Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Yeon Sieun is trapped in a never ending time loop.

He goes to school. Meets with Humin, Hyuntak and Juntae. Studies. Eats. Studies. Leaves and goes to cram school. Studies. Leaves and goes to the hospital. Takes the elevator to the third floor. Greets the nurse. Signs the visit form. Walks in the corridor on the right. Stays still in front of room 3203 for a while. Opens the door. Closes it. Brings the stool next to Suho’s bed. Sits on it. Talks with Suho for a while. A doctor tells him to leave because visiting hours are ending. Returns the stool in the corner of the room. Opens the door. Closes the door. Signs the visit form again. Greets the nurse. Leaves. Takes the bus. Returns in the silence of his home.

Doesn’t sleep.

The familiar tic tac of the clock rhythms his nights, eyes wide open in the darkness.

The Union is gone. Na Baekjin died.

Everything is well.

But Ahn Suho hasn’t woken up yet.

His condition isn’t stable. Who knows, maybe the next time he receives a call from the hospital will be the last.

Ahn Suho died.

Three words that haunt him.

Don’t let him sleep.

Death is unpredictable. It could happen now. It could happen in ten minutes. Tomorrow. In a year. That probability is impossible to calculate, and Sieun dislikes things that cannot be studied. Predicted.

That’s why he can’t sleep.

What if Suho dies when Sieun is asleep?

What if he misses the phone call telling him Suho is in a critical condition?

He can’t.

He has to stay awake.

That’s his punishment for failing to protect his best friend.

The one that taught him everything.

The one that saved him.

Sieun doesn’t close his eyes.

The day after is just another day in his never ending time loop. Waking up. Going to school. Meeting with Humin, Hyuntak, Juntae. They look happy. Humin and Hyuntak are messing with each other, bickering like kids. Juntae laughs. Sometimes, Sieun lets himself bathe in their innocence. Takes in their childish behavior, imagines himself joking around, laughing like he once did with Suho and Beomseok.

But he remembers Beomseok’s eyes when he almost hit him.

Suho lying lifeless in the hospital.

The light in his eyes dulls, and his heart closes.

It’s not his fault, Juntae told him.

He’d started to believe it, too. Suho wouldn’t want him to feel so depressed over him. He’d want him to smile. Make friends. It’s important to have friends, isn’t it, Suho?

But as time stretches on, guilt resurfaces. Like weeds in a beautiful garden, sprouting slowly but surely. It grows between the cracks of the pavement, the flaws of the ground, the weaknesses of the soil.

Even if you get rid of them, they return.

What if Suho never wakes up?

Is it still safe to say that it isn’t his fault?

These thoughts bring him yet again to Suho’s side. He signs the visit form, walks to the end of the corridor on the right. Stands in front of room 3203—

Someone’s in there.

His time loop breaks.

An anomaly happens.

It comes in the form of a flashy orange jacket. Strands of hair curling around its neck, hands in its pockets. Sat on the usual stool Sieun uses.

Sieun’s heart turns to steel. His jaw tenses. His whole body on alert. Just in case, he grabs the pen in his pocket. Click.

He slides the door open.

The rattle draws the attention of the anomaly.

Glasses turn towards him, and a slow smile stretches onto the anomaly's face, like what it has been waiting for has finally showed up.

Sieun remains in the doorway. Feet planted in the ground, he refuses to move. Watches Geum Seongje as the latter fully turns towards him, the stool’s wheels squeaking. An unhinged light sits in his eyes, chin slightly raised, admiring his prey.

Silence drags on. They stare at each other in a calm similar to the one before a storm, birds flying lower, wind blowing harder. Electricity sizzles in the air, the atmosphere thick with tension. Sieun can feel his heart beat in every fiber of his body, drumming in every muscle, every inch of his skin. His fingers twitch.

He watches Seongje’s features move. The corners of his lips curling up more and more, his eyes widening in madness.

Click.

A low chuckle escapes Seongje’s throat.

“Hi, newbie. Been a while.”

Sieun’s jaw locks.

He stays silent, watches Geum Seongje.

An error in his calculations.

A mistake in a perfect plan.

He shouldn’t be here.

Shouldn’t be watching over Suho.

“If you want to fight, I’m not doing it here,” he retorts.

Seongje laughs. Tilts his head, like he’s talking to a kid.

“Don’t want to showcase your stabbing skills to your boyfriend? What a pity.”

Sieun’s knuckles turn white, hands trembling slightly, but he forces himself to stay still.

“Get out while I’m still asking nicely.”

Seongje scoffs. “Ohhhh… And what if I don’t?”

His eyes flicker to his pen, then to his eyes. A smile creeps onto his lips, a glint of mockery in the darkness of his gaze.

“You gonna try to stab me again? If I had to choose, I think a pen would be a better choice than a glasses’ arm. You don’t know how much glasses cost, huh? Was a fucking pain in the ass to have new ones made.”

Sieun’s clenching his fists so hard, he could break his pen. Break it like he wants to break Seongje’s neck, right now.

But Sieun can’t do that with Suho right there. It’s too dangerous. If they have to fight, it has to be outside. But how to make sure Geum Seongje doesn’t even touch a strand of hair of Suho? How to make him leave?

Sieun’s mind starts running. He calms down, like he always does when he’s in front of a problem he can’t solve in an exam. Takes a deep breath, reviews all of the variables, the equations, the formulas.

Think.

“Why are you here?”

Seongje smiles. “I’m paying a little visit to Ahn Suho. Making sure he’s not getting forgotten, y’know?”

Making sure he doesn’t forget that Geum Seongje knows about Ahn Suho.

That he can show up, anytime.

Hurt him.

Torture him.

Kill him.

Sieun’s features tense.

“Why?”

Geum Seongje has no reason to do that anymore. When he showed up for the first and last time, it was a warning. A threat. A reason to bring him to Baekjin. A means to make the deal between the two of them.

But now, the Union’s gone. Na Baekjin’s dead.

And Geum Seongje is all alone.

“Why not? It’s fun, and I get to see you.”

Seongje chuckles.

Sieun takes a deep breath.

He steps in but doesn’t close the door behind him. An open invitation for Seongje to leave. A warning that if he screams, someone will hear.

Each step he takes is tracked by Seongje's attentive gaze, like he's reeling Sieun in with an invisible rope around his neck. Sieun knows this is a trap. Knows he should’ve left. It probably would’ve made Seongje leave.

But Suho is here, and Sieun can’t risk it.

Sieun stops two meters away from Seongje. Too far from Suho, but too close to Seongje. The air is still dense with electricity, full of propane: one wrong move, one wrong spark of fire and the room will explode, killing them all.

Sieun has to make him leave first, no matter what.

“You should find some people who would want to be friends with you, Geum Seongje. You’re not going to find a friend in me.”

Seongje’s smile vanishes. He raises his eyebrows, eyes darkening.

“Why the fuck would I want that?”

“Isn’t that why you’re here? Because you feel lonely?”

Seongje stands up.

Sieun braces himself. For a punch. An impact. A move.

Anything.

But Geum Seongje just stands there. Scoffs. Stares at Sieun like he’s thinking how to cut him into pieces when he kills him. Which parts to keep, which parts to throw away.

“You’re really my type, Yeon Sieun.”

Sieun frowns. He said the same thing, the last time he came to the hospital. That Sieun had a real punchable face, that he was just his type. It disgusted him.

Seongje cuts the distance between them, and Sieun steps back. One small step, but that gives away his fear of Seongje.

Seongje laughs. He pats his shoulder and leans in, his lips a few inches from his ear. Seongje’s breath lands on his skin, and it’s too hot. Disturbing. Uncomfortable.

Too close.

“See you, newbie.”

Seongje winks. He chuckles, and brushes past Sieun. It smells of dried blood, tobacco and dust.

A wrong scent.

His footsteps fade away and soon, his presence in this room is erased, like he never came at all.

An anomaly that never happened.

For a brief moment, Sieun can only hear his heart drilling in his ears. Tension refuses to leave his body, like Seongje is poisoning each one of his veins and making sure he can’t forget him.

But Suho is right there, in front of him. Still breathing in that mask.

Still alive.

The sounds dull, his heart calms down. His shoulders drop, his fists unclench, the pen almost falling from his hand.

He exhales a breath he didn’t know he was keeping in.

But when he takes his next breath, it still smells of tobacco.

The stool still there, motionless.

The universe shifted. The laws have changed.

Yeon Sieun wakes up. Goes to school. Feels his stomach knot as he carefully watches the school gates. Meets with Humin, Hyuntak and Juntae. Studies. Leaves school. Takes the detour instead of the short-cut in the tunnel. Goes to cram school. Studies. Leaves. Goes to the hospital. Greets the nurse. Signs the visit form. Takes a deep breath before walking towards room 3203.

And there he is.

Geum Seongje.

Sat on the same stool he sat on yesterday.

One leg draped over the other, hands busy playing a game.

A new addition to the laws of the universe.

Sieun stands in the hallway, unmoving. Observing him.

Like if he stares long enough, Seongje will magically disappear.

Leave him alone.

But Geum Seongje isn’t a hallucination, and Geum Seongje curses under his breath when he loses his game. He turns his head towards the door even if Sieun didn’t make a single sound, and he stops.

He straightens up. Tilts his whole body, cranes his head, a disturbing smile spreading across his face.

He waves and gestures for him to come in, like it’s his own house.

Sieun takes a deep breath. Another math problem he’ll have to resolve today.

He pulls the door open.

Stays in the doorway, arms hung at his sides. 

“Hi, newbie,” Seongje drawls. “You’re really visiting your lovely boyfriend every day, aren’t you? Like you’re a fucking doctor checking on his patient. Hey, Ahn Suho won’t wake up faster if you watch over him, you dickhead.”

“Keep his name off your mouth,” Sieun grits.

He shouldn’t have answered at all. Shouldn’t have given Seongje the satisfaction of a reaction.

But Suho has always been his weak spot, his Achilles’ heel.

And Geum Seongje knows it.

Isn’t that why he came to him in Suho’s ward, again?

Because he knows that’s where Sieun is the most likely to go off?

Sieun’s blood turns to ice.

A smile spreads across Seongje’s face, a pleased glimmer in his eyes.

He points towards Sieun, his finger moving up and down in slow approval.

“Yeah, that’s it. That’s exactly what I like to see.”

Sieun’s jaw locks.

“Didn’t I tell you not to look for me to have friends?”

Seongje stares at him. “I don’t want to be friends with you. I want to play with you.”

Sieun doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to make Seongje satisfied, but if he disobeys, what is that psycho capable of doing? They’re in Suho’s ward. Suho is breathing, right next to them. Vulnerable. Easy to hurt. Easy to kill.

Has Geum Seongje already killed someone?

It’s not hard to imagine, and that’s what’s scary.

That it might not be his first time attempting to murder someone.

“I’ll kill you, the next time you show up.”

“Woo. The ice princess has got some bite.”

It takes all of Sieun’s will to not plant his pen in Seongje’s skull. He doesn’t even know how Seongje came to know about Humin’s nickname for him, but that’s not important.

“Get out.”

“And what if I don’t, huh?”

“You don’t want to take Suho’s place.”

“You don’t know about that. Maybe I dream of lying lifeless on a hospital bed, making my cute boyfriend visit me every day?”

Seongje chuckles.

Sieun can’t entertain him much longer.

“Isn’t the contrary what you want? You wish you could be me. Paying a visit to a friend you’ve lost.”

Seongje’s smile disappears. The light in his eyes is replaced by something much somber, much more raw.

Neither of them speak for a long time. The faint sounds of nurses walking in the corridor, doctors talking together, wheelchairs scraping against the floor fill in their silence.

Sieun doesn’t understand Seongje. He probably never will.

But somehow, he thinks of Na Baekjin.

Sieun has always known that Na Baekjin trusted Geum Seongje the most.

He doesn’t know the nature of their relationship.

Only knows that Geum Seongje showed up at the funeral, that day.

Smoked like he usually does.

But he didn’t speak to anyone.

Not even him.

If not for the faint smell of tobacco lingering, Sieun wouldn’t have looked outside the funeral hall. Wouldn’t have noticed the small silhouette of Seongje leaving, like he never was there in the first place.

Sieun wonders what Seongje thought, that day.

What he thinks of Na Baekjin.

If Ahn Suho is Yeon Sieun’s weak spot, is Na Baekjin Geum Seongje’s?

Seongje grabs Suho’s mask.

Sieun widens his eyes.

His world freezes for a second. Seongje’s hand on Suho. The sickly yellow light casting shadows on their features. A drop dripping in the IV.

And then, it spirals.

Red colors his vision, an alarm siren buzzing in his head.

He lunges at Seongje, tackling him to the ground.

The stool is thrown at the other side of the room, bangs against the wall, wheels squeaking and Seongje’s phone slips from his hand, hitting the floor with a thump.

Sieun’s hands press his throat. He wishes he could just strangle him, right there, so that Seongje can never touch Suho ever again.

Seongje smirks, like that’s what he wanted all along.

“Come on, press harder.”

Sieun stays still.

Hands on his throat.

He hears their breathings. Feels Seongje’s warmth against his hands. His heart under his fingers. It’s quick.

Bathump. Bathump.

Like Seongje is genuinely taking pleasure in it.

Sieun feels his own heartbeat quicken, but it’s not because of pleasure or fear.

It’s rage.

Wrath.

He could punch him. Strangle him. Make him disabled forever. It’s not like he didn’t already do that to some people.

But with Seongje under his own body, he remembers Beomseok.

How they were in the same position, one year ago.

Beomseok and Seongje hardly have anything in common. Beomseok had no self-esteem and thought the entire world was against him. Seongje thinks too highly of himself and makes the entire world against him.

But they’re both lonely people, aren’t they?

Loneliness is a feeling Sieun knows too well.

A friend that accompanies him every night when he can’t sleep.

He’s too greedy, Sieun. He has friends. Humin, Hyuntak and Juntae have all become very dear to him.

But they’re not Suho.

As long as Suho doesn’t wake up, loneliness will constantly ache in Sieun.

Make him remember that he’s missing someone. They all do.

The world is missing its light.

And because Sieun lost his light, he can understand Seongje, in a way.

He can understand why he feels lonely.

Why he comes to him.

It frustrates him.

It makes him want to stab Seongje.

But like he did with Beomseok, he doesn’t.

He stands up.

Seongje looks disappointed. His shoulders slouch, his gaze loses some of its spark. “You’re actually not fun at all, you fucker.”

Sieun doesn’t answer.

Seongje stands up. Picks his phone up and dusts it, before sliding his hands in his pockets.

And, without another word, he leaves.

Sieun stares at the door frame for a long while.

He left so abruptly, it feels like Sieun created him. Imagined him coming in here.

The stool is still against the wall.

Sieun wakes up. Goes to school. Meets with Humin, Hyuntak, Juntae. Studies. Goes to cram school. Studies. Goes to the hospital. Takes a deep breath before entering. He half expects a glasses-wearing anomaly to be in Suho’s room, already. He braces himself for an unpleasant conversation occurring, yet again.

Signs the visit form with a knot in his stomach.

Walks to Suho’s room, each step marking his descent to hell.

Then, he stops in front of the door.

Blinks.

There’s no one.

Sieun carefully slides the door sideways, heart beating loud in his chest.

He scans the room.

Stool, in the corner of the room.

Suho, still lying there, safe and sound.

Curtains, well closed.

There’s really no one.

Sieun lets out a sigh of relief, but doesn’t relax until the end of the visiting hours. Maybe the anomaly will come back, but later.

He’s still on his toes when he leaves the room.

Leaves the hospital.

It’s only when he reaches home that he realizes that today was a normal day.

No Geum Seongje annoying him.

Good.

The day after happens in the same way. And the next one too.

Sieun falls back into his old routine.

Wakes up. Goes to school. Meets with Humin, Hyuntak and Juntae. Studies. Goes to cram school. Studies. Goes to the hospital. Signs the visit form. Walks towards the room 3203. Sees no one in the room. Opens the door. Brings the stool closer to—

No. The stool is already close to Suho.

As if someone already visited him.

Sieun’s blood turns to ice.

It can’t be.

But when he checks the visit form, he only notices his name now.

Geum Seongje. Room 3203.

Sieun’s throat tightens. Panic rushes into his blood and he runs back to Suho, panting.

But Suho is okay.

Nothing happened.

Then what?

What did Geum Seongje do?

And why did he come back, without even waiting for Sieun to come?

The next time he visits Suho, Sieun checks the visit form. No Geum Seongje. Sieun also scans the room. No anomaly.

But the day after, Sieun checks the visit form again. No Geum Seongje. But there’s a bag of chips left on the floor, like someone ate here and forgot to take the trash out.

And then, one night, a text comes.

There’s a picture attached to it.

Sieun blinks. Opens it.

He freezes.

His breath halts, like he’s just been punched in the gut. Dread overwhelms him.

It’s him, beside Suho’s bed.

That picture, this angle…

Someone took this from the door.

Geum Seongje.

He was sure he blocked him after his betrayal for the Union and Eunjang fight, but parasites aren’t easy to be rid of.

He sleeps even less than before.

Always on edge, no matter the situation.

Glances at everything around him, jaw too tight.

Scared that a glasses-wearing bastard will show up, out of nowhere.

Scared of a phone call telling him the three words he dreads the most.

He’s been living in an unpredictable time loop, and Sieun hates that.

It’s two weeks after their second encounter that Sieun finds the anomaly again.

Geum Seongje is wearing a dark jacket with red drawstrings. He’s sitting on the bench in the corridor, legs crossed, like he’s at home. Plays with his lighter, boringly, until his eyes set on Sieun.

Then, his lips stretches into a smile.

“Hi. Missed me?”

They’re outside of Suho’s room.

Sieun lunges at him and grabs him by the collar.

“What are you playing at?”

Seongje smiles innocently. “What?”

“Why are you visiting Suho so often? What’s your deal?”

“Aren’t you happy someone else is caring about your boyfriend? Maybe he’ll wake up faster if two people visit him instead of one, isn’t that your damn theory?”

Sieun is overtaken by rage. He wants to fight him, to kill him. Gouge his eyes out, plant his pen everywhere in his body so that he’ll be bleeding so much, he’ll die on spot.

But it’ll be playing at his game.

Sieun knows what Seongje wants.

He likes it, when people challenge him.

Sieun lets his rage go. Lets his emotions leave.

He releases him, stepping backwards. Seongje still seems satisfied.

“Go on, do your everyday check up on him. You have a lot to tell him, don't you?” Seongje says, waving towards the door.

Sieun is at a loss of words. That’s right, that lunatic took the time to come, snapped a picture of him staying by Suho’s side, and left without even bothering to enter. All of this for what? To send him a text that made him lose an entire night’s sleep? Why?

Sieun doesn’t bother asking him. Seongje is someone he’ll never understand, and he made peace with that. Not everything on earth can be explained; there are laws that are admitted. Applicable, but not demonstrable.

Sieun is good at applying stuff he studies.

He’s also good at not asking himself too many questions.

It’s tiring, and useless. Especially if that energy is spent towards assholes like Seongje, undeserving of his time.

So he doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t look at him, and goes straight into Suho’s room. Closes the door behind him.

He sits down, expecting Seongje to follow. But he doesn’t hear the door opening, and so, he just stays there, in the small peace built around Suho. It’s comfortable. The drips of the IV. The antiseptic scent of the hospital. The muffled breaths Suho takes in his mask.

It relaxes him.

Makes him think there’s not a monster waiting for him, outside.

Of course, Seongje might have already left even if he didn’t talk much with Sieun. Sieun doesn’t really understand him after all, so that’s a possibility. He doesn’t know what exactly he’s looking for, because if it’s a friend, Sieun already told him it’d be useless. Sieun can’t replace Baekjin, and he’s sure Seongje knows that. They’re too different, the both of them. Sieun’s relationship with Seongje can’t be similar to the one Seongje had with Baekjin.

Then what? Is he really only doing that because he feels lonely? But people don’t spend their time in hospitals just to talk for a few minutes with someone they barely know. How is that entertaining to Seongje?

Sieun really can’t understand him at all.

“Suho-yah,” Sieun calls in a quiet voice.

Suho doesn’t answer, as usual. It breaks something in Sieun, each time he calls him and that there’s no reaction. Of course. Of course, but… He wishes Suho could hear him. Could look at him. Could smile at him.

Like he did, before everything collapsed.

Sieun puts his hand on Suho’s. It’s a bit rough, but warm. Not the kind of warmth Sieun wants, though. It’s a warmth that’s barely hanging on. A warmth you don’t know how much longer it’ll last.

It scares Sieun.

“You should really wake up, now. At this rate, you’ll even miss my graduation ceremony. And then, I’ll have much less time to visit you.”

A few seconds pass. Nothing happens. Guilt tightens his throat.

If he had managed to win that day, then nothing would have happened.

If only he was born in a stronger body, then maybe he’d have the strength to protect everyone he loves.

Then maybe his parents would’ve had an easier time, raising him.

He closes his eyes. Dives into the quiet warmth of Suho. Calms his own heart down.

Time stretches on, and Sieun has no idea how much time passed until a nurse comes and tells him visiting hours are ending. Right. Almost the end of his everyday time loop.

He lets go of Suho’s hand. Lets go of the lightness in his chest. Brings the stool in the corner of the room. Slides the door open, and—

The anomaly is still there.

Waiting for him, leaned against the wall, hands in the pockets of his jacket.

Sieun freezes.

What?

Seongje seems like he’s taking pleasure in his reaction, as he slowly pushes himself away from the wall and takes lazy steps towards him, a glint of amusement in his gaze. Sieun knows he shouldn’t stare at him, it gets on his nerves. But he can’t help it: something in Seongje makes it impossible to tear his gaze away from him. He’s like a danger announcing himself, something so unbelievable that you have to make sure he’s not a hallucination, that he’s still there, that you’ve got him in check. Because the second you look away, he’ll destroy you.

“Had a good talk?”

Sieun can’t believe it.

“Why did you wait?”

Seongje shrugs. “Why not?”

He’s purposely not answering.

Sieun doesn’t probe.

He walks away and hears footsteps following him. Instead of him alone, they’re now two, signing their departure on the form. Sieun signs first and doesn’t bother waiting for Seongje, calls in the elevator. Life is against him since Seongje arrives besides him before the elevator does, and Seongje nudges him like they’re friends.

“You couldn’t even wait for me?” he says with a mocking smile.

Sieun steps away, brushing off his arm. Doesn’t bother answering or even looking at Seongje.

Seongje chuckles, and that’s the end of their conversation.

They take the elevator together. Leave the hospital together.

Sieun walks ahead, Seongje a few steps behind him. It’s like he’s got a second shadow that is impossible to get rid of, and Sieun doesn’t understand why.

He reaches his bus stop, and sits on the bench. Seongje joins him, of course, like a poor imitation of himself, copying everything he does.

But then, he does something new as he fishes out his box of cigarettes, and picks one. Lights it up, and brings it to his lips. Sieun dislikes the scent of smoke. Dislikes it even more since Seongje smokes. He scrunches his nose, but Seongje pays it no mind, not respecting him at all. Takes a long drag, before exhaling.

“These fucking hospitals with fire detectors. Can’t even smoke in peace there.”

You’re the weirdo for wanting to smoke in a hospital in the first place, Sieun thinks, but says nothing.

They stay in silence like this. Sieun feels weird. They should be at each other’s throats, right now. Fight each other. Seongje should be throwing a punch, he’s good at that, he even likes it. Why isn’t he trying to fight him? Isn’t that why he’s coming to Sieun? To have fun?

Why is Seongje so quiet?

Sieun has so many questions, but he asks none.

It’s none of his business.

As long as he stays quiet and doesn’t pay attention to Seongje, Seongje will lose interest. He’ll look for other victims, other toys to play with.

Seongje continues to smoke. His cigarette is nearly finished when the bus arrives. Sieun gets up, half expecting Seongje to follow, but Seongje just stays on the bench, hand holding his cigarette waving at him lazily, the other in his pocket.

“Good night, princess.”

A nonchalant smile drags itself across Seongje’s face, and Sieun stares at it. It’s strange. It’s off-putting. It’s something that shouldn’t even be happening, and yet. Sieun can’t solve the equation Seongje represents. Can’t find the answer.

It frustrates him.

“You getting in?” the bus driver asks, and Sieun snaps out of it.

He gets on, doesn’t look back.

Still, he knows Seongje is still sitting on that bench.

Still smoking.

Why?

Why didn’t he try to talk to him? Why did he stay?

What did he gain from this?

Does he feel less lonelier when he’s with someone else that he barely knows?

That’s stupid.

Yeon Sieun is trapped in a new never ending time loop.

The laws have definitely changed; now, they’ve accepted the anomaly as part of the universe.

There’s someone waiting with him in the hospital, now.

It could be on the bench. At the bus stop. In Suho’s ward.

There’s always Geum Seongje, who’s busy playing games on his phone, reading webtoons, watching videos. Sieun ignores him, but it doesn’t work too well. If he ignores him for too long, Geum Seongje starts to get angry. He comes dangerously close to Ahn Suho, and Sieun knows he has to stop him. He says a word, and Geum Seongje calms down, amused. Like talking with Sieun is all he’s waited for all along.

Sieun doesn’t understand.

Today too, Seongje is sitting on a stool he stole from another room, playing something on his phone. Sieun isn’t paying him any attention, looking at Suho. His condition is still the same as before. Still alive, but until when?

“Ahn Suho will wake up whenever he wants. Stop staring at him, it’s pressuring him,” Seongje snickers.

Sieun’s jaw tightens. Geum Seongje is one insufferable asshole. Sieun might not understand him, but he’s had enough.

“It’s kind of obvious you’ve never had friends before and that you feel lonely. You’re too clingy, it’s almost pathetic. Why? Do you need to be with someone else so much to not hear your thoughts?”

Something shifts in the air. Seongje’s eyes burn holes through him, his gaze darkening like the sky before a storm. Sieun gets up. He’s not risking Seongje punching him when he’s so close to Suho.

But Seongje ends up snorting. Sieun frowns. He was sure Seongje was getting angry. Why is he laughing, now?

“Right.”

Seongje gets up from his stool, stretches like he’s just taken a very nice nap. Yawns, not even bothering to put a hand in front of his mouth.

And then, the door closes behind him.

Sieun blinks.

What?

Is he seriously gone, just like that?

Why? Why now? Sieun tried to make him leave so many times, and that’s how he decides to leave, today? Was he hurt by what Sieun said? But if that was the case, then he would’ve gotten angry. He would’ve tried to pick up a fight with him.

Then why?

Sieun doesn’t understand, and he hates what he can’t understand.

He sits down, feeling lost.

He feels even more lost when he leaves the hospital room alone.

Signs the visit form alone.

Takes the elevator alone.

Waits at the bus stop alone, with no scent of tobacco suffocating him.

No one to wish him a good night.

Sieun’s mind is so busy thinking about Geum Seongje, it only hits him when he gets home. The door clicks behind him, and silence engulfs him. Darkness devours him, his eyes have to take a bit of time before getting used to the dark. An uncomfortable feeling settles in him, and Sieun knows what it is.

Loneliness.

So that was it.

Geum Seongje isn’t the one who needs to be with someone else to not hear his thoughts.

It’s him.

A smile escapes him in his cold, empty apartment.