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Haruki Atou would sink on rainy days. Not just his mood but his behavior and movements too, all of it would become so distant. Its as if he was closing up in on himself like a flower at the onset of a heavy storm.
Rui Otowa had caught on quickly during the early days of their budding friendship to not push Haruki when he gets in such a mood. But when Rui would look at him in those moods, he felt as if he could sink down to the bottom of the trench, right next to him. It had been this way since Rui could remember; Haruki would easily bend and break to the weight of the raindrops, like a fragile sprout.
One late spring day, in the midst of their last year in middle school, a sudden change in forecast after a week-long streak of warm, sunny days had rain clouds blanketing the blue skies with their deep gray. The fickle and unstable spring weather had left very few students bothering to bring their umbrellas. Most had clamored and crowded around the shoe cupboards, while some flooded out into the hallways. Scattered groups of students loudly chatted and discussed waiting out the rain, others had gathered up the courage to run through the shower of rain with only their schoolbags and jackets over their heads providing futile cover.
At that time, Rui had found Haruki alone in the empty classroom with his head on his desk. His face was buried deep into his crossed arms, shielding him away from the sight of the droplets of rain dotting the window’s surface next to him. Long dark brown hair sprawled in a mess as it laid onto the desk’s wooden surface. Rui would've thought Haruki had simply fallen asleep in the room washed in the dim blue-gray shadow, had he not have noticed his trembling body that was visible only once Rui had gotten closer to his small frame.
The rainfall wasn't particularly heavy. The students had cleared out of the entrance way by now, leaving the halls relatively silent. Maybe that quiet atmosphere was the reason why something had possessed Rui to ask Haruki to run through the rain with him, despite his better judgment warning against it. It was a sudden proposal. One that was born out of a sense of childish fun befitting their age and unexpected selfishness. Rui knew it wasn't a good idea, not when Haruki has a sickly constitution that easily picks up colds, fevers, and pneumonia from something as simple as a cold breeze.
Just as Rui had thought of a way to spin his suggestion into a joke, Haruki had said something that was drown out by his loud thoughts and started to pull him along to the front door.
Rui ended up shouldering the combined weight of their school bags, meanwhile Haruki’s head was draped with Rui’s gym uniform jacket like a thick veil. His small hand felt fragile as it was held securely in Rui’s warm grasp. Their joined hands was their only point of connection in the rain to help keep them matched with each other’s pace.
It was irrational thinking but at the very back of his mind, Rui was afraid if he had loosened his grip on his hand for just a second, Haruki would be lost to the rain and slip deep under dark waters.
They both knew very well that outrunning the rain on foot was a pointless attempt. By the time they had made it more than halfway the path to the Otowa family’s house, they would both be drenched in the rain water. Despite the cold sensation of falling rain, the moisture in the air felt stuffy enough to mistake it for summer heat. The surrounding scent of wet dirt and grass overwhelmed their sense of smell as they ran. The heaviness of their tired bodies as the stifling humidity clung to their wet clothes and clammy skin underneath. Kicked up puddles of stagnant rainwater soaked their school shoes and the damp air seeped into their lungs, enough to suppress their breath and burn at their pounding hearts.
Soon, the sun will come back out and the vague fog would lift from Haruki once again and clear up that small, pale white face just as the clouds overhead cleared. Rui would look back to see the wet strands of Haruki’s long hair stuck to his face in a mess and a notable blush from the adrenaline of physical exertion but most of all, beaming with a child-like smile at him. A smile that had been gracing his face more and more frequently lately. The bright sunshine would finally break through the dark clouds, drying the path on their way back home together.
It wasn't until they had reached the front door of Rui’s house when they had finally separated their hands from each other’s tight hold.
Out of the countless memories they've made together throughout the years, Rui still remembers that one spring day clearly.
Haruki must have long since forgotten the exact point when he no longer needed to run from the rain anymore by now. The Haruki of now was almost nothing like the Haruki of the past; he was able to move potted plants in and out of rainstorms, do work around the office or house, and drift to sleep to the sound of rain. Rainy days that would always bring inevitable headaches, sleepless nights, and bad memories seem to have become far and few in-between as the years went on—or had he simply gotten accustomed to it?
Rui’s consciousness suddenly pulls him out of his doze just before he was able to fully fall into a deep sleep. The rush of abrupt awareness reminded him of his glasses pressing hard against his nose bridge and the book slowly slipping out of his hands. That’s right—he fell asleep on the couch in the living room after Haruki insisted on him relaxing while he took care of the dishes. Rui rubs at his nose as he neatly sets his glasses off to the side of the nearby coffee table, making sure to place the book aside alongside with it. If he had dreamt of anything during his light nap, he couldn’t remember a thing from it.
It didn’t seem like much time had passed, judging from the sounds that can be heard of the kitchen sink faucet’s consistent flow and muted clatter of plates being moved from sink to drying rack. The faint sounds faded into the clear noise of rain just outside the window nearby. Despite the noise, the atmosphere is comfortable. It was a late breakfast on a day off. There were no plans to be made, especially not in this weather. Admittedly, the idea of sleeping away the remaining lazy afternoon felt entirely pleasant right now.
Depending on how Haruki was feeling, he might join Rui on the couch for a nap. Or if he was feeling particularly restless, he would wander around the house to clean the leaves of the various potted plants resting around. Maybe he’ll decide to sit and watch the rain fall out the window with a cup of tea. Rui closes his eyes as all he could do is helplessly concentrate on the sound of the light rain outside, slowly forgetting his fading trail of thought once more to the lull of sleep.
***
The first thing Rui feels is the touch of short hair brushing against his cheek, soft and ticklish, and then the feeling of a weight on his chest. The sensation is enough to stir him awake and make him open his bleary eyes. Without his glasses, Rui can only make out vague shapes and colors in his immediate line of vision, but the blond head of hair tucked in next to his neck confirms Haruki had indeed decided on the nap.
At some point after finishing up in the kitchen, Haruki had brought over a blanket to the living room and covered the both of them on the couch. The blanket had a thickness to it that was unfitting for the current season, most likely the one used for winter that had still not been folded away into storage as the seasons began to change. He had managed to wedge himself between the couch’s back and Rui, curled up nearly on top of the firm body next to him. The cramped feeling gave a sense of security, away from the spring rain’s chill as if it was seeping in through the walls of the house.
Haruki’s legs were tangled together under the cover of the blanket. and above was Haruki’s head, as well as his left hand loosely held in a fist, draped over Rui’s chest. It was such a natural, sprawled out sleeping position, as if Rui was just a part of the couch and Haruki had just carelessly dozed off on it. The sense of closeness made Rui feel as though
Rui already reaches for Haruki’s hand left outside of the blanket’s protective comfort, subconsciously moving to check its temperature. He wraps his fingers tightly around Haruki’s icy hand as usual in hopes of sharing his body heat. Rui closes his eyes again and concentrates quietly to the sound of Haruki’s soft breathing near his neck; the feel of the expansion and contraction of their chests pressed together and the steady beating of their hearts beyond it. There wasn't any point in getting up from this spot or waking up right now when they were comfortable in each other’s embrace.
“I made you black tea.”
A minute or three pass by in the gentle silence—aside from the rain continuing outside the window—until Haruki’s voice cuts through the quiet atmosphere.
He sounded very much awake and not asleep at all. Rui opened his eyes once again and furrowed his brow to get a look at Haruki. His voice sounded so clear, but he couldn’t distinguish whether Haruki actually spoke or if he had just imagined his voice in that instant.
Haruki seemingly already predicted that Rui would turn to look at him and had already shifted his head up to meet with his squinted eyes. Through the blur, Rui could make out a cute, coquettish, smile that could only be described as fox-like, reddish-brown eyes narrowing along to his smile. The thought of staring for too long at that face almost felt poisonous—especially at this distance. Rui wordlessly cuts the eye contact short and turns his head away, shutting his eyes once again.
“...Lets go back to sleep, Haruki.”
“I wasn't even asleep! I was waiting for you to wake up, you know. Look, the tea is probably cold now.”
Had he been awake this whole time? Haruki’s energy was too much, he already begins to squirm. Rui feels the shifting of the blanket as he gets ready to pull out of their hug. It seems he was aiming for a tea cup just out of reach and on the coffee table that Rui wasn't able to see with his poor eyesight. Before Haruki was able to make any meaningful progress untangling their bodies, Rui had cut his efforts at the bud by keeping him anchored down with the strength of the grip on his hand and trapped legs.
“Then since you're already here, you can fall asleep with me.”
Its moments like this with Haruki where Rui couldn’t control his selfishness and surprises even himself.
He expected some retort back, rooted in Haruki’s natural stubborn nature, but Haruki doesn’t put up a fight. Aside from a short sigh, he quietly accepts Rui’s words and wiggles himself back against the body next to him. Returning to his cramped spot between the couch’s back and Rui’s body once again, without any further comments. Rui took the shift as an opportunity to change his position and reached out with both hands—one behind Haruki’s head and the other wrapped around his thin waist to hold his lower back—and pulled him in as close as possible.
The suddenness of movement pulled a tiny sound of surprise from Haruki, muffled in the intertwined embrace of their bodies once again. The surprise washes over as the return to that stable warmth drew Haruki in deeper. As if it was possible to get even closer to one another, he wraps his arms around Rui’s broad back in return. In this deep hug, it was impossible to feel anything other than an overwhelming sense of gentle comfort.
A repeated patting gesture against Haruki’s back eased any leftover tension out of his body and left him relaxed, his body slowly melting further into the hug. Rui couldn’t hear Haruki’s heartbeat from this position anymore but Haruki could hear his.
Haruki’s faint, peaceful breathing urges one more selfish impulse from Rui as he loosens their embrace with care, just enough to see Haruki’s sleeping face. Confirming that he had fallen asleep this time, Rui couldn’t help but soundlessly and lightly touch his forehead with his lips, too simple of an action to be considered a proper kiss. He moves his face to gently rest on Haruki’s head, the feeling is incredibly warm and soft under his cheek. The sluggish feeling of sleep urging him to close his heavy eyes.
Rui’s mind goes back to the sound of persistent rain that could still be heard from outside. It continued without stop but remained light and gentle with the occasional stray raindrop that would tap the window’s glass.
—Haruki, if I can’t save you from sinking into black waters then let me at least sink along with you, right down to the bottom.