction. Did…did he just get invited for tea by All Might ? And after he broke down and sobbed in his arms?
All Might started walking, and Katsuki stared at his back in shock before hurrying to follow.
In the end, the tea was pretty good, and All Might let him take a few bags to try for later.
When he went back to the dorms, he put the tea bags in an airtight plastic bag and put them in his box of All Might memorabilia he had hidden under his bed.
He just got a fucking gift from All Might , he was going to save those tea bags till he died.
////----\\\\
The next day, he had school, and every single person and their mother knew something had happened.
He shut down.
He just didn’t have the energy to yell at people, or whatever the fuck else he usually did.
His friends tried to make him feel better, but all he was thinking about was Kariage.
The other boy hadn’t messaged him, granted, he hadn’t messaged either.
He debated just texting him now and meeting up tonight, but he didn’t want to seem clingy , but he also wanted to fix this as fast as possible.
He was stuck in an awkward place, too stubborn to reach out but also so desperate to explain himself.
Kirishima tapped his shoulder, making him startle.
“Class is over,” he said quietly with a small smile, “Come on.”
Katsuki flushed in embarrassment, looking up to see Aizawa looking at him with an unreadable expression.
He quickly got up and put his stuff away, making a mental reminder to ask Yaoyorozu for notes.
They left the classroom, and Kirishima went in the exact opposite direction of the Cafeteria.
They went into an empty classroom, and Katsuki slumped into one of the empty seats.
“Alright,” Kirishima said, “What happened, Bakubro?”
Katsuki inhaled, then exhaled. “I fucked up, Kirishima. I fucked up really bad.”
Kirishima sat on the desk next to the one he was sitting in. “How so?”
“I just,” Katsuki ran a hand through his hair, “I fucked up, but I’m gonna fix it.”
“What can I do to help?” Kirishima asked.
“It’s something I gotta do on my own,” he said, “But…but thanks, Kirishima.”
Kirishima grinned at him, so familiar and full of sharp teeth, and Katsuki offered a minuscule smile of his own.
God, his friends were too good for him.
////----\\\\
He broke first.
He got back from school and went to put his stuff away in his room.
He just stood there, backpack still on his shoulders.
He couldn’t do this, not when Kariage thought he hated him.
He fumbled with his phone and texted Kariage to meet up. He wasn’t gonna explain himself through text , he had standards.
“ Hey, can we meet up to talk things through? Sorry I ran off like that.”
He bit his lip, watching the message.
He—embarrassingly—gasped when he got a read receipt.
He watched as bubbles showed up, then disappeared, then showed up, then disappeared, and he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.
A text popped up.
“ I need some time this week. Next week?”
Katsuki stared at the text.
His fingers were numb when he texted back, “ Yeah, whatever.” , his response to everything and anything.
He pressed send, a read receipt showed up, then silence.
Oh, he fucked up .