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Bora knows that she shouldn’t be doing this, knows that she could just ask, that Yoohyeon would give her whatever she wants. As much as she hates it, as much as she wishes the younger woman had some kind of sense of self-preservation, she knows that she’s as much at fault for that as Yoohyeon is, knows that her presence is too addicting not to go to the hybrid, no matter how much it seems to hurt the other woman.
She doesn’t really know why, doesn’t know what about her makes Yoohyeon so happy, but Bora finds herself wanting to anyway. She finds herself wanting to make sure she never frowns, that her tail and ears never droop. She wants to make sure that whatever else happens, Yoohyeon always goes home smiling, that she doesn’t go to bed feeling sad.
It's not something she wants to explore more, not right now. She’s content with things as they are, but still. She can’t help but be curious, can’t help but wonder about the time before they’d met, about the mystery soloist that they’d all wondered about but never bothered to look for.
The guilt of that thought makes her flush as she looks at Yubin, waiting for her answer. Just when she thinks she might refuse, Yubin sighs and tells her which songs to look up, what dates.
Bora’s not stupid. She understands how much trust is going into this, understands how protective Yubin can be. She’s seen it before with every single one of them, so she has no doubt it’s even more so with Yoohyeon. She understands just how much she’s giving her, and she’s always going to be grateful.
It’s only when she thinks the dorm is empty that Bora settles on the couch to watch Yoohyeon’s old performances. It’s not that she’s trying to hide it, not really, but she’s not ready for the questions that would come, the teasing. Minji’s already on thin ice, her best friend dancing on the border of too much, though Bora knows she won’t cross it.
She just wants to experience this alone first, just wants to watch Yoohyeon and learn about her, figure her out before she can figure out her own feelings. And she knows that she could do this in the privacy of her own room, but she itches for more, itches for something other than the small screen of her phone, but she won’t go upstairs, not yet.
No, Bora needs to do this here, needs to watch her, to actually see her, and so she finds the first video, pressing play before she can chicken out.
She doesn’t know what to expect, doesn’t know what she thought would happen, but it’s not seeing Yoohyeon onstage, as sad as she ever is, tail and ears drooping. She’s seated, her flannel open and flared to reveal a white t-shirt behind the guitar settled on her lap. It’s as vulnerable as Bora knows she’ll let herself be with fans, not all artifice but not quite the real her either.
Bora knows a stage persona when she sees it, but she also knows now when Yoohyeon is struggling to pretend that everything is okay. Even with her more animalistic features, Bora can see it in the droop of her shoulders, the way she won’t look at anyone or anything.
It’s enough to make her clench her fists, but she continues to watch, forces herself through video after video as she keeps her eye on Yoohyeon, keeps watching until she forgets where and when she is.
All Bora knows is that she never wants to see her like this again, and that she’ll do anything to keep the smile she knows and loves on her puppy’s face.