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In the living room, large for a tenement house, but modest for the daughter of a railway owner, a group of people sat down at a round wooden table that took up almost half of the room.
On one side sat a man with his head in his hands. Next to him was an empty seat, and right next to it sat a short, black haired man who was filling out a crossword puzzle from last May.
It was hard to tell if he was answering correctly or not, because his handwriting seemed legible only if someone had three contusions or was half blind. The black haired man was half blind, but legend had it that it was by choice, as his hair was styled in an emo style, and whether it was his eyesight or style of dress that was sacrificed for the other, no one was sure.
Looking further, resting his feet on the table, sat a man with curly hair in a deplorable form. Every now and then he would mutter something in french, only to explode, get up, walk around muttering something malicious under his mustache, get tired, and sit down again to cry.
At his side two dark haired woman brooded over an empty cup of coffee, with narrowed eyes they watched motionlessly at the coffee grounds in the cup.
“You sure this is legit?” Asked the taller one of them, gripping tightly from concentration a forgotten fork in her hand.
The shorter one hummed, “Eula used to predict weather like this for our weekly dates.”
“Annabel used to talk about the weather too…” The other sighed. “You know, well, the stars.”
“Lenore, Berenice,” The French guy pleaded, “Can we stop trying to do magic and get to the point?”
“C’mon, Duke,” The short dude practically meowed with a British accent as he looked up from his crossword, “Eulalie actually managed to prophesy the socks I would wear the day I got fired from my job.”
“You only have one type of socks, Pluto.” Duke tsk’ed.
“Well, but not ALL of them have a hole in them, do they now?” Pluto argued.
“They actually do,” Lenore glanced up shortly, “We used them as a sieve for the pasta when we moved in the first week.”
“You did WHAT?”
But before Duke or Lenore could answer, a brunette stumbled into the living room, stopping at the very door frame and leaning on it heavily.
The quiet guy snapped his head out of his hands instantly upon her arrival, “Ada, what took you so long?” He asked.
“D’nt tell me ya missed me Billy~” Ada slurred through her words, blinking lazily.
Duke furrowed his brows, “Ada, are you drunk?”
Ada nodded, “I’ve found tiramisu in yer fridge, without knowing of the alcohol per… percent- centage in it, I’ve eaten like…” She threw her head back, covering her eyes with her arm before admitting, “the whole thing!”
Lenore dropped her fork, looking down in horror at her plate of half eaten piece of tiramisu, “I’ve… relapsed?” She questioned in horror, forgetting the cup.
“You drank ether, not tequilas, mom amie.” Duke reminded.
“Yeah, but I’ve relapsed.” Ada cut in, hugging the door frame and sliding slowly down to her knees.
“You were in rehab for sniffing sharpies,” the quiet guy corrected, “and you’ve never stopped drinking.”
Ada looked up at him unhappily from the floor, “But I did? Like, literally twelve hours ago.”
“When we went to sleep?”
“Yes, Will,” Ada eyerolled, picking herself up, “when we went to sleep.”
She sat down at the empty seat next to him, dusting off her shirt. Will joined her immediately with the task, grumbling “You should take better care of this!”
“Hey! It’s not my fault that it's dirty! It already was when we stole it.” She replied defensively, before swatting his hands away, “Anyway it’s my turn to wear it today, so stop fussing over it.”
“You guys could just, like, wash it?” Berenice offered, finally giving up and pushing the cup away too.
She was met with two death stares.
“Don’t even speak of such horrors.” Ada muttered.
“Yeah,” Will shook his head, “That would just entirely wash out Monty’s delicate scent out of it.”
“Ohhh, so that’s what stinks.” Pluto realized, moving his chair a bit away.
“Excuse me?”
“Anyway!” Lenore interrupted, “Since we’re all here- finally-“ she glared at Ada, who winked at her, “We can start with discussing our plan.”
Pluto sighed, throwing his crossword puzzle away from him and crossing his hands.
Duke instead leaned closer, nodding his head solemnly, “Speak, Lenore, O captain, our captain. Speak of our plan.”
Lenore stood up, raising her hands “We all gathered here today because we’ve all suffered the same cruel fate.” Stopping abruptly she eyed them one by one, “Heart break.”
Ada started to faint, but Will did so at the same time so she snapped out of it unhappily and caught him. Berenice grasped the cup back, placing it under her watering eyes to not flood the room again, while Duke trembled.
Pluto raised his brow, “uhm, I did not get broken up with.”
Lenore waved at him dismissively, “Yeah, yeah, no need to flex on us that you aren’t tormented by the anguish of a broken heart. Anyway, back to the quest at hand,”
She motioned to Will and he sheepishly reached into his pocket and pulled out a few pieces of paper that he threw onto the table.
“What the fuck, that’s not how Eulalie looks?” Both Berenice and Pluto voiced at the same time.
“G-guys…” Will pouted.
“Who is this?” Lenore asked, raising a newspaper cutout of some random blonde woman with drawn on angry brows in a blue ball pen.
Duke blinked with tears, making Pluto lean over his shoulder to look at the paper in his trembling hands, “Is that… fanart of Draco Malfoy?”
“No!” Duke objected, “Of course not! Are you fully blind now? It’s obviously Luca, you know, my ex boyfriend?”
“The bitch who tried to drown you?” Pluto cringed.
Duke's eyes rolled, “You wouldn’t understand. I set him on fire once.”
“And I thought that those two were the loony ones with a freaky taste.” Berenice gibed, eyeing Will and Ada.
“I’m sorry, but doesn’t your girlfriend run like a child labor powered paranormal investigator firm?” Ada quipped back.
“Ex girlfriend.” Berenice corrected.
“Hey, and who is this?” Lenore asked, eyeing the last piece of paper.
“Who? Well, Montresor, of course.” Ada replied, sending Will a look of disbelief that he returned.
Duke leaned closer on the table, his face narrowing, “Since when does that hick have a six pack?”
“Yeah, wait, why did you give him a sword?” Pluto joined.
“His eyelashes are NOT that long.” Lenore agreed, moving the paper to reveal another one under it. “What the ever loving fuck is this?” She asked in disbelief.
“Monty’s mermaid sona.” Will responded bravely, holding the paper high at Ada’s approving smile, “See? He’s the king of the sea kingdom, and we gave him a fire tail.”
“But then he gets exiled, vowing to bring revenge to the ones that wronged him, but he gets super hurt from the fight with his ever so powerful and evil father and washes up on a beach.” Ada continued, pulling out a notebook and showing off various pages.
Will nods, “And he gets found by a cool guy-“
“And a beautiful princess.” Ada adds.
“Okay, okay,” Lenore chimes in, “That’s…”
“A weird way of coping.” Duke completed.
“You basically forced an ai to act as your ex, and it only worked when you used one that pretended to be an Harry Potter character,” Pluto huffed, ignoring Duke’s protests, and shifted his gaze onto Lenore, “and you, you started smoking my cigarettes without actually inhaling, basically wasting them to look broody.”
Berenice shoved her piece of paper back onto the middle of the table, “Alright guys, but can I genuinely ask why Eulalie’s hair is shaded like that? Not to mention her face- why are her eyes dots and her lips a simple line compared to the plump lips and anime eyes of your fucking cowboy boyfriend?”
Will shrugged, “I’ve never looked at her that much…” he murmured.
“I looked at her a lot.” Ada admitted, “But Will doesn’t take creative criticism if it’s a ‘woman’ that offers it.”
“Ada, cmon” Will whined, “I’ve been misogynistic once, literally ONCE.”
“Guys, guys,” Lenore stepped in again, “It’s not the time to chat about our free time hobbies,”
Pluto nodded, “Yes, please let’s get this over with so I can go and nap.”
Everyone then fell silent, looking up at Lenore.
“Alright. So these are our paramours. Eulalie, Luca, Montresor, and the divine Annabel Lee. They broke up with us, for reasons unknown to a man-“
“I’m pretty sure it was because we spent all our life savings on booze again, babe.” Berenice chimed, poking Lenore in the ribs.
“Monty hit his head, I think.” Ada joined.
“Yeah, twice.” Will agreed.
Duke shrugged, “I broke up with Luca.” He confessed, “But he still hasn’t texted me an apology for whatever reason.”
“Yes, yes, very mysterious ways,” Lenore dismissed, “So we all decided that something must be done to finally end the hell we’ve been thrown into, and get them back.” She concluded, before looking at Duke and adding “Or make them want us back.”
“That’s a possibility?” Will marveled.
Ada chuckled, “Don’t be stupid.”
“So what’s the plan?” Berenice asked, “Because I doubt we can somehow get the money back.”
“You could get a job.” Pluto offered.
Duke’s brows jumped at him.
Pluto raised his jobeless hands up, “No, alright you’re right. Nevermind.”
“What’s the plan then?” Ada asked.
“Well, there’s not one actually,” Lenore hesitated, “that’s why we called you here. So we could brainstorm one.”
Duke stood up, and started pacing in circles again, while Ada fainted this time, forcing Will to catch her.
Pluto reached back for his crossword, while Berenice simply focused back on the coffee grounds.
“Aw, come on.” Lenore hit the table with her fist, “We need to do this.”
“Mm, maybe we could start like, dating one another to make them jealous?” Berenice offered, checking Lenore out real quick.
“Shotgun on Lenore.” Ada woke immediately up and shouted.
“Ada, we already tried this out. We’re literally trying it out right now, what do you mean ‘shotgun on Lenore’?” Will gripped onto the greasy oversized shirt on Ada’s shoulder shaking her a bit.
“I can’t cheat on Annabel.” Lenore objected.
“I could cheat on Luca but no one called dibs on me so I disagree with this plan.” Duke supported, crossing his arms from where he halted his constant circling.
“You would’ve been my next choice.” Berenice winked at him.
“Mine too.” Will and Ada agreed.
“Woaw.” Pluto said in a flat voice.
Ada blinked at him, “I mean, I guess your emo ass could do it for me. I already am dating a kitten boy so I guess a furry isn’t that much of a change.”
Both Will and Pluto meowed in shock and offense.
“We could kidnap them?” Will offered after a minute of silence.
“You suck at kidnapping.” Duke laughed, before actually looking thoughtful, “Your Lenore cosplay tricked me that time though.”
“You guys are such amateurs.” Berenice complained.
Lenore eye rolled, “Oh, pardon us for not having the great skills required for kidnapping children.”
“You guys just don’t get Eula’s business. The younger they are, the better their connection to the afterlife and paranormal entities.” Berenice reasoned, “and it’s not like they don’t get paid.”
“A Snickers bar per hour? Pluto guessed.
“Actually, a pack of skittles.” Berenice corrected.
“No kidnapping.” Lenore concluded, “Annabel would think I’m trying to sell her hair on eBay again or something.
Duke took his seat, “Maybe we could force them into near death experiences so that their life will flash before their eyes- mostly the scenes of us- and they’ll realize that we are the real reason to stay alive for.”
A silence fell upon them.
“This could work.” Ada finally spoke up.
“Annabel does like when I’m unpredictable.” Lenore agreed.
“Wasn’t spending all your guys' life savings to get drunk unpredictable?” Ada asked.
“No.” Both Lenore and Berenice answered.
“But I suppose Eula would like that.” Berenice continued after, taking a look into the cup, “Yeah I think the cup likes that too.”
Duke shrugged, “Luca does need to re-check his values. Or more precisely raise me on top of them.”
Pluto stood up, walking off into his bedroom, “I’m calling Morella to play league of legends with her.”
Will shrugged, “I guess Monty could survive another contusion.”
Lenore clasped her hands, “So we’re settled. From tomorrow on, our plan goes into motion. Now go home and prepare yourself.”
“Babe, I literally live here though. Eulalie kicked me out, remember?” Berenice reminded.
“Yeah, I mean we’re roommates.” Duke added.
“I paid half the rent last month.” Pluto called over from his room.
“Yes, yes, I meant more our guests.” Lenore motioned to Will and Ada.
“Yeah, she’s right.” Will turned to Ada, “We need to go home and talk about Monty.”
Ada nodded solemnly, as if they didn’t do that religiously, “Yeah, and get drunk.”
“To clear our thoughts.” Will nodded back.
“Actually you could… well I mean.” Lenore halted.
“Let’s just call morella instead.” Berenice whispered to Lenore, “She’s our OG AA ally. She brings her Irish pint.
“We can’t,” Lenore argued, “She’s friends with Annabel, Prospero, and Montresor this week.”
Berenice sighed, “But I don’t want to hear them talk about Montresor all day.”
Lenore turned back to them, “You guys gonna drink…?”
“We shoplifted a bottle of whiskey!” Will boasted.
Pluto poked his head around the corner, “You guys talking about shoplifting?”
“No.” Duke objected, “Calm your kleptomaniac senses.”
Pluto grimaced, “That was YOUR first date idea.”
Duke shrugged, “It was cute back then, now everyone is doing it and that kinda ruins the vibe.”
“William, Adalyn.” Lenore spoke up, “Go get the bottle and we’ll brainstorm together.”
Ada and Will jumped happily.
Berenice groaned, standing up to lay on the couch in distress.
Lenore put her hands on her hips. “Alright, then it’s settled, today we prepare, and tomorrow we’ll act!”
She imagined everyone jumping and screaming in agreement, and then went to get the glasses.