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Esha stared at the medic, her head tilted in confusion, her eyes scanning theirs for any lie, any deception, anything but what they had just said.
“Pregnant? I'm afraid that's…that's literally impossible.” She chuckled awkwardly. “There's no way you could know this, of course, but I had an…accident as a young adult that rendered me quite incapable of having children within normal means.”
The medic looked at her and nodded. “I'm sure that's what you've been told in the past.”
“Because it's true.”
“Yes, and bodies can heal, and surprise us in ways we never thought possible.”
Esha chewed her lip silently. “Will it be a…healthy…pregnancy?” She asked softly.
More kids would be a lot for Esha and Davrin, especially with Violet and Oakley being the age they were. And it had already been a struggle carrying Violet's magically assisted pregnancy, and she herself was younger, then. Her hand strayed to her stomach, and she sighed, burdened.
The medic hemmed and hawed, and Esha glared at him as he looked between her and his scribbled notes. “Is too early to tell, but given that you've stated you've had an injury in the area in the past, it could be a risk. Not high risk, but if you intend to keep it, I would keep an eye on things.”
“Intend to keep it…” Esha muttered, a bit dazed. She had genuinely never believed this could happen, at least not with her and Davrin. She had that injury, or at least she thought she did, and Davrin was a Grey Warden. There was such low fertility between them, that this was genuinely a shock to her nervous system.
Davrin was waiting for her outside the Treviso clinic. What was she supposed to tell him? They came in here for stomach issues and nausea.
As she exited, she was in disarray. She wasn't sure what she wanted, but she knew she had to talk with her husband first because this was something to discuss amongst the two of them, not something she could or would decide on her own.
Davrin was people watching again, his arms crossed as he leaned against the wall of the clinic they'd found near the market. He glanced up as Esha came into his view, but when he saw she wasn't holding anything, he looked confused.
“They didn't give you anything for the nausea?” Esha shook her head numbly. He noticed her expression and his eyebrows shot up. “You okay, Esh?”
She nodded slowly. “M'fine.” She murmured. “Just…need to talk, apparently.”
Turning back to watch the street again, he hummed apprehensively. “How long of a talk?”
“Not sure.”
“I ask because while I don't doubt that Rosa can handle Kal's murder and Vi and Oak, I worry about her sanity the longer we let it slide.” He explained with an awkward chuckle. “You sure you're okay?”
Esha leaned into him, her face pressed into his chest as she heaved a deep, groaning sigh. “Complicated.”
“Esha. Are you sick?”
“No.”
Davrin raised a hand and felt her forehead. “You feel fine, so I guess I'll have to believe you for now. You wanna walk and talk, or is this a ‘sit down ‘round the table with wine and discuss’ kind of thing?”
Esha grimaced. “Maybe not…with wine?”
Tilting his head back, Davrin's eyes narrowed, then he must have seen the shifty look in Esha's eye, or the way her hand wouldn't move from her stomach. His eyes widened in alarm as realization dawned on his face, his body stiffening.
“Wha... how?” He said hushedly, glancing between the clinic and Esha like he distrusted the physician, or maybe her, or both.
She shrugged. “He said, maybe I healed? I mean the scars still there, maybe the potion we used for Violet did something? I don't know…” she stared at the cobblestones below her.
Davrin took a deep breath, his hands hovering at Esha's sides, clearly not sure where to actually put them. Then Esha reached for his hands, and he was quick to squeeze them gently. “A long talk, then. We can see if Kal would be open to hosting Vi and Oak overnight?”
“Yes please. Maybe a few days, in fact.”
“We should probably tell him in person, then. Lucanis would appreciate it, I know.”
Esha eyed him curiously. “Since when did you start caring what Lucanis thought?”
“Since our kids got buddy-buddy while staying in Treviso, and I actually had to acknowledge him as an in-law.” He retorted, letting go of Esha's hands, which she went to protest, but he wrapped an arm around her waist. “Let's go now. Better to get this over with.”
‘Get this over with’ didn't sound like a promising phrase to Esha. To be fair, she wasn't sure what she wanted either, but she hated trying to guess what her husband was thinking.
Sometimes Esha wished Davrin was more selfish, so she could support him as he did her, but it was difficult when she was always left guessing. They'd had fights about things, of course. What couple doesn't fight? But when it came down to it, Davrin would always step back for her, and it infuriated her more than it should have, honestly.
“Davrin.” She said quietly as they traversed through the streets of Treviso. It was midday, so it wasn't too busy, but it was still loud as merchants shilled and panhandlers performed, so she hoped no one could hear her. “You can tell me, you know. Up front.”
Davrin glanced at her “Esh, babe, gonna need to be more specific.”
Esha shook her head dismissively. “We wouldn't need to drag this out if you just told me what you wanted. Like…not more kids.”
He seemed confused, and a little frustrated at her statement. “Excuse me?” He stopped in his tracks, then seemed to realize that would cause catty Trevisans to notice them, so he kept an even pace, his arm that was wrapped around her waist tightening. “Don't assume stuff. It's not fair to either of us.” He said quietly. He was trying to spare her feelings.
“I can tell you're not happy by the news, Dav. You don't need to-”
“Don't.” He repeated firmly.
Esha rolled her eyes. “You always do this. You don't wanna talk about your feelings, you're too worried about what I think, worried that I'm stressing myself out, or whatever. That's what's not fair.”
As he went to respond, a single raindrop landed on her cheek, and it was quickly followed by more. She held up a hand to feel the drops that came quicker and quicker, groaning in frustration.
“This isn't over, we can talk about this when we get to your brother's.” Davrin said simply, and picked up the pace before the rain got worse. His grip on her waist was almost uncomfortably tight, but when she grunted and shimmied away, he released his arm and reached for her hand instead. Sometimes he had trouble controlling his strength when he was frustrated, and she knew he was now, since she had gone and poked at him intentionally.
She had really hoped that the rain would at least stay light enough for them to go home after the Dellamorte Estate, but it was practically showering not even five minutes into their walk, and by the time they reached the front gardens of the manor, they were utterly drenched, and the unpleasant tension between wife and husband was thick.
Esha didn't even wait for an employee to come and greet them, she just strode off, dripping onto the carpet. “Kal and Lucanis are probably in their office. I'll take care of it.” She said, trying to not sound stiff, she wasn't that angry at him, but it came out awkward and stilted anyway. She sighed, avoiding Davrin's eyes as she took off.
At some point a staff member she didn't know the name of, but had seen before on her visits came up to her with a towel, looking none too surprised that she was here, but with a master like Kal, she probably couldn't afford to be.
Esha gratefully took it and dried her hair out so it wasn't sopping wet and sticking to her actor. Her clothes were a lost cause, but she did wipe the bottoms of her shoes so as not to track more mud than she already had.
There was chatter coming from the office, so Esha could tell she had been correct in her assumptions of where the First Talon would be. Now her brother may not be there, but considering the fact they were attached at the hip, it was a likely possibility Esha was willing to bet on.
She knocked on the door apprehensively, sighing to herself as she clutched the towel in her other hand, squeezing it to ground herself. A moment passed, as the chatter ceased and she heard clattering and drawers opening and closing. Then Lucanis's voice cut through. “Who is it?”
“Just me.” Esha said, tiredly. She didn't have the energy to put up a front in front of her brother or brother-in-law. “Esha.”
The door opened, and her hypothesis was indeed proven correct, as Kal sat perched on Lucanis's desk, holding a cup of what looked like tea. Lucanis was the one who had opened the door, staring at her disheveled state. “What happened to you?”
“Complicated.” Esha murmured, echoing her own words from earlier as she stepped into the room, shivering from the breeze of the open window. The rain was a gentle swan song from indoors, though she didn't want to go back out into it. “I have a favor to ask the two of you.”
Lucanis and Kal shared a husbandly look, and Kal tipped his head towards Esha with a nod. They were good at the non-verbal communication.
“Of course, what's up?” Was Lucanis's response.
“Where's Davrin?” Was Kal's.
Esha blinked slowly. “He's probably checking in on the kids before…well I mean, I hope he is. If he followed me I'm gonna be real mad. Anyway, the favo-”
“Why?” Her brother interrupted.
Groaning, Esha gestured. “Don't worry about it, Kal. It's nothing. Please just…can you watch Vi and Oak for a few days?”
A small smile graced Kal's face suddenly, and he strode across the room to whisper something into Lucanis's ear, which Lucanis looked surprised by, but turned to Esha and nodded, his eyes straying to her stomach far too long to be an accident. She squinted in suspicion. Did Kal somehow already know?
“We can do that. But are you and Davrin fighting?”
“No!” Esha quickly dismissed the idea. “No. Just a disagreement. Nothing we can't talk out…he's just being difficult. Or maybe we both are. Ugh.” She wrung the towel tightly. “There's some stuff going on, and I'd really rather not…have the kids around that atmosphere until we get things all parsed out. And they love playing with their cousins.”
“We'll take good care of them.” Lucanis smirked. “Three meals a day, Rosa can coordinate their lessons, everything. Just go and focus on…” his eyes flicked from her stomach back up to her face with a grin. “Davrin.”
Esha burned with embarrassment. They knew. She didn't even get the chance to tell them, or anything. It was just out there, in the open, somehow they knew. Maybe the Dellamorte family owned that clinic, or something.
“Thanks…” she muttered. “We really appreciate it.” She turned and stepped out of the room, trying to avoid their eyes, and heard their chatter return as the door closed behind her. Gods, why did everyone else know her better than she knew herself? It was infuriating. They were so smug, all of them.
She only made it a few corridors away before she sunk against the wall and slid down to sit against a column. She took a deep breath, hoping no servants would enter this area, at least for the moment. She did not need to be catered to, or pampered, or anything. She needed to be alone with her thoughts, to let her mind recover for just a moment.
Pregnant. She was pregnant. SHE WAS FUCKING PREGNANT.
Equal parts of her were mortified, terrified, and ecstatic. The want for biological children had been abated with Violet, her lovely daughter, and her general want for more children had seemingly stopped with Oakley, her silly son. Could she even handle another baby? She rubbed her temples, trying to force the chaos in her mind to order itself into a semblance of a proper thought.
It struck her quickly once she actually thought about it. She wanted this baby. She wanted another child. How could she not take the chance, to see another life of her own brought into being, to love that being with all her heart like she loved Vi, and Oak, and…Davrin.
Maybe he didn't dislike the idea of a new baby. Maybe he was just overwhelmed, like she had been, and was trying to show support. She leaned her cheek against the cool marble of the column, hot shame flooding her. She always was the one who picked fights. She was always the one who found problems. Why did she self-sabotage like this? It wasn't helpful in any way, shape, or form.
He deserved more from her, and so did her children. This wasn't about some survival instinct, and it wasn't about some sense of perceived brokenness. It certainly wasn't about the assumptions she made on Davrin's behalf. It was about facing an issue as a unit, and she hadn't given him the benefit of the doubt even slightly.
She sat there for a few more moments, trying to find the energy to get back up, and finding that she had none. Her sopping wet clothes stuck to her skin and weighed her down. She sighed.
“Why are you still out here?” Kal's tattooed legs were suddenly in view, and she looked up to see his face. “Don't you wanna talk to Davrin?”
Esha sighed. “Yea..but I can't move.”
“Course not. See, this is why I prefer less clothes.” Kal motioned to his kilt. “You're gonna get sick if you stay in those. You can go to one of the guest rooms if you want. Luca already sent for clothes, so I can send Davrin your way.”
She couldn't even bring herself to chuckle. “Yea. That would be nice, but I still can't get up. I'm wearing like three layers of soaked clothes.”
Kal, without warning, grabbed Esha's collar and yanked her to a standing position as she yelped. She stumbled, catching herself on the column. “There you go!” He said, with a self-satisfied grin.
“Kal! Warn me!” She heaved, her eyes wide in alarm.
“No.”
Esha glared at him, but she couldn't stay mad. It was his way of caring. “Fine, I'll go…” She leaned down and picked up her forgotten towel, slinging it over her shoulder. “Thanks, Kal.” He paused, watching her start to walk down the hall, and then she squinted at him. “...what?”
“What are you hoping for?” He asked.
“Huh?”
“How long till you tell everyone?”
“Don't even-” She warned. “I wanna be the one to tell Allona and Monello. Just because you have some freaky woo woo doesn't mean I wanted you to know yet, so please don't take my opportunity to tell them away?”
“Nah, don't worry.” Kal waved his hand. “Just keep me updated, ‘k? The room will be open for you when you need it.”
Esha's shoulders slumped in relief. “Thanks, Kal. Could I…ask you, how did you know? I mean, you can't have gotten word from the clinic that fast.” She stuttered nervously.
Kal pointed to her stomach. “I could sense the magic.”
“The magic?” Esha paused. “Like…like Teo? Like my baby has magic?!” Her heart leapt in her throat. “I mean, momma said her sister was a mage… I don't know any of Davrin's family but I feel like he would have maybe mentioned it? You mean this baby has magic already?”
Kal nodded, his eyes narrowing at her stomach like he was trying to focus. “There's something off about it, though.”
Esha tilted her head. “I'm not surprised, actually. The medic said there could be risks involved given my injury. But anyway, I need to talk to Davrin. I'll head out, Kal. Thank you.”
She watched as Kal stared at her the entire way down the hallway until she slipped around the corner, and she was confused the entire time. Her nerves were fraught with tension. A baby, and not just any baby, a mage baby.
Oakley was a mage as well, but Esha didn't know if she should be comparing a magical baby that she found in a crater to an actual naturally born mage baby.
The guest room at the Dellamorte manor that she and Davrin usually stayed at was still clean, though there was a thin layer of dust on everything. No need to stay at Kal's when they had their own mini-manor in the same district. Esha slipped into the adjoined bath, shedding her clothes and crumpling it onto a ball to be taken to the laundry later.
She swayed as the bath filled, staring at her own stomach in the mirror. Two pregnancies, one surrogate and one for her own, had left her with stretch marks. She wondered if this pregnancy would add to that. Though…She needed to not get ahead of herself. She still needed to get Davrin's opinion on this. His actual opinion, not the one her brain had decided prematurely.
Once the bath was full, and the room filled with hazy steam, she lowered herself into the warm water and sighed as the chill in her bones was chased away. She leaned back and hummed to herself as she relaxed, trying to think of a course of action to take.
She wanted this baby. There was no longer any doubt in her mind. It may have been coming late, but it was coming. But it was entirely possible she'd not been far off the mark with her guess that he didn't want more kids. She had to prepare for that possibility as well. She wouldn't want to break her family apart just for a new baby, though. She loved her family just as it was.
She was so lost in thought, her eyes closed as she contemplated and attempted to relax, that she didn't hear the bathroom door open and close with a soft *click*.
“Esha.” Davrin's voice next to her ear startled her, and she almost slapped her husband in the face as she scrambled at the sides of the bathtub.
“Davrin!” She shrieked, her heart thrumming in her ears. “Don't do that!” She placed a hand on her chest, trying to calm down. Water had splashed out of the tub, leaving the floor just as soaked as her clothes had been.
“I'd apologize, but I don't think I will.” Davrin chuckled. “Cuz no matter what I say right now I think I'm in the doghouse.”
Esha pulled herself out of the tub, being careful not to slip on the puddles they had created. Davrin offered her his arm, but a stubborn half of her refused it. She padded over to the wall where two generic robes hung, and she wrapped one around her, tying the sash carefully and slowly. She was both letting Davrin stew, and trying to think of what to say.
Davrin watched her carefully, she could see in the mirror that his eyes remained trained on her. “You can stop staring.” She said softly.
“Nah. You might run off again.”
She scoffed, mock offended. “Well then, maybe I should just go.” She joked as she finished the final knot.
She watched as Davrin quickly moved to stand behind her, and put his hand on her shoulder to turn her to face him. She noticed he was wearing dry clothes now as well.
“No. Not until we talk.” He said.. “No more running, no more assumptions. Vi and Oak are playing with their cousins. We can talk.” His voice was firm, but with a tenderness underneath.
Esha nodded, her throat tight. “Yea. We can talk, but maybe we should sit down first? Get out of this wet room.”
Quietly, observing her the entire time, Davrin stepped back and motioned towards the door. Esha got the hint rather quickly, and stepped past him to get to the bedroom proper. The only real place to sit was the oversized bed, so Esha perched herself atop it and waited for her husband. He followed a moment later, pausing to look at her from the doorway for only a moment before he sat by her. Just close enough she could tell he wasn't truly angry with her. They were both idiots.
The rain continued to beat against the window, the only break in the uncomfortable silence hanging over them. Davrin was just watching her, and she just played with her fingers. A game of chicken, to see who would break the silence first.
It would be Esha. She let out a little awkward chuckle, shaking her head. “Davrin…why do we do this to ourselves? Or rather, why do I make it happen?” Davrin wordlessly reached for her hand, his thumb swiping over her knuckles. “I know…I know you hate it. And I keep doing it.”
“You do have a tendency to let your mouth outrun your brain.” He said, with a slight reprimanding tone. “And yes, I do hate it. But that's an issue we can work on, not an end-all-be-all. Especially not when you're pregnant. Stress can be bad for the baby.”
“Thought you wanted to ‘get it over with’, though.” Esha said softly
He must have, though, because bewildered, his eyes shot up to hers. “Esha.” His tone was sharp. “That's what got you riled up?” He groaned, letting go of her hand to rub his face. “Yea, we need to work on that. I meant I wanted to get telling Kal to look after the kids over with, babe.”
Esha's cheeks flared with red, thoroughly embarrassed now, If she wasn't before. “Wh-what?” She squeaked. “Oh, Davrin, I'm sorry!”
“I mean, I know your head sometimes goes places, but damn.” Davrin pulled her to him to wrap her in an embrace. “I guess I could have been more specific, I just didn't want to put more on your plate when you looked so overwhelmed. Should have known your brain was already working in overtime.”
A bit of laughter bubbled up from the depths of her throat. “You can call me an idiot, you know. I know I am.”
“Nah, just mortal. And maybe a bit hormonal, but not an idiot.” He rubbed her back idly, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Now…can we talk about the bronto in the room?”
“Right…haha…” Esha sighed. “So I'm pregnant…what do…what are your thoughts?”
Davrin stiffened again, which Esha didn't like. “I mean, do my thoughts particularly matter on this?”
“Yes.” She said, exasperated. “Davrin, we're a unit now, a family. I expect to talk these decisions out together. I'm not married to myself.”
Davrin shifted, putting Esha down and out of his lap. “It's not that. I don't want to make decisions about this for you.”
“Then don't. We're making decisions for us. It's a baby, for fuck's sake, Dav. It's not like ‘what's for dinner?’ It's a huge thing that could rock our family unit. Just. Tell. Me.” She grabbed his face and pulled it towards hers so he was forced to look her in the eye.
“Then, I do want it.” He said, grinning. “Esha, I never thought we'd be able to have one kid, let alone two. Now you're telling me we might have three? In my eyes it's a terrible, wonderful, scary, amazing gift. But I don't want to push you into doing something you don't want, or push you away from something you do want.”
She kissed his forehead, her heart filling with joy. “Oh, that's perfect, Dav! I was so worried you wouldn't want to keep it, it's such a miracle, but if you had said no…I wouldn't break our family apart just for that.”
“You wouldn't have had to.” Davrin stood up. “Another baby…”
“Yea, well. There's other things I need to tell you.” She pulled him back down to the bed, and sighed. “And no, it's not histrionics.” She waited for him to settle back down before she took a deep breath. “Okay, so. The medic did say this could be a risky pregnancy, due to the injury. Not a high risk!” She corrected as his mouth opened, his eyebrows knit together in concern. “But it would be something to monitor.
Davrin nodded. “Agreed. What else?”
Esha pursed her lips. “Kal sensed magic coming from the baby. So it looks like we may have another mage on our hands.”
“Oh really? Wonder where they're getting that from.” He mused. “That all?”
“You're not worried?”
“If we can handle Oakley, Esh, we can handle any mage nonsense.Plus, we'll have access to Kal and Allona. They can help.”
Esha leaned into him. “You always know what to say and do. How?”
“Comes from years of not knowing these things.” He said, tilting her chin to kiss her. “I like to think by now I speak ‘Esha’, and maybe a little ‘De Riva’, but I'm not a native speaker. I slip up. Forgive me?”
Esha scoffed. “Looks like I'm the one who needs to learn to speak Davrin, then. Coz this dance is not a solo, and I'm sick of you kowtowing to me.”
Shrugging, he watched her snuggle up to him. They fell into a comfortable silence as Esha stood up to look out the rain-soaked windows. She was thinking. Thinking about the future, about what to do to prepare for a new baby. Davrin seemed to be thinking the same, as he hummed under his breath.
“So, how soon is too soon to set up a nursery?”
Esha laughed at Davrin's question. “Probably should wait at least a few months. It's still early. For now, we can ask Allona for a dedicated medic to accompany us through the pregnancy. It may not be high risk, but any risk should be mitigated as much as possible.”
He nodded, coming to stand next to her. “Makes sense to me. Allona will know the right people. As for us, do I dare suggest we find a therapist? Or will that earn me sleeping on a bench in the hall?”
She smacked his arm. “Ass. I'd be fine with it. We need to be a united front. Speaking of, we can tell Vi and Oak once this is more…secure.” She rubbed her stomach absentmindedly. “I'm excited and petrified. You were right, this is wonderful, scary, and exciting.”
“Yea, but we'll get through it. We always do. It's why we chose ‘Suledin’ for ourselves. Because we endure.”
“Mhm…” she watched as a sliver of sunlight started to peek through the storm clouds. “Looks like we'll be able to go home sooner than I thought. Kal and Lucanis will keep the kids for a few days while we figure everything out…”
Davrin grinned. “Maybe start brainstorming names…”
Esha giggled and watched the sliver get bigger. “Maybe not yet, love. But we will get through this together. As a unit.”
“Right, just the four, no…five of us.” Davrin looped his arms around her waist, his hands interlocking as they rested on her stomach. “I know you hate being pampered, but you better prepare for it. On all sides.”
“I'm sure I'll live with it.”